I just want to thank everyone again for your continued support and reviews. I love, love, love reading them! I'm so happy people are enjoying this story so much. I love writing it :) This chapter is my second favorite chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy!
Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:
That Way by Shakira
Better Half of Me by Tom Walker
From Past to Present by Jeremy Soule
Dusk Til Dawn by Zayn ft. Sia
Summer's Eve on a Mountain Lake by Dan Gibson
Secrets that We Keep by Sara Evans
Love Me Like You Do by Elle Goulding
The One by Gary Allan
Black by Dierks Bentley
1999
Montana, U.S.
Three weeks after her father's death, Rita started to be able to function a little more without feeling like she was suffocating. She was living with Lucy because she didn't know where else to go but knew she didn't want to stay at her home anymore. Luke came and went, going on jobs, and she'd felt so hollow without him. He was the only one who could help her with her grief; she'd learned this. She spent the time he was gone feeling empty and low despite Lucy and Kenny's efforts. She hovered on the edge of the darkness that had almost swallowed her whole when Keira died. She spent a lot of time sitting by her parents' graves talking to them. She felt guilty for not being able to save her father and angry at the man who'd killed him. Luke would let her talk it out whenever she needed to and would do his best to reassure her it wasn't her fault.
He was just back from a job now, and she heard him talking with Lucy as she bent to pull out a change of clothes for him from his bag that he kept in his room. She really hated living out of a bag, but she wasn't ready to unpack either. She also steered clear from Keira's room, trying to avoid feeling that pain as much as possible right now.
Lucy and Kenny knew what Luke did for a job since it all came out after Lance's death. Lucy never said a word about it, though. She just hugged him a bit tighter whenever he came back home in one piece. It didn't seem to bother Kenny.
A clatter of something hitting the floor made her turn to see a small box next to the duffel bag. She frowned, looking at it. What was this? She bent to pick it up when she heard Luke come up the stairs looking for her.
"Hey, you," he said, knocking on the door lightly to announce himself and not scare her. She stared at the ring in the box a second longer before turning to face him. His eyes immediately went from her face to the ring and back again.
"Luke?" she asked.
"You weren't supposed to find that," he said, looking a bit sheepish.
"Is this...? Are you...?" she tried, but she couldn't seem to form the words. He came over to her and took it from her gently.
"This is not how I envisioned it," he admitted. "But then again, I did not envision any of this a few years ago."
"Luke..."
"I always assumed I'd be alone," he went on, plowing ahead, "with what I do and all. I never thought I'd have a normal life. My mother and step-father led me to believe I wouldn't anyway."
"They were assassins too?" Rita asked, suddenly realizing. So that was how his mother had known her father. It had nothing to do with the military.
"Yes. I've been trained for this since I was about four years old."
"Oh, Luke," she said sadly. Her mind couldn't wrap around the idea that adults could do that to a child.
"Then I met you," he went on softly, "and while I kept training for a career that I was molded for from the beginning, you made me realize there was more to life than the job. You showed me that I do care about wildlife rodents and that a clear, starry night does take your breath away. You helped me see that I can care about someone without fearing they'd break my heart or get taken away from me. The good parts of me come from you, Rita. I love you, and I don't want to do this without you. I can't do this without you."
Rita felt her throat tighten at his words. She was feeling very touched in this moment.
"Like I said, it is not at all how I imagined doing this," he said. "And it couldn't happen at a worse time, but we just learned again that things can change very drastically in the span of an hour, and I can't wait for the right time because there is no right time. So, here we are." He sank to one knee. "I don't want to do life with anyone but you, Rita. If you'll have me, I want to marry you and prove that I can be everything you deserve and more."
Rita felt herself crying again. She hated crying, but it seemed she couldn't stop it from happening lately. Too much had happened.
"I hope with all of my heart that you'll say yes," he said, looking at her, "but I will also understand if you can't or don't want to, and I will walk out of your life if you don't want me in it. I respect and honor you too much to not give you what you want."
"Did he...did my dad...?" she trailed off.
"Yes," he answered, nodding. "He knew. I asked him for permission the night I came home, and he gave his blessing. Then he gave me your mother's ring to give to you."
Rita's throat was tight as she looked at her mother's ring. She'd never seen it before. She wondered if her father had always meant for her to have it this way, if he'd planned to wait for the boy worthy of giving it to her. She felt a bit of relief that her father knew and approved of this engagement. Despite her struggle at times knowing he'd lied to her for so long about who he was, if he recognized Luke was a good man, then that meant he was, not that she needed anyone else telling her what she already knew.
"I love you," she said.
"Is that a yes?"
She nodded, biting her lip as a smile started despite all the pain she was feeling from the last three weeks.
"It's definitely a yes," she clarified. She felt a rush when he slid the ring on, and she fell down onto her knees in front of him and kissed him hard. Then she burst into tears hardcore.
"I miss my dad," she sobbed.
"I know," he said, rocking her gently. "I know. Me too." Rita curled against him on his lap on the floor. She cried for her father and for the loss of her home. She cried that he wouldn't get to see her embark on this new journey, but she felt a bit of comfort knowing that her father knew it was coming before he died.
"Again," Luke commented after a while when she'd stopped. They were still on the floor and he was still holding her close against him. "This was definitely not the proposal I had planned."
"It doesn't matter to me," Rita said, taking his face in her hands, "because what matters is that it came from you. To me, that's the only thing that matters."
"I'm sorry the circumstances weren't happier."
"It's okay," she said, kissing his forehead. "In this moment, it gives me hope, and who doesn't want a little bit of that in order to make it through the pain? And you're right. I'd rather you have asked me now than before it was too late."
"I love you so much," he said, resting his hand on her cheek.
"Ditto," she said, making him scoff out a laugh. She laughed a little too. She remembered when he'd walked in on her watching Ghost and had teased her about it. Then he'd ended up staying and watching it with her.
Luke kissed her again, and Rita knew that she'd bounce back and forth between happiness and sadness. She knew her father wouldn't want her to cry for him forever, but she'd cry for him all the same. She knew she'd ache from the pain for a while, but in this moment, she felt hope mixed with the pain. She curled up in his arms, trying to breathe. Then, Copper appeared, and since they were both at perfect licking level for him, he got right up in there and washed their faces eagerly. Rita started to laugh as Luke spluttered after almost getting Copper's tongue in his mouth, and then she exclaimed and fended the dog off as he rounded on her and stuck his tongue in her ear almost.
"Co-pper!" she cried, still laughing. The dog wagged his tail and smiled at them before vocalizing and whining happily. Rita pressed her face against Luke's as they both still were chuckling, and she closed her eyes. She knew that everything was eventually going to be okay.
As long as she had Luke, she had hope.
...
Luke couldn't believe she'd said yes. A part of him had always worried that she would change her mind and decide to leave him. He knew she'd been struggling so hard with everything (and he was too). There were nights where she came into his room and crawled into bed with him just to have him hold her. He'd always be there for her, even if it almost killed him.
Lucy was torn between being excited and sad for Lance when she found out they were engaged. She hugged Rita so tightly that Luke had heard her back crack. Kenny was there too, and he shook Luke's hand and clapped him on the back.
"About time," he said.
"Oh, Luke," Lucy said, hugging him next and almost choking him. "It feels like yesterday you were all running around here being kids."
"Luke was practically an adult when he got here," Kenny reminded her.
