Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Hamilton, West Wing, and Oliver Twist.

Note: This chapter takes place in the context of the War Crimes episode.

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Pennies, Glorious Pennies

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Hamilton, West Wing, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and Oliver Twist.

Note: This chapter takes place in the context of the War Crimes episode.

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Sam's POV

Sam and Donna stood next to the doorway before she went off to her MS hearing. "If you don't understand a question, say so, an' they'll repeat it. Or they'll rephrase it."

"Yeah." Donna agreed.

"There's nothing wrong with not understanding the question."

"Right."

"There's nothing wrong with saying 'I don't recall.' " Sam reiterated.

"I appreciate this." Donna nodded.

Sam breathed in. "Yeah." He nodded "Don't you wanna go over this with Josh?"

"He's …." Donna glanced out the double doors' glass panes. "...pissed at me."

'What?' Sam scrunched his brows. "No, he's not. " 'Not as far as I know.'

"He's…" Donna laughed as she looked down. "Yeah, ...he is."

'I mean he was kinda pissed at me, but he'll get over it.' "He didn't say anything."

Donna lowered her eyelids. "He doesn't say anything."

'He shouldn't be at least.' "All right."

"Anyway, ... I appreciate this."

Sam held up his index finger to Charlie as he passed through. "Charlie, hang on a sec….. You're gonna be sitting in a room. It's gonna feel like ya did something wrong. …. But guess what?"

"What?"

"Ya didn't, so." Sam smiled. 'Something that Ainsley reminds me all the time.' "You got a cab up front?"

"Yeah."

"Come back when it's over?" Sam stepped towards Charlie.

"Thanks." Donna exited the Lobby.

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Sam's POV

"It's 30 billion in School Modernization Bonds." Sam sat with a Congressional Aide in the Roosevelt Room as Ginger brought them coffee. "Thanks, Ginger."

"Thank you." The Congressional Aide said.

"Sure." Ginger sat the tray on the table before she closed the door behind her.

"It's 30 billion in School Modernization Bonds." Sam's left arm rested on the table.

"Interest-free?"

"Interest-free for school districts. We're estimating it will help build and modernize 7,000 schools nationwide. … There's another 1.5 billion for urgent repairs targeted ta high-need districts." Sam said.

"Like roof repairs?"

'Yeah, exactly.' "Roof repairs, heating, and cooling systems, electrical wiring." Sam confirmed. "The point is we think we need the Congressman's vote to get it outta the full Appropriations Committee onto the floor."

The aide nodded as he put down his pen. "He'll be with it."

Sam smiled. 'Finally, we can actually do some good, …. an' y'know,... governing.' "That's wha' I thought."

The aide rotated his upper body to rest his elbow on the table. "He's jus' looking for the President's support … on a bill that …..he'll be sponsoring."

'Here we go again. Pork barrel promises for the masses.' "What's it called?"

"It's called the 'Legal Tender Modernization Act'."

'Huh?' Sam scrunched his brows. "Which provides for…...?

"The elimination of the penny."

'What?' "I'm sorry?" Sam asked.

He gestured with his pen. "It would permanently halt production of the penny."

'That much I got.' "Why…..?" Sam asked. 'They're pennies…. It's money. We get it in our paychecks, then save or spend it; I don't ask questions. … Who could have a problem with pennies? Maybe the same people who protested the National Geographic Society.'

"I'm glad you asked."

'I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. ' "Yeah."Sam said. 'Well, I guess we spend more than we save…. Focus, Sam.'

"Last year, the U.S. Mint cut 14 billion pennies and shipped'em off to the Federal Reserve, which dumped them in our laps. …. They're worthless."

"Well, …. they're actually worth one cent." 'Therefore not worthless by definition… if they were worthless, they'd be…. I'm just gonna stop there.' Sam countered.

"The dollar has the buying power today that the quarter had 30 years ago. The penny's buying power shrunk to nothing."

"Well, that's not true. You can get yourself a gumball." 'See? Definitely not worthless.'

He pointed the pen at Sam. "No, you can't. …. They cost a nickel."

'What?' "Really?" 'Then again, when's the last time I bought a gumball?'

The aide sighed as he capped his pen. "I'm gonna need ta give the Congressman a good reason why the White House won't support the bill if they won't support the bill." He put the pen on the table before he turned to face Sam again.

'Seriously?' "Oohhhh, ….don't make me give you a good reason." Sam said.

"You want your 30 billion in school repairs?" He asked.

"Well, we're already well on our way with 140 Million pennies." Sam said.

"Sam…"

"I'll get you a good reason."Sam said. 'Again, a conversation I never thought I'd have to have.'

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Sam's POV

Josh checked his watch as he leaned in the doorway. "Why?"

"Why?" Sam read through documents. 'Good question.'

Josh crossed his arms. "Yes."

'We mine that much zinc and copper for pennies?' Sam read. "Cause this country is populated with unbalanced people." He looked up as he flipped through the document's pages. "Many of whom find their way to Washington. As if the continent funnels them into this one spot." 'What does that say about us who work in politics?'

"He wants to abolish the penny?" '

"He doesn't wanna abolish it, as much as he wants to give his boss a reason why we can't."

