Chapter Summary: Things are distant between Beth and Boone, since she is still reeling from Arcade's admission and he doesn't know how to help her. Veronica eagerly teams up with Beth in a quest to shape the future of the Mojave Brotherhood.
Chapter 31: It's a Sin to Tell a Lie
After sitting quietly for a long while, the two companions returned to the camper at the 188 Trading Post. Boone lay on his bedroll a few feet away from Beth's, but didn't close his eyes. He was too worried about her. The winter night air was chilly and even under her heavy duster she shivered in her bedroll. Her breathing was labored and he wasn't sure if she was crying or not. Not being able to comfort her and keep her warm made him frustrated and uneasy, but she'd been very clear that she didn't want to be touched right now. Things had been going so well between them before. Now it felt like she was slipping away from him. He wasn't sure what else he could do except keep watch over her.
Even when her breathing slowed and she appeared to be asleep, she continued to hold herself tightly and tremble. Silently sitting up, he removed his jacket and draped it over her duster without her seeming to notice. Within a few minutes, she stopped shivering and only then did he feel comfortable enough to go to sleep.
At least he had done something for her.
When dawn broke over the horizon, Boone climbed out of his bedroll and quietly checked on Beth. She was still asleep under the bulky cover of her duster and his jacket. The morning air seemed even colder than it had been overnight, but he could make do with his long-sleeved flannel shirt. He didn't want to risk waking her by taking his jacket back, since sleep might be a rare thing for her over the next few days.
From the bar, he bought two bowls of some kind of hot porridge, two cups of coffee, and some Dandy Boy Apples. Although he couldn't stand their artificial cinnamon flavor, he'd noticed that they were one of Beth's favorites. He thought she might like them mixed in with the porridge.
"Who'd you piss off?" the woman behind the counter asked as she ladled out their breakfast into bowls.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Your face. Wasn't like that last night. Bruise looks fresh."
Being used to injury, he hadn't thought much about waking up with a sore jaw. "It's nothing."
"If you say so." The woman shrugged indifferently.
Without further comment, he handed her the caps for the food and took the tray back towards the camper. Seeing that Beth still hadn't stirred, he set the tray down on the floor.
Rubbing his face, he winced when he touched the spot that had been in the path of Beth's startled punch the night before. From his pack, he eased a stimpak out of his med kit and injected it. The medicine worked quickly and soon any trace of soreness was gone, and he knew, the bruise along with it. Normally, he wouldn't have wasted a stimpak on such a minor injury, but he didn't want Beth to see it and feel bad. It wasn't her fault. He shouldn't have woken her like that. From previous experience, he knew waking her was like disarming a frag mine, although she had never actually hit him before. Reactions like hers had been common among soldiers he'd served with. After surviving so long in the Wasteland and everything she'd been through, he couldn't blame her for being so tightly wound. She was only trying to protect herself.
Boone sat with his back against the camper wall, trying to warm himself with the hot mug in his hands. The coffee was sludgy and bitter, but with enough agave sweetener, it was drinkable. After the rough night they'd had, he figured they could both use it.
A couple of minutes later, Beth turned over and sat up, eyes looking sleepy. "Morning."
"Morning. You hungry? I got breakfast."
"Yeah, thanks." He handed her a bowl of porridge with the apples on top, which she took with one hand while she smoothed her hair with the other. She shoveled a spoonful of porridge in her mouth. "Mmm, the apples in this are really good."
"Glad you like it." The confirmation made him feel warm inside even before he took a bite of his own food.
She reached for her coffee cup, then stopped as though she remembered something and set her bowl down on the floor. Looking over at him, she reached out and examined his face. "Last night...I hit you." Her tired expression turned guilty.
"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." Since the mark was gone, he just wanted to move on and forget it happened.
"It's not fine. I hurt you. How could I do that?"
He moved closer to her, but still didn't touch her. He wouldn't until she said it was okay. "Look at me. It's fine. I shouldn't have startled you awake out of a night-out of a dream like that. You didn't know it was me."
She studied his face for a moment. "You're really okay?"
"Yes. See? Not even a bruise. Nothing to worry about."
