Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:
Vulnerable by Selena Gomez
The Calvary Cross by Richard Thompson & Linda Thompson
Protectors of the Earth & The Heart of Viridis by Really Slow Motion.
Thanks for all your support :) It means a lot, you have no idea how much :)
2020
Heathrow Airport Base
Reset 39
Rita was resting on his chest, her head tucked under his chin. Luke had one arm behind his head and his other hand trailing his fingers across her shoulder blades and up and down her spine. Her gold chain pressed against his skin. He didn't ask her why she still wore it. He knew why. It was the reason she'd pulled him to bed with her again. She still loved him.
He traced the outline of his name that was tattooed on her right side along her rib cage. The letters of his name in orange were intertwined around a black pistol with a monarch butterfly resting on the butt end of the gun. He didn't have to look at it to know where it was. He remembered the first time he'd seen it; it had taken him by complete surprise that she'd done it.
"This is never happening again," she said, her cheek still against his chest.
"Okay," he said simply. He could feel her heart rate slowing back down against his skin. She pushed herself up on her arms, looking down at him. He reached to tuck her hair behind her ear, and she turned her face into his palm. She closed her eyes as he ran his thumb over her cheek slowly. This was the only time he ever saw her truly vulnerable. Outside of intimacy with him, vulnerability was a rare sighting for her in front of anyone else since 1999. She always preferred to appear tough and in control to the world. He knew why. It was partly his fault. If he had done things differently, maybe she wouldn't have felt the need to show the world she wouldn't break.
Loving her was an experience like none other, and he'd always marveled that she loved him back. Granted, she'd left him without a reason why, but he knew she still loved him. Whatever the answer was, he knew he'd eventually find out.
"You're beautiful," he murmured. She opened her eyes.
"Don't get attached to me," she warned.
"I've always been attached to you."
"I need you to understand that when the time comes that I die, you have to let me go," she said.
"Who says you're gonna die?"
"Luke," she said, exasperated. She pushed off of him and got up, pulling her clothes back on.
"I mean it," he said, sitting up and looking at her. She swept at her hair, looking back at him.
"So do I," she retorted. She picked up and threw his pants at his face, and he caught them with his hand. That was the signal she wanted him gone. This was the fourth time they'd ended up here. Luke hadn't initiated it either time. He didn't know what made her come for him. He was afraid to ask in case it pissed her off and she shot him.
"I made a promise to you a long time ago, and I intend to keep it," he said, getting up and catching his shirt she threw at him next. He shrugged it on after slipping into his pants.
"You can't," she said, resting her hands on her hips and giving him a defiant look he knew too well. He walked over to her and stopped right in front of her.
"Says who?" he asked.
"Says me," she answered. He dared to kiss her, and he was surprised that she let him. He ran his fingers up her neck before cupping her cheek. She pulled away before long.
"Rita," he tried.
"No," she said sharply. "We are over. We've been over for years. I'm not letting this disrupt your focus on what's important right now."
"I've always been able to multitask. You know that."
"Stop messing around," she ordered, sounding annoyed.
"You say we're over," he went on, "yet you keep finding me to do this. Why?" She shifted on her feet, working her jaw slightly.
"I have needs," she tried. He laughed out loud.
"If that was the case, you'd find someone else entirely," he pointed out. "You keep coming to me. Answer the question, Rita. Why?"
"I don't need to explain it."
"You're right," he agreed. "You don't. I already know the answer."
"And what answer is that?"
"I don't need to explain it," he said, echoing her words. She exhaled impatiently, but he saw it in her eyes: the understanding of what the answer was. Her fingers absently went to run back and forth across the chain on her neck. He saw that she did that a lot when she was stressed or anxious. He figured it was a touchstone/grounding device for her.
"I will win this war, and you'll still be alive at the end of it," he promised, pressing a hand into her face again briefly before walking past her.
"You have to reset," she said.
"I know," he replied.
He was getting really tired of resetting.
Reset 46
Mei jumped out of her skin when she saw Luke leaning against the doorway as she came out from training with Rita. He left her alone for the most part and went along with her story that she was back home for the sake of saving time and energy arguing with her. She was still safe for now, and he intended to keep it that way.
"Luke," she said, clutching at her chest. "How...how did you know?"
