A Whimsical Disruption
There is a matter that needs addressing. It is something of the utterly most, gravest of importances, for it affects all of us yet continues to go underestimated and thereby allowed to run rampant. You have experienced it for yourself at some point. There are those who have faced it far more often than others, the poor souls. Yes! I speak of none other than that most malevolent of mental maladies: Boredom.
All thinking animals need some form of stimuli to keep their little gray cells active, lest their mental acuity shrivels and become subjected to a misery far worse than any physical reckoning as their very spirits wither in stagnation. Those who live in isolation are most susceptible to this insidious dullness, and it's further compounded if they don't have anything to distract themselves. And there's nobody quite as isolated and lacking in engagements then dear sweet soft Angelus and Caim!
You can easily imagine what idle serenity can do to someone who's lived a life of endless strife! Sure, they have managed to stave it off those initial few months, what with child-rearing and random visits and pastime dabbling, but it's only a matter of time before sinister boredom arises and devours their souls. But I shan't let that be! I shall defy fell ennui and give my new charges direction, purpose! Divine Intervention is afoot, y'all!
We thus turn to an idyllic scene out there in the hilly Naboo outlands. Inside their humble weirdly-proportioned cottage, we have the husband mixing a stew, the dragon waifu looking on and making suggestions by scent alone, a baby half-drowsy in a crib. Such a happy family, blissfully ignorant of the disease steadily taking hold of their minds… Unless a hero does something about it!
And like any hero I threw that door open and leaned in to reveal my sparkly be-suited self. (That's right: it's a first-person chapter!)
"How's it going, fam?" I announced, filling the space with studio audience applause alongside a thoroughly startled infant's cries. "Ah crap, I didn't mean to frighten the little one. My bad."
Who barges in here with all that noise? I will rend you asun… Hold on, Contractor?
"The one and the same, milady," I said as Caim abandoned his soup to pick up and calm his son. I always knew he'd make a good father if given the chance. Just look at that glare he's giving me; what a natural-born pro! "Sorry again about the loud entrance. It's kinda habitual for me."
What are you doing here?
"Just checking on you," I answered while letting myself in and shutting the door, keeping out those nasty drafts. "Normally I don't come down and mingle with mortals, but I do occasionally touch down to assure my creations I am still very much here, and it has been some months since I last saw you. So how are you doing? Your vegetable garden is looking pretty decent, Caim."
Why must we answer you? Aren't you supposed to be all-seeing and all-knowing?
"Yes, but it can be so distressing to say what someone's thinking out loud, so I let them speak for themselves." I looked at Caim. "You're an exception: I'll mind-read you all day, so don't worry about signing at me. It's nice that you've taken Craig's advice to practice it, by the way."
An insufferable rodent that Craig, with his questions and infuriating persistence. I've encountered stubborn humans, but none on such a level as his! Why would you foist such a pest upon us?
"Yeah he can be a little abrasive (okay, a lot), but I'd figure I'd give him a chance given the whole mauling thing ruining his side job. Guy's made of tough stuff, despite having the figure of a lamppost."
He is very direct and wastes little with words, I will grant him that. Purely business, as he would say.
"That is one key thing I wanted to hear from you: how are those sessions coming along? Feeling relieved, frustrated, something in-between?"
They are more trifling than anything. A waste of one's time… Although not as invasive as we thought it would be. And the last one didn't seem to drag as much, so I must be getting used to it.
Caim nodded that that was also the case for him. Wonderful.
"Well that's swell you're taking to it, at least. I consider your mental well-being in my expansive paradise very important, because though you may have left the war behind, that doesn't necessarily mean the war has left you."
Caim nodded solemnly, and Angelus bobbed her head similarly.
That is an unfortunate truth, particularly for those of the weaker mindset: How it can fester and rot unnoticed. In that light, some further commendation for your involvement is in order.
I got some thoughts from the old war dog.
"Oh it's no trouble at all, Caimy. Like I said before: I'm totally different from other gods! And you may as well make the most of mental health services while it's free. On that note, whatcha doing with your stipend? Thought of maybe getting yourself an aircar, Caim?"
Why would he ever lower himself to such hideous, cumbersome contraptions when he already holds dominion upon the mightiest wings in the land?
Caim alerted his wife to what that particular wording could imply, to which she huffed.
Then what of it? You hold dominion over me because I permit it. There's no embarrassment on my part in that arrangement.
