The Deville You Know Ch19
"Are you out of your mind? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Paige looked across the room at her mother, whose expression was quickly turning angry, the exact opposite of what she wanted, what she hoped for, and what she thought it was going to be after she swallowed her fears and confessed her relationship to the family matriarch. "Mum, what do you mean? There's nothing wrong with me."
"Well clearly there still is. I know you went through hell in your relationships recently, but this is not the answer. I don't understand how you've gone to this extreme, but it's not right for you."
Paige was feeling like she was a young child again, being scolded. She was struggling to make her argument. "N-no. This is right. It is."
"Listen my girl. Listen to me, and to yourself. You don't know what's right. I can't blame you for wanting something as far away from your last relationship as you can get. But surely you see this isn't the way to do it?"
"But, mum, you aren't listening to me. It is right. If it's making me happy, then how can it be wrong?"
Sonya stayed quiet at the top of the staircase, knowing that she shouldn't butt into this argument, and make things worse. Although she was unhappy to hear Julia dismissing their relationship, it made her feel good to hear it being defended by the only person whose opinion mattered to her.
"You were happy before for a while. How long has it been? Six weeks? Still in the honeymoon period? Once that's over, what then? You can't go down this hole again. You scared me enough the last time."
That comment angered Paige. "You are comparing Sonya to him? How can you say that? You warned me before, and I didn't listen. I'm sorry, really sorry, but she isn't like that. She has treated me so well, better than any guy ever has! You spent the day with her, and from what I could see, you got on well, didn't you?"
"Yes, she's a lovely girl, but..."
"But what, mother!?" Paige screamed. Sonya took a step down, thinking she needed to go and calm her girlfriend down, but forced herself to stop once again.
"She's a lovely girl, but I thought she was your friend, you hadn't told me who she was to you, not really. I don't like being lied to, you know that, and you did it anyway. You should have told me the truth. Stop me looking stupid and we wouldn't have gone through all this." Julia turned away, leaning on the counter and looking out of the window.
Paige wasn't stopping there though. "What are you talking about? Wouldn't have gone through all this? What do you mean? What if I had told you I was dating her before we came up? Would you have let me invite her? Would you have invited me?" The silence that followed was felt by all three of them.
"Mum?"
Still nothing. Sonya now knew what the response was going to be. She held her breath.
"Mum?"
"No, no I wouldn't. I'd have told you that this was not you, not who you are, and that I wasn't going to play any part in this charade!"
"What?" Paige hadn't expected that. "You wouldn't have invited me?"
"No. This is too much for me. Too much for us. All we did to help you, to get you back on track after everything you happened. When we let you go back to the States, you seemed like yourself again. But you are still messed up. Listen to me girl, and listen hard. You aren't gay. I don't know what you think you are doing, but you don't have feelings for another woman, any other woman."
Again silence dominated the room for several seconds, but felt like longer.
"How can you stand there and tell me how I feel! You never once told me off like this with any of the men I have brought home. You let me make my own mistakes. And before you go off again, that's not a complaint. But now, you tell me I don't have feelings for Sonya? Why? Because she's a woman? I have never been drawn to someone as naturally as we have been. I thought like you for a very short time, but I realised I was wrong. Even when I tried to keep my distance from her, I was wrong. She has let me do everything at my own pace. Taken everything in our relationship at my own pace, she cares about me more than nearly anyone, except you. Or so I thought." Paige regretted what she was saying, but more that it had to be said, than the words she was choosing.
"Taking it at your pace? Because you're slowing it all down, aren't you? You see, because you are kidding yourself. You haven't slept with her, have you."
That was Sonya's limit. She came downstairs as fast as she could and gave Paige a hug, which both of them really felt like they needed.
"Sonya, I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out. My daughter isn't like you." Julia said, which did nothing to calm the situation. Sonya couldn't bite her tongue anymore.