"Not important," he dismissed. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."
"You're not mad?" She sounded incredulous.
"Not today."
She gave him a strange look, but he pushed off the doorway and gestured for her to come with him. She obeyed. They walked side by side, moving out of the way of the odd person that went rushing past.
"I wanted to tell you," she said, looking at him.
"You were afraid of my reaction," he confirmed, and she nodded.
"You are scary when you're mad," she commented, giving him a wry smile. He gave a chuckle. He knew that to be true.
"I recognize what you're trying to do," he said.
"What's that?"
"You're trying to feel useful and apply your skills where they're needed. I admire you for that even though it gives me anxiety knowing you could get hurt," he said.
"I'd feel like I let the world down if there was something I could have done and didn't do it," she added.
"I know what you mean," he agreed. As much as he hated it, he couldn't argue it.
"Rita has been training me. I'm really good now."
"What all do you know about Rita?" Luke asked. He was curious. Sometimes women disclosed more things to each other than they would to a guy. He knew she didn't know Rita was the women he loved. He'd never told her Rita's name.
"She's amazing," Mei said, tipping her face upwards briefly as she said it. "Did you know that she grew up on a farm?"
"Mm," Luke said in his throat.
"She was a school teacher and ended up here. Isn't that crazy? She's the Full Metal Bitch, the most badass fighter in the UDF."
Luke resisted smiling. Obviously Rita had left out some things about herself.
"She is my inspiration," Mei finished, grinning.
"Glad to hear."
"You should meet her," Mei said, growing excited. "You guys have a lot of similarities. I think you'd like her."
I love her.
He kept quiet, though. He didn't want Mei to know their history was shared just yet. She was relentless when she wanted him to do something for himself.
"Maybe one day," he said.
"Are you okay?" she asked, giving him a once over. He smiled.
"I'm tired," he replied, "but I'm fine."
"Did you know that Rita had the power to reset the day?" Mei asked, going back to talking about her inspiration.
"Oh yea?"
"Yea. She reset just over 300 times."
Luke felt a jolt inside. That was almost an entire year if she lived the full day each time. No wonder she was snappy and irritable.
"She told you about that?"
"Dr. Carter did. I asked too many questions about the Mimics for him not to tell me. He said I was trustworthy and felt safe enough to tell me."
"I see. She doesn't have it anymore? The power?" he asked, playing along. He knew the answer.
"No."
"That's too bad."
"If only someone else could get the power," Mei said wistfully. "Then we might have a chance to win this war."
Luke kept quiet. He didn't want her to know he had it and then worry about him. Then he almost laughed out loud. She wouldn't remember after he reset.
"I wish I could get it," she said.
"No, you don't," he told her. She looked at him, and suddenly, her face changed.
"Hang on," she said, pointing a finger at him. "When I asked if you were mad at me, you said, 'Not today.' And you knew how to find me. Does that mean...?" She trailed off, and he gave a curt nod in response. "Oh my God! You have the power!"
"I do," he answered.
"You have to tell Rita!"
"I have."
"How many resets have you done? Oh, man. Dr. Carter is gonna freak out!" Mei exclaimed, excited. Luke wished he could feel that excitement. He just felt exhausted.
"46 times," he told her. "And yea, he does."
"So, when does it start? Like, what time of the day?"
"Morning," he answered.
"You just started then."
"Yea."
"Well, don't waste anymore time talking to me!" she cried, shoving him now. "Go! Do what you need to do!"
"Alright," he laughed, fending off her hands. "I just wanted to check in."
"Just go," she ordered, waving her hand. "I'll tell Dr. Carter."
"Don't bother him," Luke said. "We've already told him. He doesn't have much else to offer right now until I have the vision."
"Oh. Okay."
"See you later," he said, walking away.
"You'll tell me if you need my help, right?"
"Bye, Mei," he said, ignoring the question.
"Urgh," she said. "Luke!"
He just waved a hand in the air and went to get something to eat from the mess hall. He wasn't going to involve her in this. He knew he couldn't fail this mission because he couldn't let anything happen to Mei or anyone else.
Or Rita.
...
Rita was talking to her fellow teammate, Harvey Greene, when Mei burst around the corner. Both of them turned to look at her as she stopped, breathless.