Caim acknowledged that as being true, true, and patted her snout while laying on praises for her natural superiorities.
I am the living model of "peak performance", after all.
"Soooo then you're just saving up those credits?" I asked to get things back on track.
Yes. They are no use to us at the moment, but Caim believes it could serve some purpose eventually. Perhaps for Nowe's, if it takes that long.
A nod in the affirmative from the man of the household.
"Fantastic, very savvy. Now!" Clap. "As to the actual reason for my stopping by, I understand you're in the market for some time-killers. Hobbies are something else that can stimulate and promote good mental health, and is one of the things that can make a lengthy retirement bearable." A look at Caim. "You've been doing a fairly good job trying new things out, but what of you, Angelus?"
What is there that I can possibly engage in that isn't combat or survival? Those two things are more than sufficient for dragons, or just about any other creature, yet it's nowhere nothing for humans. Which is something that still confounds me: though their lives are short, they are impelled to fill it with every frivolous pursuit conceivable.
"Just part of the genuine human experience," I admitted, and Caim nodded as much. "But back to you, Angie: since you have no fighting or surviving to do, I imagine you might be feeling a bit restless? Wound up? Surely for a dragon as big and fearsome as you you can't help but feel cooped up some days."
Do not call me "Angie". And for your information, I fly whenever I want, so I'm not "cooped up" like some domesticated fowl. And raising Nowe to a dragon's standards is a fine enough use of my energies.
"Quite. So no sense of unfulfillment whatsoever?"
The red wyvern hesitated a moment, as though battling embarrassment, the sweetheart. With a soundless sigh she relented.
Well… The prey here is lacking. No rogue spellcasters or brigands in sight, and the wildlife lacks the ferocity to make hunting them worthwhile. Normally in such tranquil periods a dragon would slumber until the world was once more in upheaval. But that isn't an option when there's a child that needs looking after.
"Well you don't need to worry about that, because I have just the answer for you! Are you aware of Rori?"
No; I do not know who that is.
"For starters it's not 'who' but 'it': Rori is the second largest of Naboo's moons. You've undoubtedly noticed there being three of the buggers up there."
We have, and it's of no consequence to us. Such oddities are a given with alien worlds.
"Ahhh, indeed. Your universal understanding is broadening!" She gave me a modest huff. "Anyway, I was wanting to take you there for a quick field trip, although getting there normally would take around fifteen minutes. And since you can't stand being in a spaceship, I have a quicker, cooler alternative."
I showed myself down the steps and into Angelus' living space, going up to a broad section of wall. I glanced over at them with a grin. "Check it," I said, raising my hand to produce a glowy green portal that covered the entire wall. Their visible surprise was a treat, I admit. "A handy shortcut: no fuss, no muss."
You expect us to go through that, right now?
"Well yeah; what good's a portal you don't step through? I'll be leading the way no worries, although I suggest on you leaving Nowe behind."
Why is that?
"Safety concerns; Rori is not the kind of place to raise a kid, although it's nothing you two tempered adults can't handle."
So you want us to leave our child here alone, unprotected?
"Ohhh I got him covered. If you could just put him down in his crib real quick, Caim."
Some momentary hesitation before Caim went over to the crib and laid down his son, who immediately took on a gray shade.
"Now he's frozen in time. He won't know you're gone at all!"
You cursed our child?! You wretched conniving—!
"Hey hey hey hey, no need for violent words or reactions! I simply put a time stop over this whole cottage, which is why your stew isn't boiling over. Nowe will go back to normal when you pick him up, which can be readily demonstrated this very moment."
My hand twisting clued Caim into raising his baby boy, who regained his colors and liveliness in a reassuring instant.
"See: perfectly fine. And if anyone tries entering the place while the field is up, they'll get stuck like ants in molasses, so Nowe is perfectly secure." An understandable grumble of mistrust from the mother. "You have my divine word he'll be safe. But, if anything were to happen to him, you may ravage me as viciously and as many times as you want. No resistance; is that alright?"
…This will be a short departure. And I'll have your head the moment I see something amiss.
"Understood. And it will be very quick, not even ten minutes. So Caim, if you will."
With acquiescence from Angelus, the man of the house puts the little man back into the cozy frozen state, and paying a parting glance he turned and came on down to join us.
"Sugoi. Now if you'll just follow me we can have this wrapped up in a jiff. Alons-y-this way!"
