Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:

Don't Let Me Go by Fireflight

Before I Fall by Adam Taylor

Pink Time by Tom Cochrane

I Believe by Christina Perri

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays everyone! Sending you all virtual hugs :)

2020

Heathrow Airport Base/The Beach

Reset 101

"Tell me again why we can't just get a transport and fly there before all this bullshit?" Luke asked Rita as they panted and ran along the beach, taking down Mimics and dodging rockets.

"The entire army would be waiting for us," Rita retorted. "Otherwise, the majority of them are here occupied with this battle."

"If you say so."

Rita exclaimed as a rocket burst on the ground next to her. It blew her off her feet, and Luke twisted to see her fall.

"Go!" she yelled at him, clearly in pain. He couldn't help himself. He went back. She was growling in pain as he landed on his knees next to her and grabbed her shoulders to pull her back up.

"It's just a scratch," he told her.

"What part of 'go' didn't you understand?" she asked, frustrated. She smacked his hands away. "I'm done. Get moving. Find a way off this beach!"

"Not without you," he answered.

"Damn it, Luke!" she snapped. "I'm expendable, okay? Collateral damage."

"Not to me," he replied. She couldn't reply for coughing up blood, and she didn't fight him again when he pulled her close. He could feel her fear as she slowly died in his arms. He smoothed a hand over her face, running his thumb along her cheek.

"You're...wasting...time," she managed to say.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said, resting his forehead against hers. "It's gonna be okay." She gave a gasp with a choking sound. He felt her grab his other hand with hers and squeeze hard. He squeezed back.

Then she was gone.

He died ten minutes later.

Reset 106

Luke had tried a few times to get to the dam the night before the battle on the beach with Rita telling him every time the whole way that it wouldn't work while crossing her arms and huffing when he refused to listen. He told her she didn't have to come with him, to which she responded with: "Well, someone has to save your arse."

They couldn't even get near the dam without getting met by a wall of Mimics and were killed almost instantly. Every time.

Sometimes he hated it when Rita was right.

Reset 113

Rita was muttering to herself the steps and moves she was to do out on the field. Luke watched her carefully.

"You could be helping," she said, sounding annoyed.

"You look like you've got it under control," he replied, making her huff in annoyance. He chuckled.

"You're the one with the memory of it," she said, gesturing to the map on the table. "Get over here and help me."

"All right," he said. "Don't blow a gasket." He grunted at her punch to his shoulder when he got closer. He'd known it was coming. He smirked as she waved her hand a little in pain after. Did she really think he had stopped working out regularly since she'd left him?

"Show me," she commanded, and he turned his head to look at her, a smile on his face.

"With pleasure."

...

They ran side by side. Luke always hated when they reached a new spot he hadn't done before. It always ended in her getting killed. Seeing her lifeless eyes every day was slowly killing him inside, even more so than when he'd had to live without her all those years.

"Come on!" Rita shouted as a Mimic burst in front of her. He didn't have to help her. She handled herself very well. He slaughtered the Mimic that came after him easily enough. Rita turned to look at him once she was finished with hers, and she couldn't help but give him a genuine smile.

Then she was killed.

He roared as he took down the Mimic that had killed her. His anger was getting deeper and deeper the more this went on. He didn't know how much longer he had before he turned into a rage machine.

He looked down at her once he was finished. Her unseeing eyes bored into his soul. He forced himself to turn away and move forward, to not kneel down next to her and shield her body with his and wait to die. He'd die soon enough.

And he did.

Reset 117

Rita was feeling frustrated as she practised the moves over and over in her mind. Luke seemed sullen and withdrawn, and she knew why. He didn't have to say it out loud. Her dying every day was starting to get to him. It made her think about Travis Hendricks.

You'll bring me back, Rita.

She gave herself a shake and took a breath. It hurt a lot to accept that she'd failed him. She looked at Luke now, knowing she had to stay focused.

"Earth to Luke," she said, snapping her fingers and making him look at her finally.

