(demons in my orbit-guardin)

Re-wrote this chapter!

PART ONE OF FLASHBACK

KOUICHI'S POV

It was merely months and I would be graduated. I wanted to be done with this hell of a school. I kept my grades up and I refuse to waste my mother's money but if it were up to me I would drop out and get a job so my mother doesn't have to work so hard. The teachers were conservative and my school mates were constantly alienating me. I didn't mind being so ignored however, it's better than unwanted attention.

I'm trying to listen to my teacher's lesson currently but I can't focus on his words. The clock was minutes away from giving the whole class freedom for the rest of the night. I wasn't having the best day, I woke up feeling upset and I'm not sure why. Some days I just couldn't control my emotions or moods and I take it out on the people I love most. Today was one of those days, sadly. I let my bad mood get the best of me and let it put me in a terrible place mentally. It happens a lot more then often now, my moodiness is almost always plaguing.

I saw Kouji earlier before school and we got into a bit of an argument.

Remembering this part of the day really distressed me.

Being extra quiet while walking me to school, naturally Kouji asked me what was wrong. I was engrossed in my thoughts so I didn't hear him at first. He asked me again, abruptly stopping and this time grabbing my shoulder. I was a bit taken back, being knocked out of my thoughts.

I faked a smile but he sees through me too easily. I tried to walk once more but his grip on my shoulder tightened. I wasn't in the right mind to talk. My bad mood excelled and protruded. My face fell with annoyance.

Why did I feel like this? Why did I always end up feeling like this? I'm going to end up more aloneif I stay like this, I just know it.

I shoved his hand off my shoulder and kept walking. I heard his footsteps behind me and I felt his eyes burning holes in my back. I experience twin empathy all too often. He feels my pain and I feel his. I want to tell him what's wrong but the truth is I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. It's been years of dealing with these unsettling feelings. I've tried so many hobbies and my mother has tried to push me to ask any high school girls out. I'm terrified and not interested. She can see I'm a bit in dismay but I wonder how much.

Kouji senses it, sees it, knows it. Once again, I wonder how much.

"Kouichi.." I heard Kouji mutter.

My throat tightened. I put my head down lower. I didn't know why I felt this way.. like I longed for solitude.

Why am I pushing him away right now? Why have I felt like this for so long? Why is it getting worse everyday? I can't believe I'm like this. How does Kouji put up with me. I just hate myself.

"Kouichi-"

"I'm fine," I snapped, cutting him off.

I could hear his footsteps stop. For some reason I desired him to keep following me. I just don't know how to answer his questions anymore.

"Why are you like this?" I heard him ask.

I stopped in my tracks. Before I could respond, he spoke again, this time with more stern anger, "Why do you treat me like I'm one of those bullies? Don't you know I give a shit? Why are you so cynical?"

And with that last word, I started walking- no, running. My heart sank.

Why am I running from someone that cares? Wait, I'm not worthy. That's it. Maybe he's had enough. I'm sure of it. I'm just too much to handle, I think. I know I'm incapable of even small talk. I know I'm not good company. He's tired of me, isn't he? I would be too.

I didn't hear him behind me but I didn't want to hear anything anymore.

Why am I being like this with him?

I choked up as a tear fell. School wasn't too far away now and I had to compose myself before walking in those front doors. I can't let anyone see me cry; especially the bullies. They would never let me live this down. Currently I didn't have Kouji to scare them off but this was my own doing.

I stopped at a tree before the school yard and I took a deep breath to calm myself. I checked behind me for a quick second but saw no one. Kouji was gone. I had a knot in my stomach knowing my protector wasn't going to be around and an ache in my heart feeling utterly guilty. I saw most of the kids parade into the building before I safely followed.

I hate myself.

RIIIIING

I jumped hearing the schools bell.

It brought me out of my thoughts of the mishap this morning with my brother.

I breathed a sigh of relief knowing the sound of the bell meant freedom.

I waited for the whole class to leave before I stood up. The pain I felt in my chest was unreal. This was the only class I had together with Kouji. He has before skipped any and all classes but he has always waited for me outside the classroom door of this one. He knows I get picked on way too much to leave me alone. Luckily when Kouji is there I don't get bullied profusely. There might be negative comments but Kouji won't allow physical bullying.

Kouji is always there.

Always.

I gathered my books and backpack and held my breath as I stepped out the door. He wasn't there. I felt my chest tighten and the pain got worse. I felt like I was going to vomit.

Is this my fault or just bad luck?