Her shoulders relaxed. "Still, I'm so sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for." He picked up her bowl and handed it to her. "Come on and eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
Beth took the bowl and nodded, then looked down at the pile of clothing covering her. "Why do I have your jacket? Aren't you freezing?"
"No." He was a little, but he cared about her comfort more than his.
"I can see your breath. Please take your jacket back."
Boone grunted and took it, putting it back on.
"Did you see Veronica?"
"No."
"It's a bit early, I suppose. Michelle said she doesn't usually get here until nine or so. We have a little time." She sighed. "I had planned on telling you some stuff on the walk here yesterday. You and him." He knew she meant Arcade. "But I didn't feel like talking yesterday. I don't really feel like talking now, but there are some things you should know. The reason I'm so confident that meeting with the Brotherhood would be okay is that I was sort of one of them for a while."
"What?" This was surprising, crazy even. Although most of the fighting had been over for many years before he enlisted, the Brotherhood was still considered an enemy of the NCR. Of course, he could never see her as an enemy, but still, how had she not mentioned this before?
"Not fully. Just sort of. Back in D.C., before I was born, they helped protect the purifier my parents were working on. Then after my dad...died, and the Enclave took it, the Brotherhood helped find the tech we needed to make the purifier work and then fight to take it back."
"I didn't think the Brotherhood was so helpful to outsiders."
"They usually aren't, but Lyons wasn't like most Brotherhood elders. He believed that they had a duty to not just protect people from dangerous technology, but also to actually help the people of the Wasteland. We had our differences, but he was a good man and I believed in what his chapter stood for. They offered to make me an honorary Knight, more or less."
"Holy shit."
"Yeah."
"But you didn't stay? Why not?"
"Part of it was that I wasn't good at following orders and protocol."
"Shocking," he said with a glint in his eye.
"I know, right?" she said with a small chuckle. "Not that they really expected me to. Even so, I just didn't fit in well with the others. I wasn't truly one of them. But a bigger issue was that for all their benevolence toward the people of the Wastes, that goodwill didn't extend to intelligent ghouls or super mutants. Those were deal-breakers as far as I was concerned. I accepted affiliation as long as we were fighting the Enclave, but after that, I left. Went my own way."
"Sounds like that was hard."
"It was. Probably why I didn't mention it. I had this whole group that was willing to take me in and accept me. Make me one of them. But I couldn't do it."
"Why was their opinion of ghouls and super mutants so important to you?"
"I couldn't leave my friends. Charon and Fawkes. They did so much for me, I didn't want to just abandon them."
Now some things were making sense. "That explains why you grilled me about my opinion of ghouls when we were talking about Ranger Station Echo." He hadn't really thought much about her "mentor" Charon, but this added an unexpected twist to the whole thing. Maybe this information should have been surprising, but it wasn't. After everything else he'd learned about her, he supposed he shouldn't be surprised by anything. "Who's Fawkes? I haven't heard you mention him."
"No, I haven't," she said flatly.
He took the hint and didn't press her on it.
She closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry I've been so distant. After everything yesterday, I don't know what to do with all of it. I'm just trying not to fall apart."
"I know."
Reaching out, she grasped his hand and her eyes met his. "I want you to know that even though I probably seemed freaked out the other night, I meant it when I said I loved you."
He smiled, her touch and words relieving some of his worry. "I know you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it." Still, it was good to hear, since she had seemed like she was going to run out of the room for a few seconds after he'd said it.
Returning his smile, she said, "And I'm so glad that I have someone I can trust who won't lie to me."
A wave of guilt swept over him and his expression faltered.
"What's the matter?"
"I...I did sort of lie to you."
"Sort of?" Her whole body seemed to tense up, as though bracing herself for what he was about to say. "About what? When?"
"I was cold without my jacket," he said in a half-joking tone, hoping to test her reaction before revealing the other lie.
"Okay...is that all?" she asked cautiously. When he averted his eyes and didn't reply, she asked again, more desperately, "Is that all? Please, just tell me."
"It's not that big of a deal." He wasn't sure how she was going to react to his next admission. "Earlier, my face was bruised. I used a stimpak before you woke up so you wouldn't see."
Beth stared at him. "So you lied. Why?"
