(Lil ghost - sadeyes)

Rewrote this chapter and ch 15! I forgot to put that.

KOUICHI'S POV

I couldn't sleep that night. My eyes kept peeling back open every time that I closed them. I never got my poor, sick mother out of my mind..

..and Kouji. Why does he act so irrational? He should have never thrown a punch.. why didn't he leave when I asked? This isn't what needs to happen.. a fight. It's unnecessary. I know he had anger issues but violence isn't the answer.. I figured maybe he'd grow out of it.. hopefully.. eventually. Well, I'm one to talk.

Kouji had stayed up past midnight with me and wouldn't fall asleep until I had finally faked it. When I heard his light snoring I knew I could be restless in peace.. except I didn't feel peaceful. The stress of hearing my mother groan in the neighboring room had me go check on her numerous times throughout the night. Tempted to call a doctor but I never did. It was much too late for that, anyway. I knew it was just the flu but it didn't make me feel any better. I still couldn't do anything to help.

There was a glass of water untouched in her room but I decided to get her fresh water anyway. In the kitchen there had been a note from my mother that made the pit in my stomach widen. How did I not notice this before? I peeked in the fridge seeing a cake. I knew she made it, she had a baking phase a few years ago. She knows Kouji and I love strawberries. I felt like crying, in all honesty I just wanted my mother to be healthy again so we could all have cake together. I know that's all she really wanted. It was hard to feel sorry for myself, my thoughts only consisted of stress and worry for her.

I need to get a job.. I need to help her..

I sat on the couch, listening to the menacing ticks and tocks of the clock. I was too afraid to look at it; I didn't want to know the time. It could be five in the morning for all I knew. That's how long it felt for me, anyway.

I grabbed my phone, something about the phone glare made it easier to cope with the darkness of the living room. Suddenly a message appeared, it was from Takuya. I wished it was Kouji, but then again, he's asleep in my room. What else could I wish for?

'I can't sleep'

I exhaled slowly.

I replied, 'why?'

Not even a moment later Takuya responded, 'I see you can't sleep either'.

I smiled and took a minute to reply, not really sure of how, 'What's wrong?'

'Restless' he sent another message a second later, 'sad'.

Before I could reply, Takuya sent another message, 'Can I see you tomorrow? Alone'.

Why is he asking to be alone? I'm kind of nervous but.. That's kind of impossible. Kouji stuck to me like glue.

'I don't think I can' I sent.

'How about now?'

I anxiously reddened. This was possible but it had me on edge.

Is there a reason not to? He's trying to be my friend, so why wouldn't I try for him? I mean, he told me already, he's sad. I should help him. Kouji is asleep, anyway.

'Okay'

'Meet me halfway?'

'Okay'

Though I was a little weary of walking alone in the dark, I was also at a point of not caring about my own safety. I only cared about my mother. Walking just a few minutes down the road wasn't too bad as he didn't even live that far away. It was just the same path I took following Kouji that night. I felt a little sick remembering this.

'I have a present for us'

Takuya's message confused me as I made my way down the road.

'What is it?'

'You'll see'

Those two words reminded me of Kouji and how he had attempted to gift me a great day. Though it was and I'm very grateful, I could have done without the other boys being there. I wished Kouji would have listened to me when I wanted to leave. We both would have avoided confrontation.

Half of that time at the park with him.. I did whatever he wanted.. to make him happy. I feel like he just wanted me to have fun.. but whether I'm nervous or not.. I'm happy knowing he's happy.

Unnaturally close.. that's what that boy had said.It's because we're twins, right? He doesn't understand that. He doesn't have a twin so.. I think that's it.

I saw a figure stumble towards me down the road. He walked under a streetlight for a moment and I recognize the brunette. He was carrying a bottle. As he came closer I could see it was barely even half full.

Where did he get so much alcohol from? Why was he up so late? Is he drunk? Why is he sad?

"Hey," He greeted me waving his hand.

Only a foot away now, I gazed at him, noticing glazed and red eyes, "..are you.. drunk?"

Dumb question..

"Yeah," he shrugged nonchalantly, offering me the bottle.

I took it. I drank the liquid hoping it would help me with my insomnia. He let me hold onto the bottle and we paced side be side ever so slowly.

This didn't feel as awkward as I thought it was going to be. I actually felt.. kind of relaxed. Maybe the alcohol was already doing something to me.

Whatever made me feel that way, I drank again. I saw him glance cheerlessly at me.

"Want to.. tell me what's wrong?" I asked, peeking at his sad face.

"Yeah.. uh.." he trailed off, sighing, "..sorry, I don't have anyone to talk to.. about this.."

"No one?"

I feel honored. He chose me.

"..Kouji will just make fun of me. He hates me, I think. Plus, Junpei is, like, always busy.. and Tom-"

"Okay!" I hushed him, cutting him off, "..but explain to me what's wrong?"