"I need to talk to you!" she gasped, trying to breathe and talk at the same time.
"We're busy, Private," Harvey barked.
"We're done here, actually," Rita said, glaring at him. She'd told the team that she was training Mei to join them. It irked her that no one seemed to remember that. She knew they were still upset over losing Hendricks, but she needed them to set that aside for now.
"You're not gonna believe this," Mei said once they were alone.
"What?" Rita asked.
"Luke has the power to reset the day!" Mei exclaimed. Rita felt a strange sensation go through her entire body. No. It couldn't be...
"Who?" she questioned, hoping it was a different Luke.
"Luke Wright," Mei answered, slowly getting her breath back. "He's my friend I told you about before. He just told me he has the power. He said this is his 46th time resetting the day. I just had to tell you because you said you wanted someone to get it and help..."
Rita took all of this information in, and she realized that Luke was either doing this on his own or he had told her about it.
"Excuse me," Rita said, leaving Mei alone and hurrying off. She went looking for Luke. She found him eating in the mess hall. A few stragglers were there with him, but the majority of the others were gone by this point. She walked up to him and stopped about a foot away from him, crossing her arms and staring at him. He chewed absently, not looking at her.
"You saw Mei," he commented after swallowing.
"Were you going to tell me?" she asked.
"Eventually."
"Have you had the vision yet?"
"No."
"Then you..."
"...need to keep training," he finished for her, finally turning his head to see her. "I know."
"Well, hurry up," she ordered. He finished off his water before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Yes, ma'am," he said, swinging his leg from out under the table and standing up. He walked ahead of her; she followed without saying a word. Seeing him again was causing her to feel so many mixed emotions.
...
Luke noticed Mei slip in to watch him train after an hour. She stood next to Rita. When he finished and walked over to them, Mei was vibrating with excitement.
"You're so good!" she exclaimed.
"I always was good," he retorted. She rolled her eyes.
"I know," she countered. "But I've never seen you fight like this before."
Rita was busying herself with checking the mechanisms on things. Luke watched her carefully. She hadn't said much to him. He knew she was trying to deal with her emotions and thoughts.
"Can you teach me?" Mei asked him.
"No."
"Luuuuuke," she whined.
"You wouldn't remember it anyway!" he said back with a laugh. She huffed loudly and crossed her arms tight over her chest.
"Again," Rita said to him, having finished what she was doing.
"Yes..." he started.
"Say 'ma'am' and you'll regret it," she cut him off.
"That's code for you're gonna stick that melee up where the sun don't shine, huh?" he asked.
"Do you really want to find out?" she asked. He raised a brow at her but closed his mouth and stepped forward back onto the arena.
"Do you two know each other?" Mei asked. Luke looked at Rita, who was pretending to be interested in the mechanism's remote in her hand. He looked back at Mei.
"Sort of," he answered.
"Wait, is this her?! The woman you came here to find?! Is this 'R'?!"
"'R'?" Rita asked, lifting a brow. Then he saw her eyes flick to his right wrist, recognition dawning on her face.
"'R' stands for Rita," Mei pressed. "Right?"
"We don't have time for this," Rita cut in, her voice tight and gruff. He stifled his laugh. They didn't have time to talk about their history, but they had time for sex. She was one hell of a confusing woman at times.
"Rita doesn't like to talk about the past," Luke offered to Mei.
"Why not?"
"If you're going to pester with questions nonstop, then you need to go," Rita told Mei, who stopped talking instantly. She looked back and forth between Rita and Luke, who were looking at each other now.
"Go," Rita ordered, waving her hand at him. He went back to it. He could feel her eyes on him the entire time.
...
Rita was feeling annoyed and aggravated. She felt lost. She felt confused and angry. She felt slightly happy. She felt so many different things. It was very hard to tell her primary emotions from her secondary emotions like she'd been taught let alone what was triggering them.
She breathed in slowly through her nose and exhaled slowly out her mouth as she held herself up with her hands, her legs up in the air. She visualized her favorite place. A small smile crept on her lips as the image of Willow came to mind. She could feel the wind in her hair and against her skin in this memory, the sun on her face. The first time she'd been allowed to ride Willow was probably one of her favorite memories despite the circumstances that surrounded it. Her mother's horse had helped her to start to trust again, no matter what anyone else thought.
