Chapter 7

For the first time for as long as Kai could remember he felt at peace. It was bliss. The switch had come with a free mental vacation. He had never felt this relaxed before. It had been ages since he had awoken with anticipation of the day to come. The stress dreams, that had been a staple of his nights since childhood, were now a faint memory. It's not like he didn't want to switch back, he just wasn't in a big rush to do so. Couldn't he savour the moment for a while?

"Hey I get it." he told Ray. It wasn't easy being him. Especially for someone who wasn't accustomed to all this anxiety.

Truth be told, why shouldn't he be allowed a break? How was it fair that he had to deal with it for a lifetime whilst people like Ray and Tyson had clearly won the mental health lottery could just cruise through life?

It's not their fault, he had to remind himself. Just because they were the target of his growing jealousy didn't mean they deserved it. And right now Ray was suffering just as he had.

"Try to focus that energy on something less important. Like germs." he advised. He owed him that.

Ray was hardly impressed. "Germs? Really?"

"Or clean eating. Mindfulness. Exercise. There is a reason people get so obsessed with those things. They're meaningless. It's better to worry about frivolous nonsense than the things that have real consequences."

It wasn't until Ray was riding the tram to the community centre that Kai's words rang true. There was relief in focusing on how disgusting the pole was that he was holding on to. Decked out in the greasy prints of god knows how many hands. There was even a dried out piece of gum, and good grief was that a hair caught up in it? Upon closer inspection, it was an insect leg. Ray was able to spend the entire ride absorbed in his disgust, with no mind space left to stress about their unfortunate and possibly permanent predicament.

The relief was so great that he nearly missed his stop.

This time around there was a new face in the group. Though maybe not so new. The guy was making eye contact with him as though they knew each other. A tall guy with sun-kissed skin and the type of built that only daily physical work could produce. Ray tried to jog his memory but to no avail. Yet he couldn't take his eyes off him.

The mystery contender approached him after work. A cocky grin plastered on his face.

"Hey."

Ray had to suppress his instinct to smile back at him, and dutifully upheld Kai's numb expression. "Hi."

"Wanna grab a drink?"

So he was a friend. As exciting as that was, Kai's voice was echoing in his mind. No snooping.

"Maybe another time."

"I'm buying." the stranger said.

He had something very persuasive about him. At least that's how Ray explained to himself why he ended up sitting across from him in a sleazy dive bar ten minutes later. It was one of those places with the gawdy neon look that looked more dated than vintage. A vinyl player rendered sombre jazz, a record which Ray would never have chosen to put on, but found himself enjoying. He had heard the song before, it was one of those generic pieces, often played over ads or on game shows, but for the first time he noticed its intricate melody and the complexity of the evolving beat. So much so that he had to stop himself from tapping his leg to it. Something made even worse by the fact that the tables were an awkward round shape that left little space for plates of food and even less for two sets adult male legs. Kai's were a few centimetres longer than his an never had he been more aware of it than now, when he tried, to no avail, to position them in a way that they weren't touching the stranger's.

"They call me Ryuu."

So not a friend of Kai's after all. Darn it.

"Why do you look so surprised?" he inquired. He was softly shaking his drink, letting the liquid swash against the ice like waves to the shore.

"I thought we already met."

Ryuu took a long sip from his glass. Some drops of brandy were left dancing on his lip and he swiftly cleaned them up with a sensual flick of his tongue.

"That would explain why you have been looking at me so attentively."

"Did I?" Ray inquired. For a moment he considered apologizing. But that wasn't exactly in character.

Ryuu nodded, not breaking the eye contact.

"I'm Ra- " Shit. "Really happy to make your acquaintance. My name is Kai." he corrected himself.

"So am I." Ryuu replied smirking. His knee brushed against his and Ray instinctively shifted his legs to make room.

What was wrong? Why was he having such a hard time making conversation? Had Kai's bad communication skills rubbed off on him or was there something particular about this guy that was making him uneasy?

Ryuu said something, but Ray had been too slow to raise his head. It was hard to make out clearly what people were saying when he wasn't looking at their lips. Lip reading was an intuitive skill that he had been utilising without being aware of it. But that did mean he had to remind himself to face his conversation partners.

Ryuu's moved his leg back into position, now intentionally leaning it against the inside of Ray's leg. In that moment the coin dropped. This guy was hitting on him. Shit! Ray really had to work harder on Kai's resting bitch face. This guy had been confusing Kai's uncharacteristic openness with flirting.

"Sorry for the confusion but I'm not gay."

Ryuu seemed unfazed by his words.

"Is that why you are so flushed?" he teased him.

He was moving his knee, though not away as Ray had hoped, he was holding his breath as Ryuu let it to glide along the inside of his leg until it nestled itself in his crotch.

Ray gasped.

Ryuu didn't stop there, he rubbed it against him in circular motion.

By now the shock had settled and anger boiled up. Ray gripped the creep's thigh, digging his nails into the thick denim fabric and aggressively pushed him away.

"I told you I'm not interested."

Ryuu leaned in closer, his breath was touching his face now. Ray gulped.

"Is that why you're hard?"

It was true.

Ray would have wanted nothing more than punch this guy's self-satisfied smirk off his face and storm out the bar but Kai's loose fitting pants left little to the imagination. But what was the alternative? Sitting here and allowing this perv to rub him off under the table? In public?

Though humiliating, Ray was sure Kai would have preferred the first option, so he got up, slapped his assaulter across the face, and rushed out as fast as he could.

