(Evergreen - Guardin)

Re-wrote chapter

KOUJI'S POV

Those idiots..

I tightened the grip on Kouichi's hand seeing all three of the bullies from high school. They had friends; a total of six of them hung out behind a vacant stand at the corner of where the fun-house sat. This certain corner wasn't very populated but maybe the park was closing soon. I wasn't sure but I can see why they would hang out in this area. They were horse playing and troublemaking. I saw two of them hold small bottles in their hands, just like me.

But I'm not like them. There's no way.

"W-we should go," Kouichi stammered, toggling my hand.

"Fuck'em," I growled.

Kouichi whimpered and hid his face behind his stuffed animal. Somehow, my anger intensified seeing this. He's not supposed to be like this today. I hated those boys and especially the main one.

It's our birthday.. Kouichi deserves to have fun.. these idiots aren't going to ruin it. I'll be damned if they do. What can they do, really? This is a public place. They wouldn't dare to mess with us.. especially because someone might see.. and especially since I'm here. Their comments knew it would cause them to end up with a bloody nose. But seeing that there was so many right now, maybe things changed. Maybe the liquor made them brave. Even so, every time I was around they never even attempted to get physical. Except that one time. I should have beat him to a pulp.

"Kouji.." my twin began but didn't finish.

"They won't do anything. Let's go in. You wanted to, right?" I tried to offer him a reassuring smile but I couldn't help but feel the rage inside my chest.

He nodded slightly and though it seemed hesitant, it was enough for me to hop in the now vacant line. Kouichi wouldn't look at them; I saw he shirked his eyes completely. However, I couldn't take my eyes off them. They didn't see me, though. I don't know how they didn't notice me. I was practically shooting bullets with my eyes and half of those kids I didn't even know personally. But I knew the one kid.. the one I never got to punch. The one that hurt my brother. The one that made him cry. That asshole. He can thank his lucky stars Kouichi stopped me when he did. I could feel Kouichi's body tensing but I wouldn't let go of his hand. He kept his face hidden behind me, clutching the plush as if it shielded him from harm. It felt almost unnecessary to be here, but I couldn't help it. I needed to be here.. for some unknown reason.

I'm done with these guys. Maybe they forgot about us, anyway. But I can't help but feel unreal towering rage. It was my own temper that brought me to the point of relentless fury. They hadn't done anything.. well, not today, but I still want to kill them.. well, him. I just want him to disappear. Maybe.. It's my own fault. My temper is going to land me in jail one day.

The doors opened. Right before we went inside the main bully had met my eyes. His grin was sinister. A part of me wanted this to happen. Could he tell my anger through my eyes? I hoped he could. I just wanted him to try anything

I just want to give him one good blow to the face..

I felt Kouichi squeeze my hand, his eyes troubled as he peered at me. Maybe he sensed what I was feeling.

Calm down.

I didn't realize but I had paced passed a room full of mirrors, now noticing all of our reflections warped. Kouichi frowned at one seeing a widened reflection. It had been very difficult to focus on any enjoyment, I couldn't help grit my teeth and simmer. Kouichi didn't seem to amused by this room, much less this entire house. We walked through two more rooms finding balls pits, shifting floors and slides. I lead him through another way, between countless striped and padded cylinders spouting out of the ground. They reminded me of punching bags, and I grinned deviously to myself wishing they were indeed that.

I also wish they had those kids faces. That's ideal.

Kouichi stared the floor; I felt his anxiety. It's just a dismal room full of false punching bags and bothered kids. That's all we are anymore. Bothered kids. I lifted his chin up with a finger and I witnessed his watery eyes, his cheeks flushed with worry.

"Hey, it's okay," I spoke in attempt to dispel his agony.

Realistically, what was I trying to prove? I feel it, too. We probably should have left. His expression made me regret staying in this house. Kouichi barely nodded, turning his face back to the ground. I grasped his hand tighter. I could only make him feel comfortable so much, I think I'm failing at this.

No one was around. I pulled a bottle out of my pocket and held it to his face. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but anything to make him feel better. To my surprise, he pushed it away. I could feel his hand trembling enclasped in mine. Those bullies made me angry, but seeing Kouichi so frightened genuinely infuriated me. My rage an uncontrollable wildfire, my breathing deepened brutally.

"Kouji.."

My face forced to soften hearing his timid voice, "..yeah?"

"Can.. we go s-somewhere.. else?"

