(Polaroid-SAIAH)
Rewrote chapter!
KOUICHI'S POV
"So do you guys have plans tomorrow?" Junpei asked.
"Yeah, but it's a surprise," Kouji answered as he nodded his head toward me.
"Hm?" I glanced at my twin.
What's he talking about? He said it's a surprise.. but is he just saying that? I know he's not a fan of people, maybe he said it to get away from them tomorrow.. but I don't know. But.. if it's real.. I'm kind of excited.
Kouji didn't look at me. I watched as he drank out of the bottle not waiting for anyone to pour anything. Junpei and Tomoki were engrossed in their own conversation, though it was only a mere minute, it felt like years. Takuya eyed me, but it didn't seem normal. It was as if he was trying to look right through me.
What was he trying to see? I can't tell. It's kind of weirding me out.. I mean, wait, I'm the weird one, right? Maybe he just sees it.
"Kouichi!"
I turned to Tomoki, brought out of my trance, "..y-yes?"
"I said I have a present for you guys! Well, from my mom," Tomoki grinned, "..I can't really buy you liquor but-"
He pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. I took it shakily. My heart was pounding and I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the act of kindness from someone that scared me.
"You d-didn't have to," I stammered.
Whatever it is.. I don't deserve it. I didn't even deserve these bottles or a celebration.. I guess I feel lucky.. am I lucky or pitied?
Inside was a birthday card. Two small movie tickets laid on the inside. Expiration date wasn't until the end of the month. I glanced at Kouji then back to Tomoki.
"Thank.. you," I muttered.
"You're welcome!" Tomoki smiled, "..yeah! You guys can go to the movies! There's a new movie that just came out. I forgot what it's called-"
"T-the horror movie?" I frowned slightly.
I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about. I wasn't a big fan of horror movies; they made me anxious.
"Yeah!" Tomoki nodded.
Kouji smirked, "..cool."
Of course you think it's cool..
Takuya grabbed the bottle, pouring himself another drink.
"Me, too, please!" Junpei beamed, holding out his glass.
"You're driving!" Takuya scolded.
"Then pour me a small one," Junpei laughed.
Kouji took another swig out of his own bottle before offering me some. I took it, somewhat graciously. I did have my own bottle but I didn't open it for a reason. I don't want to drink an entire bottle to myself like Takuya expected.
Maybe it's not a good idea to drink that much.. even if it is a special occasion. Can someone really do that? I guess I've sort of come close.. Kouji probably had.
"You guys want to play a game?" Junpei questioned the group.
Tomoki frowned, "..maybe we shouldn't."
I felt like he was subtly mentioning what had happened the last time to tried playing a game.
"New game?" Takuya looked at me with some kind of intent and I couldn't help but feel my cheeks heat up.
"W-what game?" I murmured, trying to keep my eyes at the ground.
I fumbled with my sleeves, feeling Kouji's eyes on me.
"Well.. Izumi taught me a drinking game she learned in America," Junpei grinned deviantly.
"What is it?" Tomoki asked.
"King's cup.. ring of fire.. it goes by many names, but.." Junpei pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket, "..I brought these just in case."
"Whatever it is, I'm ready," Takuya smiled, his hands rubbed together.
Junpei knew.. didn't he? He knew that other game was no good..
Junpei poured a glass and placed it in the middle of the table. He set the cards in a circle around the glass with ease almost like he had actually experienced this before.
"How do we play?" Tomoki asked.
Takuya poured a drink for everyone, expecting we all needed one.
"We take turns picking cards.. every card has an action. Also, If you break the chain of cards, you must chug that," he pointed at the glass in the middle, "..I can explain what the cards do as we go.. hmm. Who's first?"
"You, obviously. Enlighten us," Kouji rolled his eyes playfully, leaning back on the couch.
I suddenly felt tense.
"Fine," Junpei reached for a card, and flipped it. "..okay.. I got king. So I make a rule."
"Rule?" Takuya rose his eyebrows.
"Follow my rule or drink," Junpei laughed, seeming like he was enjoying being the ring leader, "..my rule is.. don't say anyone in the group's name."
"That's messed up," Takuya let a half-grin show.
"You're next," Junpei turned to Tomoki.
I could tell Tomoki was a bit nervous, he picked a card and flipped it.
"Four?" He turned to Junpei.
"Last person to touch the floor has to drink."