"Rita?"
She swore, the image suddenly disappearing. She lost her concentration and fell onto her stomach. For a moment, she stayed there, trying to bring back her focus.
"You okay?" Luke asked.
"No," she answered. She felt like crying suddenly. Why was he here? Why was it him who had the power to reset the day? Why was he back in her life?
"I'm sorry," he said now, making her turn her head to see him, her cheek resting on the floor.
"For what?"
"Everything. Whatever it is I did that hurt you and made you leave."
"It doesn't matter," she muttered, turning her head back and pushing herself up.
"It does to me," Luke insisted. They stood there facing each other, and she suddenly felt so tired. Tired of running, tired of the pain, tired of pretending she didn't still love him, tired of the anger, tired of the war...all of it.
"I miss her," she whispered, taking herself and Luke by surprise. "Willow." She hadn't expected to say that. A tear slid down her cheek, and she watched him slowly come closer until he put a hand on her shoulder with a questioning look in his eyes. She gave a small nod, closing her eyes. When his arms slid around her and pulled her to rest against his chest, she gave a choked sob. She hadn't felt at home in such a long time. No matter what happened, no matter how she felt about him, he always made her feel at home. He always coaxed that vulnerable part of herself out that she kept hidden away from everyone else. Well, Hendricks had seen her upset a few times, but he was dead, and even if he was alive, he wouldn't remember anyway. The pain of losing him hit her hard suddenly. She could hear his laugh in her mind, and it made her miss him. She knew her team was struggling with the loss as well. Harvey and Kamden were always checking on her. Pete was the one who spent more time by himself than with others. She worried about him. She worried there would be another situation like the one with Freddy.
Luke said nothing as he rested a hand on the back of her head while she cried. She gripped his shirt tightly in her fingers, feeling relieved to finally let it all out, everything she'd suppressed for so long. She hadn't cried in a very long time. She hadn't allowed herself to feel much of anything in a very long time. Luke made her feel things, and since she'd seen him earlier that afternoon, all her emotions just started to unravel with one pull of the string.
"I love you," he said now. She knew he wasn't looking for a response, that he was simply telling her how he felt. It made her feel a bit guilty for leaving him the way she had all those years ago with no explanation, but she assumed he would know why.
She knew she had to get a grip before someone saw her and her level of professionalism sank. She pushed back from Luke, wiping at her eyes and face. Enough was enough.
"What time is it?" she asked, sniffing hard and giving her face one last wipe with her arm.
"Time to reset," he answered. She looked at him with her slightly swollen eyes and felt sad again. She wouldn't remember this moment with him.
"Okay," she said, not knowing what else to say.
"Emotions don't make you weak, Rita," he told her. "I wish you'd remember that."
"No, they just make you look weak to others," she corrected.
"As long as you're with the right person when you show them, it'll be alright."
"Do you tell me things?" she asked, suddenly needing to know.
"Like what?"
"I don't know...things we do in these resets? Do you tell me about your life during the time we were apart? Do you always tell me about Mei?"
"Sometimes."
"Am I always so cold to you?" she asked.
"In the beginning," he answered, "but you know me. I wear you down." He gave her a smile, and she gave a slight, choked laugh. He ran his hands up and down her arms slowly, and she felt shivers.
"I guess it took a war to bring us back together," she said.
"Yea."
"Did you really come here looking for me?" she asked, remembering what Mei had said.
"It was 90% of the reason," he answered. "The other 10% was because I don't feel like dying at the hands of an alien race."
"How did you know I was here?"
"Rachel."
Rita gave a start. She hadn't expected Luke to keep in touch with her friend after all this time. She hadn't, not until right before the war when she reached out to make amends for walking away from their friendship like that. She'd always felt guilty about it. Rachel had understood, though. They hadn't been friends for a long time, but Rita had trusted her and enjoyed her company. She tried not to think about if anything had happened to her during all of this.
"I see." Rita didn't know what else to say, so they just stood there in silence for a bit before she pulled out her gun, and he sighed.
"How long until the vision comes?" he asked her. "When you had it?"