Shit.

"If this is going to work you really have to give me a heads-up." he hissed at Kai, who was lying on the front porch of the dojo with his baseball cap covering his face, seemingly sunbathing. He moved the screen of his cap a few inches, just enough to roll his eyes at Ray and make sure he saw it.

"What is it about this time? Trouble with the PO? Did you go off snooping again?" he sounded bored.

"Why didn't you tell us you are gay?"

Colour drained from Kai's face and his eyes widened in horror. He sat up straight. A motion that reminded Ray of docile prey, tensing up and pointing its ears.

"How did you... why?" he stuttered.

"Did you really think you could hide it? I'm in your body! Not like we would have judged you for it."

"I just... that's personal okay?" He looked vulnerable and a little pathetic. "Please Ray. You can't tell the others."

"Do you really think they would take issue with it? Tyson is almost too tolerant for his own good and Max is American, they're pretty free about that kind of stuff in the West. How come you think so low of us? Haven't we proven plenty of times that you can trust us?"

"I trust you guys, I know you wouldn't spread rumours. I just don't want or need you to know."

Ray crossed his arms. It's not like they weren't aware and respectful of his reasons for it, but Kai's aloofness was downright rude at times.

"That's a self-serving way to think about friendship." he remarked dryly.

"How? I don't bother you with my problems."

"But we want to return the favour."

"Don't act like you were cool with what you saw." Kai shot back. "You have been judging me ever since you were given this intrusive insight into my life.

Ray had to admit that he had been rightfully called out. He hadn't offered his friend much understanding or forgiveness, nor embraced any new discoveries with open arms. In fact, many of the things Kai had kept hidden had indeed made him lose respect for the guy.

"All I see are the results, not the reasons." he finally said in his defence. "In order to sympathise with you, you need to explain what led you to make certain choices."

Kai stared back at him blankly, which looked glaringly incongruent on Tyson's typically expressive face. Then he nodded.

"Okay. What do you want to know?"

"First off, what were you busted for?"

"Drugs."

"Christ, I knew it. Is that why I've been feeling so tweaked this entire time?"

"You would do us all a favour if you picked up smoking again." -That he hadn't considered, Kai was a regular smoker and Ray hadn't touched his cigarettes since the switch.- "But no, I'm not a user. I was helping out a friend." Kai elaborated.

"By getting your friend drugs?"

"No. We were at a hobby shop when the owner freaked out over finding a bag with some pills on the floor. He called the cops and they showed up before we even noticed anything was off. Questioned us. It wasn't clear who it belonged to so we played it cool, up until the moment he suggested replaying the security cam footage. So I took the fall."

"Why would you do that?"

He shrugged. "I told friend I would be better off getting busted than him, I have citizenship, no priors, the judge is my grandfather's drinking buddy from prep school, truth be told I just wanted to play his hero."

"That is a big fall to take for a friend." Ray said sceptically.

"You don't have to tell me that. I know it was stupid. And it's not entirely selfless either. It did him no good and I have no doubt he will continue his doing. It wouldn't be his first close call either. But I just didn't want to lose him. I hoped that if he owed me something I might stand a chance."

"Do you have a thing for him?"

Normally he would have sat on this question but to his surprise Kai answered it for him.

"Yeah. And you don't have to say it, I know I'm being a creep."

"I still feel obligated to call you out for it. That's some incel shit, Kai. What is his response been?"

Kai looked down at his feet and nodded repentantly.

"He is grateful, though a little overwhelmed and he'd be way spooked if he found out my true intentions so this has to stay between us, understood?"

"Of course. Is he a fuck buddy or something?"

Kai glared back at him, clearly appalled.

"No, he's not even gay. And I don't do that kind of stuff." he didn't straight out say "unlike you" but it was implied. And Ray felt adequately slut shamed. "He is just someone whose company I value."

"Okay."

So a mystery platonic crush then. Ray didn't even have to ask if Kai had genuine feelings for this guy. The way his friend was blushing and constantly breaking his gaze spoke for itself.

"Any chance he could make an exception for you?"

"No."

"I'm sorry, mate. Heart break sucks, no matter who you love."

Kai stared back at him blankly, then pressed out a frail "Yeah". His voice broke in the middle of it. "But that's how it goes." He said in a deadpan way, like he had never allowed himself to hope in the first place.

"Do you have anyone to talk to?"

"Who?" Kai grunted back at him.

"Does your guy know you're gay."

"He's not my guy. And no. Nobody knows, but you. And some kid I had a thing with back in prep school."

"Doesn't that feel like a relief? Sharing your secret."

"No."

Ray snorted. Kai's brutal honesty could be unintentionally comical at times.

"Well big guy, I'll be here for you if you ever want to talk. And there is no shame in coming to me since I already know. In fact, there is no one better suited right now. I know how you feel, literally."

"Lucky me." Kai replied sarcastically.

"And I'm sorry I judged you prematurely. Taking the fall for a love that you know will never be returned and that you will never demand is a noble and selfless act."

"What's this? An apology?"

"Sure." Ray confirmed. Then he pulled him into a tight embrace. "And you get this one as a freebie."

Kai sighed, though he leaned in to the hug. By now they were all well aware their reluctant team mate savoured these moments of closeness more than any of them.

"Hey Ray." he muttered into his hair. "You still got that cash, right?"

"Yeah?"

Kai smirked. Too easy.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Thank you so much for all your kind reviews. I love you guys, you keep me going. 3

Sorry that this too me so long.