The whole group moved so fast, I couldnt keep up. Even Kouji moved quicker than I did. I had to drink, my twin smirking at me intimidatingly though I don't think he meant to come off that way.
"Alright, Kouji, you're next," Junpei said.
Kouji chuckled, "..you said my name."
"Aww!" Junpei took a drink, "..damn it!"
Takuya refilled our glasses.
Kouji flipped a card, "..eight?"
Junpei rocked in his seat, "..mate! Pick who you want to drink with you!"
Kouji eyed me deviously. I knew what he wanted. We both drank.
Takuya flipped a card, "..ace?"
"Ooh," Junpei bit his lip, "..um, normally it means we chug in a domino effect but I don't think it's a good idea with liquor."
"Group drink?" Tomoki suggested.
"Yeah, let's do that!" Takuya grinned, "..happy birthday, again!"
Kouji huffed as we all drank.
This game is a little much.. how much have we drank and in such little time? I guess.. it is our birthday.. this is what cool people do, right?
Junpei flipped a card, "..Oh.. six."
"What's six?" Tomoki asked curiously.
"Well.. its chicks."
"Izumi isn't here," Tomoki stated, obviously.
"You're kind of like a girl," Junpei laughed, "..Kouichi, too!"
Takuya cackled.
Kouji shook his head, "..you said his name."
He's going to be drunk because of his own rule..
Junpei cursed as he drank and pointed at Tomoki and I, "..ladies, drink!"
Tomoki looked at me and shrugged.
"Mate?" I nudged Kouji.
We smiled at each other. My heart skipped seeing his attractive grin. I felt a lot of eyes on me but I could be mistaken. The liquor was definitely doing something to me.
All three of us drank.
This is embarrassing. What makes me girlish? What about Tomoki? Should I be offended?
Tomoki flipped a card, "..Five?"
"Crap, it's guys drink," Junpei laughed nervously, "..I need a small drink. I have to drive."
I couldn't help but let out a giggle hearing Takuya mutter 'I told you so'. My stomach felt warm, the alcohol was working over time. I watched the group of 'guys' drink and I also drank with Kouji. Eventually the bottle started to get passed around with swigs and multiple re-pours.
Kouji turned over a card, his face completely clear of emotion, "..three."
"Me," Junpei stated. "..means you drink."
"Alright, mate," He smirked at me, handing me another small glass full.
We both drank, but I felt somewhat dizzy afterwards. This game would be the death of me.
"This game is intense," Tomoki frowned.
"Yeah.." Junpei laughed loudly, "..happy birthday guys!"
I couldn't tell if this birthday seemed more like a blessing a curse.
"How many times do we have to hear that?" Kouji shook his head.
Junpei laughed.
"Okay, my turn.." Takuya took his time picking a card, not sure which one feeling right to flip, "..oh... eight.. mate."
He turned to me wickedly.
Again?
Junpei nodded in approval as Takuya, Kouji and I drank. My poor stomach. I need small drinks, like Junpei. This game is just ridiculous..
"Excuse me," I muttered, heading towards the bathroom.
I didn't feel sick, just too drunk to act normal around people. I just needed to be alone, even for a moment. If there were eyes on my I couldn't feel them. I heard Junpei stand and say something about water before I closed the door. I felt dizzy, but not nauseous. I wasn't sure if I was getting used to this or if the alcohol made me feel like it.
I know this is how to have fun in a group.. friends.. and it's mine and Kouji's birthday.. but I always associated drinking with immoral reassurance.. I wonder..
I wonder if Kouji feels that way, too.
KOUJI'S POV
I glanced at Kouichi walking to the bathroom and a part of me wanted to go with him. I didn't know why. I silently watched the group of idiots speak amongst them themselves, relieved they didn't involve me in any chatting. I wanted to drink more. For some reason once I started it was hard to stop. Until I passed out, I would have a bottle in my hands.
It all started a long time ago, I remember being like Kouichi for my first drink. I remember being sick and having the hangovers. Maybe I'm just so used to it now or maybe I'm just hungover daily. I couldn't tell anymore. I just know I couldn't live without it.
Something about it, about every sinful thing I did, made me feel more social, comforted and inspired. I know alcohol could be extremely terrible for some people, I've seen it with my dad. In fact, even with how good I felt sometimes, I always wait for the chaos that accompanied intoxication. Especially with everyone here.
"I'm so happy she said yes," Junpei marveled.