"He was still a kid," Lucy insisted, sniffing a bit. "Oh, you've become such a good man. There's no one else I'd trust our Rita with." She patted his cheek and released him to occupy herself with cooking before she burst into tears. Rita was doing her best to not show how much she was looking at her ring, but he kept catching her do it. It was cute to watch her blush. He eventually went over to put his arms around her from behind and let her rest against him. Before he knew it, Lucy was taking their picture and claiming they'd want it years later regardless of the fuss they put up about it getting taken. Luke knew she was probably right.
"So, when are you thinking?" Lucy asked as they ate supper together. Copper was under the table as usual. He hadn't done well with everything either, and he stuck to Rita like glue most of the time. This was the happiest he'd seen his dog in a while.
"When it feels right," Rita answered, looking at Luke, who nodded in agreement.
"I hope that wherever you are in the world, you still let us come watch," Lucy said, her tone a playful warning.
"Of course," Rita promised. Luke could tell she was thinking about her father, which was why she looked a bit sad suddenly. He knew it was going to be a while before she felt okay. It didn't matter to him, though.
He was not planning on going anywhere.
2000
New Orleans, U.S.
It was a year and three months after her father died. Rita still ached with missing him at times, but she was beginning to move forward in life. It was nearing Christmas, and she knew exactly what she was going to get Luke for a gift. He wasn't home much, and when he was, he slept on the pull out couch. Rita knew he was honoring her wish of being married before sharing a bed with him (she didn't count the times she'd gone to him in the middle of the night just to be held by him in the past...that was for support for her grief and nothing else), and she'd needed time after losing her father before getting into the mindset of planning a wedding or just being happy in general. She wanted to not ache so bad from missing him before experiencing something so intimate and loving anyway. She didn't want it to be tainted with pain. She also wanted to honor her father's long ago request that she wait because he wished he had. In her mind, it was the least she could do since she fell in love with Luke against his wishes, as weird as that might seem to outsiders. She didn't care. She was finally feeling better, so it was time to start planning. Since it was just the two of them, she didn't care what their wedding entailed, but she was working on it hard core now.
She'd spent the first ten months living with Lucy while Luke went to work. Lucy and Kenny did their best to help her feel better, but it had been hard. She couldn't go inside her house. She just couldn't. There had been too much death there. Eventually, she and Luke decided to start somewhere new, and they'd shared an emotional goodbye with their neighbors and Copper before heading to New Orleans. Luke had to go away for two months for extra training as per his commander's wishes, so he wasn't there a lot. It was only in the last three months that he was there a bit more, but even still, he was gone for days and weeks at a time for work.
She'd met a new friend at the job she was working at the local bookstore, and Rachel was helping her get things together. It was all falling into place.
"You're home early," Luke commented when she came into the apartment. He slid an arm around her waist to catch her as she went to pass him and planted a kiss on her lips.
"Everyone's more lenient around the holidays," she said, patting his cheek when they stopped and stepping out of his hold to take off her coat and hang it up. She mentally checked where she'd stashed the marriage license, hoping he hadn't seen it.
"I see."
Rita knew Christmas had always been a hard day for her father. It was now a hard day for her, but she also wanted it to be happy. She could take bittersweet. It was the theme of her life.
"Speaking of holidays," Luke said, standing in the doorway of her bedroom as she pulled her sweater off and hunted for a more comfortable long sleeve shirt before finding one and putting it on. It was offset, revealing the strap of her tank top underneath.
"What about them?"
"I have to leave right after Christmas."
"You do?"
"Yea."
Her heart sank. It messed with her plans a little, but with his job, he could be called away at any time. She was lonely when he was gone, but this was what she'd signed up for. Rita herself had put off school for now and got a job in her familiar territory: with books.
"I know it sucks," he started.
"Yes, but I can deal with it," she finished for him. She smiled. "Just make sure you're here for the 22nd."
"Oh?" he said, intrigued. "What is happening on that day?"
"I'm not telling," she answered with a coy smile. He surveyed her carefully before chuckling.
"Alright," he agreed. "I'll go with it."
She pressed a hand against his chest as she walked past him to go to the kitchen. She couldn't wait.
...
Luke felt his anticipation grow the closer December 22nd came. He had an inkling about what was going to take place, but it didn't prepare him for what actually happened.
"Come on," Rita said after lunch on that day.
"Where are we going?"
"Just be patient," she answered. He wanted to ask more questions, but he kept quiet. This was obviously important to her, and he didn't want to ruin anything with his guesses. She drove them to a small building tucked back from the river and parked.
"Rita," Luke said, feeling very curious now and uncertain.
"Put this on," she instructed, handing him a blindfold.
"Are you going to murder me?" he asked, taking it from her.
"I'd have done it in your sleep," she replied, giving him a look. "Hurry up."
"Alright, alright." He covered his eyes, and she led him by the hand to the building. Rachel was trying not to laugh as she opened the door and let them in. Rita pulled Luke past everything and towards a small room at the back. Rachel's brother, Matt, was waiting.
"Okay," Rita said to Luke. "You count to ten after I leave, you change, and then you put the blindfold back on and let Matt take you to where you need to go next."
"Matt?" Luke asked.
"Hey," Matt said, making Luke flinch a little in surprise.
"No questions," Rita instructed firmly. "Okay?"
"You are killing me here, Rita," Luke said, laughing. "Fine. No questions."
"I'm leaving," Rita said, and as per her instructions, he counted to ten in his head and took off the blindfold. A lanky, blonde man was leaning against the table in the room with a grin on his face.
"This is really fun," he commented.
"How does Rita know you?" Luke asked.
"No questions, remember?"
"Hrmph," Luke growled lightly, going over to the zipped up bag on the table in front of him. He found a very nice suit inside. His heart skipped a beat. What exactly was she planning for him? He went to change behind the screen and then took the blindfold from Matt's hand that he held out for him.
Then he was guided out of the room.
...
"He really has no idea?" Rachel asked as Rita pulled on her dress behind the screen.
"No," she answered. "Or if he does, he's keeping it to himself."
"This is awesome."
"I know," Rita agreed, smiling. All day, though, she'd thought about her father (among other things). She wished he was there to walk her down the aisle. She wasn't doing the aisle, though. She was just going to be standing there when Luke was finally allowed to see what was going on.
"You are so gorgeous," Rachel said when Rita finally emerged in the dress. She'd kept it simple: a white, strapless dress that went to her ankles. Beaded vines and flowers were on the bodice and went down the left side of the dress. No veil. She stood still as Rachel curled her hair.
"I envy you," Rachel sighed. "Luke is so hot."
"Brad's very good looking," Rita reminded her. Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Sure, but he's not in the same playing field as Luke."
"Well, he's going to become my husband shortly, so keep your tongue rolled in," Rita warned.
"I will," Rachel said a little indignantly. She finished with the hair and stepped back. "You're ready, girl."
Rita smiled again and hugged her friend. Then Lucy appeared, and Rita almost started to cry at seeing her. She'd been worried Lucy and Kenny wouldn't be able to make it.
"Oh my goodness," Lucy said slowly, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I am so glad you invited us to come. You're breathtaking. Your parents would be so proud."
"Yea?" Rita asked, her voice small.
"Yea," Lucy agreed, touching her cheek gently and hugging her again. "Kenny is silently laughing at Luke, just so you know."
"I bet he is."
