Heart to Heart

Sweeney awoke to the light of a rising sun seeping in through the cracks of the tiny one roomed wooden cabin. His eyes opened first, he sighed, inhaling Mrs. Lovett's sent. He couldn't escape from it, her sent, her appearance, her. Even in sleep, Mrs. Lovett was there in his dreams. Not Lucy, never Lucy anymore, he has not dreamed of her in a long time. Maybe she's moved on, refuses to haunt him. He sighed again as the headaches returned, just like they usually did every time he thought about Lucy. He's come to decide its best to push such thoughts out of his head. For now, at least. Maybe when they find someplace safe where they can stay awhile…. Where they can live… together…. Mrs. Lovett and him…? the headaches returned.

He shifted his position to the bed, stretching his shoulder blades. His back ached a small bit and he needed to move around but didn't have the heart to leave her side. She hasn't looked this peaceful since the first time they escaped London.

They would need to move on eventually. As cozy as the small cottage is, Sweeney had a sinking feeling it wasn't abandoned. There was still a hefty amount of food, and a lack of dust on the surfaces. The more he thought about it, the more worried he started feeling.

"Mrs. Lovett?" he gently shook her awake, being mindful of her injured shoulder. She moaned a small bit and opened her eyes. "We need to keep moving." She nodded in understanding. They detangled themselves, took a few rations of produce from the kitchen, filled their canaster up with water. Sweeney checked the small bathroom and smiled to himself when he found some bandages and pain killer medicine, Nellie would need it.

She was trifling through their bag, for a dress to change into. She smiled at him quizzingly, and he nodded, facing away from her as she stripped off the nightgown. Not that he hasn't seen her body before. The memory of him having accidentally glanced at her exposed chest, as he rotated her onto her back, to bandage her wound, crept into his mind. He could've sworn he was blushing but wouldn't dare admit it.

She cleared her throat signaling that she was ready to go. He had to admit, her dress looked nice. It was a green with white stripes. She had her corset in her hands, "Could you help me…?" She paused at the grim looked he gave her. He walked over to her, and grabbed the corset. He fidgeted with the laces and started tying, about half way through, she asked if he could tighten it more.

"No," he said shaking his head. "It'll cause a terrible pain to your side."

"I already have a terrible pain in my side." she said.

He finished lacing them, not to her liking, and they prepared for their journey. They're footsteps froze in place when they heard voices and other footsteps approaching from outside.

His first instinct was to hide and attack from the shadows. He rushed himself next to the door, a razor at the ready. Nellie next to him. The door opened, a gentle looking man about in his sixties walked in. Before the man had any idea of the visitors in his home, Sweeney had his hand over his mouth and his razor to his throat. The man's eyes darted from Sweeney to Nellie who stepped away from the door. Sweeney removed his hand from the man's mouth. "Ppplease, take whatever you want." He stuttered in fear.

Sweeney sneered at him and pressed the razor in deeper, almost tearing flesh. "Wait, love!" Nellie said.

Sweeney looked to her confused, then….

"Papa?" a small girl stood in the doorway. Once she saw her papa with a blade to his throat she screamed.

"Please, I don't know what you want. But please, please don't hurt my girl." The man begged.

Sweeney's world had crashed down. He looked to the begging man, to the little girl, to Nellie's wide eyes. She shook her head, silently begging him to leave the man alone and come on. He planned on killing the man until he saw that he had a daughter, now… he couldn't. He moved the razor away from his neck but kept a tight grip on his wrists. He would let him live, but he couldn't trust what the man would do or say. He could alert someone. Maybe he knows who they are.

"I won't kill you." Sweeney muttered to him.

"You are travelers?" the man asked. "Take some food, anything. Just leave us alone."

"We already have," Nellie spoke up. "We thought your home was abandoned. Our apologies, we're leaving."

Sweeney remained still, he moved away from the man, but kept his razor pointed at him. The man continued to shake in fear, the little girl sobbing next to the threshold. He couldn't just leave, there was no telling what this man would do.

"Husband." Nellie's voice was stern, "Please."

Husband? He knit his brows in confusion. That fire had returned to her eyes. She meant business. He's seen that look in her many a time, secretly, he loved it.

