(Meet me at our spot - the anxiety,Willow)

Rewrote chapter!

WARNING

KOUJI'S POV

•••

*This picture was so fuzzy but it feels so real. My brother and I were in the kitchen.. our mom toldus dinner is ready.. we sat at the table.. the clock shown it was eight.. she placed a bowl in front of me.. it was filled withwilted flowers.. I think chrysanthemums.. it alarmed me.. I looked at our mom to see her laying lifeless, face down on the table. I stood in shock, turning towards my brother. He wasn't there, he had disappeared. She was gone, too. Everyone disappears.*

I awoke abruptly, feeling the sweat trickle down my nose. My heart pounded ridiculously in rhythms I couldn't place. It beat like a drum with no idea what it was doing. I think I had a nightmare but I couldn't remember.

I wiped my face, angry with myself for falling asleep. I wasn't sure what time it was, but the darkness through the window reminded me it was still night. I turned to my left, seeing the bottle still open and lying on the floor. I had a surreal urge to take another swig.

To my right I saw Mori, positioned next to me. He seemed to be staring at me and it almost made me uncomfortable. I glanced at the bed, seeing no sign of my twin. I stood up wobbling, I felt extremely lethargic. Maybe I had been still intoxicated at this state. My head ached and my stomach twisted. Indolent from the nausea I almost wanted to sit back down. I didn't, however, agony and disturbance plagued me.

I grabbed my phone and wandered the bathroom, seeing no one. I checked Kouichi's mom's room, still nothing. I searched the living room and even outside and around the house. My stomach did flips and I could almost upchuck in this moment. I never felt like this; I was used to feeling hungover and insanely enough it almost felt normal. But this nauseous feeling didn't happen for awhile until now.

I cursed under my breath and wasted no time calling Kouichi. My fingers stumbled over the buttons and I could have dropped my phone feeling intensely tremulous. The rings repeated over and over and I started to lose hope. With every second I could feel myself wanting to cry more and more.

'Where are you?' I sent to my twin. Not even a minute later I messaged him again, 'tell me or I'll call the cops to find you'.

My hands were shaking as I typed. I wasn't messing around in this situation. After what he had pulled earlier it had disturbed me deeply to have him out of my sight, even for a minute. I was panicked; I wanted to call Junpei, Takuya, the cops and anyone else. I wanted to look for him but not as bad as I wanted a search party to look for him. I need to find him safe and sound. I grit my teeth, holding back a tear, about to dial the police when a message popped up.

'Meet me at our spot'

My heart skipped a beat seeing the message from Kouichi. I didn't know what he meant at first. Our spot? The carnival? The tea shop? I still felt nauseous. I don't think anything could help me right now. I wanted to be with Kouichi so badly. I longed to be alone with him and talk.

But actually..

I think I knew what he was talking about now. I began to fasten my pace down the road no matter how nauseous I may have felt. I gazed at my phone thinking of a reply. I want to respond to him but I had so many questions in my mind I couldn't put into words. I just wanted to hear his voice. I need to hear him say he's okay.

Screw it.

I called him again. My pride seemed nonexistent as I whispered little pleas to no one else but me. I wanted Kouichi to hear me begging to answer; even if it was in spirit. Once again he did not pick up. I called two more times before I finally gave in. Sorrow hit me defeatedly. I began to jog down the road ignoring my stomach sickness. I couldn't help but get a terrible feeling and I didn't know where it came from. Maybe I'm overreacting but maybe I'm not. I can't tell anymore.

I slowed down, I think it was a mixture of running off little sleep and the alcohol that made me feel so sick. I could feel my body heave but I wouldn't let anything spill over. I couldn't quit now, though. I collected myself as an insane amount of pride hit me. My strides down the road were long and fast, I can't give up. Kouichi needs me.

Or do I just want to be needed?

I sighed to myself.

Now is not the time for thinking like this, I just need to see my twin with my own eyes. I need to see him alright.. maybe smiling.. well, shit, that wouldn't happen. Not tonight.