"We're just honored to be here, that you kept your word. You're like our kids, you know?"
"I know," Rita said, smiling. Her eyes were a bit wet regardless of how hard she tried to keep them dry. She went out to the main room, picking up her bouquet of red roses as she went. She refrained from laughing at the sight of Kenny standing next to her blindfolded husband to be and making faces at him. Lucy swatted him on her way by as she tucked in behind Rita. Rachel and Matt sat down on the chairs in front of them.
"Have I ever told you how much I hate surprise parties?" Luke asked when he heard her stop in front of him.
"Well, that's too bad," she said, "but you might change your mind."
"Maybe, but it would have to be one hell of a good party to do that."
"I think you'll find this one beats all parties," she commented, smiling. "Go ahead and have a look."
...
Luke was getting ready to tell her something witty as he removed his blindfold, but instead, nothing came out of his mouth as his brain made sense of what he was seeing in front of him. Rita was in a wedding dress. Lucy was standing behind her trying not to cry. To his immediate right was a minister, and behind him was Kenny. The room they were standing in was covered in small white Christmas lights, and Rachel and Matt were sitting in the front row beaming up at them while Rachel was just about exploding with excitement.
"Holy shit," he said finally. Then he clamped his mouth shut before looking at the minister. "Sorry, Reverend."
"All good," the man replied, a small smile on his lips. Kenny gave a snort of laughter.
"Rita," Luke said, looking at her again. "Is this...are we...?"
"Yes, Luke," she said when he kept fumbling for words. "We are getting married today."
"But...how?"
"I got it all covered," she answered. "Don't you worry."
"I...I don't have vows," he said.
"It's okay," she assured him. "You said the perfect vows to me when you proposed. And besides, I requested to go first so you can get some ideas of what to say back."
He gave a small laugh at this and didn't know what else to say.
"Are we ready?" the minister asked. Rita looked at Luke expectantly.
"Yes," he answered, a grin spreading across his face. "Yes, we are."
He barely heard what the minister was saying. He couldn't stop staring at Rita. When it was her turn to talk, he felt himself becoming emotional just looking at the emotion on her face.
"Luke," she started, gripping his hands hard. "You are my person. You've been my person since the day you stepped into my house. I could see it in your eyes that you would be someone who could understand me, and I wasn't wrong. With you, I feel safe, strong, and loved. Without you I feel untethered and lost. I don't want to do this life without you, so like I told you before, I'm gonna be the best damn friend you'll ever have, and now I'm also gonna love you with all of my heart and soul and be your partner in this crazy life. You've shown me that I can survive pain and live life. I want my forever to be with you, so I'm giving you my heart. I love you, and I'll never stop."
"Oh my God," Rachel said quietly, and then she gave an embarrassed laugh as she wiped at her face while Luke and Rita looked at her. "Sorry. That was just too much."
"I concur," Lucy agreed, wiping at her eyes too. Even Kenny was clearing his throat a bit.
"It's okay," Rita said. Then she looked back at Luke, and he didn't even bother to hide the few tears that had slipped out. She could hear Lucy sniffling behind her but didn't look at her for fear of losing it completely.
"You got me," he said, chuckling a little.
"I knew I'd make you cry one day," Rita said, laughing through her own tears now. Luke looked at the minister then.
"I can't top that, mate. I think she speaks for both of us," he said.
"Luke!" Rita said, giving his hands a shake in hers.
"I'm kidding," he told her, looking back at her and smiling.
"Go ahead," the minister told him, and Luke cleared his throat.
"Rita," he said. "I knew your dad told me to not love you for a reason, but I had no idea what that reason was until I got to know you. You saw right through my pain from the first day and showed me that I didn't have to hold onto it alone. You were the first person to see me for who I really am and not run away, and you're still the only person who knows me fully. You stole my heart a long time ago, and I vowed that I'd wait for you forever." He took a pause, and he swallowed his emotion as Rita kept crying and tried to stop crying. He squeezed her hands again. "I am the luckiest man on Earth to be marrying you, Rita. I don't deserve you, but you're still here anyway. I am so in love with you, and I'll never stop."
Rachel gulped again, making Matt laugh. Lucy was flat out bawling while Kenny kept clearing his throat roughly and claimed something was in his eye when Luke looked at him. Even the minister had wet eyes and had to clear his throat a little before proceeding.
Kenny gave him her ring that Matt had given him before the service when the time came, and he felt his hands shaking a little as he put it on. He felt electrified when Rita put his ring on his finger next. He was marrying her. This was happening right now.
When he was told to kiss her, he kissed her as though it was the first time again. Rita started to laugh when Rachel started to freak out in the background with her squealing and sobbing. He managed to sign his name on the license, and then they were walking away together hand in hand. It turned out Matt was a photographer, so he set them up to take photos, and Luke was pretty sure his face was going to split in half from all his smiling. Rita was his wife. He was a husband. He still couldn't believe it.
"No reception?" he asked when they were done and it was just the two of them for a moment.
"You don't like surprise parties, remember?" she asked, teasing.
"I feel bad," he said. "I mean, doesn't every woman dream of this day and want a reception?"
"I don't need one," she told him. "I just need you."
"So where are we going?" he asked when she handed him the keys to drive. She smiled slowly and looked over at Kenny and Lucy, who were waiting.
"You'll see."
...
They ended up at their favorite place where they ate more than they knew they should. Dale had kept their table at the back open, and he was grinning like crazy when Rita walked in with Luke in front of Kenny and Lucy.
"There she is, the most beautiful woman in the world," he commented, moving to kiss Rita's cheek.
"Hey now," Luke said, but he was smiling.
"She's taken, I know," Dale replied with a nod. "You know my heart only belongs to Lola."
"I do."
Rita felt a little self-conscious as other diners took peeks at her. She put her focus on Luke as she sat next to him and he put his arm around her to pull her close. Kenny was telling Dale something funny while Lucy tugged on his arm to get him to stop and join them.
"You're incredible," Luke murmured into her ear, his lips grazing the skin just under it.
"I like to think so," she replied, feeling a blush starting. She wondered if he was thinking about later like she was. For some reason, she couldn't stop feeling anxious about it.
"So, you're an old married couple now," Kenny said after he finally sat down. "How's it feel?"
"Feels pretty damn good," Luke answered.
"I remember my wedding day," Lucy said, resting her chin on her hand. "It was such a rush and yet so exhausting at the same time." Rita tried not to think about Lucy aging and getting older. Kenny too. It scared her to think about losing the last two links of her past.
"You got exhausted later in the night, right?" Kenny joked, which earned him a jab to his ribs by her elbow. "Ow! Geez, woman."
"I'm so glad you came," Rita said, changing the subject as Lucy's face grew scarlet red at Kenny's joke. "We really missed you."
"We missed you too, loves," Lucy said, reaching to pat her hand on the table. "Looks like things are going alright, though?"
"So far," Luke answered, looking at Rita. She played with his fingers in hers, and he smiled.
Shortly after, Dale brought them their dinner and made jokes. He told anyone who would listen that they were the ones who kept his restaurant going. Rita kept blushing as people came up to congratulate them. She was surprised when a few slipped them some cash with a smile and offered words of advice. The kindness of strangers marveled her at times.