Tomoki grinned, "..I'm happy for you!"
"Yeah. It's about time," Junpei laughed.
Takuya stared at his phone for a moment with some kind of somber expression.
I wonder what that's about. He looks so obvious, no one else notices?
Kouichi walked out of the bathroom and sat next to me. He fumbled with his sleeves and I eyed him momentarily before taking a swig.
"You guys want to keep playing?" Junpei asked.
"I'm down!" Takuya grinned.
Why did his smile seem so fake to me?
I noticed Takuya turn towards my brother and for some reason it irked me.
"Kouichi, you want to?" The brunette goggled at my twin with a twinkle in his eyes.
Kouichi blushed faintly, "..um-"
"Come on, it's your birthday!" Junpei laughed.
"I just want to drink," I spoke honestly, intervening.
I could see my twin had been uncomfortable.
"Majority rules!" Takuya exclaimed.
He's including me in that, isn't he? Whatever.
Junpei flipped a card, "..seven.. raise your hand quickly!"
I let the group raise their hands as I drank. I didn't care to play their games as much as I wanted to drink.
"Ace," Tomoki muttered, "..that means all of us drink, right?"
Junpei chuckled, intoxication showing now on the group, "..yeah!"
We all drank but I decided to take a longer chug than normal. Kouichi glanced at me for a second, I couldn't help but grin lightly at him. He just made me feel content. Kouichi only responded with reddening cheeks.
I turned over a card uncaringly, "..six."
"Ladies!" Takuya motioned to Tomoki and Kouichi.
Kouichi sighed lightly and pouted in my direction. I knew he wanted his mates to drink, too.
He flipped over a card and frowned, "..three?"
"You drink," Junpei crossed his arms triumphantly, "...and mates."
This drinking game went on a little bit longer than expected. Everyone was slurring their words and their eyes were blood shot. Junpei was probably the most sober; he actually stuck to his promise of ingesting very small drinks. I attempted to keep collected socially. I'm used to being this drunk but not used to being this intoxicated around people.
Why do I feel so angry right now? Nobody has done anything bad in this group.. sometimes.. I just feel this way.. I just want to kick the shit out of something.. maybe.. no, I know. I know I'm just angry. I feel like a monster. I don't mean to.
Kouichi was obviously intoxicated, his eyes were glazed, swaying body and eventually just leaned on my shoulder, almost for support as if he couldn't hold himself up. I thought this was hilarious and almost bewitching, but I kept my composure.
"Did you have a good birthday?" Junpei laughed noticing my twin slumped into my shoulder.
Kouichi held up a thumbs up, apparently unable to speak. I sensed he was done with social situations but almost couldn't help but feel he wanted me there.
I feel the same way.
Takuya drifted on and off, holding his head in his hands.
A little over an hour and practically everyone is trashed.. damn.
Tomoki swayed lightly, "..I don't feel so good."
"Oh, go to the bathroom," Junpei frowned.
Tomoki did and Junpei gazed at the cards for a moment. I raised an eyebrow as Junpei grabbed the drink in the middle of the cards. Kouichi sat up, reddened and smiling. I loved my twin's face right now.
"No one broke the chain," Junpei said obviously.
I rolled my eyes at the cards in front of me, some were just barely touching.
To my surprise, Kouichi reached out his hands to a Junpei like a child, "..I'll take that!"
He's at that point again. I never faltered and became so cheery, no matter how intoxicated I had gotten. He was a different story. I know alcohol isn't the best thing for someone, but it was nice to see such a bubbly Kouichi. Anyone else would just agitate me.
Junpei set the drink down in the middle once more, "..do you want to play still?"
Kouichi nodded.
I'm in shock.. but then again.. why would I be? I said it myself, he's at that point. Kouichi probably has no idea what he's agreeing to. He just wants to drink but honestly he probably needs sleep.
I don't know why but I decided to step in, "..let's just drink until we're passed out like Takuya."
Junpei laughed and agreed. I smirked, listening as the brunette lightly snored. Kouichi and I almost already went through our own bottles. There was only a small amount of one bottle left. Kouichi grabbed the glass in the middle of the cards and chugged it. His face flushed and grinning, reminding me of an overjoyed puppy. I gulped, the sight was a little too much for me to handle.
He's so interesting.. wait. Why? Argh.. What's wrong with me? I'm doing it again, aren't I? Stupid alcohol. This is why I shouldn't be around people.
