(Guardin-alright)

Rewrote this chapter!

KOUICHI POV

I feel.. dumb.

Fumbling with my sleeves, I glanced Kouji. The nervousness radiated out of my body as the game began.

"Who first?" Tomoki peeped.

Surprisingly, Kouji spoke, "..I'll go first. Takuya, truth or dare?"

"Uh," I think Takuya was caught off guard, "..truth."

"Playing it safe, huh?" Kouji smirked, "..so why did you and your girlfriend break up?"

Takuya frowned, ".. I told you. She's a bitch."

"What really happened?" Kouji pressed.

Takuya sighed and paused, "..she.. well, caught me."

Tomoki shook his head in disbelief and Takuya scratched his head. Takuya may be a ladie's man but it was hard for me to believe he could do such a thing.

Izumi hissed, ".. bad boy."

Takuya rolled his eyes, "..Kouji! Truth or dare?"

"Pick for me," Kouji competed, carelessly.

"Why are you such a dick?" Takuya looked angry.

I put my hand on Kouji's knee delicately, hoping it would ease the tension.

"It's just my personality. You said you're used to it." Kouji crossed his arms.

Takuya stayed silent.

We all did.

Why is this happening tonight? I feel like hell is breaking loose.

Izumi broke the silence, "..Kouichi! Truth or dare?"

I blushed harshly, completely caught off guard.

"Um.." I had a hard time responding.

Izumi raised a brow.

"Um.."

This game makes me so uncomfortable.

Izumi cocked her head to the side.

"Uh..." I tried to hide my face.

I inwardly cursed.

I hate this.

"Okay, we can skip you this round, okay?" Izumi smiled, her kindness showing.

I nodded, staring at the ground.

Everyone probably thinks I'm so weird. Why couldn't I answer? I can't play?

Kouji scooted closer to me.

"Who's my next victim.." Izumi set her eyes on Junpei, "..Junpei, truth or dare?"

"Hmm..." Junpei thought for a moment, "..dare."

"Okay," she started, I saw evil on her face, "..I dare you to... run five laps around this house."

Junpei groaned, "..I hate running. Do I have to?"

"I really like active men," she practically strung him along, "..but it's up to you."

"Okay!" Before I knew it, Junpei ran outside. The group sat around the table awaiting his return.

A minute passed and Takuya proposed a familiar idea, "..shots anyone?"

Kouji nodded but Takuya didn't acknowledge him.

"Pour me a miniature one, please!" Izumi requested.

"I'm gonna sit this one out," Tomoki admitted.

"Suit yourself," Takuya started pouring, "..Kouichi?"

There it is again.. the nervousness. The anxiety. It's embarrassing. Demeaning.

"Pour him a miniature one, too!" Izumi grinned, "..so I'm not alone!"

"I'm alone!" Tomoki pouted.

I'm always alone..

"No, you're not," Takuya reminded Tomoki, "..Junpei isn't even here right now. Dummy's running a marathon."

Tomoki chuckled.

I held the glass in my shaken hands for a moment and unwillingly swallowed. Kouji poured himself a large shot and swigged it.

"Yum," Takuya exclaimed, "..this is getting easier!"

Izumi stood up and started walking to the kitchen, "..Kouichi, can I grab some water?"

I nodded.

Tomoki trotted towards the front door to peek, interested in Junpei's running session. Takuya stood to walk towards the bathroom. All of a sudden, a warmth hit me. I tugged the hoodie around my neck. There was a thin layer of sweat I could feel on my back. Without realizing, I rolled up a sleeve.

Kouji nudged me. I glanced at him and he met my gaze, staring intensely. I instantly felt uncomfortable, as if he was scorning me with his eyes. His eyes darted down. I followed them, realizing he had seen my arm again.

I hastily began rolling down my sleeves and diverted my eyes in shame. My heart started pounding.

Kouji hates me now. I'm ashamed now. I can't believe I slipped up. I'm so stupid. I messed up, again. Kouji saw again. I'm sorry again.

"You made it!" Tomoki congratulated.

Junpei panted loudly, "..yeah.. I'm tired."

He dropped on the sofa and sprawled out. Tomoki giggled and Izumi shook her head as she walked back to the table with the other bottle.

I could feel the gloomy atmosphere around Kouji. Takuya came out of the bathroom and I took my chance.

"E-excuse me," I muttered, hurrying past Takuya to the bathroom. I felt Kouji's eyes on me as I left. I shut the door and locked it, as if I needed the extra protection.

Am I in trouble now? I.. I promised him.. no more. And I broke that promise.. I know the trust is gone. I think he's mad at me.. I know he's mad.. maybe.. But.. I can't help it. Of all people, he should understand! He's mean and can't help it, well I can't help this... I .. I can't pretend I'm okay.. I have to.. I have to do something. I'm sorry. He hates it.. he hates me.. Why do I always run in the bathroom.