I made my way towards the bathroom, carefully avoiding the miniature maze of kids that littered the hallways. The bathroom wasn't far so I practically ran the last fifteen feet. No one was in the bathroom and I ran into a stall, locking it behind me. I just needed to let my emotions out without someone seeing. I dropped my backpack and immediately I started sobbing. I covered my mouth and nose stifling any hiccups. Maybe I couldn't stop crying but I could try to stop myself from making noise. The sleeves of my hoodie began to dampen. I leaned on the stall door, thinking extremely negative thoughts.

Why did I do this? What's wrong with me? This is all my fault. I don't deserve a brother. I never did. I'm trash. I pushed him away. I think I need help. I know I need help. But with what? With my head? I would be looked down upon ... for seeing a therapist. My mother can't know I'm so messed up right now. Something is seriously wrong .. in my head. I think.. Why am I thinking like this? This is too embarrassing. Does anyone else .. think like this? Of course not.

I'm the only weird one.

My arms were pulsating. My blood coursing heavily. A sob slipped out of my mouth. I detested that sound. My ears hurt at how pathetic I sounded.

Kouji.. and mother.. they're so strong.. and determined. I have no willpower. They're related to eachother, I know it. But not me. I'm just a nobody. The kindness they show me is just pity, isn't it? It's hope to be shown generosity. Maybe I'm not good enough for it... Maybe.. maybe I should -

My thoughts stopped. I tightly covered my mouth hearing footsteps in the bathroom. Was it just my imagination? My heart started pounding. How I hope it to be Kouji. Suddenly an anxiety and stress washed over me.

I don't even know what I would say to him. I'm sorry? That doesn't cut it.. I'm the worst brother. He probably thinks so, too... what if it's someone else? I didn't want anyone to see me right now. But I needed Kouji. But do I deserve him? Do I deserve to be pitied again? He's tired of me, isn't he? But.. I'm selfish.. I need to..

I had to check, just a little. I didn't hear anything after I silenced my sobbing. My was hand shaking as I reached the lock. After giving myself a quick mental pep talk I finally opened the door. I peeked out, slowly, I didn't see anyone. Maybe my ears were playing tricks on me. I felt the pain in my chest return and let out a sigh. I turned towards the stall the grab my book bag, then turned again to start walking out the bathroom.

I should be going home. My mother probably needs help with dinner. I shouldn't be here feeling sorry for myself right now. I'm late, aren't I? Well, I need to get home fast. She's going to wonder where I am.. or she might be asleep. I don't even know anymore. Why am I so selfish? Crying in a bathroom stall, wrapped in my own self pity..

"Hey, freak!"

I froze seeing three tall, intimidating and familiar boys. They stood like a wall between me and the door way. I dropped my book bag in minor shock.

Oh no.. I should have left earlier.. did I do this? It's my fault. Wrong place, wrong time. I always have the worst luck.

"Aww, you've been crying?" The boy on the right snickered.

"We haven't even done anything yet!" This time the boy on the left snorted. He shot a poisonous glare at me, "..you're alone?"

My heart started pumping faster, my hands were clammy. I should have expected this. I get picked on at least once a day, anyway. Kouji's not around to protect me and I've avoided the bullies all day.. well, until now. They took a few steps towards me and I took just as many steps back.

"We just want to talk," the one in the middle lied, a twisted grin on his face.

I hated the nice-guy act. The bullies are probably loving this. No ones around, after school hours, us alone in a bathroom.

Half of me is telling myself to take the bullies punishment, I deserve it. The only half of me is saying, run. The boys took a few steps forward again and I backed up into a wall. I terrifyingly watched them walk forward menacingly. Somewhere in my mind I heard Koujis voice; Run.

I booked it. I broke passed them-or so I thought. I stumbled back and almost fell on my side as one grabbed the bottom of my hoodie and dragged me back. They pushed me back onto the wall.

This is what I get for trying. What am I supposed to do? I'm short and weak and these guys are huge! And strong.. That's why I can't get a girlfriend.. no one likes a short, weak boy. I seriously hate myself.

My thoughts grew just as dangerous as the bullies questions.

"Where are you going?"

I need to go home..

"Why do you wear the same hoodie everyday?"

Mother can't afford a lot..

The tallest boy grabbed my wrist so aggressively I yelped. He squeezed and I winced in pain.

"What's your problem?" He shot me an ugly glare, pulling my wrist towards him.

He assumed I'm just sensitive but I think he saw something. His face twisted momentarily. I shook my head, grabbed my arm to hide any peeking skin and begged. My pleas were so quiet and almost pitiful. He tightened his grip immensely and I instantly started to sob. I hated this. I felt so embarrassed. I truly despise myself in this situation.