Tomoki walked slowly out of the bathroom, frowning deeply at Junpei, "..can I go to bed now?"
"Oh, you feel that bad?" Junpei cooed, sounding like a mother, "..let's get you home."
"What about Takuya?" Tomoki cocked his head to the side.
I smirked, taking another swig, "..let the idiot sleep. I'll wake him up later."
He only lives down the block.. he can walk.
Junpei shrugged.
Kouichi giggled, making my heart skip.
Damn. Why do I feel this way? I just need to calm down.. but I can't. I practically finished a bottle by myself.. same with Kouichi.. this was Takuya's plan, right? Congratulations, we're drunk. This whole group was.. all the bottles were empty. All except one barely one. Happy birthday to us.
Kouichi's pink lips curved into an innocent smile and I couldn't take it. My body tingled, chest tightened and I even felt warm.
Damn it.. alcohol couldn't calm me down .. I wanted nicotine.. of course I don't have that crap, but I do have something else. Maybe I could sneak out.. but I shouldn't. Not while Kouichi is awake and coherent. Well, he's not exactly coherent.
Junpei stood, helping Tomoki to his feet. Junpei waved a goodbye to me, not wanting to disturb a sleeping Takuya. I watched as they left, and turned to Kouichi. He was fixated on Takuya. This only slightly bothered me. What really bothered me was Kouichi didn't take his eyes off Takuya for I don't even know how long. My blood boiled, inconclusive as to why. I nudged his shoulder and he glanced at me, pouting.
Damn this feeling.
"Should we move him to my bed?" Kouichi muttered quietly, faced flushed and starry eyed.
I rolled my eyes internally. I hate that it was so easy for him to share.
Kick him out.
I don't understand why I was being so harsh, mentally. Takuya didn't even do anything. This made me uncomfortable. Kouichi stood abruptly, swinging and steadying himself on the table. I held back a chuckle seeing him unstable and vulnerable.
"B-bathroom," he slurred, stumbling down the hall.
Don't get lost.
I chugged the rest of the bottle, placing it on the table. I felt my stomach grow warmer. I breathed slowly, glancing at Takuya, soundly asleep. I scanned the hall and saw no sign of my twin.
I eyed my shoes..
Should I?
...screw it.
I quickly swiped a pre-roll and a lighter hidden within the depths of my shoe. I opened and closed the door as soundlessly as possible, tip-toeing to the back of the house. I hid behind a tree for camouflage with the front door was still in sight, I could at least see if someone came. I lit it and inhaled deeply.
I miss this.
Exhaling, I coughed. I put a hand over my mouth in attempt to muffle any noise. I glanced at the front door before sighing. I just wanted this destructive contentment. That's why I snuck this. My emotions lately had been completely untamed; I'm furious one second then fascinated. I can't find the right words.
I rested my back onto the tree inhaling the smoke. Most days I want to be alone, preventing any future abandonment. I think the less friends you have, the less you can lose. It might be a little pessimistic but it seemed to happen too often. The thing that always plagued the back of my mind was Kouichi. He's the one person in the world that if I lost I don't know what I would do. After all, he's the one keeping me sane.
I puffed, contemplating and inebriated.
Does he know? Probably not, I do a good job of hiding emotions and well, he doesn't. He's so easy to read. And cute. Wait, what the hell? Damn it, I didn't just think that.
Something else that bothered me was sometimes he was harder to read than anyone. We were twins but we knew how to cut each other off mentally sometimes. I wish he could talk to me about anything and everything all of the time. I bet he feels like he should, too. Why doesn't he? I can't be that mad, I don't tell him everything either.
I suddenly heard a foot step, the crunching of leaves gave the position away. I looked behind the tree to see Kouichi standing just feet away from me. His face didn't hold any obvious emotion, just apparent drunkenness. My breathing stopped for a second seeing his eyes glazed and sparkly.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling utterly caught.
The smoke trailed behind the tree to him in an obvious manner. I felt bad, I had broken a promise, again.
He's mad at me, isn't he? I would be, too. He's going to leave, I just know it. That's what my dad said. They all leave. I always do some dumb shit to make them leave.
Kouichi stepped towards me and held out his hand, "..can I?"
I rose an eyebrow, a little shocked.
How drunk are you?
I have watched him sway a bit, starting to use the tree to steady on. He smiled at me, and I lost any self-control and handed it to him.