"I just want to say something," Lucy said now, looking at both of them. "Both of you have gone through so much together and apart, but nothing has been more clear to me than the fact you two belong together. It was to Lance too. He kept bringing it up to me every so often and stressing that you'd fall for each other, and I kept telling him it wasn't such a bad thing if you did. I'll never forget after he found out you were dating; he came over all freaked out, but I talked him down. He cared about both of you so much, and I know neither Kenny or I can replace him, but we'll always be here for you. Anytime. Got it?"
"Understood," Luke confirmed.
"Thank you," Rita added.
"You've come a long way," Kenny said next, tapping his fingers against his glass as he spoke. "Both of you. I remember watching you carry Rita out of that trail, Luke, the day of that fire and you went after her without telling me or Lance. I knew then you loved her...it was all over your face. And you, Rita, I knew you loved Luke when he didn't come home that one time and you thought something had happened to him. I don't doubt you'll last forever. Even if you lose your way, I think you'll always find your way back. What you two have is something I've rarely seen. Treasure it. Keep it safe. Don't take it for granted."
"We won't," Rita said softly. Luke nodded in agreement, unable to say anything in return. Lucy reached to pat Kenny's hand and smiled at him. He eventually started talking to Luke about his cattle while Lucy leaned in to confirm that they'd spend more time together the next day. After a while, Rita excused herself and went to the washroom to breathe. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she wanted the anxiety to stop. She heard the door open, and Lucy appeared behind her.
"Are you alright, dear?" Lucy asked, putting a hand on Rita's shoulder. Rita decided that she needed to talk about this. She didn't have her mother or father to talk to, so Lucy was the next best thing.
"I'm feeling a bit anxious," Rita confessed, looking at Lucy. She felt embarrassed to spell it out, but Lucy seemed to understand.
"I wondered," Lucy said, giving her a warm smile. "What's got you anxious?"
"I...I'm afraid I'll get triggered," Rita told her. "I mean, I've done a lot of work and got through it all, but a part of me worries I'm going to freak out and ruin this important moment."
"Well," Lucy said, putting both her hands on Rita's shoulders now. "I think that regardless of what happens, Luke is going to still love you and be there with you while you go through it. I also think that maybe you should try to not put a lot of pressure on it."
"You're right," Rita agreed. "But I also think it's just something really important..."
"Rita," Lucy stopped her. "Your physical relationship is just one piece of the entire puzzle. You and Luke have all the other pieces...that's pretty obvious, but putting pressure on it will not help. It is what it is. Whatever happens, happens. It's how you look at it after that's important."
"What if I mess it up?" Rita whispered.
"What if you don't?" Lucy countered. "And I don't think you will. I think once you get into it, you'll forget your anxiety."
"I don't know if I can do this," Rita said, gripping her hair tightly. Lucy cupped her face gently then, making her look at her.
"You love Luke, right?" she asked. Rita nodded. "He loves you, right?" Another nod. "Then it will be done with love. You're both in this together. You're both gonna figure it out together. Just breathe and relax. And have fun. Gosh, it's supposed to be fun too, not just a task to check off." Rita was blushing a bit now, and Lucy smiled at her and patted her cheek. "You always have the right to stop, too, at any point. And talk to him. Let him know what you want or don't want. Let him know what you're worried about. Okay?"
"Okay."
Lucy pulled her into a hug now, and Rita hugged her back. She did feel a little bit better. There was a little thrill that went through her when she thought about it now. They walked out together to find that Dale had started up some music upon Kenny's request.
"Oh, my favorite!" Lucy said as Elvis's voice rang out.
"I know," Kenny said with a wink.
"Oh, no..." Rita started, but Luke was already pulling her up to dance. She felt extremely self-conscious but then relaxed when other couples got up to join them. She didn't feel singled out anymore, and it made it easier to focus only on Luke, who was holding her very close with his face pressed against hers. She caught sight of Dale standing behind the counter under the photo of Lola and felt sad for him. Then she thought about Lucy losing her husband. It made her realize that, one day, she could lose the love of her life and have to live alone if she didn't die first. She worked hard to get rid of that thought immediately.
She turned her head to look at Luke and met his eyes with hers. She didn't have to say it for him to know, just like he didn't have to say it either. She could feel his love for her with every touch and look. It was making desire burn inside of her, and she stopped moving, making him stop as well. The bit of anxiety was still there, but it was more manageable now.
"I'm ready," she said to him. He didn't say anything in return. He simply cupped her face and kissed her as gently as humanly possible.
She noticed Dale had tears on his cheeks when they left, and Kenny and Lucy were still slow dancing together without a care in the world.
...
Luke was feeling a bit anxious as he got to the car. Then he realized he didn't have the car keys. Rita was resting her arms on the hood of the car, watching him.
"Crap," he said, hating how nervous he sounded. "I left the keys inside."
"Okay. I'll wait here."
Luke turned to walk back in and found his keys where he'd been sitting. He caught Lucy's eye when he straightened up, and he wondered if she could tell how on edge he was right now. She patted Kenny's shoulder and said something to him, which led to him releasing her so she could come over to him.
"You alright, dear?" she asked him.
"No," Luke answered truthfully.
"Come on," Lucy said, gesturing to go somewhere quieter. He followed her to the washroom of all places, and he suppressed a laugh as she checked all the stalls and then locked them in together.
"So this is what a girl's bathroom looks like," Luke joked.
"Men," Lucy said, rolling her eyes. "Alright, spit it out. What's got you in a twist?" Just the way she said it made Luke feel a bit emotional almost. He'd never talked about this stuff with anyone before. Aside from telling him the basics, Johnny never gave him the time. Brendan had tried but kept getting so embarrassed that he'd stop midsentence and walk out. His mother just told him he'd figure it out when it happened. He had very minimal experience with women outside of Rita.
"I'm scared I'll hurt her," he blurted. It was all he could think about. He knew about Simon. He knew about Trevor. He knew how careful she always was with what they did together. He feared doing something that would bring her emotional and physical pain.
"Understandable," Lucy said, nodding slowly. "You know then?"
"Yes."
"I could kill that boy for doing that to her," Lucy sighed.
"So could I," Luke agreed. He fidgeted with his fingers. He still felt a little bit strange inside knowing that Lucy knew what he did for a job.
"Look," Lucy said softly. "Just take it nice and slow. Ask her what's okay and not okay. And if she says stop, you bloody well stop."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I think you'll find she's having similar worries as you," Lucy added. "This is a new adventure you're embarking on. You're in it together. You've got each other. You're in love. You'll be just fine."
"What if I bring back all the bad stuff for her?" he asked.
"Then you talk it out. I think, though, that once you start, you'll both be alright."
"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Luke said, and something went through Lucy's eyes at this. She pressed her lips together.
"I am," she agreed softly. "And let me tell you, I was terrified on my wedding night that I'd mess it all up, but my husband made everything okay. I was so invested in him that I forgot all about the other stuff."
"I'm sorry," Luke said sincerely. He'd had no idea. It just made him feel sadder that she'd gone through even more pain in her life.
"I'm alright now," Lucy promised. "I just keep telling myself it's not about this life...it's what comes after that's worth it all."
"I admire you for that."
Lucy smiled at him, and patted his shoulder. "Keep it simple. Go have fun. Don't forget that part."
"I won't," Luke promised with a smile. He felt his face growing a bit hot now.
"And talk," Lucy emphasized. "Talk, talk, talk. I can't express that enough. Talk to each other. It's how you learn and grow."
"I will."
"You remind me of my late husband," Lucy said fondly. "You're one of a kind. Don't change."
