As I so often did when I couldn't sleep, I decided to walk around and re-decorate.

I couldn't remember any more when; precisely I had started doing this. It was never any huge changes, not least because I still had enough sense of fairness to not do anything like that without the other faculty's input. But somehow, it had become a habit, and so, on nights like this one, I would wander the school and make small changes to things. I was not the only one who suffered sleepless nights from time to time in this place, but the idea of depending on them more than I already had to was just not something I could do. Not when I could sometimes see the bonds between us like russet ribbons tied so tightly around me, the thought of heading to them and so openly sharing my vulnerability made me want to throw up. Not because I didn't love them or care for them as much as they did for me or each other, but because I did. And because although I knew that some of it was our binding talking, our sacrifice dictating the terms of my heart, that didn't stop me from feeling so much for them all. Too much.

And somehow, more than the memories of Minna and her betrayal, these were the thoughts that kept me from sleeping. Hence, although my eyes were heavy, I swung myself out of bed, and under the soft lights of my magical powered lamp I changed out of my pyjamas and into my day clothes and headed out of my room.

The last time I'd done this, a few weeks ago, I'd started doing things to the corridor of our dorms, so I left them this time, and headed down the nearest staircase, brushing my finger along the banister to make little vine carvings appear, tapping to make the flowers bloom under my fingers. I stopped off at the next floor, where some the student dorms were, and then considered my options there. I couldn't actually go inside them, not while students were sleeping there, but there was still the corridor itself. I cast my eye up and down the corridor before then walking over to the nearest window and taking the curtains in my hand. Digging in my pocket for my pencil, I tapped it against the material for a moment, before lightly beginning to trace a pattern over it, imagining the colours and watching them bleed over the old. Slowly, the old pattern of cranes flying over the water changed to a tree in winter, inexplicably blooming with cherry blossoms. It seemed fitting, in a school where plants did sometimes bloom out of season and where we had a tree in the building itself.

Satisfied with my work, I decided to replicate it on all the other curtains for the windows of the student dorm floors, and continued to weave my way in and out of them, changing the patterning on the banisters whenever I had to descend a flight of stairs. Vines of different plants, ocean waves, chains of stars like the ones Reoni and Mshrupo wove, anything and everything that struck my fancy. The goal of this was to blot out what had kept me awake in the first place.

"I never loved you in the first place, Lucifel. Never, ever, ever." Laughing and laughing, the sound ringing in my head….

Halfway down a flight of stairs whose banister I was decorating in stars I stopped, paused. Took in a deep breath. Go away, go away, I told the image of her in my mind. Go away. I killed you. I'd done the right thing for the world, and I knew it from the fact that my only ever memories of her were from when she'd revealed her true darkness and turned her back to me, hurting Keno and leaving so much destruction in her wake. Destruction I'd failed to noticed because I'd thought we were as true as Kenta and Rielle; Keno and Eita; Cher and Hades.

Go away, Minna. Go away. I stared at the stars I had already carved, breathing heavily. Slowly, slowly, more chains appeared, digging into the wood and extending beyond where I was gripping. The wood became warm to the touch, and slowly the stars began to sparkle and shine. Slowly, her face and taunting words slowly started to fade away. Slowly, I was able to get a hold of my breathing, and I straightened, relieved but also depleted.

The banister still glowed, though.

I stared at it for a moment, frowning, and then I continued onto the next floor of dorms to change the curtains. Walking past one room, I noticed that the door was ajar, and sure enough whichever students occupied it were not in it at all. Carefully, looking up and down the corridor to make sure they wouldn't come back, I slipped in and took a look around.

These students had opted to leave the oil-lamps on, rather than any of the other lights, making their room dim but somehow warmer. Nothing popped out at me, but I didn't want to leave without making some change, so in the end I simply cast a spell that would change the colour of their carpet, and then used my own hands to shift the arrangement of the magic-powered lighting. As I left and continued further down the school, I wondered if the students would notice the minor changes. Sometimes they did notice, and sometimes they didn't, but I knew that gradually there were stories starting to spread, of ghosts and hauntings.

I had to admit, that was part of the appeal of this as well. After all, a school that was a century old was more than entitled to a few ghosts of its own. Especially when populated with staff who came laden with them. I couldn't interact with the students, couldn't bear to develop any more attachments than the ones I already had, still binding me to this place and everyone else in it. But this much, at least, I could give them. Something to wonder over, to puzzle over, to excite and frighten and spark curiosity.

It was something.