So she had told him about having the power and losing it. She shouldn't have been surprised. He was a smart guy and would have figured it out eventually if she hadn't.
"It was after a while," she answered. "I don't remember exactly, but it was closer to 100 resets I think."
"Alright."
She wondered if they would actually win this war or if they'd all be erased and forgotten, lying dead somewhere until they rotted away. She bit her lip, feeling anxious about that thought.
"We'll do it," Luke promised, reading her mind. She looked back at him as he cupped her face with his hand. "You and I, we are a force to be reckoned with."
She closed her eyes as he moved in to kiss her gently, his lips soft against hers. She rested a hand on his chest as he took the gun from her other hand, and she kissed him back. It took her back to the first time he'd kissed her, and she felt a warmth go through her. When he stopped, he didn't pull away. His mouth slightly grazed hers, both of them breathing a little quicker. Then he smiled and stepped back, putting the gun to his head. For whatever reason, she had the sudden impulse to say out loud what she'd been thinking for so long since she'd left.
"I love yo-" she started right as he pulled the trigger.
Reset 67
Luke let her be angry at him after that reset for now. He knew that her emotions were killing her with him back in her life, and he didn't want to cause her any more angst than he already had, whatever it is that he'd done. It still greatly bothered him that he didn't know. He kept his feelings to himself, and he let her use him as her verbal punching bag. Knowing that she still loved him was enough. Even though he'd suspected it, hearing her say it confirmed it. He'd give it a few more resets or so before he got her to release everything she'd been stuffing down for a long time. He knew she had a lot. He could tell from her crying against him 21 resets ago. Really, he could tell just by looking at her.
Sometimes he told Mei and sometimes he didn't. Sometimes he would end the day shortly after it began, just to try and hurry along the vision. Sometimes he'd spend time with the J-Squad and laugh for the sake of feeling something other than frustration and longing.
Today, he was training with Rita.
"You're obviously getting better," she commented after a session. He drank his water and said nothing.
"I'm doing all the heavy work," he said, knowing it would set her off.
"Are you kidding me?!" she exploded on cue. Sometimes, he loved riling her up.
"I don't see you out here training," he said, gesturing. "I'm starting to think you just call the shots and don't get your hands dirty. Where's this Full Metal Bitch, huh?" He set his water down and crossed his arms. She stared at him for a moment, and then she launched herself onto him. He dodged her easily, and then it was on.
Laughing, he blocked all of her blows. She tried to get behind him to attack him that way, but he managed to twist and avoid it every time. When she threw herself onto him, he tripped and fell backwards with her landing on top.
"Ohhhhh," he groaned, her knee ramming into his gut. Rita wasn't done with him, though, and he fought off her hands as she tried to wrap one around his neck and the use the other to punch his face.
He flipped her over onto her back, making her gasp in pain and surprise. He rested one knee on her pelvis to prevent her from getting up while putting one hand on her upper chest to hold her down. He used his other hand to catch her wrists and pin them above her head. She gave a few tries to get free, but he had her firm.
"Now what?" he asked her. She ground her jaw, thinking. He waited patiently. He wasn't going to go easy on her, not like before.
She brought up her legs to jam her heels into his lower spine. He turned his head to the left and grunted from the impact but didn't loosen his hold. When he looked back at her, she fired spit at his face.
"Argh!" he exclaimed, but he didn't let her go. He moved his head to wipe it off on his shoulder.
"Come on," she said, growing frustrated. "That would have worked on anyone else."
"I'm not like anyone else," he retorted. "You know that."
She growled and kicked him again to no avail. He started to laugh at her predicament when she worked to bring her leg under him to knee him in the stomach. He had to take his hand off her chest to prevent that from happening, and she used that opportunity to lift herself up as best as she could with him still holding her wrists and bang her head against his. Slightly stunned, he let go of her wrists, and then she was throwing him off and onto his back, landing on him and trying to punch his face and chest. He brought his knee up and hit her in the back with his foot, making her exclaim and lurch forward. He wrapped an elbow around her neck, twisting her to the left and moving her off. Then he pressed her into the floor on her stomach, sitting on her back and pushing her head down with one of his hands as he held the back of her neck.
"No!" she shouted, banging her hand on the floor. She tried to reach backwards to hit him, but she couldn't.