"What?"

"We need help," she answered.

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we do. We can get Mei."

"No," Luke said sharply. Rita pressed her lips together. She knew he'd react that way, but she was being logical. If they had another person, they could get better results. She wasn't going to ask her team. She had tried a few times when she had the power, but they'd called her mental and didn't believe her. Travis was the only one who believed her. Every time.

"She is more than capable..."

"I said no," he snapped, pushing off the table and walking out. Rita sighed. She let him walk it off. Despite her suggesting it, she knew it wasn't the best idea, but it was the only one they had. Mei was the only other soldier-in-training here that knew about resetting the day and believed in it.

When he didn't come back, she went to find him. She pulled her hood up to ward off the rain as she walked. She didn't even know where to begin to look to find him. In the end, she found him sitting alone in the mess hall. Since it was so late, no one else was there. She walked up to him and sat across from him at the table, not saying a word. He didn't look at her at first, his eyes focusing on his folded hands in front of him instead. She waited him out, and eventually, he spoke.

"I made a promise to her eight years ago that I'd keep her safe," he said quietly. "Putting her in the line of fire goes against that. I'm already breaking my promise to you, as you well know."

"I understand, but you have to realize that if we lose, we're all dead," Rita told him.

"I can't," he said, finally looking at her. "I can't watch her die every day too."

They looked at each other in silence. Rita finally nodded. She understood. She wouldn't be able to do it either, if she was honest.

"What's left of me will snap and break," he said quietly, "and I don't know what will take place if that happens."

"I get it," she replied, her voice low. He wasn't asking about Travis, so maybe she hadn't told him. She wondered if she eventually would.

"I miss you," he said, something in his tone making her meet his eyes again.

"I'm right here," she answered.

"You know what I mean."

"I do, and I'm telling you: I'm right here." She gave him a level stare, and he worked his jaw slightly. She knew she was crazy, but in this moment, she missed him too. Truthfully, she always had. She stood up and looked over her shoulder at him before walking out. She was back out in the rain before he caught up with her, catching her shoulders and spinning her around to face him. She grabbed his arms to steady herself as his mouth claimed hers. Love was pouring out of him in that kiss, and she felt it pour out of her too. He grasped the back of her neck, kissing her deeper. She didn't know how long they stood in the rain making out until she led him to a private spot.

They were both soaking wet as they fell down together. Rita knew that doing this was only going to make it harder on him, but in that moment, she had a hard time caring because she needed him just as much as he needed her. The way he was clinging to her and kissing her and the words he was saying to her showed that he still loved her, and that wasn't going to change whether or not she kept her distance or if she indulged in this. She knew him well after all.

...

In the morning, Luke got ready for the transport to the beach, and he stood alongside J-Squad as they headed out. He was used to it all now, dropping before the explosion even happened and landing on the beach before anyone else.

He found Rita easily enough, and she looked at him differently. She always did after they were intimate. It didn't happen very often, but when it did, he treasured it.

"Come on then," she said gruffly, and he smiled. Walls Up Rita, just like usual.

It didn't make it any easier when she died less than twenty minutes later.

Reset 125

Luke convinced her to stop memorizing her moves and eat something with him. He took them to a pub outside of the base. He knew it was wrong to sneak out, but he just wanted some regular food for once. Rita had been reluctant at first, but then she'd caved. He always had been able to convince her to break the rules a little bit.

"Did Annie ever wonder who 'R' was?" she asked, sliding her fingers onto his right wrist and resting them on the tattoo of the letter that was there.

"She knew all about you," Luke answered. He let her touch it, savoring how it felt.

"How come you never did the full name anyway? Did it hurt too much?" she asked, teasing. He smiled briefly.

"I did it that way to keep you safe," he answered.

"Right."

He watched her trace it with her finger gently. It was starting to drive him a bit mad, if he was honest.

"No 'Annie' tattoo?" she asked jokingly. "Sorry, I should say 'A' tattoo."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"I guess not."