I tried to breathe deeply. I could feel tears swell up and my eyes wouldn't allow them to fall. I can't look upset while everyone's here.

But if I have to pretend to be okay, so does Kouji.

That last thought repeated and echoed in my mind.

I flushed the toilet, falsifying my reasons to hide in the bathroom and trying to ready myself to go back out by everyone. I opened the door and peeked out, seeing everyone sitting in the same spots, laughing and speaking amongst each other.

Everyone except Kouji was involved. It made me feel extreme guilt.

I mustered up the courage to walk back. I sat down next to Kouji, avoiding eye contact. I felt an unsettling energy beside me.

I saw a second bottle on the table once more and my stomach fluttered.

"My turn, finally!" Junpei grinned heavily.

I took the bottle in my hands, realizing subconsciously I needed it right now.

This is different.

"Ooh, pour me one!" Junpei said eagerly.

My shaking hands poured one for Junpei and I.

"Me too!" Takuya and Tomoki spoke at the same time.

"I need one, please!" Izumi asked kindly.

I poured for them too, spilling a few drops on the table.

"Kouji, you want one?" Izumi beamed broadly.

"I want two," Kouji uncrossed his arms and leaned forward. He seemed ready.

Kouji..

I nervously filled his glass to the top, once again, spilling a few drops.

I have to clean up this mess...

Everyone took their glasses and gulped. Kouji didn't clink his glass with anyone. I couldn't help but feel dejected. I eyed Kouji's empty glass on the table starting to feel light headed.

"Alright," Junpei searched through the faces of everyone around him, ".. Tomoki, truth or dare?"

"Um, dare?" he said bashfully, almost sounding unsure.

"Hmm, I dare you... to dare Izumi to kiss me!" Junpei erratically grinned.

He's brave.

"Hey, that's not how this works!" Izumi pouted meekly.

"Yeah, Junpei! I want a real dare!" Tomoki sulked.

Kouji snagged the bottle of the table and took a big swig.

Takuya grinned widely, "Ooh! Me next."

He grabbed the bottle. After Takuya had a drink, Kouji snagged it back and chugged what was left.

Wow..

Kouji..

Kouji is really used to it.

Takuya twisted the top off the second bottle.

"Okay, okay," Junpei thought for a second, feeling self-conscious, "..I dare you to wear your clothes backwards for the rest of the night!"

Takuya laughed.

"Oh, fun!" Izumi clapped slightly.

"Okay!" Tomoki galloped to the bathroom to change.

"I can't wait to see this," Junpei chortled.

Takuya stood up and grabbed the other bottle from the kitchen. He refilled everyone's glass and before I knew it, we all drank again.

I started to feel woozy.

I glanced at Kouji. Suddenly, he turned his eyes towards mine. We locked eyes for a moment, uncomfortably. Its like I was almost forced. I felt my face heat up and redirected my eyes towards the table. My breathing was short but steady. My hands were clammy and shaken. I could feel my eyes about to moisten but I stopped myself.

Be calm.. They can't see me like this.. I need to learn to control..

"Oh my goodness!" Izumi squealed, seeing Tomoki.

Takuya burst out laughing, "..you look incredible right now!"

Tomoki's clothes were completely backwards; his shirt tag peeking out at the front of his neck. He held his pants up, I'm guessing from not being capable of buttoning behind him. His face turned red hearing his friends laughter. It's an amusing scene.. that is.. if I didn't feel so in the wrong right now.

Kouji chugged out of the new bottle.

I felt uneasy.

"Okay, my turn," Tomoki sat down besides Junpei as he struggled with his pants, "..Izumi! Truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to.." he put a hand to his face, thinking hard, "..kiss..."

Takuya raised his eyebrows.

Junpei flushed deeply.

My eyes widened and darted towards the ground.

"...Kouji," Tomoki finally stated. His words were like bullets to me.

Kouji crossed his arms, moving closer to me, away from Izumi. Junpei snarled and groaned stiffly. Takuya made a surprised face and glanced between Izumi and Kouji.

"Just a tiny one, though," Junpei grumbled, glowering.

"No," Kouji didn't sound happy.

I kept my eyes and head low, feeling my cheeks reddening. My chest is tightening and instantaneously I'm hit with loneliness. My whole body aches.

"Aw, come on, it's just a game!" Izumi giggled, pursing her pink lips together.

"No!" Kouji snapped, not loudly but sternly. I felt the couch shift and the front door slam immediately after.

I looked at the spot next to me; Kouji had left.

Why.. why did he do that? But.. I'm relieved. I'm selfish.