"I'll try," he said. She nodded and patted him again.
"Go before she thinks you ran off."
Luke bobbed his head and left. Thankfully, no one watched him leave the ladies' room. He made his way back to his car and found Rita still standing there waiting.
"Find them?" she asked. He held up his keys.
"Yes."
"Good." She smiled, and he felt his heart melt all over again. His nerves were dialed down a bit too. As they headed for home, he reached to hold Rita's hand. Lucy was right: they were in this together. They'd be all right.
...
Rita felt nervous inside again as she turned off the bedroom lights except for the one lamp and sat on the edge of the bed in what was now their room. Luke had made her laugh by dropping his bag onto the floor past the doorway and declaring he was no longer banned before taking exaggerated steps inside while holding his arms up like he was going to get attacked, which made her smack him playfully until he became very serious and kissed her like a dying man. Then she'd reminded him to lock the front door, which he'd gone to do while she waited.
For the entire day, she'd known this was coming, and yet it still made her a bit anxious, even though she'd told Luke she was ready and had talked to Lucy. What if she couldn't stop thinking about what Simon had done? What Trevor had tried to do? She didn't want that to happen. She didn't want to ruin Luke's first experience too. She traced the outline of pattern on her bedspread with her fingers, feeling jittery. She tried to focus on Lucy's advice, which had helped a little.
She looked up when he came back through the doorway. His tie was off, and the top of his shirt was unbuttoned. It made her stomach tumble the way it always had for him in the past.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hi," she said back.
"It feels very strange to be a husband," he commented. Rita noticed he sounded nervous too, and it made her feel better suddenly. Why would she think she'd be the only one nervous about doing this? He'd never done this before either.
"I concur," she said, smiling at him. "Being a wife, that is." He came over to sit beside her, their legs touching. He took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, pressing them gently into the back of her hand. The gesture and sensation sent ripples through her.
"Just to be clear," he said. "I have no expectations right now."
"You don't?"
"Well, I mean...there's nothing I'd love more than to finally show you how much I love you, but I also respect that if you've changed your mind...if you're not ready, I can wait."
"I don't want to wait anymore," she told him. The fact that he was telling her he would still wait for her made her realize all over again how lucky she was to have him. He was one of a kind.
"Okay," he said softly. She bit her lip and made a nervous kind of sound in her throat. He squeezed her hand.
"I'm scared I'm gonna mess it up," she blurted. He breathed out a sigh of relief.
"So am I," he confessed.
"Really?" She felt so relieved to know this. Why hadn't she talked to him about this? She mentally kicked herself.
"Yea. I'm scared of hurting you."
"I'm scared of freaking out and ruining it for you."
"Okay," he said, taking both of her hands in his now. "First of all, you won't ruin it. I promise. Second of all, let's just take it one piece at a time."
"I can do that," she agreed. "You really promise?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"We go slow," he promised. "And if either of us wants to stop, we stop." She nodded, grateful for that. He smoothed a hand along her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear. She suddenly felt very safe.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you back," he replied, smiling at her. She closed her eyes as he leaned in, touching his lips to hers. It felt different somehow. She couldn't explain it. They spent a long time kissing until she stopped it and stood up.
"You okay?" he asked, his voice a little husky sounding.
"Mmhmm," she answered. She turned her back to him, pulling her hair forward out of the way, and he understood what she wanted. He got to his feet and rested a hand on her left hip while pulling down the zipper of her dress with the other. She felt shivers all over when he ran his lips up her spine slowly, pressing kisses into her skin on his way up to the back of her neck. Then he turned her around to face him and kissed her lips again, pressing his right hand on her back and cupping her face with the left. Rita found herself unbuttoning his dress shirt as he did this, reveling in the groan he released as she did so. She pulled it off and dropped it, running her hands over him. It wasn't the first time she'd done that, but everything felt so heightened now than before, and she knew it was because this time, there was no holding back, no stopping things before they got too far. It both scared and thrilled her.
"You okay?" he asked again when she pulled back and tried to get her bearings. She looked into his eyes and almost hurt inside at how much she loved him. She remembered Tammy telling her a long time ago that her gut was a good indicator of telling her who she could trust, and she'd always known she could trust Luke Wright.
"I'm just taking it in that there won't be another first time with you again," she commented. "And I want to enjoy every second of it before it slips away."
"Take all the time you need," he said softly. She slowly pushed him backwards until his legs were against the bed. Then she slid out of her dress and stood before him, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had in her life standing there in front of him, which was silly in her mind because he'd seen her in a swimsuit before on a rare occasion...this was not that different, but she knew it was really because of what was coming next that was making her feel that way.
"C'mere," he murmured, resting his hands on her waist. Rita closed her eyes as he kissed her again slowly. He sat down and pulled her down onto him, falling onto his back with her on top, and she rested her forearms on either side of his neck on his shoulders. This was familiar. She'd been in this position with him before, and it was comfortable. She could feel his heart beating hard under her right arm. He said nothing as he ran his hands up and down her sides slowly, still kissing her gently until she paused it.
"I'm ready," she said, grazing her lips against his softly.
"Me too." His voice gave away his vulnerability, and she felt reassured that he was feeling all the same things she was in this moment.
She kissed him harder, pressing against and pulling his lips with hers until she nudged his mouth open and kissed him deeper for a moment. She felt his hands run up and down her back slowly. Her brain stopped thinking as he started tracing her skin lightly with his fingers. After a bit, she was pretty sure she might combust.
"How're you doing?" he asked a few moments later, slightly breathless like she was.
"I find myself feeling frustrated but not," she answered truthfully. "I don't know how else to explain it." He chuckled slightly into her neck, kissing it briefly before rolling her over onto her back.
"I think I can help with that, but you're gonna feel a whole lot more pleasant frustration first," he said, catching her lips with his once more and gripping her hips with his fingers. Rita had no words to describe the feelings that came next. She had no idea how she could feel out of control and yet in control at the same time. Even his voice saying her name sounded different. It was raw, vulnerable, and full of desire, and she discovered it was her new favorite way of him saying it. All the feelings she felt in this moment were a million times better than she expected, and she didn't think about her past pain at all. Luke was incredibly gentle and kept his touch undemanding. He was giving her love, not taking something away from her. He asked her what she wanted next...if it was okay to go the next steps. They figured out this new way of being with each other together, which included some laughter when his watch got caught in her hair and she took it off and chucked it or when she banged her teeth against his in her haste to kiss him or when he almost accidentally dumped them both onto the floor. They were completely, entirely vulnerable with each other, and to Rita, it was a beautiful experience regardless of some discomfort that occurred, which she'd expected since she was new at this. She knew it would get better the more they did this, and he took care not to hurt her as best as he could.
She loved him, and she let him love her. They were in this together for life; she believed that with all her heart.
It ended a bit quicker than she expected. She had her arms wrapped around him tightly, breathing hard and feeling him do the same thing against her neck. She felt his sweat under her fingers. Her brain was spinning. She'd never felt this close to someone in her entire life. She'd had no idea you could feel this close to someone. It made her feel glad that she'd waited for him. She knew in her heart that she didn't want to do this with anyone else ever.
"Wow," he said. "Just...wow."
"Yea?" she said, feeling almost shy suddenly.
"I don't know what else to say."
"Well, the feeling is mutual," she said. She kept a hand on the back of his head while his face remained tucked against her neck.