"So close," he mocked.
"I hate you," she said, her voice muffled by the floor.
"You can get out of this," he told her. "I taught you how to escape all holds if you recall." The memory of doing this came swift, and he was almost taken off guard by it. He felt like she was remembering it too from the way she inhaled sharply.
"Do it," she ordered.
"Do what?"
"What do you think? Do it. I want you. Right now."
"What?" he asked, feeling very surprised.
"Hurry up before I change my mind," she commanded.
"You're not serious."
"I'm dead serious. I want you right now, Luke Wright. Come on."
He let go of her neck, feeling an array of things when she pushed herself up and elbowed him in the ribs before twisting and shoving him off. He fell onto his back onto the floor. She got to her feet, hands on her hips and smirking at him.
"You're right," she said. "I could get out of it."
It took him a second to realize what she'd done, and then he started to laugh. He rested the back of his head against the floor and laughed. After a moment, he heard her start to laugh too. Of course she would distract him with that to make him let go out of surprise. He really should have seen that coming.
"Are you finished?" she asked, calming down now.
"I guess so," he answered, having a few more chuckles before he got to his feet.
"Don't ever accuse me of sitting on the sidelines again," she warned, walking away from him. He watched her go, smiling at her when she looked over her shoulder at him a moment later. She didn't smile back before looking away, but he knew she was smiling now when he couldn't see her.
After all, she'd kicked his ass.
Reset 95
Luke was watching the J-Squad getting rowdy at the table across from him. He'd taken the day off, knowing that soon he would have to reset. He was growing weary of training every single day. He knew enough to go into battle. It was just a waiting game for this vision to happen now, the one that would tell him where to find the Omega.
Kimmel was beating on his chest and howling like a wolf for whatever reason. Nance was rolling her eyes and playing with a small knife, looking like she might stab him. Ford, Griff, and Skinner were taking turns doing some sort of strange hand smacking game where the loser ended up getting slapped in the face. Luke didn't want to know.
A sudden hush hit the room, and Luke turned his head to see Rita walking in with two of her soldiers from her elite group behind her. The third one was missing; Luke wasn't sure where he was. The three of them walked with an air of superiority, and it made Luke smile. She didn't see him, so he watched her go and sit down at the far end of the mess hall. She was soon leaning forward on the table and engaging in a conversation with them.
"Whatever you're thinking," Kuntz said to his left. "Think again."
"What am I thinking?" Luke asked, looking at him. He doubted Kuntz would know that he was thinking it was time to get Rita to release some of that stress. It had been almost 50 resets since she'd let it out. He figured it was time.
"Don't try talking to her. She'll kill ya."
"She could try," Luke snorted, getting up.
"I'm serious, Luke. She doesn't mingle with anyone outside of her team."
Luke tapped the table with his fingers and sauntered over to Rita. He had avoided her today, choosing instead to watch her from a distance. She put up a pretty good, solid wall of toughness to the world, but he could see through it. He always could. Her wall was about to crack, and he knew how much she'd hate for that to happen at the wrong time.
The two soldiers looked at him first before Rita saw him. Their jaws were clenched, and one tightened his hand on the table into a fist.
"What the bloody hell do you want?" Rita snapped, seeing him.
"Nice to see you too, Rita," he replied.
"That's Sergeant Vrataski to you, Private," one soldier barked at him.
"She'll always be Rita to me," Luke corrected, barely giving him a glance. He was focused on Rita. It wouldn't take much.
"What do you want?" she asked again, her voice tight and aggravated.
"I just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow," he answered. "On the beach."
"You need to step off, Private," the second soldier piped up now. "Before we make you step off."
"I'd love to see you try," Luke scoffed. That soldier stood up fast, but Rita put a hand on his arm to tug him back down.
"Leave it, Kamden," she ordered.
"I can take him..."
"I said leave it!" she barked. He sank back down into his seat, glaring at Luke.
"See? She knows better than to go up against a highly trained assassin," Luke commented, smirking. He knocked on the table with his knuckles. "G'day lads. Rita."
He made it no farther than three steps when she attacked him from behind. Expecting it, he whirled around and managed to wrap herself up in her own arms, holding her tight against him. She tried to stomp his feet, but he avoided it easily enough. Her two friends were on their feet now, coming toward them.