"It wasn't really a lie. Like I said, I was fine."
Letting out a grunt of frustration, she pulled her hand away. "Don't split hairs. You deliberately misled me about something important. About something I did to you! How could you do that?"
"I didn't want it to be a big deal."
"It is a big deal. Damnit, Boone! My father lied to me for the first nineteen years of my life. Arcade's been lying to me for the last three years." Tears welled up in her eyes and she blinked them back. "I won't—I can't be with someone who lies to me. I need to be able to trust you."
That hit him harder than her punch to the jaw. "You can trust me! I'm sorry! I just didn't want you to feel bad."
"I told you specifically that while I appreciate you watching my back, I don't need you to protect my feelings."
She had told him that back on their first trip to Freeside after that lowlife chem dealer had cursed at her, and Boone had pinned him against the wall, demanding he apologize. They had barely known each other then, but he'd had a sudden protective instinct in that moment. That instinct was so much stronger now. "And that was fine then, but...now, it's different. We're different."
"We are. Which is why it's even more important that you respect what I'm asking. If you had struck me coming out of a nightmare, would you want me to do what you did?"
Even just the idea of accidentally hurting her was horrifying to him, but not knowing he had would be worse. "No, you're right. I wouldn't."
"Thank you. At least you can see that." She sighed, standing up. "I can't deal with this anymore right now. I need to go look for Veronica."
"Should I come with you?"
"No, I need some space. I'll come and find you before we leave." Turning, she walked out of the camper door.
"Okay."
Boone stared at his cold, half-eaten breakfast, not feeling the least bit hungry. It didn't even look like food, at the moment. He knew he'd crossed the line and shaken Beth's trust in him, even though his intentions had been good. She was already dealing with so much.
While he would do anything for her, he wasn't sure he could do what she was asking. Not lying to her was one thing, but how was he supposed to not protect the feelings of the person he cared about most in the world? He was just supposed to let her be hurt, even if he could stop it? Didn't she understand how much it killed him to see her in pain?
What made things worse was that he wasn't sure when they'd be able to talk about it since Veronica was going to be traveling with them. This rift between them might last for days or longer, which filled him with dread.
It was going to be a long day.
Beth sat outside on top of one of the picnic tables with her feet on the bench and her duster pulled tightly around her. She wanted to hide somewhere alone, but she needed to keep an eye out for Veronica. It was all she could do not to cry. Her insides were still raw from what had happened with Arcade. Even though Boone's lie was tiny by comparison and he'd meant well, it still felt like a huge betrayal of her trust in him and their partnership. It had happened at the worst possible time. She was starting to wonder why she trusted anyone.
As much as she tried to put Arcade out of her mind, he still kept creeping back into her thoughts. How could she not have known? She should have been more suspicious. That damned plasma defender should have tipped her off-he was way too good of a shot with it for a doctor. Most of the rest of the Followers never touched guns, relying on their hired guards for protection. Despite living in an inhospitable Wasteland, none of the scientists at Project Purity had been able to properly defend themselves, either. Her father had taught her to shoot the BB gun he'd given her for her tenth birthday, and he had been able to shoot a pistol, but against a serious threat, he'd been rather useless. Maybe if he hadn't been, he could have fought Autumn instead of-
"-Damnit," she cursed herself internally, rubbing her face. Why did she have to think about her dad right now? She was already too emotional and that was only making it worse.
Deep down, she knew why. Arcade's resemblance to her dad had been evident to her from the beginning of their acquaintanceship. Or maybe she'd seen what she'd wanted to see, time having eroded her memory. It was probably just the lab coat and wavy hair, she reasoned. Either way, it felt like she'd lost the last piece of him.
"Stop being stupid," she scolded herself. "He's not your dad. He's nothing like your dad. He's lying Enclave trash. He always was. Anything you're feeling right now is just more lies."
Taking a deep breath, her sadness morphed back into a resolve to continue on mission.
She'd make up with Boone later when they had a moment and she could get reassurance from him that he wouldn't lie to her again. Maybe it was foolish to trust anyone, but she didn't want to lose him. Not only was he all she had now, she also loved him in a way she hadn't thought she was capable of. She'd thought she was too broken, but he brought it out of her.