"Coming my dear." He said calmly as he stabbed the man in the front of his thigh. He screamed blue murder and so did the daughter as she rushed to her father. Sweeney grabbed a shocked Nellie and they ran from the cottage.

"What in bleedin' hell was that?" Nellie screamed once the cottage was a few paces away. "Why did you do that?" she demanded, "He was a kind man!"

"You don't know that." Sweeney grumbled.

"And you do?"

"I didn't kill him."

"No, but you might as well have. He wasn't going to do anything to us. He was scared, he was letting us leave, offered us food. His little girl…"

"Eh, they'll both be dead by winter, it doesn't matter." He grumbled again keeping his steady pace away from the cottage.

Nellie stopped, and exhaled sharply, her nostrils flaring. "You are the biggest shit, in all of England!" she hollered.

He spun around, advancing on her. "There's much worse men than me, Mrs. Lovett. You should know that better than anyone after what happened the other night—"

She slapped him across the face.

She was wise and took a few steps back, but he flashed her a look of warning, roughly yanking her left arm. She howled in pain and fell to her knees. His grip immediately turned gentle and his gaze soft. "I…" she glared at him and he helped her back onto her feet. His eyes shown apologetic and she calmed down a bit.

"I didn't want you to kill them." Nellie said, after they started walking again. "We're leaving a body trail."

He grunted in response, she was right of course, but he wouldn't admit to that out loud.

"While we're arguing," she began. He audibly sighed. "Don't expect me to kill for you anymore." He looked at her confused. "Just something I've been meaning to tell you."

"When did I ever….?" He paused to think. "Alright the three brothers, but that was your choice."

"To save your hide yes." He didn't take fancy to that comment but kept his mouth shut. "What about Toby? Hm?"

He turned to look at her again, a venomous "What?" escaping his lips. "So, you don't want to kill anyone?" he said, completely ignoring the mention of Toby. "Are you referring to protecting yourself? Or…." he looked at her seething in rage next to him. "I can't save your arse all the time, pet. You're lucky I've saved it so often as it is."

She balled her hands into fists.

"Why did you make me kill Toby?" she brought it up again. Her tone demanding this time.

"I swear." He muttered under his breath. He headed in a direction, not caring whether she would follow him or not. Even though he knew she would be. This was his life now.

"Mr. Todd?" he kept walking. "Mr. Todd!" He closed his eyes, she's not there if I don't want her to be. "Answer me!" His jaw clenched.

He stopped abruptly, looking at her. "I already told you why. Now silence."

"When?"

"On Fleet Street. What do you mean "when?"?" he mimicked her. She was seething as was he. She opened her mouth to speak further. He scrambled for words to prevent her from speaking any longer. "I told you, I wanted you to feel the same pain that I did." They were walking again, they're footsteps soft sounding on the morning grass.

"That's not fair." She said.

"Yeah, it's not fair. Life isn't fair. We live in a shitty hell hole." After a few footsteps in silence he said, "You'll get over it."

Rage filled her up in a way it never has before. "I can't get over it!" she shoved him from behind.

He stumbled a bit, then stopped. She immediately regretted doing that.

She whimpered as he faced her again. His hand grabbed her right shoulder, the other hand latched onto her throat. She almost muttered a small "sorry" but thought against it. She is tired of being afraid of him.

"You dare?" he asked.

She nodded, "Mhm."

He jerked her once. Her eyes squeezed shut. "We are in the middle of a bloody field. And I will not listen to your incessant, annoying, cockney, shrill cheek. Do you understand me?" he shook her again. "Could you please, for fuck's sake. Shut up! I'd like to reach a town or a port, something that will get us away from this field. You can go live with the old man and his daughter if you'd like." he snarled his speech in her face, letting her go, and continued walking through the forest. She stood there for a bit, before begrudgingly catching up to him.

"Bastard."

He glared at her over his shoulder, pretending not to hear that.

"One more thing." She said after a pause. He slapped his hands to his face. "If I'm so annoying, why am I alive?"

"You're about to not be."