"Not like me? How homophobic can you get? You are only saying this because you are scared of how people might react. Like they might look down on you because she wants to hold my hand walking down the street. Or kisses me hello when we see each other. And what mother asks her daughter if she's had sex with someone? You have been a great host, I had a great time till now, but you have to get a grip, or you are going to push her away. I know that as a fact, because to answer you, no we have not slept together, because she is adjusting, and I care about her enough not to rush her into anything she isn't ready for. Isn't that a quality you would want in a partner for your child? Her happiness is my only care. She makes me happy by holding my hand, and kissing me hello, no matter what it looks like to you, or anyone else, and it's certainly not just about sex. I don't want to push her away, she is special to me, so I will do anything I can to keep her around."
"I hope you didn't expect that monologue to make a difference to me. I'm not homophobic, but there are a lot of people out there who are. And when this becomes public knowledge, there will be a lot of people who will be on her case. She knows this, and that's why she isn't willing to take things further with you. She might enjoy being in your company, and so did I. But as a friend. That's all it will ever be, I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure that happens.
Sonya had a response all lined up, but to everyone's surprise, Paige exploded with one of her own. "I thought you would understand! I thought you'd be the one person I could count on to understand. I'm confused, I'm scared, but I'm happy! And if you can't be happy for me, sorry babe, for us, then, we should go. Sonya, can you get our bags please."
"Paige, are you sure?" Sonya asked.
"Please, just throw everything in the cases and let's get out of here, if you leave anything, I'll replace it. Just do it, please. Mum, tell Dad I'm sorry."Paige wiped a tear from her eye and walked out of the house, all but running to the car and got it, locking the door. Sonya did as she was told, quickly packing their cases and bringing them down. As she passed Julia they made eye contact, but since it was clear she wasn't going to speak, Sonya tried to make peace.
"Look, I could easily start shouting at you too, but that helps nobody. I'm sorry if I led you on, but I'm serious about Paige. She was afraid to tell you, her confidence is shattered, and you just made it a lot worse. Please, think long and hard about what you do next, because if you get it this wrong again, you could lose your daughter for good."
She then went to the car, loaded the bags, and climbed into the passenger seat, and before she could get her seatbelt on, Paige started the car and accelerated away, leaving smoke in her wake.
Paige drove through the streets like a lunatic, not letting the traffic get in her way, leaning on the horn at red lights, and Sonya was feeling a little scared. They were out of the city in only a few minutes, driving in the country, but with no apparent direction.
"Paige, honey, can you calm down? Or at least tell me where we are going?" Sonya got no response to her question, but only moments later, Paige pulled the car off the main road, and onto a dirt path, leading into a clearing surrounded by trees. She stopped the car and turned off the engine, but didn't stop staring straight ahead or release her grip on the steering wheel.
Sonya didn't know what to say, or what to do. Her girlfriend was just staring into space with a look on her face that could kill at twenty paces. She didn't want the rage clearly building up in her to come out in her direction, so she elected to stay silent too, until Paige made the first move.
Eventually, the silence was broken, but not in the way Sonya hoped. Paige suddenly let out an ear piercing, banshee like scream that trumped anything that she had heard in the wrestling ring. She jumped from the shock, but her own frightened feelings had to put aside when she watched all of Paige's tough exterior crumble in one moment into pained screams and crying. She unclipped her seat belt and climbed over the gear shift to wrap her girl up in a big hug, as best she could in a car anyway, holding her head and rubbing her back, trying to reassure her.
"Shhhh. Please Paige, please calm down. It's going to be ok, I promise." Sonya said. She felt like her words were getting through, or the hug she was trying to give was working as the screaming and crying stopped, and Paige grabbed onto Sonya's arm.
"How, how could she say that?" She asked, wiping the tears away.
"She didn't take it well, but most people don't." Sonya replied trying to be rational.
"Didn't take it well? You think! She humiliated me, demeaned me and treated you like you were nothing. I'm sorry I brought you there."