…

I changed carpet colours in corridors, colours of curtains in the classroom and common rooms, sketched a mural in the canteen that would come to life in the light of the day. I adjusted the shape of door handles and added patterns to skirting boards where there had been none and removed patterning from wallpaper, blending the colours from those patterns to create a marbled effect instead. On and on, wandering from place to place across the whole of the school (with the exception of the East Wing, no way in hell was I touching that place alone), until finally my legs and arms were weary.

Yawning, I headed to the courtyard and sat down on one of the stone benches, looking up at the sky. The sun hadn't risen yet, but there was a lightening of the sky, indicating that it was coming. Soon the day would start, and I'd need to knuckle down to my work. I shivered, regretting choosing my leather jacket over a proper one, kicking my legs and idly observing the way the glow of the stones reflected against the dark of my clothes. If I was a different person, I wouldn't necessarily have been here, but perhaps I would have. Just shoulder-to-shoulder with one of the others, maybe under a blanket, or sitting deep in the forest with a fire between us. But more likely I would have been inside, maybe in one of the many nooks and crannies this place had created, or in the branches of the angel tree, or perhaps even in bed with one of them even though relationships were technically not permitted. As if somehow an arrangement or a dalliance or liaison was somehow different to relationships and courtships and affairs. Even if that was something that I still hadn't wrapped my head around, I wouldn't have dared enter any kind of arrangement, relationship or whatever anyone wanted to call it, ever again. That much would have remained the same, even if I hadn't been here. Minna had ruined that part of me, irrevocably. She'd taken my heart with her, and I'd responded by building walls around it.

But as Mshrupo had once said to me a little while ago, those walls still had windows. I hadn't really chosen to install them there, as such, but they were there. I'd tried to keep them small, but they were there. She claimed that I'd left a ladder by my wall too, but that, I wasn't convinced of. Using one hand to shield my eyes against the finally-rising sun, I held out my other hand, tilting it slightly, and then tilting my head. At the right angle, I was able to see the ribbons of magic that bound us, stretching across the courtyard and beyond, to wherever the others were in the building. I could feel them tugging at me, each tug twinging. But at the same time, there was something warming about it. Imagining them all, waking up, getting ready for the day, knowing that we were all safe and well…

I smiled and sighed, despite myself, and lowered my hand so that I could no longer see the ribbons. I rubbed my eyes, and now that the sun was higher in the sky and it truly looked like morning, I decided to get up and make my way to the admin offices. I zipped up my jacket, stuck both hands in my pockets and got up, crossing the courtyard. As I did though, it occurred to me that one of the ribbons hadn't stretched as far as I expected and so I started to look around, wondering who it was that was outside like me, mentally preparing to at least be polite-

-and then I had to swerve to avoid tripping over Nyamai.

"What the-"

I righted myself, somehow without having to remove my hands from my pockets (good thing too, they were freezing) and stared at Nyamai. She was sprawled on the ground, as if she just dropped there, and she was scowling, dusting off her knees, which were exposed through the rips in her leggings and bleeding slightly. Instantly, I realised what I happened, and I sucked in a breath.

"Do you want coffee?"

"Huh?"

Her eyes were staring off distantly as they snapped up and met mine, but I could see sparks in them, flashing. The state of her knees concerned me, but if I said that, she'd probably bite my head off metaphorically, or literally bite me. Though, come to think of it, it'd been a few decades since I'd last seen her do that to anyone. Nonetheless, I wasn't going to take that risk.

"Coffee." I repeated, slowly. "Do you want some?"

She stared, and I sighed, shaking my head.

"If you do, come round to the back of our offices. I'll be making some."

I didn't wait long enough to get a response, but as I swiftly continued walking on, I saw that her eyes had calmed somewhat, and she was scowling less.

That, at least, was something.

…

When I got to our office, Mshrupo appeared to have just arrived, setting a folder down at her desk.

"Morning, Misha." I said for politeness's sake.

"Oh! Morning, Lucifel. Good night."

"Mmmm."

I headed straight to the coffee machine as Mshrupo buzzed around turning on the computers (great invention, those were-I was glad that I was at least around to see those) and got the cups down from the holder, lining them up before getting out the milk and the other little extras from our mini-fridge. Since Mshrupo liked hers to cool down before drinking it, I made hers first then set it aside before grabbing my own plain mug and putting it under the coffee machine to make mine. Once it was done, I gulped it down in a few large sips, and then set my cup aside so that I could make another one while I made everyone else's.

Just as I picked up Nyamai's blue and gold mug, I heard her voice at the doorway.