"Good."
She ran her fingers up and down his temple gently, thinking.
"Luke?" she said, feeling both of their heart rates begin to slow to a rhythmic, comforting pulse.
"Mmm," he responded nonverbally.
"Did I do it wrong?"
"No," he said, shaking his head against her shoulder. "That was my fault."
"What was?"
"I lost control," he said, propping himself up on his arms and shifting her hair from her face with his fingers. "If you're thinking it should have been a bit longer, you're right."
"Oh." She understood it now. He looked sheepish, and she didn't want him to feel bad. "It's okay. I mean...we can try again later."
"Did I win the chance to try again?" he teased.
"Luke..."
"You're not gonna divorce me?" he asked, feigning worry.
"No," she said, laughing.
"Yes!" He fist pumped, and she playfully slugged his shoulder, making him laugh.
"Honestly," she said, shaking her head. When he stopped laughing, he looked down at her, smoothing the side of her face gently with one hand. She reached to touch his cheek lightly in return and felt warm inside again when he cupped her hand with his and kissed her fingers.
"I love you," she said.
"You have no idea how much I love you," he replied. "And you were more than worth the wait."
"So were you."
She felt empty after he left a few moments later. She curled up on her side and played it all over in her mind again until she felt him come back and slide in behind her. His arm came across her stomach, his fingers finding hers and interlocking them. Rita fell asleep with a smile on her face.
Their life together had begun. She couldn't wait to find out what came next.
...
Luke felt her fall asleep against him slowly. His mind was still spinning about the fact they'd finally made love, that they were married. That moment when they'd become one, it was something he'd never forget. Nor would he forget the way she'd looked at him with a mixture of shyness and anticipation, touching his face before kissing his lips gently and things went on. That raw vulnerability and trust she gave him was something he treasured and would never abuse, just like he knew she wouldn't abuse his in return. He shut his eyes and focused on her heartbeat against his arm, her back against his chest. He felt embarrassed for what happened on his part, but she didn't make him feel bad about it at all, which just made him love her that much more. He planned to make up for it in the morning. Then they had the day together with Lucy and Kenny.
The pull of sleep slowly dragged him under, and his last thoughts were of how lucky he was and how he never wanted to lose her.
Six Months Later—2001
New Orleans, U.S.
Rita walked home with a spring in her step. She had spent the afternoon with a pile of new puppies, and how could that not make you smile? It did make her miss Copper, though, but she knew he was having fun with Kenny back at the farm. It had been hard to leave him, but they knew he was better off there than living in this cramped apartment with them.
Missing her father was still an ache, but she heard his voice all the time telling her to buck up and live life. It had been hard to do at first, but with Luke, she found the strength to do it. She didn't want to think about what would have happened if she didn't have Luke. She knew she probably would have sunk so far into a depression that it would have crippled her.
She went into the apartment and groaned with pleasure as she pulled off her shoes. She'd changed jobs a few months ago, and she didn't regret it. She got to spend time with animals, and they were her next great love next to books.
She walked down the hall and nudged open the bedroom door. She stopped abruptly upon seeing Luke asleep on his back with an arm thrown over his head. She hadn't been expecting him home until next week. Unable to contain her excitement, she jumped onto the bed and caused him to lurch awake and sit up fast.
"You're home!" she exclaimed happily, climbing into his lap. Once he wasn't confused about where he was and what was happening, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Rita loved being intimate with him. Every time still felt exciting to her, and she'd daydream about it when she missed him. She loved that they still spent time figuring each other out, that she could be honest with him and tell him what was and wasn't working and vice versa.
"I finished up early," he said when she finally let him talk. "Thought I'd surprise you."
"I'm thoroughly surprised," she confirmed.
"Did you miss me?" he asked.
"What kind of question is that?" she scoffed, slipping her mouth onto his again. She pushed him down and tugged at his shirt.
"I'll take that as a yes," he chuckled as she stopped kissing him long enough to pull his shirt off over his head and toss it. She didn't entertain his teasing as she ran her hands over his chest and sides and kissed him deeper.
He groaned and flipped her over, wasting no time. Rita held on as she rode the wave of love and longing for him while he ran over her skin with his mouth and hands. She tried not to think about who he killed on this trip or the fact she'd decided to put off school again. She worked to not remember the sight of her father's dead body and face, Keira's small coffin, Carol's dead eyes, or the mountain lion that had taken her first best friend from her. She tried to block out the memory of the kittens abandoned in a box at the shelter door because no one wanted them and the statement from one of the workers that included the word "euthanasia" if they were around for too long. Well, not all of them would be...
"What the bloody hell?!" Luke yelped as he jerked up and twisted to find a kitten swatting at his lower leg and trying to catch it with its little claws. Rita burst into laughter, and Luke looked at her in disbelief.
"Why is there a cat on our bed?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," she said, pressing a hand to her face and still laughing.
"Rita," Luke said slowly. "What was our deal about you working at an animal shelter?"
"I couldn't let her die!" Rita exclaimed, propping herself up on her elbows underneath him. She kissed his neck gently, not finished with him since they'd barely gotten started. She could tell he was torn between scolding her for not keeping her end of the deal and shoving her back down to continue what he'd been doing.
"If you bring home anymore," he started, his tone a warning.
"I won't," she promised. "I swear. Remi just called to me. I had to bring her home."
"Remi, huh?" he asked. The kitten made her way to Rita's head where she scooped the little ball of fur with one hand and held her against her chest. Luke was smiling as he shook his head at her.
"Pwease let me stay," Rita said, waving Remi's little paw and using a cutesy voice.
"You're lucky I love you," Luke told her, reaching to rub a finger against Remi's chin and along the side of her head and getting loud purrs in response.
"Is that a yes?"
"What do you think?"
"Thank you," Rita said, beaming at him. Remi wriggled out of her grasp and made her way to the edge of the bed, looking down. With a loud thud, she jumped down and scampered off to a different location.
"C'mere, you," Luke said, catching Rita's hands with his and pressing them down over her head as he moved to kiss her again. Rita soon forgot all about Remi and everything else that was on her mind. She almost forgot her own name with each kiss and touch. With Luke holding her close afterwards, tracing her skin with his fingers, and telling her how much he loved her, she couldn't imagine things getting any better.
...
Luke let Rita sleep in. He was up by seven and set about his morning routine, which consisted of a run around the block. His mind wandered to his work despite his best efforts. His last target had been a drug dealer no one else could seem to touch. Dennis had been very impressed with how he'd gotten the job done.
"Hey, Luke," Bruce said, waving. Luke waved back. Sometimes he sat and swapped stories with the older gentleman, but not today. He even skipped coffee with Dale. He wanted to get back before Rita woke up. He owed her one for waking him up in the middle of the night by sitting on his stomach and starting to make out with him. He loved how much she missed him when he was gone.
He ran up the cement stairs on his route, barely out of breath. He thought about the future and where he and Rita would end up. He knew he wasn't going to do this job forever. He was already thinking about what he could do instead. He wished Rita would follow her dream and go become a school teacher. He wasn't sure what was holding her back.
When he finished his route, he went into his apartment building and made his way up the stairs. He let himself in and locked the door behind him. He saw Remi make a run for it when he stepped around the kitchen counter. He smiled to himself. Of course Rita would adopt a kitten. He should have known better to think otherwise. He knew her very well, after all.