"You really gotta be careful with those emotions," Luke said in her ear. "Don't you remember? Only show your emotions to people you can trust who won't take advantage of them and don't let your emotions take over your actions. That was one of the lessons."
"Sod off," she growled, still trying to get free. Everyone was staring now, and he knew that was pissing her off.
"You think you've got everyone fooled? I can see right through you, Rita. You are terrified inside, just like you were when you asked me to help make you who you are today: the tough person who can look after herself, the one not afraid of a fight."
She strained hard to get free, but he still held her fast.
"You don't get any credit for that," she snapped.
"I kind of do," he disagreed.
"You want us to help, Sarge?" the one soldier asked. Luke knew his name was Harvey. The other one, Kamden, looked ready to step in.
"No," she replied sharply. She was breathing a bit hard now, still trying to kick him to get loose.
"It gets lonely being the lone wolf," he continued, still talking in her ear. "You sit with your team, but I know you're really alone."
"Stop it," she ordered. "Stop talking to me."
"Why are you here, Rita?" he asked. "Didn't you leave this kind of world behind you when you walked out of my life?"
"That's enough," Farell said, approaching. "Release her now, Private."
"She attacked me," Luke reasoned. "I'm merely ensuring she calms down before attacking me again."
"Now!" Farell shouted.
"You can try running from pain all you want, but it will always be there until you deal with it," he murmured into her ear, and she stilled suddenly. "I never wanted you to become like me. I wish I had never done what you asked. I wish I had never trained you." He let her go, and she spun to face him. He started to walk away, and Farell charged after him. He took the verbal abuse and the warnings and the push ups. He didn't care.
He needed her to know that he regretted helping make her who she was today. If he hadn't, she'd be nowhere near this place because she wouldn't know how to fight and hold her own. If anything happened to her (or anyone he cared about for that matter), he would blame himself forever.
...
Rita was perturbed. She was thrown off her game. Having Luke approach her and make her look like a fool in front of everyone had angered her beyond belief. She had stormed out of there, ignoring all the stares and Kamden and Harvey's attempts to make her feel better, and found Farell berating Luke not far away. It had started to rain moments earlier.
"He's mine," she said, approaching. Farell nodded and backed off. Rita grabbed Luke's elbow in a vice grip and hauled him with her. He said nothing as she led them to a quieter place. When they stopped walking, she released him and then slapped him hard across the face. He took it without a sound, moving his head back to look at her again moments after. She was breathing hard and feeling dizzy. She went to slap him again when he caught her wrist. She moved to knee him instead, but he blocked it. She tried to hit him with her other hand, but he grabbed it too and shoved her back into the wall, her hands pinned on either side of her head.
"I hate you," she said, her voice shaking.
"Don't say things you don't mean," he said back.
"I mean it," she insisted.
"Why did you come see me 11 years ago, Rita?" he asked, taking her off guard. She didn't want to have this conversation. It would open things up that she'd spent so long stuffing down. How had he even known? She had been so sure she'd crept in and out of his life so fluidly that he hadn't noticed, that no one would have noticed should anyone have been paying attention to her. That moment he'd looked at her through the crowd, she'd figured he hadn't actually seen her since he'd been preoccupied. She'd guessed wrong.
"I didn't," she said strongly.
"I saw you. You were gone before I could talk to you."
"I wasn't there."
"I'm not an idiot," he said firmly. "I know it was you. Stop lying to me. Why did you come see me?"
"I don't have to talk to you," she started.
"Damn it, Rita!" he shouted, giving her a shake. "I just want the truth, all right? I've spent 17 years trying to figure out why you walked away from me. Then you come see me 11 years ago without actually seeing me. Why?!"
"It's not important."
"It is to me."
"It was nothing."
"Just tell me!" he burst out.
"I came back for you!" she cried. "Okay? Happy now?"
"Because you still loved me?" He was looking at her intently, and even though she wanted to lie, she couldn't. What was the point? She was pretty sure it was written all over her face anyway, and Luke had always been able to read her like a damn book. There was also the fact he was resetting, so he probably already knew but wanted her to say it regardless.