They sat quietly for a bit after Rita pulled her hand back. They ate quietly when food came. Luke knew she had a thousand questions for him. He was surprised she hadn't asked any of them yet.

"How did she die?" Rita asked after a while, taking him by surprise. Of all the questions, he hadn't expected that one.

"The head of the Russian mob, Emile, was pissed that I won a fight," Luke answered. He recalled it all very vividly.

"That you won a fight? I'm confused," Rita said. "Don't people bet for someone to win?"

"Not me," Luke explained. "He wanted the kid to win. I was to go down in the second, but one punch from me almost killed that kid. It cost Emile a lot of money, so he went after me."

"That's awful," Rita whispered.

"They waited until I got home before slitting her throat in front of me," Luke said quietly. The fear in Annie's eyes...he'd never forget it.

Rita reached to put her hand over his, and he looked at her. She looked genuinely sorry.

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"They told me if I talked to anyone or stayed in one place for long, they'd start killing people. I walked around New York homeless for about a year. Then I met Mei."

"I see."

Luke knew Rita was hearing this story for the first time in her mind. He'd told her about Mei most of the time, this time included. This was the first time telling her about Annie's death, though.

"It burned me up to see the same mob going after her," Luke said, running a thumb over Rita's as she left her hand on his. "I had to take care of it. I had to keep her safe. She saved my life, so I owed her that favor back."

"How did she save you?"

This was new too. She normally didn't ask so many questions. Luke wondered why today she was changing things up. He didn't mind, though. He wanted to tell her everything. The only lousy part was she was going to forget it all again.

"I was gonna jump," he said softly, "in the subway." Her hand tightened on his. "I figured there was no sense in carrying on, that I was better off dead."

"Luke," she said, her voice indicating pain and fear and relief. He watched her look at him, and remembered vividly the sound of the subway train coming, his feet close to the edge.

"I saw her, and I was pulled back," he finished. "She was everything to me in that moment. She's got quite the attitude at times, though, just like you, actually."

"She's a very strong young woman," Rita commented, nodding slowly with a small smile.

"She always has been. It's got nothing to do with me," he replied.

"Well, she was lucky to have you in her corner." Rita rested her chin in her other hand and looked at him. He wondered what she was thinking. He thought about the moment he'd fallen in love with her, how the certain way she'd looked at him had made him feel so overwhelmed with feelings inside. She still made him feel that way to this day.

"Do you ever think about my father?" she asked quietly. He tapped his fingers on the table and twisted his lips a little.

"Yea," he answered.

"I still hate that I didn't get to say goodbye to him," she said, looking down now. Luke felt really bad about that, but circumstances hadn't allowed for it. If he could change it, he would. Another regret to the already large pile.

"I'm sorry," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"It wasn't your fault," Rita sighed. "You just did what he told you to do." She pushed herself back in her seat and looked at him again. Luke watched her study him. He suddenly wished they weren't in the middle of a damn war.

"We should get back," he said after a moment. She nodded. They said nothing else as they stepped out into the rain and headed back to base.

Reset 130

"Luke," Rita whispered through the rain. He looked at her and knew what was coming next. When her lips crashed into his, he didn't hesitate to kiss her back. She rested her hands on either side of his face, opening her mouth so he could kiss her deeper. They stood molded together in the pouring rain for an unknown amount of time making out like this. Sometimes, Luke just enjoyed kissing her without the rest of it following afterwards. When she pulled away, he waited for the words she sometimes said after.

"I don't know why I did that," she said, pushing her hair back with her hand and looking at him.

"I think it's pretty obvious," he commented.

"What is?"

"You still love me."

"You're right. I really did try to stop," she told him, lowering her hand and tilting her head to the right. "I tried for so long, and then I just accepted that I'd love you forever because we have a bond like none other, and I didn't want to lose it just because we weren't together anymore."

"Are you ever going to tell me why you left me?" he asked. It was something she never told him no matter how many times they got close to it.