"Then kill me." She said, "Bloody blazes, do it. I have nothing to live for anymore." Her words came out shrill and they stung him a bit. Her expression saddened a bit, "My only reason for surviving finds me repulsive so what's the point?"

He let out of soft sigh, "Let's just keep moving."

They continued on in silence. He didn't want to admit it, not out loud and not to himself. Her words stung him. While on their stroll of silence, he finally let his thoughts run free. As much as he didn't want to, it needed to be done. He was a confusing man to himself just as much as to her. There was one thing he was certain of; he was beginning to care for his former landlady. They were escaping together, laying next to each other, or entangled together at night, protecting and killing for one another. He hasn't fallen for her. He wasn't ready for that; he may never be. But he didn't want to let her go. As the days went on, he became harder for him to picture Lucy's face. Asides from the yellow hair, what else did she have. Were her eyes blue? Or chocolate brown like Mrs. Lovett's? Her skin was pale, like Mrs. Lovett's. Her voice was angelic. Or was it shrill and loud, but pleasant and charming in its own kind of way, like Mrs. Lovett's.

He squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance. Why did his thoughts have to include the baker? It was such a simple time when he only had to worry about his revenge.

"Mr. Todd, could we take a short break?" he looked at her for the first time in hours. His gaze full of caution when he looked at her. She was wincing in pain with every breath. She slowly sank to her knees, weak and light headed. Her hand clutched at her side and her shown big with worry when she removed her hand and saw blood.

Mr. Todd sat next to her and pulled the bandages out from the bag. "Could you….?" He looked at her dress. He averted his eyes politely as she untied the corset and removed her dress, laying onto the chest. He removed the dirty bandage and replaced it with a new one.

"Is it okay?" Nellie looked at him questionably, he was staring at her wound in horror. "It hurts like hell." She commented.

"It's not a pretty site." He said. He poured a bit of water onto a cloth and gently dabbed at the wound. There was a bit of puss which concerned him. Nothing else seemed to be wrong. He taped the new bandage over the wound and looked away to place the leftovers back into their bag as she redressed herself.

"We'll stop for today." Sweeney said. "You'll need time to heal. There should be enough distance between us and the law."

They sat next to each other under a tree, munching on bread, cheese, nuts, and a carrot. They looked at the map that Nellie scribbled down. They were in Leicester and they're should be a few towns nearby. They decided that'd be their next move. To find a town and stuck up on supplies, maybe stay at an inn for awhile. They were nowhere near a port. Neither of them fancied going to backwards to Ipswich. Their best bet was to keep moving North, father and farther away from London.

"Who knows, maybe we could end up in Scotland." Nellie was saying. "I have some family in Scotland. Just a few cousins and some of my ancestors of course."

Sweeney fished out the gin in their bag, taking a swig of it. He had the sudden feeling that he'd need it. "We never got to finish our conversation on the train." He said.

"What conversation was that?"

"The one where you were telling me about how you killed Albert."

She shifted uncomfortably next to him. "Both our pasts are something neither of us want to talk about. Remember when we vowed to be honest with one another if we were going to keep traveling together?" She nodded, god, that conversation in London felt ages ago. Surely its only been at least a week.

"If you want to hear about my family, I'd be happy to tell you."

"I want to know everything about you. No more secrets. There's clearly a lot I don't know about you."

"I'm not keeping anything from you, love." She said chuckling a bit.

"Being a talented baker, knowing archery, poisoning your husband?" she shifted again. "Nothing else I need to know?" she grabbed the gin taking a huge gulp.

"I'll share everything. But," she pointed a finger at him, "You have to share with me when I'm done."

He nodded. She let loose a deep sigh and began.

The sun was no longer in the sky, and she still wasn't finished. She started with her childhood.

She had a stronger relationship with her father rather than her mother. Around when she was eleven, her father left for the war and never returned. "When we got the letter that he died in service, my heart shattered. It was the first time I felt actual pain." She didn't speak of her father much after that. And continued on.