Why did he have to look so..
Kouichi puffed a small amount and coughed, I couldn't help but smirk.
This is too funny..
He handed it back to me and gazed into my eyes.
"Thanks!" Kouichi's petite smile widened, and I melted further.
Why.. do I feel this way. It's the alcohol, damn it, it has to be. Even when I feel like this sober, it's just after effects, right? It's not me, knowing what my dad had said and accused, am I doing things out of spite? Does he know something I don't? Maybe I do know something. This all hurts my head.
"W-what?" Kouichi asked, semi-pouting.
I didn't realize I had been staring at him so much. I must have looked like a creep, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help anything, I was disoriented, I couldn't even help what I did next. I kissed him, I just went for it. Screw what my dad had said, making my unknown actions to him sound so disgusting and impure. I'm going to do what I feel is right. To my surprise, Kouichi actually kissed me back, and this drove me wild. I backed him against the tree, steadying my hand on the bark behind him. I felt his hands shakily grasp at my shirt.
And why did this feel so right? Did I want this with anyone? Why him? This is the only attention I even wanted.. and the only person I wanted it from... Wait, what?
I pulled away from him. His cheeks blushing insanely as he peered up at me with doe-eyes. I felt eyes burning into me and they weren't my twin's. I looked toward the front door to see Takuya frozen on the steps.
Why does he look.. sour?
I glared at him, subconsciously making a fist upon the tree bark. Kouichi's cheeks actually glowed red as he noticed Takuya. He hid his face in his sleeves, but why did I find it appealing?
"I didn't see anything!" Takuya covered his eyes as he stumbled across the yard.
I glowered as he made his way to the street. It all happened so quickly.
He saw.. should I feel worried? I'm not. It wasn't like I'm mad he knew now, more mad he had to interrupt..
I need to stop drinking so much apparently, what am I thinking?
I sighed, my arms falling down to my sides.
What did I just do? Did I take advantage of him? Am I going to end up pushing him away? I can't even blame this liquor anymore, I can't blame anything or anyone but myself. I know what I'm doing.
I took a step back, feeling like I should just go.
But where would I go to? I could take a walk, I could sleep at the tunnel..
Kouichi grabbed my shirt, his lower lip quivered as he spoke, "..don't go."
His eyes were watery as he held me back seeming to sense my feeling to run. No matter how drunk he was I could count on him for this, I suppose.
Should I really not leave? I feel guilty. Kouichi says he doesn't want me to go.. but are those genuine words?
"I d-don't want to be a-alone," Kouichi admitted.
Me neither.
"Come inside," he tugged at my shirt, his eyes pleading.
I grit my teeth and followed him inside. He gripped my arm, practically dragging me inside. He turned to me and it was one of those rare times I couldn't read emotion on his face. It seemed like he wanted something, though.
"Oh," Kouichi hummed, grabbing the glasses off the table.
He almost tripped on the way to the sink. I frowned clearing the rest of the table and placing any glasses on the counter. I shoved all the bottles underneath his mattress in his bedroom. I walked out to the kitchen to find Kouichi doing dishes. I don't know why, but I liked this sight. I could help but grin.
I could get used to this. But..
This is the sight I didn't like. I saw Kouichi's arms and my jaw clenched. I was breathless with rage. I could see it was all healed scars but the fact that it ever happened infuriated me.
He glanced at me, his eyes traced mine and frowned, pulling his sleeves down. I couldn't help but embrace him. I could feel him shaking, I didn't wish tears upon him. Especially now, when he's so disoriented and intoxicated. We were both a little too drunk to emote clearly.
I whispered in his ear a quick 'go to bed'. He nodded, but still looked unsure and blameworthy. I hastily did the rest of the dishes, drying them and putting them away. I scanned the kitchen and living room, making sure there were no trails of partying left behind. My feet dragged on the ground a bit as I made my way to the bedroom.
I crossed my arms and stood in the door way, Kouichi lay in fetal position on the bed, seemingly asleep. I couldn't help but chuckle as I shut the door and crawled next to him. I turned off the light, moving closer to him. He turned over and nuzzled into my chest. I inevitably wrapped my arm around him, bringing him in closer.
Hey.. Kouichi.. if you can sense my thoughts.. sense them now.. don't leave me.. okay? I know this is off putting.. but you feel it, too, right?
"Happy birthday."