"You know what you said," she said, starting to back away from him now.

"I really don't," he called after her. She didn't respond and walked towards her barrack. He sighed. It was going to take a million resets to get her to tell him the truth about what happened.

Challenge accepted.

Reset 138

Luke had Pissed Off Rita in this reset. It always marveled him what mood she was in each reset depending on what he said or did. It made him wonder at times if she did indeed remember them all too and was just playing dumb with him.

"You're not being specific," she said now, her tone irritated.

"How much more specific can I get?" he asked, exasperated. "Turn right, Mimic pops up to your left, step forward."

"How far forward?"

"A step."

"Like this," Rita said, demonstrating with a small step, "or this." She took a wider step.

"In between," Luke offered. She rolled her eyes.

"That's not specific," she retorted. "Your vagueness is going to get me killed."

"It's the Mimics that get you killed," he shot back. She crossed her arms and gave him a look.

"If we had help," she started.

"No, no, no, no," he cut her off, holding up a hand. "We are not having this argument again."

"She would really help us out!"

"For the thousandth time: NOOOO," he said loudly, drawing it out. She huffed and shook her head, moving to look back at the map.

"Have we even made it off the beach yet?" she asked.

"No," he muttered.

"Are you serious?"

"This is hard, Rita," he snapped. "Okay? I'm trying to remember it all and relay it to you properly and you just keep..." He stopped short, knowing better than to say the last part out loud.

"I keep what?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"You're not letting your feelings for me impact what we're doing here are you?" she challenged.

"No."

"Because when the time comes..." she started.

"...I'm to let you go," he finished for her. "I know." She ground her jaw as she looked at him. He was pretty sure she guessed what he was going to say anyway. It was along the lines of "you just keep dying on me no matter what I do."

"Sometimes we don't get a goodbye," she said matter-of-factly.

"No, we don't," he agreed. "You made that abundantly clear once before. 17 years ago to be specific."

"I knew you'd survive it," she shot back, "just like you survived everything else."

"Alright," he said, leaning his hands on the table and looking at her full on now. "Just say it, Rita. Tell me what I said that made you leave."

"You already know," she replied on cue. He growled and tipped his head back. She was incredibly stubborn with keeping this information to herself.

"If I knew, why would I be asking you?" he challenged.

"I don't know," she retorted. "To make me look like an idiot? To make me feel bad about it? How should I know?"

He knew he had to drop it before she stormed off and didn't come back. That had happened before. She'd also shot him to reset him once before too in order to avoid answering the question.

"It's late," he said. "I'm hungry."

"We're not done here..."

"Then stay and figure it out. I'm going to eat." He walked away from her, heading out into the darkness. Moments later, she chased after him.

He smiled.

Reset 141

"No, no," Luke said, putting his hands on her hips. "You twist left then duck."

"Alright!" she snapped, smacking his hands away. "I get it."

They were going over the route on the beach again. Luke was doing his best to remember everything, but it was proving difficult. Seeing her die every single time was destroying him inside.

"Mimic here," she was murmuring now, going over it. "Rocket blast there." Luke watched her carefully, taking in her features, her look of deep concentration.

"I'm starving," he said, making her look at him.

"What?"

"It's nine. I missed dinner. I'm going to pass out," he said.

"We can't take a break..."

"I won't be able to do anything if I don't eat," he cut her off. He pushed himself up from the table. "Either you come with me or not."

He started to walk away, but she followed him soon after. They walked without talking until they approached a bike covered with a tarp.

"What are you doing?" she asked, raising a brow as he yanked off the tarp and swung a leg over the seat and started it.

"Going to get some proper grub."

"We can't..."

"Either you're in or you're out," he said, waiting. She hesitated before looking around. Then she got on the back, wrapping her arms around his waist.

...

Rita wasn't sure what the hell she was doing. They were sitting in a booth at the back of a pub and sharing a decent meal. Few people were there, but the ones that were had the bartender busy and were shouting and laughing from drunkenness.