"I grew up on a small farm. I was the only girl out of four children. I begged my older brother, George to let me go hunting with him. He always said no, till the day he wanted me to shut up about it and let me come. That's how I learned archery. He tried to scare me the whole time talking about having to kill and skin the animals. But it didn't bother me. Not one bit. He was so surprised." She laughed recalling her brother's expression when she didn't shy away from all the blood. "I never wanted to be like normal girls, who sat inside and sewed and knit all the time. I like the outdoors, playing in the mud, running through the fields. Once George taught me some archery, I'd take his bow and arrows and practice taking shots at some of the trees. I did accidentally hit a bird once."

"My mother hated this of course, and tried everything to make me more lady like. When I turned fifteen and Albert and I started our courtship, I had to learn how to be a proper lady. So she took me under her wing and taught me everything she could. And the only thing I really took a liking too was cooking. It was my aunt Nettie who taught me most of the pie recipes that I know today. I adore my aunt Nettie." Nellie said, she moved her position to leaning against the bag, hands resting on stomach, and she looked up at the sky. "I liked Nettie better than my own mother to tell you the truth."

"Nettie has a son named Daniel, my cousin. He was my best friend growing up. Nettie was fairly wealthy and she had a large house by the sea that we would go to on Holiday. She apparently also has a lake house in Scotland that she swears I've been to but I can't recall one bit. Anyway, my other two siblings were Robby and Tom, I despised them." she started laughing. "They were horrid. One time they locked me out of the house during a storm. Tom almost ran over me with our horse. One time they shaved the cat and blamed it on me. And my mother believed them!" She snarked, "She always preferred them over me. But I didn't mind, I had dad and George to help me get by."

Her expression turned glum for a bit. "After father died, George was drafted for the war as well. He came home after a few years. He met a girl in town and they got married. They have a son now. I've seen him once or twice on occasion, charming lad. Robby and Tom got married shortly after I did. We hardly ever wrote to each other and I'm not sure on how they've been. My grandfather owned a pie shop in the small town nearby. I loved to help him out in the shop. Albert was employed there which is how we met."

She paused, looking over at him, surprised that he wasn't only listening, but looked intrigued, as if he was enjoying himself. She smiled. "Guess that's all for the happy side of my tale." She grabbed the bottle of gin and took a drink. "Now. Albert was charming in the beginning. I didn't know what love was at the time. My father and brother were both gone and the house felt very depressing to be in, so when Albert proposed I said yes, even though I didn't want to marry him. I just wanted to be away from home. He was kind to me. Loved me more than I loved him. I was seventeen, I didn't know a thing about being a wife. I'm thankful for what my mother taught me, not that it made the job any easier."

She looked up at him. "That's the end of it. Your turn?"

"Why did you kill Albert?" Sweeney asked.

Nellie started playing with blades of grass. "Actually… the poison didn't kill him."

His eyebrows raised and she could've sworn he inched forward.

"Well it just made him even more sick. And mad, raging mad." She looked up at him. "I know you're not going to want to hear it, but you did tell me to be honest. I might as well fill in every hole."

He nodded and she continued.

"The day Johanna was taken. Just like with Lucy, Albert got mad and sick. Lucy was upstairs in bed and Johanna was asleep. To be frank, I was the only one looking after the little babe. I didn't mind, in fact, I wanted to. Albert and I could never conceive, after two miscarriages, we gave up. I always wanted a child of my own. I was happy to watch after little Johanna."

Nellie took another swig of the gin and continued. "I went out for a walk. I needed to get out of that house. To clear my head. I was only gone about twenty minutes. Johanna just got put down for a nap, I figured everything would be alright. When I returned, they were nowhere in sight and Albert sat at the table, drinking and sneering. He said the Beadle came for them. I rushed to the judge's home, knowing he must have had something to do with this." She swallowed, staring at the blades of grass. She didn't dare look at Sweeney as she told the story. He's expression would break her heart. "Outside, the carriage was there and I could hear Johanna squalling inside. Lucy was nowhere to be seen and the Beadle had a bleeding ear, there was a small chunk missing. Said Lucy went barking mad and bit a chunk out of his ear and ran off. He said, he planned to tell the judge that she died and he only brought Johanna."