"Promise me you won't tell anyone this conversation," he held out his pinky like a child.

His face read self-consciousness.

Tell anyone? Like who? He should know I'm not like that..

"Okay, I promise," my pinky wrapped his for a second.

"It's embarrassing."

"What?"

"She.. stopped talking to me," he looked defeated.

"Oh.."

"I liked her a lot."

Embarrassing? He's heartbroken. He has every right to be hurt, not embarrassed.

Takuya told our group about a girl he had been talking to.. I remember.. so what did Takuya do this time? He did mention he messed last time, did he do it again? Weird.. It wasn't like he was ugly.. girls loved him. He had movie star looks and aging only made him look more handsome.

"What happened?" I muttered, feeling sorry hearing his sad voice.

He shrugged his shoulders, "..I don't think she likes me anymore.."

"W-why?"

"I don't know."

I shot him a look, "..tell me."

"I just think I was more serious about her than she wanted."

"Oh," I frowned, "..I'm sorry."

"It's so hard to find real love. I'm just an idiot; always looking at the wrong people. She tricked me, I think. I really thought she was.. it," Takuya shrugged, "..but.. fuck it, she's not really my type anyway."

I could hear the hurt in his voice no matter how much he tried to cover it up. With every word he spoke it broke my heart more and more. I felt just as shattered and hopeless as he did. The closer I walked to Takuya the more empathy I held with him.

I attempted to lighten the mood, "..what's your type?"

"Hmm.. I like dark hair.. pale skin.. dark, starry eyes.. quiet and caring.. someone that I have a.. like a psychic connection with.. like, I want to be able to speak without words.." He ranted, "..she was really loud.. and impulsive.."

She sounds like a party..

"..I wish I could find a girl like you."

I blushed taking a drink out of the bottle apprehensively.

"N-not saying that you're a girl!" He laughed nervously, I could see his embarrassment, "..sorry, that came out weird."

"It's o-okay," I stammered.

His type.. sounds nice. Sounds kind of familiar..

"Um.. can I ask you a question? Don't be mad at me," his faced reddened.

The braveness from intoxication showed continuously on Takuya as we strolled. I felt my body grow hotter and tense.

"Okay.." I braced myself, chugging the bottle for a few seconds.

"Are you.. gay?"

I hadn't prepared for that. My breathing hitched, I couldn't find words.

What.. what kind of question is that? Is that what he thinks of me? Not that's it's bad.. but.. I never thought about it. Love wasn't on my life agenda like his had been.. I don't look at anyone like that.. girls or boys.. maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe I'm just broken. I'm no regular human apparently.

"Sorry if that's too personal.." he spoke, "..I just never seen you with a girl before."

"I j-just.. I dont k-know.. I mean-" I stumbled over my words, uncomfortable at conversation, "..um.. I'm.. I haven't.."

Takuya raised his eyebrow at me. He seemed interested, but bewildered. I breathed slowly, easing the stuttering and stopping my heart from beating so hard. I could feel my cheeks burn with uneasiness.

"No.. it's just.." I spoke once more, finding words, though they were seemingly pitiful, "..no one.. likes me.. like that.."

"Oh. I see," He chuckled, "..sorry, that was a weird question. I'm just drunk."

I rolled my eyes.

..weird question? Yes, absolutely weird and crazy question. I shouldn't have come. The majority of me felt extremely terrible for Takuya.. he did tell me before he doesn't have anyone.. and I of all people would know what loneliness is like. It's not fun. Not like it ever was, but.. Me? Gay? Because I haven't had a girlfriend before? That's.. not fair..

"I saw you kiss Kouji yesterday," his drunken words pierced me, "..so I thought you.. might be."

I swallowed hard, shocked at what he had said. We both stopped in our tracks abruptly.

You saw? Saw what? Wait.. what's he talking about?

My face fell at his words, "..w-what?"

"You guys saw me, too.." he cocked his head to the side, "..remember?"

"T-Takuya!" I pouted, my stomach twisting, "..what are you t-talking about?"

"You don't remember?" Takuya hummed, "..I guess you were that drunk."

I diverted my eyes to the road, my face flushing as he spoke.

He saw? I did what? What happened? It happened again?

"Hey, don't feel bad, buddy. We all do stupid things when we're drunk," Takuya chuckled, his hand resting on my shoulder.

His thumb caressed my shirt and I felt feverish. I stared at the bottle in my hands, almost urging to throw it. I drank it instead. I couldn't help it.

"You still don't know if you're into guys?" Takuya asked; his eyes were orbs of fire.

"I don't k-know how to answer that," I mumbled.

"Actually.. I wonder if I'm gay."

My eyes widened, almost choking on the alcohol, "..w-what?"