"We should get Mei to help," she said, the idea hitting her fast.

"Nope," he answered.

"Why not?"

"I told you why not."

She huffed. "Clearly I don't remember. Tell me again."

"I'm not watching her die every single day too," he said firmly. Rita met his eyes, and she saw the pain there. She knew it was hard for him to watch her die every day, so how could she think watching Mei die too would be a good idea?

Oh, right. They were trying to win a war.

"That's the..."

"...cost of war," he cut her off. "I know."

"You really shouldn't..."

"...be attached to anyone." He was looking at her, and she felt annoyed.

"Stop..."

"...finishing your sentences. I'm sorry," he said, leaning back in his seat.

"You are so..."

"...infuriating," he finished again. "I know." Rita shot him a look while grinding her jaw.

"Have we...?"

"...been here before? Yes," he answered.

"Luke, I swear to God..."

"...you'll stick that melee up my arse so far you'll be able to use me as a puppet," he concluded. "You have a weird obsession with that fantasy, just so you know."

"Luke!"

"I'll stop," he promised, smirking a little. She growled and shook her head, keeping quiet for a moment. Then her face changed.

"Have we...?" she trailed off, suddenly unable to vocalize it.

"Not for a long time," he answered.

"So we have?"

"A lot of resets ago."

Rita pressed her lips together and felt a slight flush inside. She felt annoyed with her past self at thinking that sleeping with Luke was a good idea. What had she been thinking? She hated that she'd never know.

"I never took advantage of you," he said to her now. "I always let you lead. I mean, I'd kiss you first sometimes, but you always started the rest."

"We should get back," she said abruptly, getting to her feet. He sucked his teeth and nodded slowly. She walked out, not caring if he was behind her or not. It was raining outside now, and she felt disgruntled by it. By the time she got to the bike, she was soaked. She gave a yelp when hands grabbed her hips and twisted her around. Her right hand automatically snapped out in a punch, but he blocked it easily. She finally registered that it was Luke.

She didn't get to say anything before his mouth was on hers. She'd forgotten how soft his kiss was. When her brain caught up to what was happening, she put her hands on his chest and pushed him back. Rain was dripping into her eyes and making it hard to see.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Taking the lead for once," he replied simply. She looked at him, noticing the intense way he was looking back at her, and she knew that he still loved her.

She let him kiss her again.

...

Rita marched towards the transport with her team and tried not to think about the night before. Kissing Luke in the rain was not a part of the plan. What that had escalated to after, it definitely wasn't part of the plan. She needed to do better with keeping her feelings in check. What had she been thinking? Sure, he'd made her laugh and his subtle touch drove her mad with desire, but she had a hard time believing that he'd just forgive her for leaving so easily. It had to be a trick.

"Ready, Sarge?" Harvey asked.

"Yea," she answered absently. Before long, their transport was attacked, and they went careening down to the beach below. She braced for impact, pushing back the flood of memories she was having suddenly. When she was on the ground, she got out and started looking for Luke. He wasn't long showing up by her elbow.

"Dream about me?" he asked, smirking. The cheek. She gave him a shove, and he laughed and ran ahead. She ran behind, trying not to smile.

A little ways ahead, he threw himself on top of her to get her out of the way of a blast. It didn't take a genius to figure out he'd been hit. He was heavy on her, and she couldn't get him off.

"Shit," he said. "Sorry."

"You gotta stop trying to save me," she ordered.

"I keep my promises," he said simply, and she just pressed her lips together. She didn't have anything else to say. Watching him die slowly was hurting, though. She couldn't reach for her gun to put him out of his misery. Her arm was pinned under him. He couldn't move, having been hit in the spine and made paralyzed.

"You were my best friend," she said, unable to help herself. "You know that, right?"

"Were?" he asked, sounding a little bit hurt. If he was being a smartass, she couldn't tell.

"I trusted you with everything," she went on.