"Yes," she answered, feeling defeated. "Yes." Despite everything, she'd still loved him. Even now, she still loved him. The part of her that didn't believe what she'd heard resurfaced a lot despite the other part of her that knew it was true and had proof that it was true.
"And you found Annie," he said. She looked away, not wanting to look in his eyes anymore. It had been so painful to see the other woman there supporting him. She'd been so sure he would have been like her, staying alone because he couldn't be with the one he really loved. She'd never felt so foolish and naive.
He let go of one of her wrists and cupped her face, making her look at him again.
"I really wish you had talked to me that night, Rita," he said.
"It wouldn't have changed anything."
"It would have changed everything," he corrected. "You have no idea how much."
"I guess we'll never know," she said. He looked at her intently, and she couldn't stop herself from imagining what would have changed if she had talked to him that night.
"Do you still love me?" he asked.
"No," she lied.
"I know that's not true," he said, smoothing his thumb across her cheek. "Just be honest, Rita. Please."
"I don't want to do this," she said, feeling emotion in her throat starting.
"Do what? Be honest? What is so wrong with that? It's me you're talking to."
"I can't get hurt again," she said, shaking her head. "I just can't."
"You know I'd never hurt you..."
"But you did!" she cried, grabbing his hand with hers and removing it.
"How?" he challenged. "What did I do? Please tell me because God knows I've spent a long time trying to figure it out."
"If you don't know, then I can't help you," she said, tugging to get free of his hold on her other wrist. She moved to leave when he grabbed her waist and pushed her back into the wall. "Luke!"
"If you wanna hurt me, then hurt me," he said. "I won't stop you."
She took a second before punching him in the shoulder. He took it without fighting back, so she punched him again. She shoved him back, crying now. She kept hitting him until he was backed up against the opposite wall. Eventually, she couldn't see through her tears, and she stopped. She backed away from him, trying to breathe. All sorts of images and memories were going through her mind now. Everything she'd worked hard to forget was right on the surface. She gasped and wrapped one arm around herself tight while pressing her other hand into her mouth. It all came flooding out...everything that had ever happened to her, all the loss, all of her thoughts and feelings about this war and why she'd come here, her 300 days of resetting, Hendricks...she'd suppressed and suppressed until she couldn't anymore.
And she knew that Luke knew it, which was exactly why he'd done what he did. He wanted her to let it all out, knowing that if she suppressed for much longer, she'd make a mistake or fall apart in front of the wrong person. He'd intentionally provoked her to get this exact reaction. He'd done it to help her. He'd done it because he cared about her and wanted to give her a safe space to unleash it all.
She sank down on an empty crate and dropped her head in her hands. Her sobs were now just regular tears. She felt embarrassed but not as embarrassed as she knew she would feel if it wasn't just Luke watching her right now.
"Feel better?" he asked when she calmed down further.
"How did you know?" she countered, turning her head to look at him.
"I just know you," he answered with a shrug. "The signs were all there. You were very close to a break down."
"I would have been fine," she insisted, putting the wall back up slowly. Maybe he could get her to be vulnerable with him, but she wasn't going to stay that way. She dried her face off, feeling her skin tight from the tears.
"Sure," he said with a slight scoff. She got to her feet again, resting her hands on her hips and facing him.
"Stay away from me," she ordered. She watched him pull out a pistol he'd hidden on himself. She stared at him, feeling confused. Was he going to shoot her?
"Might as well reset then," he answered.
"Wait, what?!" she exclaimed, but he already pulled the trigger.
Reset 96
It was playing like a movie in his mind. It showed a dam, and inside the dam near the bottom was a creature unlike one he'd ever seen before...
Luke jerked awake and sat up. Ignoring the others, he leaped out of bed, got dressed, and went to find her. He walked into the arena where she was training Mei.
"Oh, shit!" Mei exclaimed upon seeing him. He ignored her too and walked right up to Rita.
"What the bloody hell do you want?" she demanded, taking a step back out of reflex.
"The Omega," he said. "I saw it. I know where it is."
Her mouth dropped open, and Mei looked back and forth between them with a confused expression.
"How many resets?" Rita asked.
"96."
"Okay," she said, nodding and growing excited. "Okay. We can do this."
"Yes," he agreed, finally smiling. "We can."