Through the portal I bravely ventured, traversing from cozy interior to soggy wilds in a step. Almost as immediately Caim and Angelus stepped and stomped in behind me, taking a look over the wide cleared expanse before us. A big ol' wide circle of damp earth, ringed by an impenetrable wall of jungle.
"And here it is: Rori!" I delivered with arms out and doing a showman's twirl. "Several hundred thousand kilometers away from Naboo. In fact you can see it right there." I pointed at the horizon where the planet is hardly visible through the gray atmospheric haze. "Humans tried to colonize this balmy rock thousands of years ago, bless their hearts, but only managed two cities and little else, so the place is mostly uninhabited. Which makes it prime real estate for a getaway spot for one such as yourself, Angelus."
Me?
"Yup! Technically this is a hunting reserve, but you can think of it as a battle arena or killing field. Naboo for the most part is too serene and populated to really cut loose, so I'm giving you this whoooole area to let your innermost dragon out, unrestrained, whenever home life has you feeling bottled up or you need to vent in the most destructive, visceral fashion possible, without spooking the neighbors."
Then you do believe I could lose myself and go on a rampage, if you have gone so far as to create a distant holding cell.
"It's not a holding anything: There aren't any forcefields or barriers. It's your own private playground of slaughter to satisfy that predatory itch whenever you want."
What exactly would there be to slaughter? Soldiers? Prisoners? Dissidents and potential usurpers?
"Oh no no no, I'm not having you be an executioner; those days are over. This is all strictly for sport, so you'll be fighting animals. Vicious animals; the best kind of creature, worthy of a dragon's mettle. I'm talking reeks, acklays, rancors, wampas, tusk cats, updogs, and of course the extra nasty nex—"
Right then a mass of fur and teeth glomped me and began ripping into my shoulder and face. The fact I'm able to recount things separate from my physical form made enduring the attack easier, but it was still rather unpleasant.
"If, if you could kindly help me here," I bravely yet politely grunted out through the blood covering my mouth. Angelus sighed before chomping on the nexu, yanking it off me and throwing it aside, then spat a fat fireball to incinerate the demon cat before it could get back up. Speaking of, I wasted no time raising my own self, going nice and slow to give my mangled torso and head time to regenerate. The couple didn't look bothered one bit by the display, but that's no surprise.
I wiggled my lower jaw to ensure it's back in place. "Gyah! Thankee much. Well, that backfired." Push up my specs. "That nexu was supposed to have pounced on you instead. Guess I was the more delectable-looking target (another not surprise -w-)."
You wanted it to attack us?
"Yeah, for demonstration purposes, gyeh." Final kinks worked out. "Something to reawaken those killer reflexes and get the blood pumping. But you have the gist: a veritable fun zone of battle befitting one as mighty as you."
So you have an assortment of deadly creatures hiding close by for me to kill, at my leisure?
"Well… no. It was just the one. It's not terribly smart keeping a wide array of dangerous animals in a place they don't really belong. But I can tell you more about the actual arrangement back at your place. You've seen enough for now."
Very well.
"Alright, if you'll come along my dear chickies."
Back through the portal we strolled once more into the monochrome interior of the cottage on Naboo.
"Soshite, Toki wa Ugokidesu."
And like that color and time returned, and the portal fwooped out of being.
"Back to normal. So!" Another clap. "The way that hunting ground works is that while you're standing in it, you simply vividly picture whatever creature it is you want to throw down with and it will appear. And it's only you with the authorization to do that, Angelus. Also Caim. Now I'm gonna preempt your immediate next question: 'How would I know what any of these deadly creatures look like?' That's where you make use of this!"
A thicc-a** book popped into being upon my upraised palm, which I passed over to Caim to crack open for him and his darling to take a looksie.
"A bestiary-slash-catalog for you to peruse, with illustrations and notes of importance. Something you can read in the afternoon, at tea, outdoors or as you're snuggling down for beddy-bye."
Hmmm, that is quite the collection of monstrosities. But how am I supposed to get back there? Do I need to pray for your presence every time?