I approached the inviting bit unlit tunnel, walking as quickly I could. The darkness of the night made it hard to see anything at all. The sound from my footsteps seemed to echo forever.

"Kouichi?" My voice wavered with worry, resonant through the tunnel as I made my way through.

I stumbled a couple times over my own shoes, alcohol somehow still effected me greatly. It blew my mind that drunkenness still pushed a reaction out of me. At the end of the tunnel I noticed an almost empty bottle on the ground next to Kouichi's cell phone.

He's.. drunk. Damn, I'm scared more now.. I'm not sure why but I hope he's okay.. I hate being scared. I need to be calm. How am I supposed to be right now? Damn it. I hate this. Where the fuck is my brother?

I scanned the area, behind me and in front of me. I was surrounded by darkness and gloom. At the playground down the hill I spotted something maybe worth checking out. I squinted my eyes; there sat a figure on a swing set. I started to trek down the hill noticing their back was faced to me. I could tell it was Kouichi; it's the same hoodie I see him wear everyday. Relief and solace enveloped me finally locating my twin. He swung a slight bit as I advanced towards him.

"Hey.." I muttered somewhat frantically, barely two feet away from him.

I just wanted to jump and hold him. He really frightened me, I wonder if he knew? This is the most terrified I've been. I could see his blood stained bandage; his sleeve came down just enough as he gripped the chains. I despised seeing this.

"Hi," he replied quietly, turning up to me with the biggest and most mystifying eyes I have ever seen, "..can you push me? Like mother used to when I was little."

My heart sank quickly. I wasn't prepared for that. I think I could cry, but of course I didn't. His eyes confused me so much more than I had realized. I yearned to cry, smile, punch and hug him. I felt my face heat a bit but I composed myself before I could say or do anything I would regret later. I have to keep telling myself Kouichi probably feels a cluster of emotions, too. Maybe I'm just able to judge them better because he was so intoxicated. After all, that bottle was almost gone.

"Sure," I spoke finally seeing Kouichi's face light up.

Damn it, I'll do anything you want.. but this wasn't what I had expected.. what could I do? I can't say no to him, what kind of monster would I be if I did that? Could I tell him to go back home? No.. it's whatever he wants right now. I just want to see him smile no matter how much I wanted to strangle him for disappearing.

"Thanks!" He suddenly smiled childishly at me, his emotions changed so quickly it threw me off.

His mood swings were a little too intense. Especially in this moment, I almost wanted to run and hide.

I began to push him lightly, seeing how intoxicated he had been. His method of holding himself up worried me, the way he swayed had me nervous. I was relieved to see he seemed.. okay.. but..

I want to tell him off.. to yell at him.. he doesn't understand how afraid he made me.. but I can't. That's the last thing Kouichi needs right now. I'll just make it worse. I have to keep my mouth shut this time.

"I think I'm strong," he bluntly said.

I furrowed my brow, trying to keep a steady pace as I pushed the swing, "..you are."

"You are.. definitely," he kept his gaze ahead of him.

It made me nervous.

He's so drunk I don't think he realizes what he's saying.

"You think I am?" I replied.

He nodded, "..maybe when I'm older.. I will be.. too."

I sighed, "..Kouichi.."

"Yeah?" He smiled at me.

It was genuine yet I still didn't believe him.

"..you okay?"

He face fell very slightly. I suddenly felt guilty for reminding silently suggesting he acted odd.

"I like being alone," he admitted but his words stabbed my heart.

Ouch.

He spoke once more, "..alone with you."

Oh.. shit.

I could feel my cheeks began to warm seeing Kouichi's eyes locked on me. He seemed like an optimistic child but I didn't understand it.

I tried to speak, "..I-"

"Wait!" He uttered, causing me to grab the swing and cease it from moving.

"What?" I eyed him as he stepped off the swing seat.

He stood face to face with me, a little closer than I felt comfortable.

The moonlight danced off of Kouichi's pitch black eyes, almost acting as a mirror as I stared into them. I could see myself staring back, making me feel nervous. He lacked distress, concerning I had a feeling of content from being beside him.