I'm so uncomfortable right now. Why would he say that? Takuya had only been with girls, what's he thinking?

He slurred, "..I mean.. I've been with lots of girls and I never really felt that spark."

"Y-you haven't met the right girl," I said nervously.

"..or boy."

Takuya in no way is a bad person.. just a boy. He wants love and happiness like a lot of people. No one can hold that against him.. it's not fair if anyone does. Whether it's with a boy or girl, Takuya deserves happiness.

"Takuya.." I sighed, "..why are you.. saying all this?"

"Like I said, we all do dumb things when we're drunk," he leaned in my face.

I smelt liquor on his breath. His lips met mine only for a moment before I pushed him lightly away and dropped the bottle on the ground. Luckily it didn't break. He leaned in further, his hands now holding my head still. His mouth pressed hard against mine, making my teeth hurt. I pushed him off a bit harder and his face backed up now realizing what he had done in his intoxicated state.

Why.. did he do that. What's he thinking? I'm trying to be his friend.. not an experience.. not a trial and error.. I'm not a test.

"Takuya.." I held my hands on his chest, gently pushing him farther back.

I held back any tears successfully, emotions ran through my whole body.

"Sorry.. I just wanted to see-"

"See what?" I scolded him, my eyes watering and my face heating up even more than it had been.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

"I thought-" Takuya's inebriated state didn't allow him to sound too apologetic.

You thought.. you could do that with me? Why.. why me, Takuya?

"Find another boy to experiment on," I hissed.

I didn't realize what came over me. I actually found a backbone. Maybe I got tired of letting Kouji guard me all the time. Maybe I could start protecting myself. Maybe just this once, at least, but why him?

A big part of me feels bad. He's always been a nice.. friend.. but, he's drunk. That's why he's like this, right? His sorrow and loneliness and the stupid alcohol did this. It's not him. Maybe I shouldn't have been so cold.

"I'm sorry."

"It's.. o-okay," I forgave him quietly, feeling another buzz in my pocket.

It's not okay.. but.. his face.. he looks really sad. He's really confused, I mean.. I am, too.

"I shouldn't have done that," he whispered to himself.

I saw regret wash over his face.

I wanted to respond but couldn't. At this point I was speechless.

"Don't tell Kouji I did that!" His begging mixed with his intoxication and created hysteria.

I nodded slowly, eyeing him as he wiped his face, obviously bothered by his own actions. He brought me into an embrace. It was a reflex to bring my arms up to his back. I returned the hug but I suddenly felt guilty.

KOUJI'S POV

I woke in the middle of the night with my body sweating and my mouth dry. I wanted to go get a glass of water but I didn't want to wake Kouichi up.

My arm moved slightly feeling a lump beside me and I pulled my arm back and sighed. I laid in bed for a few minutes before I finally gave into my own thirst. I walked out to the hall with what little light showing through the door. I glanced back at Kouichi's spot in the bed realizing it was completely empty. I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

What the hell?

I checked the living room, bathroom, peeked into his mom's room and even searched outside. I couldn't find him anywhere. I reached in my pocket to grab my phone and message him. There was a thousand questions I had for him but I figured this was the best message to send at this moment.

'Where'd you go?'

Answer me, Kouichi, or I'm going to end up searching this whole damned town.

I couldn't help but feel stressed.

Maybe this is how he felt when I left all those times? I sense he's distressed. It's not me, damn it.. I know the difference.

I impatiently stared at my phone deathly gripping with both of my hands. Honestly I'm surprised it didn't crumble between my fingers. I slid on my shoes and trudged outside.

'Answer me'

I messaged him again, feeling even more antsy. I growled under my breath and sat on the porch steps. My heart was pounding terribly fast.

Maybe.. I should leave.. but where to? Where would he go? Why isn't he here? Why is he taking forever to reply? I really hate feeling like this.

I wasn't waiting anymore. I called him. The phone's ringing felt like hours, but eventually I heard his voice.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell did you go?" I replied, my voice hoarse and stern.

He responded quietly after a moment, "..I-I'm on my way back now.."

"Where are you?!" I snapped.

"J-just down the road.. why are you y-yelling?"

"Which way?"

I mean.. he's right.. why am I yelling? I'm just worried. I can't help it.

"Um.. towards your old house.." he muttered.

I stood and jolted out of the yard. I heard him sniffle on the phone, I glowered at the noise.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine.."

I heard his voice waver on the other side of the phone.

His reply is lame.. and unbelievable.

I started to power walk down the street.

"Where were you?"

He paused for a moment, "I.. uh.. I went for a walk."

I scoffed, shaking my head, "..don't lie to me."

"..I'm not.. I just went to see Takuya."

I exhaled roughly.

"I didn't mean.. to worry you," Kouichi sounded gloomy but I was too irritated to care.

"What did that idiot want?"