He seemed defeated. I abided. I know he'd rather be anywhere else, I know it's intolerable being so close to those kids. I felt at fault, after all, I may have pressured him to go into this place to begin with. I took a few swigs of the bottle before shoving it back down on my pocket. I growled under my breath, irritated, guiding him by his hand out of the room. I scanned the rooms we ended up in, attempting to find an exit.

I saw a hallway leading to a large spinning tunnel and a small bridge, the glow and lights disorienting. I glanced at Kouichi once more before continuing down the hall. I stepped on the bridge and started to walk, but the spinning tunnel messed with my eyes too much, I felt dizzy. Kouichi shut his eyes, letting me guide him over the tunnel. If anything would make him vomit, it would be this devilish contraption. A thick layer of beads and string hung over the door to what I guessed was an exit. I stepped out, my vision barely had time to adjust before being shoved to the ground. I glared up to see him.

Hell yeah. Time to brawl.

Kouichi cowered on his knees next to me. No one had been around, and I was glad.

I really want to kick this guy's ass.

Even though I was outnumbered, I wasn't scared. I lived for this.

Well, if I go to jail, it will be for a good reason.

"What are you guys doing here?" One boy chortled. I recognized him from high school.

"Who are these kids?" One said to another boy in his group. I watched him shrug, his movements and the wavering of his voice seemed abnormal.

"Oh, cute.." The main snickered, motioning towards the dog stuffed animal, "..let me see him!"

The deviants behind him grinned wolfishly.

I grabbed a fist full of dirt and threw it in his face before he could grab the dog. This was enough of a distraction, seizing Kouichi's hand and quickly standing. I wanted Kouichi to run away, but I yearned to stay. He stood behind me faintly whispering and begging to leave.

The main boy roared as he wiped his face.

The odd-moving boy stumbled and slurred, speaking to Kouichi, "..come here."

I wasn't sure why he didn't speak to me, maybe because he could see Kouichi avoided conflict. I'm guessing he had an attraction to reluctance?

I sneered at him, backing into Kouichi and forcing him to retreat slowly.

"Fuck you, Kouji!" The main spat out some of the dirt gifting back towards the ground.

I smirked, "..you know my name? I'm honored."

"Yeah. I do," his face evil as he spoke. I hated the way he looked, his face too smug for my liking. I wanted to wipe that expression off at face.

"Kouji?" That same odd-mover eyed me, "..the same kid my brother skipped with?"

"Yeah," the main confirmed, "..the same one that got drugs from you guys."

Oh. Shit. I had no idea. Damn.. I never met the older brother.. apparently just his little brother..

Kouichi tugged at the back of my jacket.

Sorry. I wish you didn't hear this. But.. everything makes sense. The slurring, odd movements, bursts of energy, shaking, sedation.. he's hopped up.

"Ha!" The one boy widened his blood shot eyes, "..I should have guessed."

I saw the main boy's eyes travel to Kouichi, "..you still cutting?"

Those words hit me extremely hard. It was one thing about Kouichi that made me feel helpless, like no matter how hard I tried to figure him out mentally, this is the one thing I couldn't do anything about. Promises could be broken, and I was too afraid to check his arms daily. I heard him gulp, and that set me off.

"I thought you would leave your shitty attitude in high school," I spat shrewdly at him, ".. I guess you can't help but be shit."

"I thought he would stop being a little bitch!" He retorted cruelly, ".. he's how old and you still defend him?!"

I glared at him as he spoke, feeling Kouichi shift behind me. He pulled on my jacket once more and I heard a small plea. Before I could react the main had grabbed the collar of my shirt tightly and I came face to face with the boy I wanted so desperately to put an end to.

"H-hey!" I heard Kouichi stutter behind me. I saw two of the boys move towards him. I couldn't look anywhere but the main's darkened eyes.

"So, is he?" The boy continued.

"Fuck off," I expressed my emotions harshly, "..asshole."

He ignored my vulgarity and chuckled, "..I think it's hilarious you're so pissed off."

"You piss me off," I replied coldly through my teeth.

"Why is it you two are so unnaturally close?" He grinned deviously and I shot him a scalding expression.

We're.. twins.. idiot.

"None of your business, asshole," I hissed, gripping his arm that gripped my collar.

He didn't hesitate to throw a punch to my gut. I nearly buckled over, the wind had been knocked out of me. His grip on my collar had released and I lunged at him, finally striking him in the face with my fist. Extremely satisfying, I knocked him again. Two of the boys pulled me off him and I grinned evilly seeing red.

"Kouji.." I heard my twin whine.