Why am I like this? Why? Why am I different? Why can't I do anything? They pick on me because I'm weird and an easy target. But.. Why am I the weird one?

One of the other boys pried my hand away and finally all three boys got a good look at what I was bawling over.

"W-Wait-" I stuttered. "It's n-not.. I mean.."

Damn, what am I saying? I feel so pathetic.

Two of the boys almost looked a little shocked seeing scars and fresh wounds on my arm. The middle one had a smirk that never left that made me feel nauseous.

"What else are you hiding?" He snickered, tugging on my hoodie.

The tears rolled down my cheeks. I closed my eyes to brace myself for the humiliation, the beating and the punishment that I might have deserved.

I caused this. I did this. I'm a loser and I'm trash. This is why -

"Kouichi!"

I shot my eyes open hearing a familiar voice. Before I knew what was happening, Kouji pushed one of the boys holding my wrist into a stall. He had a wild look in his eye and an angry aura that you could feel. One of the bullies, taken aback by his friend being shoved, started backing up away from me. The middle bully, the last one holding my wrist, never budged. His smirk never left.

"Welcom-"

"Get the hell away from him," Kouji demanded sternly, cutting the bully off.

The main boy's smirk widened, "..I just want to see-"

"See what?" Kouji growled, stepping forward readily about to pounce.

The bully gripped my wrist tightly. I wasn't sure if the fresher wound had re-opened but it sure felt like it. I couldn't see with the angle he held my arm. The shooting pulse I felt from his grip was utterly uncomfortable. The pain I felt from his convulsions was ultimately unbearable.

He saw.. this is.. bad.

I groaned through gritting teeth from his compression. He tightened and secured his grip so much I was getting a cramp in my arm. A couple hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I grabbed my arm in excruciating torture. I closed my eyes and not even a second later I felt the pressure relieve from my wrist. I buckled slightly crouching down to hold my arm in effort to ease the suffering.

Kouji shouldn't have came. He can't know. I want to leave. But.. I can't without him.

I opened my eyes. Kouji had tackled that bully. I felt my heart skip seeing my brother so worked up. The other two bullies cowardly ran away. The last bully covered his face, he knew what was coming. Kouji fist swung back but I couldn't let anything more happen.

"Stop!" I spoke.

Kouji froze; his face ferocious and his fist shaking.

"Kouji, please, let's go," I sniffed lightly, "..please."

I felt humiliated, violated and embarrassed. I just wanted to pretend this didn't happen.

I've kept this a secret for so long.. the bullies can't know. Kouji can't know. They just can't. They do now. I'm screwed. Kouji.. don't tell..

Kouji grunted, unwillingly getting up. He grabbed me by the shoulder, "..let's go."

I nodded. Kouji grabbed my book bag and shot a murderous glare one last time at the last bully on the ground. We never walked so fast out of that school. We practically ran. We both knew all the commotion might have brought attention and we didn't want it.

Luckily no attention was brought to us from this occurrence. We made it out passed the school yard, passed the playground and passed the tree. Kouji's hand was shaking on my shoulder as he walked with me. I could tell he wanted to grab my hand. He longed to ask me questions and ask me anything at all but I could tell he was being kind enough not to right now.

I could feel my arms and wrists pulsing underneath my sleeves. I felt a wet substance, too. I tried to ignore it. I held my arms in sorrow, attempting to comfort myself. I could feel my cheeks and eyes burning. The tears were certainly slow coming. I honestly think I ran out of tears. I started to slow my pace. My mother would be home. I don't need her to see my face like this. Kouji didn't question it, just steadied his pace with mine. I felt him raise his hand off my shoulder. He put his hands in his pockets and escorted me as close as he could.

I wonder what he's thinking right now? Does he hate me from earlier? Does he hate from.. seeing.. I know, I'm the worst brother..I feel so ashamed... My secret.. he knows now.

"Kouichi?"

I almost jumped hearing him speak. I was about to reply when Kouji shook his head.

"Nevermind," Kouji said sadly.

I've never seen him like this. Emotion writing purely on his face. There's no hiding it. I feel like the ultimate worst piece of crap for not saying anything. He stayed as close to me as possible all the way to my front yard. He glanced at me solemnly. He saw I was still shaken up but at least my face wasn't red and wet like it had been.

"I'll message you soon," he spoke finally as he handed me my backpack.

I nodded waiting for a goodbye hug.

I never got one.

He trudged away, slowly.

I regret my silence.

I sensed he needed space.

(Continuedflashback in next chapter)