"No, although I'd be tickled pink to hear a Hail Mary from you." A titter from me, disgusted look from her. "But in all seriousness, I had installed a portal generator into your house while everyone wasn't looking. All you need to do is press the button uuuuuuup, here." I stretched my arm up and windily toward the ceiling, pointing at a discreetly-placed button that I had highlighted with flashing arrows for the occasion. "You just push that with your snoot, wingtip or tail and the portal comes back on." I retracted my arm with a wet slap. "And I have it set up so that it never closes while you're on the other side. In fact, the only things that can come through are those who entered from this end, so no worries about something nasty spilling into your house by accident or a visitor winding up on a hostile moon with no way back. And even in the highly extremely downright impossible event of the portal shutting down while you're having your fun, you're stranded only a meteor's throw distance away, and can easily hop a ride on a shuttle from the nearby city. They know about you so they won't freak out seeing you, although I can't guarantee they won't wander over to check on your doings. Hey, you could even charge them admission to watch!"
Ha! I'd sooner set fire to their heels and see if they can outrun an inferno.
"You be careful: they might make a festival out of that. There really isn't much going for them up there. So then, what do you think?"
Once more I'm befuddled by the efforts you put toward our well-being, especially when it was never asked for in the first place. But this latest exertion of yours… I can see some potential use. So thank you for this… considerate gift.
"Just my own housewarming present for ya… delivered several months late. But hey it's the thought that counts and it's here so let's celebrate!"
A snap and me and Caim are holding Solo cups of crisp Sierra Mist. "Skål!" I took a deep sip, Caim taking a more cautious one. I conjured up a serving bowl of the sweet stuff and hovered it up beneath Angelus' nose. "Give it a try. It's a very good anytime drink."
She sniffed it, then parted her maw ever slightly to drink. But only briefly.
Blahgh! That's disgustingly sweet, and it stings the tongue worse than any flame!
"That's just the fizz, but I understand if it's not to your liking. How about you, Caim?" A shaking of the hand indicated a grade of "it's alright". "That's my man!" I wrapped my free arm around his shoulders so I could get in all personable-like. "Don't go thinking I've forgotten about you, even though I've mostly been talking about Angelus this whole time. You're more than welcome to use that arena yourself. Heck, you could even join her for some doubles. Husband and wife, having a grand ol' time laying waste!"
I squeezed more, getting my lips closer to his ear for some whisper action. "Of course, there are better uses for all that combat experience of yours. Like oh, let's say, whipping up this planet's defense force into proper fighting shape through an instructor role. I understand if you want to put all that nasty business behind, hang up the sword and devote yourself entirely to being a family man; you've done and put up with so much. But it's still worth considering, even as just part time. And it's about time you checked out the city, anyway."
I released him and stepped aside, polishing off my drink. "Well, I've taken up enough of your time. From what I see you're doing marvelously, so a pat on the back for me! Is there anything else I can do for you before I ascend, not to return for however long?"
You have given ample enough as is, and it is again appreciated that you would personally check on us. With that said…
A thick slab of tail smashed me into the floor with a meaty whomp.
Consult with us first before sending a case worker our way next time.
"Yeah, understood…" I reinflated and recombobulated myself into working order. "Okay, I'll just take my leave. Take care of yourselves, and enjoy your present." I showed myself to the door. "By all means send a prayer my way if you got nothing else to do. Also, best check on your stew. Ciao mata!"
With that I exited and shut the door, thereby surrendering my first-person perspective back to third for what followed.
That was especially random. Before we dwell on it, go check the pot; I will tend to Nowe.
Caim headed for the stove while Angelus extended her neck to gaze upon her child. He looked up at her curiously, smiling and reaching out his tiny hands. His mother obliged by lowering her head and letting her chin and snout get patted.
Still alright. Were you truly unaware of what was happening, little one?
Her son only giggled and patted her more. Angelus hummed and nuzzled him back.
Of course it wouldn't matter to you. All you care about is having your mother near. Is the soup still good, Caim?
Caim nodded and beckoned her over to taste it herself. Angelus shifted around to lick from the spoon held up by her partner.
A little more cumin and that should do it.
Caim nodded again, adding that finishing touch while his mate regarded the catalog that had been dumped on the table.
Quite the substantial gift that god has given us this time around. That book alone should make for some decent reading after dinner.
A teasing suggestion from the cook.
You think I need to be lulled to sleep like an infant?
The wyvern glanced over at the crib of her precious jewel.
Although, we could read it to Nowe as we tuck him in. As preparation, for when he inevitably strikes out on his own.
In agreement, Caim set to readying his meal with a smile, content at having the cottage at peace once more, with the two most important people in his new life.