He moved closer to me. His face was confusing, flushed and smiling, yet his eyes were glazed and watery. It looks like he's been crying but I couldn't tell. His actions said differently. I didn't know what to think. He pressed his lips on mine. Though I didn't think it was the right time, I couldn't bring myself to pull away. Not only was I worried about Kouichi's feelings, I was worried about my own. I know I wanted this, and I'll selfishly take it. Whatever he wanted he could have, I can't protest. His breath smelled of liquor, but his lips were sweet. I could get drunk with how much alcohol lingered in his saliva.

Life is too short.

I want this so much more than he knows... Wait, what the hell am I thinking? Why do I want this? Maybe.. that's my dad talking.. Screw it, maybe I should.. just let myself obtain it.. whatever it was.

I didn't want to stop kissing him but he pulled away. His face glowing, I could feel my cheeks also heat up. Kouichi grinned at me as I smirked.

So.. he doesn't mind? Well, I don't, either.

"Are you happy?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Yeah," I admitted, taken back.

He grabbed my hand, dragging me back up the hill. I didn't bother to resist. I'll do anything for him right now, and currently I feel like he might know that. Kouichi settled down next to the bottle and sipped a small amount. He offered the bottle to me and I took it.

"Drink it all!" He exclaimed, the sparkle in his eyes melted every inch of my being, "..You can do it."

The way.. he spoke to me.. it's so interesting.. even exciting. Is it bad to say I love it? The attention he gave me.. it's unworldly. If he said it; I can do it.

I chugged the rest of it, though there wasn't much left to begin with. I sat as close as possible to him setting the empty container next to his phone. Kouichi seemed proud of my actions, shooting me another delicate smile. My heart skipped again, I could feel my hands start to sweat seeing his pink facial features. Everything about him was so attractive, even his old hoodie and unruly hair.

What's wrong with you, Kouji? Seriously? Why am I thinking like this. What the hell. Is this wrong? I think.. I care.. another way.. but I shouldn't. This is bad, isn't it? I don't understand.. why I fight myself so much.

He sat on his knees, leaning into my face. I couldn't help but meet his lips once more. I think I started it this time. It feels so right. If he didn't want this to happen he could stop; but he didn't. That was egged me on so much.

I think I'm coming to terms.. with myself. He makes every day better.

My hands gripped his sides feeling his soft and warm skin. It was untouched and longed for a connection. I felt his tongue caress mine as his hands steadied his body on the concrete. But it was a bad attempt; he lost his balance from inebriation and fell into my chest. I chuckled lightly at him as he gazed at me, flushing from embarrassment.

"Sorry," Kouichi muttered sheepishly.

I shook my head, a grin appearing from my lips. He smiled almost childishly, straddling my legs.

Why is he so..

Soft lips reintroduced themselves to mine, I couldn't be surprised anymore. Warm and graceful, his tongue traced my lips. His hair intertwined between my fingers, I mentally cursed. I had an angel in my lap.

..damn cute.

Kouichi doesn't know what he does to me. My entire body was on fire. He broke the kiss, bringing me into a hug, I felt his mind breath on my neck and I gulped. He doesn't realize what he's doing or does he? Should I feel guilty right now? I'm not forcing him into anything; he started it. Why should I feel so wrong right now?

I'm so happy.. he's okay.. though he's confusing me so much. I thought he would be.. really sad? But he's.. highly clinging to me. Would he cling to just anyone? This bothered me to even think. Would I rather him act like this or cry? I don't even know what I wanted, the thing concerning is what he wanted.. and the most concerning thing was how he acted.. was this a denial attempt?

Kouichi nestled into my shirt, grasping at my jacket. I returned his embraced and wrapped an arm around him. He was so warm and tempting. The way he nuzzled into me made my face heat up once more. I stroked his hair attempting to conceal my face.

What did it really take.. to come to this? I think I realized something. Whatever it was.. it felt alright. His attention; just speaking selfishly.. I like it.

I like it, a lot.