Maybe more amazing was that he was able to love her. After losing Carla the way he had, no one could have blamed him for shutting that part of himself down forever. Beth would have understood. At every stage of their relationship, she had sort of expected them to stop there, but it had always kept going. She would have been content stopping at any point. Where they were now was a place she never could have predicted, never would have thought was possible. Their broken pieces somehow fit together.
To love him and have him love her back was wonderful, yet at the same time, deeply terrifying.
There were too many feelings competing inside her head, to the point where Beth was starting to feel a nauseating headache coming on. She also hadn't slept well or finished her breakfast, which didn't help. It was good that she didn't keep med-x in her bag-Boone carried their supply, in case of emergencies-since she didn't trust herself with it. It would get rid of the headache, but it would also take some of her emotional pain away. That would be too much temptation, and she knew it would be hard to stop if she went down that road.
The pain wasn't anything she hadn't endured before. She would get through it.
"Hey, chica. What's shakin'?" Beth heard from behind her, breaking her out of her thoughts.
"Hey, Veronica," she replied with forced cheer as she turned around. "Good to see you."
"You, too. Michelle said you were looking for me. What's up?"
"Let's talk somewhere more private." Beth stood and led the way out of earshot of the rest of the traders. "Long story short, I need to speak with your elder about making a truce with New Vegas."
Veronica laughed in surprise. "Like with Mr. House? I didn't know we were in conflict."
"You aren't, but he's concerned about the future, that the Mojave Brotherhood will take exception to his use of technology if and when they decide to stop isolating themselves."
"Why'd he send you? This another courier job?"
"Sort of. I've been working with him."
"Really?!" Her eyes widened. "So, what's his deal? Is he a computer or what?"
"No, he insists he's flesh and blood. I'm reasonably certain he's telling the truth." Although, she wasn't as sure about anything as she had been a few days ago. "My best guess is that he's a ghoul who keeps up his 'man behind the curtain' act to add to his mystique."
Veronica chuckled. "Makes sense. Turning what would be off-putting to a lot of people into a god-like figure is a good way to hold on to your power." Fortunately, Veronica didn't seem to share the same disdain for intelligent ghouls as the rest of the Brotherhood.
"What's the Brotherhood's current stance on him? If any?"
"We haven't had much contact. We have blown up a few bots that got too close that we assume belonged to Mr. House. There has also been some talk among the scribes about wanting to investigate the things around Vegas. The bright lights do attract a lot of attention, but we don't have much information to go on other than what we've heard second- or third-hand. So few of us have been allowed out of the bunker. And none have been on the Strip itself. I think that's just because McNamara is too cheap to pay for a passport." She smirked.
"So, are House's concerns unfounded?" While she knew they weren't, she wanted to hear Veronica's opinion.
"To be honest, probably not. Right now, we're on lockdown, but that can't last forever. Even if the elder doesn't see that," she added crossly. "Eventually, that policy is going to have to change or we're going to die out."
"And if and when it does, there's a strong possibility they'll come after the tech in New Vegas."
Veronica nodded. "It'll be on the short list."
Now that the securitrons were upgraded and the ones under Fortification hill were activated, Beth knew House had far more firepower than the Brotherhood could possibly be aware of. Their defeat at the hands of the NCR at Helios One had severely weakened their forces. They had no allies in the region. The other chapters were too far away and too occupied with their own affairs to be of any help. If they attacked New Vegas, that would be the end of them. One solution was to let the course of events play out, but it would cost many lives, and not just the lives of the Mojave Brotherhood. Innocent people in Freeside and New Vegas, people she cared about, could be casualties in such a battle. She crossed her arms over her chest. "So what can we do?"
"Well, I've tried badgering, nagging, and complaining, but that hasn't worked. We have to find a way to convince McNamara to stop hiding and let us become part of the outside world, to use our knowledge to actually do some good instead of just hoarding tech. Like the Followers of the Apocalypse. They use their knowledge to help people, make friends where we make enemies. We're far more advanced than they are-we could do so much more. Develop new technology, recruit new members. We wouldn't have to hide. We'd have a future."
"Then do you think they'd be open to a peaceful truce with Mr. House?"