I turned and finally got a look at Kouichi, a couple of the kids had taken his dog and one held him by an arm. Not like he needed to have held back, Kouichi had always been pretty mousey. The odd-boy had helped the main bully up to his feet. I eyed him acutely as he wiped the blood from the corner of his lip. I took pleasure in seeing his blood.

"Alright, that was fun," he mocked.

"I'll do it again," I snarled at him.

I'm sorry, Kouichi. There's too much rage built up inside me. I can't figure out how to release it without violence. I'm sorry you have to see this.

"P-please, let him go," Kouichi stammered to the boys.

Let him.. not us?

I noticed Kouichi attempt to stand and in return get pushed. I struggled, striving to be free. The main bully kneed my stomach, causing me to to gasp. He threw a punch, and then again. I spat at the ground, a familiar taste of iron in my mouth.

"HEY!"

Every head turned to the voice, seeing a worker stomping up to us. There was a radio he gently touched in his hip. I was immediately dropped from the bullies hands.

Our fun ended.. even though I'm still ready to fight..

"What's going on here?" The worker spoke utterly concerned and agitated.

"Nothing!" One of the boys said.

"We're just messing around!" Another one had a lame excuse.

"Do I need to call the cops?" He threatened the entire group, now feet away from us.

A few boys shook their head, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Kouichi's face. He was shaken up, tears had been running down his face. He didn't face the worker, though. The guilt I felt was unreal. I stayed for myself, I fought for myself, and all I did was cause my twin pain. I didn't mean to, I think I was being selfish.

Sorry.

"Leave. All of you."

I stood up and grabbed Kouichi my the arm. He softly lifted the dog plush from the ground, a bit dirty from the mess I may have caused. The boys dispersed and I made sure to head in the opposite direction of them, though I wanted to follow them.

Why do I act on violence? I'm sorry, Kouichi.

I lead him out of the park and turned my head to see a more secluded area down the street. Though it was a bit of a detour, I figured we could both use a little quiet time. After the mayhem that had been created and ended, the only thing on my mind was extreme guilt.

I'm so stupid sometimes. I came here to give Kouichi a good birthday and I think I made it a bad one. I should have left when he wanted. This wouldn't have happened.

...But at least I finally got to punch that guy.

From the corner of my eye I saw Kouichi silently weeping. My paced slowed as I took his hand in mine, squeezing tightly.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

My eyebrows furrowed hearing him apologetize, "..why?"

"He's right," he muttered, lowering his head, "..I am.. a.. a.."

A.. bitch?

I grunted, my teeth gritting harshly.

"No," I stopped in my tracks and met him in the eye, "..he is."

"But.. I.." his expression still showed distress.

"Fuck him," I spoke bluntly, "..seriously. He doesn't deserve your tears."

Kouichi's cheeks flushed. This made my heart skip a beat once more. I think I had a heart problem.

"Okay," My twin whispered.

"Kouichi.." I started, "..I really am sorry."

My ego is huge.. I know.. but I can admit when I'm wrong.. but only to him. No one else.

He smiled softly at me. His watery eyes seemed to sparkle for a second.

Did he forgive me?

I took his hand once more and directed him down the street, wiping my bloody lip. Once again we were just walking but it felt like so much more; almost as if there was a fondness.

There wasn't much to this area. Just a single bench down a deserted road. Houses were scarce on the outskirts of town. It was a sight to see how the city flowed from light pollution. The sky just opposite of the city had been illuminated with the moon. There was hundreds of stars next to the tree line.

"Look."

I grinned as he looked at me, his eyes sparkling in the moon light. I motioned towards the sky and the darkness let the stars show beautifully. Clear skies with no clouds or fog showed a bright moon. He smiled up at the sky, eyes gleaming from reflects of light and skin shimmering like white glitter. I shouldn't have looked. He melted me, every aspect of him continued and pushed me to want to do things I know I shouldn't. My body began to tense.

Unnaturally close.. that's what that kid said. We were twins.. that's why, right? Or maybe that was an excuse I always told myself. Maybe.. Calm down, Kouji. I don't understand why every day it gets worse? The progression is so intense I couldn't keep up with my own feelings or urges anymore. I can't help doing the things I do. He makes it impossible to control. Or do I just suck at controlling myself? I really don't know.

"I could sleep out here," he muttered to himself, though I know he was half fibbing. This wasn't a campground, just a dirty back road with less light pollution.

Maybe one day I'll take him camping. He will like that, a lot.. I think.

I sat on the lone bench, branching my arms out on the back rest. I couldn't help but gaze at the moon once more. Things like this always had me wondering.

There's bigger things than this shit, isn't there? Why do I feel so insignificant compared? Life could be so different.