"Your blood's gonna turn to coffee at this rate."

"Look," I said without even bothering to turn around. "Do you want some or not?"

"What'd'ya think I'm here for?"

I simply grunted and got on with it. In those few moments, Snow and Rynacel arrived, and the former immediately gasped over Nyamai and tried to usher her over to a chair.

"Mai, your knees." I heard Snow say softly. "Come, come. "

"I'm fine, dammit."

This was almost snarled, but it didn't seem to deter Snow, based on her response, which was more soft, motherly pleading. She sounded fully aware of herself this morning, bright and perky, and it was a reassuring thing to realise. Hopefully it'd last the whole day.

"Nyamai, it's not going to do you any favours if those scrapes get infected. At least let someone stick plasters on them."

And thank goodness for Ceiraii. Nyamai made indistinct grumbling sounds, but I heard her plonk herself into a chair. When I turned around, Snow was kneeling carefully in front of Nyamai, who looked for all the world like a petulant eight-year-old as she sulked, watching Snow carefully.

"Lemme know if it hurts, okay? I just gotta clean the gravel."

Once I'd done Nyamai's cup, I walked it over and held it out. Nyamai reached over Snow's head and grabbed it, somehow not spilling it. She sipped at it almost eagerly, and didn't say anything as Snow continued to tend to her. Ceiraii glanced at me and gave me a nod.

"Yours is there, too. Shall I bring it over?" I asked in response.

"No, that isn't a problem."

I went back over to finish Rynacel's, and then took Mshrupo's over to her before continuing to make the final few drinks. When I'd finally managed to make my second cup-which I intended to savour-Hiromi had arrived, immediately engaging Rynacel and Ceiraii in a conversation about dream theory. Snow had finished with Nyamai, and was putting away the supplies while Nyamai sat there, still sipping and looking a lot less glary, though her leggings were still torn and her clothes were overall still scuffed. I perched on the edge of my desk and began to drink my own coffee.

"Well," Hiromi concluded eventually. "That's a pretty heavy discussion to have before breakfast. Shall I grab something?"

"No need!"

Snow beamed sunnily as she went back to her desk, where a small basket was sitting. I blinked, having not noticed it in the first place. She unwrapped the cloth and laid it out there before picking up the basket.

"I made some scones and buns, and I still have some of my flavoured butters from the last time Bin went to town that I need to use up."

"Ah, what about your grapefruit jam?" Hiromi asked. "Please tell me you have some of your jam!"

"Of course she has her grapefruit jam." I snorted.

Snow blushed and went around to everyone. I got up, leaving my cup, to find some cutlery from the drawer, because I could tell she had forgotten it. Quietly, I walked over to where she was handing out buns and jars of butter and jam to Rynacel and held them out. Snow looked from me to the cutlery, and blushed. I just inclined my head slightly, and she murmured her thanks as she took some and then gave me my share in return. I walked back to my desk, and sat down properly at it this time, as it would be easier to begin eating like that.

"Nyamai, you must stay too."

Nyamai's eyes widened at Mshrupo's words, freezing in the doorway (how Nyamai, one of the gobbiest people I knew, was able to be so sneaky I did not know). She tilted her head slightly, and then slunk back.

"Don't say no to free food, after all." She quipped.

I rolled my eyes at that, but couldn't help but smile as both Mshrupo and Snow brightened at that, with the latter happily telling us that there was more than enough to go around, even though this was not exactly news at this point. The chatting started up again, this time talking about different foods and various baking projects. I didn't contribute, but as I sliced my scones and spread them with butter and jam, and then began to eat them, I listened and nodded along. Occasionally, I laughed whenever some of them said something amusing. Everyone was smiling, or at least relaxed. My coffee was strong, the breakfast tasted good. The bonds we had still felt tight, but in this warm room, surrounded by light conversation and easy cheer, it did not feel restraining. Rather, it felt as if I was looking through the windows in my wall. Because although this belonging was not entirely of my choosing, it was nonetheless mine , something so filled with happiness that I could not help but feel some of it myself. This heart of mine was a damaged one, walled off from everyone, but it worked, all the same. It worked, and in moments like this I was glad it did.

The feeling wouldn't last, and I knew that for however more centuries this school persisted, there'd be many, many more sleepless nights where I felt restrained and when memories of Minna and her betrayal insisted on haunting me. I would never be able to be as involved and open as everyone else because of it. But Mshrupo was undoubtedly right, in saying that my wall had windows, and right now I was truly glad of it.

Because those windows were something, at least.