Another deep, shaky breath, still not daring to look at him. "Then the judge and a few coppers came outside. I panicked and tried to get to the carriage to take Johanna away. They grabbed me, tossing me inside the house. The Beadle declared that I was the one who attacked him and the judge threatened to arrest me. To be honest, I wanted him to arrest me. I'd be free from Albert and London." Nellie swallowed again, fingers twisting the blade of grass in her hands. "Somehow, the judge knew this. He said he wouldn't arrest me, that the greatest punishment he could give me, would be to stay right where I was. But, to pay for my arrogance, he pushed me onto the table, ripped the back of my dress, and lashed me two times with his belt. The jeering of the other men and the embarrassment of it all was far more horrid than the pain."

From the corner of her eye she saw Sweeney's fist clenched. "When I returned home, defeated, depressed, humiliated, infuriated, and Albert just sat there drinking at the table like nothing happened." Nellie clenched her fists as well, still feeling angry as she did that day. "I snapped. He was laughing and jeering at me, saying he wanted them gone. I grabbed my rolling pin, and beat him over the head till he died." Nellie finally looked up at Sweeney. His expression was…. Difficult to read. He looked angry, sad, and impressed all at once.

"Thank you." He said after a pause. Nellie smiled sadly. "You tried to help them. I know that now. Why didn't you tell me all this when I came back? If I knew Lucy was alive—"

"You would've gone to her." Nellie said sadly.

"She was my wife, Eleanor." Nellie looked down at the grass again. "You never loved your husband and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry you never got to experience loving someone—"

"I loved you." She interrupted. "I wanted you the minute I saw you." She looked down again. "I'm selfish. I didn't force Lucy to poison herself, but I wasn't upset about it either. I just… I'm a monster. And if I didn't leave Johanna in the first place. Maybe she wouldn't of been…."

"Did you think that I'd come home, and marry you because you raised my child for me?"

"I'm a fool." Nellie said and she hung her head, taking a deep breath.

They were silent for a moment. Sweeney was taking everything in. It pained him, in ways he couldn't explain. He felt hurt, angry, angry towards the judge. He also felt angry towards Lucy, she gave up. Stopped caring about him, stopping caring for Johanna. Nellie was right in saying that she was selfish and a fool, but he couldn't help feel rather impressed that she fought to get his daughter back for him. She was afflicted and humiliated by the judge as well and she never gave up. He earned a new respect for her this night. As painful as hearing the truth was, he was thankful. He knew she wasn't lying this time either. What point would she have in lying now? He saw a lashing scar on her back when she treated her wounded side. There was the proof.

She still kept her gaze down to the grass, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"I didn't grow up on a farm or by the sea." he started saying. Nellie's head shot up. "Unlike you I was an only child. What?" he grew curious at her intense gaze she was giving him.

She wanted to cry she was so amazed. "Nothing, sorry continue." She wiped her eyes.

He continued his story, he kept it much shorter and simple than she had. She honestly felt glad that his past wasn't has charming as hers was. His father was an abusive alcoholic, his mother smothered him with adoration, she was very overprotective and hardly let him out of the house. He started barbering as an apprentice just to earn some extra cash but ended up greatly enjoying it. He met Lucy when he was twenty and she was eighteen. They eloped a year later. Her family situation wasn't pleasant either and they both wanted to escape. And the rest is history. He didn't go into much detail about Lucy or actually anything. But Nellie didn't mind. It was a pleasure to hear just the slightest touch of his story.

They ended up talking themselves into exhaustion.

"Thirty-two? Really?"

"How old did you think I was?" Nellie laughed.

"At least… forty something."

She almost chokes on the gin.

"You're younger me." He continued.

"By how many?"

"Three years." He took the gin bottle from her hands, taking a swig himself.

They chatted themselves into sleep, resting next to each other. Nellie drifted off before Sweeney did. It gave him plenty of more time to think. He stared at the stars with a light smile on his face. He felt at peace and that the air between them felt much clearer than it had before. He frowned remembering how she called him "husband" before. That would be a good alias for them to go by once they make it to a town. Why stop there, if they'll be living together anyway…

Before his eyes closed, her words from what felt like years ago echoed in his mind. "We could get by."