"He just wanted to talk."

"Talk at four in the morning?"

I heard him pause on the phone, this time longer. "...yeah."

I rolled my eyes.

Why am I so angered? I think.. I'm actually mad.. it's not worry anymore, I'm legitimately pressed. Shouldn't I just be relieved? He's okay, but.. I can't shake the feeling.

"Really?"

"Kouji, I'm not lying."

I huffed.

"What's wrong?" He asked over the phone, but he sounded oblivious.

Nice act.

I shook my head.

What's wrong with me? I'm acting so cold.

"You're seriously asking me that?" My words were venomous.

I didn't mean to sound so cruel. His side of the phone was silent. I mentally slapped myself for treating him like a dog.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in the phone.

"Why were you with him this late? What did you two talk about?"

He didn't answer. I saw a familiar figure walk under a streetlight. Kouichi headed towards me. I could see in the light he held his face low. I hung up the phone as he did. As he got closer I could see his cheeks practically glowing red. This irked me.

I grabbed his wrist and started to guide him back home. I practically dragged him down the road. We ended up glancing at each other at same time, our eyes darted away from one another.

"What was so important?" I spoke finally, my voice spiteful.

He pulled his arm lightly, "..just talking."

"Pfft," I shook my head, my grip tightened, "..bullshit."

"We were!" Kouichi basically tore his arm away from my grip.

We stopped walking and eyed eachother intensely.

"What did you talk about?"

He was fed up with my interrogation, "..Nothing."

Maybe the lack of sleep caused us to act like this. He started to walk ahead of me and I followed.

I don't know why but I need to know. Why do I feel so.. uneasy and.. bitter? And what does he mean by 'nothing'? The fact that he couldn't tell me.. that irritated the hell out of me.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what you talked about. Why you were there.. or I'll just message Takuya right now. He'll tell me," I threatened, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

Kouichi turned to me frowning, "..he told me not to tell anyone."

"What?" My brow twitched.

"He was just sad."

"So? Why is that your problem?"

"Kouji!" Kouichi frowned deeper, "..he just wanted someone to talk to!"

"At four in the morning?"

"Yes."

"Sad? Sure. Alright," I flipped open my phone and began to type to Takuya.

Maybe he will tell me.

"Kouji!" He attempted to snatch my phone but failed. He sighed and gazed at me with those big puppy eyes, "..but he was sad."

Those eyes.. damn.

"Fine," I inwardly groaned.

That's how he can get what he wants. Just use those damn eyes.

"So what was he sad about?" I said exasperated.

"Girl problems."

"Good answer."

He clicked his tongue, "..I'm being honest!"

Honesty?

I didn't respond until we reached the front yard, "..I won't message him."

Maybe.. Not yet. I don't know.

I heard a sigh of relief escape Kouichi as we walked through his yard.

KOUICHI'S POV

He closed the door behind me, I felt his eyes stare me down as we walked quietly to my bedroom. The alcohol exhausted my body, which is what I had wanted, though the events that recently happened had my brain wired.

The fact that Kouji woke up practically yelling in my ear wasn't what had been plaguing my mind; it was Takuya. What he did and said. I couldn't tell if he had been genuinely apologetic with me or not. The alcohol messed him up way too much and disoriented him. I saw it in his actions tonight.

I don't blame Takuya, I knew he was just confused. But if Kouji knew the questions he asked.. and what he did..

I blushed, laying down and hiding my face in the pillows and sheets.

I'm lucky Kouji called me when he did. It really helped me get away from Takuya. Not like being with him was a bad thing, but our time spent together had been.. awkward, to say the least. And Kouji? Why didn't I remember anything from that night? Can alcohol really do that to you? I always heard..

My twin turned off the light and crawled into bed next to me. I felt him shift on the bed. He pushed the plush on top of me. I couldn't help but grin feeling the soft stuffed animal.

"Come here."

Kouji's husky and demanding voice made my heart skip. I pushed the plush down near our feet and turned to him. He pulled me with his arms and even scooted closer.

I'm actually glad it's so dark in here right now.

I can feel my face burn intensely. I'm surprised my cheeks weren't glowing in the dark. I didn't even realize how close we were. Our noses were touching.

"You smell like liquor."

I backed my face up, "..it h-helps me sleep."

"You promised."

"W-what?"

"You'd only drink with me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

I forgot.

What's Kouji's problem? I know I worried him. Why doesn't he trust Takuya? Why doesn't he trust me? Is it that Takuya knows what happened? Maybe that's it.. does he think it's going to scare me away? Never. Kouji could murder somebody in front of me and I'd still think he's innocent.

He pulled me close to him again and his hand gently forced my face to his chest. His fingers ran through my hair, sending tiny tingles down my back. I think he was proving I didn't need alcohol to fall asleep, because I did. And I think it was because of him.