I feel really selfish.

Izumi appeared close to tears, and Junpei leaned forward, I could see solace on his face, "..hey, Izumi?"

"I'm sorry," Tomoki mumbled gloomily, "..I-I thought it would be funny."

Junpei rested a hand on Tomoki's back.

"I thought it was a good idea.. I got it from you," Tomoki pouted in Junpei's direction.

"Oh, Junpei never has good ideas," Takuya replied, shaking his head.

Junpei expressed culpability.

There was a mixture of tension and dark humor in the air.

I need to go after Kouji.. he would come after me.. wouldn't he?

I stood up and without saying a word to anyone I stumbled out the front door. I couldn't see Kouji anywhere in sight.

What's wrong with Kouji? I mean, I understand but.. I don't know. I just know he's mad at me. I shouldn't be out here right now. He's probably going to scold me. But, I deserve it, I think. I lied to him. But.. I care. A lot. I need to know he's okay. I'm garbage for lying, I know that. Something.. something happened. Is it .. I don't know.. I wonder how angry he is? He's probably uncomfortable, too.

My mind was racing as my eyes peered around for Kouji. I stumbled down the steps straining my eyes to see around me. I didn't have a porch light and the sun had just set. It was too dark to see out far. The only light shown down on the street.

"Kouji?" I muttered not even loud enough for anyone or anything to hear. I searched around, stopping where my yard ended. My eyes eyes began to heat and swell.

Is this my fault, or someone else's? Why am I questioning this? I can't.. I can't put the blame on someone else.. he's angry with me, that's why he left. That's egotistic? I can't tell. He probably can't stand me, that's why he's gone now. I'm surprised he didn't leave earlier.

I could feel the alcohol in my body. My limbs felt numb and my face felt hot.

A single tear escaped.

I can't believe I'm crying again. Self pity. That's all this is.

"Hey."

My heart practically jumped out of my chest. I turned towards the greeting, relieved to see him.

I shuffled towards him, stammering, "..Kouji.. I'm.. s-sorry."

We stood in front of each other; his eyes and my eyes couldn't meet, though. I swayed from the alcohol. It was utterly humid outside. I felt the layer of sweat thicken and I felt my wrists stinging. His body emitted sadness.

"Kouichi.. I have to go," he spoke quietly, sadly. His voice hoarse.

My heart sank, eyes widening, "..B-but why?"

Of course I know why. He hates me...

"I'm.." Kouji seemed at a loss for words, "..I can't be around.. anyone right now. I'm sorry."

Loneliness.. again.

Another tear ran down my cheek, "..even me?"

For the first time, our eyes met. His arms wrapped around me tightly.

"Come with me," he whispered.

I'm so confused. He hates me but wants me around? I don't understand.. there are just some things I can't sense..what if he's just saying that?

"Kouji, there's p-people in-"

"I'll kick them out for you."

My breath sharpened.

This.. this night.. I hate it. I hate myself. Why do I always mess things up? I should have known better than to lie.. maybe I shouldn't be around people, either. I didn't want to disappoint everyone.. I want to be normal..

I unknowingly started sobbing, ever so lightly.

They all think I'm weird, right? A loser? Could they tell it was my first time drinking? Why was I feeling envious? Why don't I radiate positivity? Why was I born awkward?

I can't help it. I'm blowing up.

"I-I..Kouji, I c-can't.. don't want to be a-alone," I stuttered in between sobs, burying my face in his shoulder, "..I-I'm sorry.. I'm.."

I could see Kouji shake his head but I kept ranting.

"..I'm j-just weird, a-and I d-don't fit in and I k-know you hate m-me and I'm sorry I k-know," I hiccuped repeatedly.

I cried harder.

Why am I like this? I'm such a weakling.

Kouji pulled me in to face him but I let my head hang. It all happened so fast; him grabbing the sides of my face and wiping the tears.. they kept flowing.. his breath was hot on my face and I felt embarrassed. I blushed, he was too close to be comfortable.. he put his lips on mine.. only for a second.. and I grabbed his arms confused.

Should I.. pull away.. but I don't.. want to be alone..I guess.. I guess I need to let this happen.

"Shit," he cursed.

He pulled away from me. My sleeves fell over my hands as my arms dropped. He stepped back, his face was bright red, practically glowing; as was mine. I put my sleeves to my face and to my lips and watched as he turned. I couldn't speak as he started to run away.

Why.. what just happened? Is this to make me silent? Is this.. why.. not Izumi? Is this.. the alcohol? He's running away from me or .. by a miracle.. and it's not me.. is he running away from himself?

I stiffened and sighed breathlessly. Before I knew it, he was gone and I have to go back and face everyone, on my own.

Loneliness. Again.