"And yet you won't tell me why you left," he sighed. He coughed now, growing weaker. Rita didn't say anything. How could she? This wasn't the time to delve into the past. There was no point now.

"If only your dad could see us now, eh?" he asked after a moment. She heard the sounds of gunfire and blasts going off around them. She hated not being able to do anything but lay there and wait for him to die and reset the day.

"Luke?"

"Yea?"

"Hurry up, will you?"

"I'm sorry," he said sarcastically. "I can't control the speed of which I die." Rita tried again to get him off, but it was futile. She growled in frustration.

"Sarge!"

She turned her head to see Pete running towards her.

"Your boyfriend?" Luke asked.

"Shut up," she retorted. Pete pushed Luke off of her and helped her to her feet.

"What're you looking at, Private?" Pete asked him.

"An ugly sum bitch," Luke replied, being a smart ass.

"Excuse me?!"

"See you soon, Luke," Rita said, pulling out her pistol. Luke closed his eyes.

Reset 153

Luke watched Mei talk animatedly with him. They were in the mess hall, and he had taken the day off from everything. He just wanted to spend time with his second favorite person. It had taken him a bit to convince Mei he wasn't furious with her. He'd gotten over that a while ago, but she didn't know that.

"I really like Rita," Mei said, lowering her voice.

"She doesn't like people getting attached to her," Luke said absently.

"Is she the letter 'R' that's tattooed on your wrist?" Mei asked, lifting a brow.

"What would make you think that?"

"Her face went funny when I said you were my best friend."

"Very astute observation."

"So she's the one you came over here looking for."

There was no point in lying. Mei was too smart for that.

"Yes."

"Were you in love?"

Luke chuckled. She was persistent, he'd give her that.

"Very much so," he answered, deciding to be honest. Rita walked in then with her two soldier buddies behind her. She didn't look their way.

"She looks haunted," Mei noted before looking back at him. "But then again, so do you."

"Just a bunch of ghosts," he murmured.

"Do you think we're gonna win this war?" Mei asked, sounding a bit afraid. Luke turned his gaze back on her and felt bad that she was afraid at all.

"I'll die trying," he promised.

"What if we don't? What's gonna happen?"

"Don't go there, Mei," Luke stopped her. "Not yet, okay?"

"I'll try."

He was glad she was an engineer and didn't see battle tomorrow. He hoped she never would.

Reset 158

"LUKE!" Rita screamed, and he twisted at the last second to dodge the Mimic bursting out from the ground. She killed it while he pushed himself up from the ground after falling.

"Thanks," he said as he dusted himself off.

"Are we any closer to getting off this beach?" she asked.

"Getting there," he promised. "Very close."

"If I didn't know any better," she said, "I'd think you're dragging this out so you get to spend a lot of time with me."

"Like you're such a joy to be around when you're pissed off and murdering me every single day," he retorted.

"You've never tried anything?" she challenged.

"I've never had to," he answered. "You're always the one coming on to me." A little white lie, but he did it just to aggravate her. He'd tell her the truth eventually.

"What?!"

He was laughing as he started battling another Mimic. He looked over at Rita to hear her smart comeback, but his smile faded and his heart dropped.

She was already dead.

Reset 159

Rita gave a gasp as he pushed her against the wall. They were soaked from the rain, and his hands were on her skin, sliding up and down and side to side. He kissed her hard. He just needed to feel her. He needed to have her heart beating against his. Even after bickering all night with her while training, he still wanted her.

"What's happened? Why are you doing this?" she asked when he broke for air and pressed his fingers against her face. She hadn't told him no when he'd found her walking back to her barrack and started kissing her. She wasn't telling him to stop now either. He knew why. He ran his fingers along the chain on her neck.

"I just need you," he answered. He searched her eyes desperately, hoping for the same response from her. Her face relaxed slowly.

"Okay," she said. He didn't let her say anything else before kissing her again. He just needed to feel life. He was so tired of seeing nothing but death.

He didn't know how much longer he could do this.