Luke found her still sleeping, and he pulled off his sweaty t-shirt and tossed it before bending down to kiss her awake.
"Hmm?" she said nonsensically as she came to slowly.
"Payback," he murmured, kissing her again and sliding a hand under the blankets. It never ceased to amaze him how much she responded to his touch. She threw off the covers and pulled him down after a moment, and he got lost in her. He loved every sound she made and every move she did against him in this moment right here. He loved that she was not afraid to be honest and tell him what to do or not do. He was glad she'd been honest about some things so he could find a way to make it better for her. He'd do anything for her.
"I love you as you are," he said in her ear when they were both calmed down again. He pressed his lips against her jaw and felt like the luckiest man on Earth.
"Mm, I love you too," she replied, running her fingers down his spine. "You're still making me breakfast, right?"
"It's your turn."
"Nuh uh."
"I did the burnt pancakes, and you did the extra chewy bacon," he said. "Then I did the expired yogurt with too sour of berries, so it's your turn."
"Ugghhh," she groaned, and he nipped her shoulder fondly before rolling away and heading for the shower. He found her standing in front of the kettle ten minutes later.
"Whatcha making?" he asked, pressing into her back and shifting her hair so he could kiss the back of her neck.
"I figured I can't really screw up instant oatmeal," she reasoned.
"Worth a shot," he agreed. Remi pressed into his legs, and he bent to pick her up. She meowed and squirmed, but he held on.
"She'll be your favorite soon enough," Rita promised.
"Ha, okay," he chuckled, releasing the kitten before getting scratched. Remi disappeared under the couch. "Why did you pick the name Remi?"
"It just suited her," Rita answered with a shrug, "and I figured you'd be more likely to let her stay if her name started with your favorite letter."
"Ohhhh okay," he said, reaching to pinch her sides and make her laugh. "I get it now." She twisted to fight him off, and he grabbed her hips and pressed her against the counter, catching her lips with his. He pressed his forehead against hers after, touching her cheek gently with a finger.
"No more pets," she promised. He just chuckled and kissed her again before moving to start coffee. He pushed away thoughts of his next job or the fact he was contemplating trying to find his mother. It had been too long. She was probably dead if anything.
"You okay?" Rita asked, sensing his mood change.
"Yea," he answered with a smile. "Just tired."
"Oh, I'm sorry..." Her tone was not sorry at all.
"You should be. I won't be able to solve today's crossword on my pitiful amount of sleep."
"Poor you."
"Yes, poor me," he agreed, joking. She handed him a bowl of oatmeal, and he took it without a word and sat down. He missed these moments when he was away. There were some jobs that she went with him on, and he loved how much she got into character of her fake I.D. and made him laugh. He didn't always want her to go with him, though, as it was dangerous sometimes, but he enjoyed it when she did. Thankfully, he was only sent out once or twice a month the past while, so he could spend more time with her. He sometimes worried it still wasn't enough time, though.
She sat across from him now and rested her foot on his leg while she scanned the paper with one hand and ate with the other.
He wouldn't trade any of this for anything.
A Month Later
Luke could see her, but he couldn't get to her. She kept calling his name, reaching out for him. He shot and killed everyone that got in his way and aimed their weapon at him. He almost got to her when she fell off the edge of the cliff. He threw himself onto his stomach, catching her hand.
"Hang on!" he shouted, trying to pull her up.
"You gotta let me go," she said to him.
"No..."
"It's time, Luke," she said softly. "Let me go. I will always love you." She reached to touch his face gently, and then she kicked off the cliff wall and out of his grasp.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"LUKE!"
His eyes flew open as her hands grabbed his shoulders tightly. He grabbed her arms, prepared to fight when she placed a hand on his chest.
"It's me," Rita said, smoothing it in circles over his skin. "Luke, it's me. You were dreaming. Luke, it's okay."
He shuddered and gasped, trying to come back to reality. He was soaked in sweat, and every time he blinked he saw her face.
"Shit," he said, pressing a hand against his eyes. "Sorry, love." He felt like crying. He was having the same nightmare over and over again, and every time, his mother took the suicidal plunge. He didn't know what it meant, but it made him want to find her that much more.
"Talk to me," Rita said, still smoothing her hand over his chest and right arm. "What's going on?"
"I need to find my mother," he replied, looking at her. He finally registered that their lamp was on.
"Your mother?" she repeated.
"Yea."
"That's who you're shouting at," she said, getting it. Luke felt his heart rate coming down slowly, and he could breathe a bit easier. He reached to hold her face, which had a bit of an anxious expression on it.
"I'm alright," he promised. "I'm sorry for scaring you."
"I really hate not being able to help you," she said, curling on his chest under his chin as they settled back down together. He kept his arms around her, one hand running his fingers up and down the back of her arm. He said nothing. Having her to ground him in the present was helpful.
"I'm gonna go soon," he said. "To find her."
"Do you know where to look?"
"No, but I have to start somewhere, so I might as well start back home."
"Okay."
Luke felt bad for leaving her again so soon, but he couldn't put it off any longer. Something was telling him that his mother needed him, and he felt bad for not starting this search years ago.
It was time.
...
Rita watched Luke pack and felt scared for some reason. There was a determination about him that she hadn't seen before.
"What if you find something you won't like?" she asked, not being able to suggest out loud that maybe his mother was dead.
"Then I'll know," he answered simply. He zipped his bag and looked at her. "I'll keep in touch."
"How long will you be gone?"
"As long as it takes."
Rita felt another grip of fear. He could be gone a long time.
"What about work?"
"He knows I'm doing this. I'll be a last resort for the time being." He stood in front of her, and she wanted to tell him to stay, that something inside of her was saying this trip was a bad idea.
"Luke," she started.
"Don't worry about me," he interrupted, cupping her face. "I've survived a lot, you know."
"What if you don't come back?" she whispered.
"Then you'll find some rich, handsome man to marry and carry on with your life," he replied.
"I don't want anyone else," she told him. "If you die, I'm never marrying anyone else."
"That'd be a long, lonely life, Rita," he commented.
"That's fine. No one could ever replace you, and I wouldn't even want to try."
"It wouldn't be a replacement..."
"Stop trying to tell me to move on if you die!" she exclaimed. "It's not helping."
"Sorry."
He kissed her, but she didn't feel comforted by it. To her, it felt too much like a goodbye.
"I'll call when I land," he promised. She walked to the door slowly behind him as he carried his bags. Remi was watching from her spot on top of the fridge. Luke laced up his boots and slid on his coat before pulling her into a close embrace again.
"I love you," he said, lips against her neck.
"I love you back."
She felt him press a kiss against her forehead before letting her go. She hugged herself as he left. She shut the door and sank down on a kitchen chair. It was going to be a long time alone.
Almost Two Months Later
He'd been gone a long time, going home only three times for short visits. He took two jobs at his commander's orders in between searching too. Luke followed leads until one took him to Ecuador. He managed to find out where his mother had been staying, and when he drove up to her home, he felt anxious and hesitant. How would she react to seeing him after so long?
He approached cautiously, hand on his pistol in the back of his pants. When he reached the door, he knocked. After a while, shuffling steps came, and the bolts unlocked for the door to swing open. A man was standing there. His brown hair was sticking straight up, his face was scruffy, and his hazel eyes were a bit dull. He was a hair taller than Luke, and his fair complexion was tanned.
"Who're you?" he demanded.