"I'm not." Sonya said, which surprised Paige. "I mean, I'm sorry she reacted so poorly, but I'm glad you brought me. I'm glad you didn't have to go through that without me. It's not the first time I've seen it. My mom was great, but I've seen plenty of parents shun me when they found out I was gay. Parents of friends, girlfriends, even a couple of other family members. Usually male ones though. But I've dealt with much worse than you just got."
"So what? I'm overreacting?" Paige said with some annoyance.
"Oh no. She was out of line. She dismissed us as a couple like it wasn't real. I heard the whole thing and I was worried she might have affected how you feel, but you didn't let her, and that means a lot to me." Sonya said, holding Paige's hand tight. "But she didn't kick you out, tell you never to come back or threaten to disown you. I've seen all of that in the past. There are people who will take it far worse when they find out."
"If they find out." Paige's anger wasn't letting up.
"Like I've said honey, you probably can't stay in the closet forever. You came out to your mother today. She might tell people, but I doubt it. You were brave to do it, and it shows you have the strength to get through it all. In your position, all this being so new, a weaker woman might have dumped me. Because they couldn't take the disapproval, especially from their mom. But you haven't. Because you're stronger than she is, and stronger than anyone I know. That's the way I know you'll be ok when you do tell people in the future, and it's just another reason I...know that we're going to be ok. That this could be something special."
"It is special." Paige leaned in for a kiss, and Sonya was happy to oblige. Paige deepened things quickly after they began kissing and Sonya didn't notice her unclip her own seatbelt. Suddenly Sonya was pushed back into her own seat and Paige straddled her, kissing her with intent, pulling at her clothes. Suddenly it hit Sonya what was on Paige's mind, and fighting her own urges, she stopped the kissing, pushing Paige back a moment while she caught her breath.
"What?" Paige asked, surprised to be held back.
"What are you doing?"
"What do you think?"
"I think you're not thinking straight."
"I'm not." Paige grinned at the pun before going back in and kissing Sonya's neck gently a few times. "She thinks I'm not really into you because we haven't had sex? Well I say we prove her wrong. Right here, right now."
Sonya could easily have lost herself and gone along with this, but had to stay calm and fight her own desires. "No, Paige, you don't really want this."
"I do, I've never wanted anything more. Or anyone." Again, that nearly had Sonya ripping her clothes off, but she had to put the brakes on.
"No, you are doing this to try and prove a point. You don't need to. I know you don't want our first time to be in the middle of nowhere in a rental car. And what if someone else pulls up?"
"I don't care." Paige was doing all she could to make things happen, and nearly overcame all of Sonya's resistance as she let her hands wander. But then she was pushed had across the car, with nothing she could do to stop it. "Sonya, what the hell?" She asked angrily, her emotional state getting worse.
"Calm down honey. Just breathe. You have to see that this isn't the right thing. If we did this then you'd end up regretting it, and I don't want that, because you could then look at me differently."
"Differently? My girlfriend doesn't want to touch me when I'm finally ready for her, how could I not? You know what, if you don't want to be with me, then you can go to hell too." Paige opened the car door and got out.
Sonya was quickly after her, walking a pace behind her as Paige raced into the woods. "Paige, don't be like this. You know how much I want to be with you, but this isn't the time. You're hurting, and trying to over compensate. You don't need to do that with me. Like I've said over and over, I'll be here when you're ready."
Paige stopped. She turned. "Sonya, I'm sorry I told you to go to hell, but please, just go back to the car. I need to think." The tone in her voice made it impossible for Sonya to do anything but comply. She trudged back to the car downtrodden, but when she did, she decided to go back again. Sonya didn't want to let Paige sit out in the woods alone and upset, it didn't feel like the right thing to do, plus when she got back to the car, the doors were locked, and she didn't have the keys. Sonya took that as a sign as she went into the woods once more.
A.N.: Thanks for reading.
That went about as badly as it could. Paige had her world ripped apart and ended up taking it out on Sonya. Will Paige be able to make peace with her mother, or her girlfriend? Let me know what you think.