He sat next to me as close as his body would allow and set the dog next to him. I see him focusing more on me now; his actions allowed intimacy. I wanted to do something that I couldn't excuse. He suddenly rested his head on my shoulder and I bent my arm and held his head in my hand. I felt his soft hair entangle between my fingers.

"I'm serious," he mumbled below his breath.

"Hm?" I questioned, feeling my lip and cheek burn.

"I could sleep out here."

I should definitely take him camping.

"Does it hurt?" He picked his head up, worriedly gazing at me with those sparkling eyes.

"Nah," I lied.

His finger tenderly poked my cheek. "..it's red."

I smirked as he pouted.

Why does he have to be so.. tempting?

I couldn't help my eyes glancing at his extended lower lip. I saw Kouichi blush.

Did he notice? Ah. Shit.

His face didn't move away from mine, we were barely inches apart.

Is it wrong? I'm not even drunk but I want to.. kiss him.

BUZZ

I inwardly groaned as my brother took his phone out of his pocket.

I'm.. disappointed.

I saw the message on his Home Screen as he held it in front of him. It was Takuya.

'Can I see you tomorrow?'

I don't know why but I felt bothered and a little sick.

He knows. This isn't something I want anyone to know.

He put his phone away without replying. I was relieved. I saw a yawn escape him.

"Tired?"

He nodded. I guessed exhaustion came from the hangover.

I used to feel this way, too. I'm too used to it now.

"Let's go," I grinned as he agreed.

I glanced at my phone, seeing the time. I know Kouichi's mom had wanted us home for our birthday cake before she left for work. I need to get back in time at least to make sure she didn't go to work. Although it's cutting it close. I took Kouichi's hand as I lead him hastily back to the station. If we were going to make it on time, we had to leave as soon as possible.

The train ride home was quick. The time didn't mean the subway was less crowded, in fact we got some stares from people seeing Kouichi with a giant stuffed animal. There was a little girl on the train that thought it was the cutest thing ever. She told Kouichi she had one just like it and they could be friends. I'm sure Kouichi found her cute, but I felt annoyed.

We walked briskly back home. I listened as he spoke tiny thank you's and of course I'm so happy knowing I did good by him. Just down the street from his house I could see the porch light on. There was no real indication Kouichi's mom was home since she doesn't have a car; just takes taxi's and the train to work. We stumbled up the steps to the front door. Kouichi yawned once more and I grinned, closing the door behind him.

I glanced at him, seeing his face fall with disturbance. Before I could say a word I watched him knock lightly in his mom's bedroom door. Obviously he had sensed her presence.

"She's.. a little sick," I spoke as he peeked into the door.

"M-mother?" He trembled lightly.

I stood behind him, noting the phone now on the table beside her. At least she called. The glass of water had been untouched.

"She's sleeping," I whispered. "..come on.."

I pulled Kouichi's sweater and closed the door. My heart dropped seeing Kouichi's watery eyes again.

He's so sensitive.. but.. I actually like it.

"She's just sick," I reminded him once more.

He nodded sadly and a tear fell. I wiped it with my hand and pulled him into his own room. Kouichi took off my jacket and laid it on the bed. He sat down on his bed sulkily and grasped at the stuffed animal for comfort.

It doesn't look that dirty I suppose.

I rolled my eyes unseeingly as I shut the door.

His sensitivity can be off the charts sometimes.. but maybe.. that's why.. I found him so.. appealing.

I studied him for a moment, seeing his eyes fixated on the floor. He held his new plush dog closed to him. I sighed and sat close to him on the bed.

"Kouichi.." I started.

His eyes pierced through me as he looked at mine. I feel like my heart stopped seeing his distress.

"..do you want to talk?"

He shrugged, "..about what?"

I mean, he's right. I already know why he's like this.

"Kouji.." he fidgeted with the stuffed animal.

"Yeah?"

"..sorry."

"Why?" My brow lowered.

"I.." Kouichi hesitated, flushing, "..I couldn't get you.. anything cool.."

Why.. is he.. so captivating. Damn..

I chuckled, "..I got everything I need."

His red face deepened, glancing at me then back at his plush.

"So.." I smirked, attempting to lighten up the atmosphere, "..you going to name him?"

Kouichi pouted, "..I'm not five, you know.."

"Could've fooled me," I teased under my breath.

"W-what?" He asked, flustered.

"I mean, you can't call him dog," I grinned, "..give him a name."

"Um.. his name.."

I couldn't help but smile as he thought deeply.

"..Mori!"

:)