"Is Jess Wright here?" Luke countered. He held up her photo for good measure. The man studied it carefully before releasing a long sigh.
"She always said this day would come," he said, moving back. "Come in."
"What's your name?"
"Gord. You're Luke, right?"
"Yes."
"Come in," Gord said again. Luke obeyed. When they were sitting in the dingy, low lit kitchen, Gord sighed and patted the table with his right hand.
"She's dead, isn't she?" Luke asked, his heart sinking.
"Four years ago now."
"What happened?"
"Cancer, of all things," Gord answered, shaking his head slowly. "She didn't even try to fight it."
Luke pressed his fingers into his eyes as he digested this news. His mother was dead. He really was never going to see her again.
"How did you know her?" he asked after clearing his throat of emotion.
"She's my sister," Gord replied. Luke stiffened at this.
"Really? Cos the last uncle I had turned out to be my biological father."
"I told her that was the worst idea in the history of worst ideas," Gord said with a chuckle. "She always had her own mind for things sometimes. She was like a freight train that couldn't be stopped."
"She let you find her?"
"She called me. Told me she wasn't feeling well and needed someone to look after her. I just kind of stayed afterwards."
"You didn't think to try and find me?"
"She did, but she didn't want you to remember her sick. She wanted you to remember her the way she was when you parted ways. I knew you'd eventually track me down if you were as good as she bragged about."
"If you think I'm going to be your best friend, you can think again," Luke told him. "I don't fully believe you're my uncle anyway."
"Not biologically. She was my foster sister; we just called each other brother and sister," Gord explained, tucking his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. "I won't be offended if you walk right back out of my life. I'm better off alone anyway."
Luke didn't know what else to say. After all this time, he felt gutted. Rita had been right. He'd found something he hadn't wanted to find. It would have been better to imagine her alive somewhere having fun and living free.
"She left you something," Gord said, moving forward, scraping his chair back, and going to root around in one of the drawers. Luke could see random things sticking up the more Gord dug. Eventually, he pulled out a letter-sized envelope and moved back to hand it to Luke, who took it gingerly.
"She loved you, kid," Gord said softly. "That was one thing that was very evident about her."
Luke said nothing as he fingered the envelope. He almost knew what was inside. They'd be words of wisdom and telling him not to miss her or be sad she was gone.
"Thanks," he said, getting up.
"You leaving already?"
"I have to get home. I've already been gone too long."
"Well, if you ever need a safe house," Gord said, gesturing to the walls around them. "You can come here."
"Thank you."
"Her grave's out back if you want to say goodbye," Gord told him. Luke hesitated, but in the end, he felt it was the right thing to do. He found it under some weeds and kneeled down to pull them out. He pressed a hand on the headstone after a moment and read her name and the years she lived on it.
"Never say never," he said out loud, echoing her. "I just never thought you'd be in the ground when we met again, but I should have known better." He patted the stone and got to his feet. "Rest well, Mum. I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't say it back when we said goodbye...I wish I had." He headed back to his rental car, avoiding looking at Gord, who was standing with his hands folded in front of him and looking solemn. Luke drove away and tried not to fall apart. Memories of his mother went through his mind at full speed. He hoped she hadn't suffered in the end. He hoped she knew how much he loved her despite his anger about what happened to Brendan. He'd always suspected she hadn't been able to control that.
When he got to the airport, he called Rita, who answered on practically the first ring.
"Luke?" she asked without saying hello.
"It's me," he confirmed.
"Where are you?"
"Boarding a plane soon. I'm coming home."
"Did you find her?"
"No," he answered, gripping the phone tight in his fingers.
"Is she...?"
"Yea."
"Oh, Luke..."
"It's okay. I think a part of me has known for a while."
"I'm really sorry, Luke."
"Me too, but all we can do is move forward now. I'll be home soon."
"Okay. I love you."
"Love you too."
He hung up and waited to board his flight. After a moment, he pulled out the letter and looked at it. He almost didn't want to read it, but he couldn't help himself. He unfolded it and flattened it out in his hands, reading the words.
My Luke,
If you're reading this, then you've found Gord. Out of all my foster brothers, he was my favorite. He just was always good at keeping my secrets and being there when I needed him. I know I never really talked about my life growing up, and there was a good reason for that (not much to tell anyway...mom died when I was little; dad died in war when I was twelve), but Gord's my favorite part of my past, and maybe one day he'll mean something to you too. I'll never know. Between him and Brendan, I survived all the bullshit.
The day I left you with Harry was the hardest day of my life. We both knew we were never going to see each other again. I thought about going back so many times, but I couldn't. I told some fibs to Harry about how I found him. I'm sorry I lied to you about you not being safe with me and that being why I had to leave you behind. I'd made a deal with the agency that I'd leave you somewhere and never see you again as long as they left you alone as punishment for Johnny's death (I told them I'd done it). I chose Harry because I trusted him to look after you and would help you get going. I thought of Gord, but he's not an assassin and wouldn't have finished training you. I felt good about my choice. Sometimes, I wish I'd broken my promise and went to visit you. Not seeing you tore me up inside every single day, but I don't regret leaving you to have a life. Things carried on as usual until I got sick. You're allowed to retire when you get sick. Who knew?
I ended up here. Johnny brought me here on our honeymoon, back when he used to treat me like gold and never hit me. I know he changed with the job and the stress that came with it. I know he hated that you weren't really his son, even though he tried hard to fake it. Promise me something? Don't let the job change you. Don't let it make you the kind of person Johnny ended up being. Stay who you are.
Anyway, this place is yours now, and I don't know if you're married or have kids or if you're even still in the game or if you quit, but I do know that you were one hell of a young man when I left you, so I believe you're still one hell of a grown man now. I'm just sad I didn't get to see it.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved you so much. I'll never stop loving you even beyond the grave. It's okay if you hate me for leaving...I'd hate me too, but it gave you the chance to live, and I needed that for you.
Until we meet again, Son.
Much love, Mum.
Luke stared at it through blurred vision, feeling his throat tighten and his heart pound a little harder. Then he folded it back up and put it back into his coat pocket. He managed to hold in his tears, waiting for a better time to let them out.
...
Rita almost pounced on him when he walked through the door just over 12 hours later. It was just after midnight, and she had vibrated with anticipation of waiting the whole time. She said nothing as she threw her arms around him and held him tight. He dropped his bag and held her back tighter.
"I'm sorry," she said again into his neck.
"I'm fine," he replied, pressing a hand against the back of her head. Rita felt safe and secure in his arms.
"You must be exhausted," she commented, pulling back to search his face.
"Yea," he agreed.
"Come on then," she said, tugging his hand. He didn't even bother with his bedtime routine and just fell into bed face first after replacing his clothes with pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Rita pulled the covers up over him and slid in next to him, lying on her left side and running her fingers over his temple and cheek after he turned his head to face her. He said nothing, but she eventually felt the tears under her fingers. It broke her to see him this emotional and knowing she couldn't make it better. Now she knew how he felt.
"I'm a good listener," she whispered.
"I know you are," he said back. "I just don't know what to even say." Rita moved in closer and slid her arm across his back and pressed her head against his. She held him as he cried, knowing he despised being vulnerable as much as she did and never showed much emotion on a good day. His mother was obviously very important to him, and she knew how that felt.
"I got you," she said to him over and over. "I got you."
After that night, she never saw him cry again.