"Well…" Josh looked away. "...it's ... stupid."

"Yeah, but the thing is, it isn't really." Sam said.

"Really?" Josh tilted his head.

"It turns out the majority of pennies don't circulate. …. They go in jars and sock drawers. Two-thirds of the pennies produced in the last 30 years have dropped outta circulation." 'You don't use them unless you wanna be passive aggressive and pay in pennies.'

Josh raised his eyebrows. "You've been ….. reading about this?"

Sam nodded. "It's interesting."

"No, it's not." Josh said.

Sam stood up. "The Mint …. gets letters with pennies taped on notebook paper, letters from citizens who found the pennies on the street and mailed them back to the Treasury to help pay down the debt."

"It's almost hard ta believe that plan hasn't worked." Josh said.

Sam walked around the desk. "It's also bad for the environment. Production requires the mining of millions of tons of copper and zinc each year."

"Zinc?"

Sam stepped towards Josh. "In 1982, they changed the composition to 97.5% zinc and only 2.5% copper."

"Sam?"

"I'm turning into one of the funnel people." Sam said.

"Yeah."

Sam headed back to his desk. "...Donna thinks you're still pissed at 'er."

Josh looked up. "I'm not. I wasn't before. When'd she tell ya that?"

"Before she left." Sam sat back down. 'Well, she thinks you are, so…'

"You've heard from her?"

Sam read through a GAO report. "No."

Josh rested one hand on the door. "She should be done by now."

Sam looked up. "Here's a riddle. What is the most ubiquitous man-made object in America that does not interact with any mechanism or machine?"

"The …. Penny?" Josh creased his forehead as he looked at Sam.

"The penny." Sam nodded as Josh passed through towards the Lobby. "You can't even throw it in a tollbooth. ….. Well,... except for Illinois."

Josh paused in the doorway. "Why can you use it in Illinois?"

"That's an interesting question."

"No, it's not." Josh left.

'But I have more cool facts that I wanna share.' Sam pouted.

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Sam's POV

Knock Knock* Sam opened the door. *tch-UUUUMMMMMM* "Excuse me. … Excuse me, General." He addressed Leo and General Adamley.

"Hey, Sam." General Adamley said.

"Margaret wasn't out here."

"What do ya need?"

"No, ... if you're in the middle of something, I can come back."

"We're eliminating genocide. What're you doin'?"

"Eliminating the penny. …. So I'll come back." Sam smiled.

"Yeah." Leo leaned forward.

"See you later." Sam closed the door behind him before he met up with Donna in the main hallway. "Hey!"

"Hi." Donna creased her eyebrows.

"How'd it go?" Sam walked with Donna towards the Bullpen.

"It …..was fine." Donna avoided his eyes.

"Just background, … right?" Sam asked.

"It was fine. Is Josh in his office?" Donna asked.

"He's around someplace." Sam said.

"Thanks." Donna said

"... Did y'know the only thing pennies interact with are those coin-wrapping machines people buy ta get rid of pennies, … which …... kinda proves the point."

"What point?" Donna asked.

"I don't know. ….. It went okay?"

"Fine." Donna entered the Bullpen.

Xxxxx

Sam's POV

'…. perfect.' Sam hit print as Donna stepped out of Josh's office. The printer stamped the article onto crisp computer paper as Sam entered the Bullpen.

"God DAMMIT!" Josh slapped the wall.

"Wha-?" Sam approached Josh's office.

"I swear ta God, Sam, if you're gonna tell me one more asinine fact 'bout pennies-"

'Okay…..' "I'm not. … I was jus' gonna ask you what happened." Sam stepped in the office.

"What happened? Are you fucking kidding me ri' now?"

"I don't understand." Sam said.

"Course ya don't." Josh snapped. "God, how could she be so stupid?"

"All I know is Donna said the hearing went well-"

"Oh, she did, did she?" Josh's eyes bulged.

"So I take it that it didn't go well." Sam said.

"By George, he's got it! An' thanks to your girlfriend-" Josh exclaimed.

"Josh. Watch yourself." Sam warned.

"No, I won't." Josh asserted. "Cause your girlfriend's either really stupid-"

"Excuse me?" Sam's fists clenched.

"You're excused."

"She's not stupid, Josh. She has two undergrad degrees, a JD-MBA from Harvard Law, and is fluent in six languages. And that's to say nothing of the fact that she's a retired Naval Officer and Fighter Pilot."

"Her daddy-" Josh started.

"Okay man, now you're way outta line. I'm jus' gonna walk away before either of us say something we regret." Sam said.

"D'ya realize how much trouble we're in?" Josh implored. "Thanks to your girlfriend, our very own Elsa Schneider-"

Sam's punch sent Josh tumbling backward onto the edge of his desk.

Josh lunged for Sam. Toby yanked Sam out of the way by his collar as C.J. restrained Josh.

"Take a walk with me. …. Now." Toby ordered.

"You! My office. NOW!" C.J. commanded Josh.

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What should I have called this chapter?

A) Pennies, Glorious Pennies

B) Sunday Night's Alright For Fighting