"I think it's our best shot."
It was far from a perfect plan, but it was the best they had at the moment. She had to try. "Okay. How do we make that happen?"
"I've been thinking a lot about this," She sat down on the bench, looking thoughtful. "The only thing the elder will listen to is technology. We have to show him something he can't ignore. I can think of a couple possibilities. I've told you about Father Elijah, right?"
"Yeah, of course." In fact, Veronica had spoken often of her mentor and surrogate grandfather.
"For a while after he left, he would leave messages for me on a comm terminal in an old house near Helios One. He kept some research files on there, too. He was a genius at finding and understanding advanced tech."
"Sounds like a plan. I just need to find my partner and we can head out."
She beamed, looking genuinely excited. "Thanks!"
They found Boone sitting on the ground outside the camper with both of their backs packed and ready to go next to him. He looked up at her as she approached.
"You remember my partner, Craig Boone," she said to Veronica.
"Yeah, good to see you're still around." She smirked and lifted her eyebrow suggestively. Boone just grunted in response.
Beth gave him a quick briefing of the plan, to which he said very little. She wasn't sure if he was still upset about earlier or if it was Veronica's presence making him extra quiet. It was probably both.
As they walked, Veronica did most of the talking, sometimes turning back to ask Boone a question and only getting grunts or single word responses.
"Not much of a talker, is he?" she muttered to Beth.
"No, not really."
The safe house was tucked into the rocky hills, out of sight of the road. Veronica unlocked the door and went inside.
"I'll wait here," Boone said, dropping his pack to the ground.
"Okay," Beth answered and went in without him.
Sitting on the floor next to the terminal, Veronica wasted no time accessing the files, mumbling to herself as she perused them. "There are a few in here that look promising. Take a look."
Beth crouched down next to her to read the screen.
"Um...is it okay with your partner that I'm here?" Veronica asked.
"Why do you ask?"
"He doesn't seem to want me around. I get that he doesn't talk much, but he seems kind of...hostile. I can see that he's NCR. Is my being in the Brotherhood an issue?"
"No, Veronica, it's not you," Beth assured her. "Boone and I had a bit of a disagreement before you arrived, but we're working through it. As for this, he was fully informed about you and what we were trying to do before we left Vegas. He doesn't really care about the Brotherhood, one way or the other."
The scribe shrugged with an uncertain grin. "I guess indifference is sometimes the best we can hope for."
"Well, let's see if we can change that." Turning back to the screen, she read through the descriptions of the highlighted items. "No offense, Veronica, but I think we should focus on the most benign option. I don't think giving the Brotherhood more weaponry will further either of our interests. This advanced farming technology is probably the best choice."
"Fair enough. Maybe this will show McNamara that technology can be used to make us more self-sufficient, not just blow people up. Show him that there's an alternative way of doing things." She clicked a few keys on the terminal. "Elijah seems to think it's in Vault 22."
"Never heard of it. Does he say where it is?"
"Hmm...the notes say it's hidden in the hills to the west of New Vegas."
"That's not very specific, but if that's all we have, we'll have to go with that."
Beth opened up her Pip-Boy map and the two of them began to plan their route when Boone burst in the door. "We got incoming," he growled. "Legion. Five or six. Up by the road."
"Do you think they know we're here?"
"No. If they were tracking us, looks like they lost the trail."
"Uh, Veronica, did I mention that Boone and I are wanted by the Legion?" Beth asked, knowing she hadn't. Originally, she had expected to go right to the Brotherhood bunker, so she didn't think it would be an issue.
"You didn't, but maybe it should have been obvious, from some of the stuff I've been hearing," she said, looking out of the corner of her eye at Boone.
"Sorry. If you want to bail, I get it."
With a smirk, she raised her ballistic fist. "Oh, no, I'm with you. It's been way too long since I last punched something. And I have some frustrations I need to work out."
Beth drew her pistol. "Alright then. Let's go."
Author Notes:
Sorry this update has been so delayed. I'm still very much committed to finishing this story. I want to read the rest more than anyone.
Big shout-out to ScrimshawPen for all her help and for being so patient with me. She's the best beta a girl could ask for. :) If you're a Fallout fan, you should check out her stories.