Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton (The Best of Wives and the Best of Women!), or Doctor Seuss (C.J. Cregg I am!- courtesy of 'Green Eggs and Ham' by Dr Seuss). Teen rating, mild language(everything is bleeped).

This takes place in the context of the War Crimes episode.

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CJ's POVCJ's POV

"But-" Josh squeaked.

"Do I need to kick your ass, Josh?" C.J.'s eyes bulged.

"Are you sure you can?" Josh asked.

"Listen here, Sparky. I could kick your scrawny, chicken-ass on a boat. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-ass with a goat. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-ass in the rain. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-ass in the dark. And in a tree! I am so badass, so badass, you see! I could kick your scrawny chicken-ass here and there. SAY! I could kick your scrawny chicken-ass ANYWHERE!"

Josh's head hung in shame. "Okay." He sat down on the couch in C.J's office.

"D'ya wanna tell me what the hell just happened back there?"

"Sam punched me in the face." Josh said.

"For no particular reason?" C.J. asked.

"Nope."

"So you didn't piss 'im off?" C.J. asked.

"Piss him off?! I'm the one who should be pissed!"

'And you're doing an excellent job at controlling your emotions.' " 'Cause Donna told the House Government Oversight Committee that she didn't keep a diary, except she does. But no one -"

"-would know if Donna hadn't dated anyone on the committee." C.J finished his thought.

"Yeah, thanks to our very own Elsa Schneider." Josh mumbled.

"You called Ainsley 'Elsa Schneider'?!" C.J. exclaimed.

"Yeah." Josh said.

"Elsa Schneider, the Nazi spy that Indiana Jones slept with?" CJ clarified.

"Yeah." Josh said.

CJ stepped closer. "The same Nazis whose asses we kicked in World War 2, thanks to heroes like Admiral Hayes."

"Are there other Nazis that I don't know about?" Josh asked.

"No. Anyway- we kicked their asses thanks to heroes Admiral Hayes, who's also Ainsley's dad." C.J. said.

"Yes."

"And you called 'er a Nazi spy and seductress?" C.J. said.

"Yes."

C.J returned to her desk. "We shoulda let Sam keep beating you up."

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Sam's POV

Josh pressed Ainsley's apartment intercom buzzer with takeout in hand. "Ainsley? Sam? It's me, Josh. I'm here to apologize… I brought food."

Ainsley closed the fridge with a Stout in hand before she walked over to buzz him in. "What?" She turned to Sam who sat by the television with Toby, Bruce, and Harriet as they watched Law and Order. "He's your best friend. You can't stay mad at him forever." Ainsley said as Sam grimaced. "Besides, he brought me food."

"But he-"

"Called me Elsa Schneider? …. Yes, he did. And now he wants to say sorry. … And bring me food." Ainsley said. Josh knocked on the door. "He's your best friend, Sam." Ainsley walked towards the door.

"And you're my girlfriend." Sam said.

"That's right." Ainsley opened the door. "Hi, Josh."

"Hi." Josh held Chinese takeout bags. "I remember that you like Kung Pao Chicken. I also got you Crab Rangoon, Egg Rolls, BBQ spare ribs, Hot and Sour soup, Rainbow Beef, Broccoli Beef, and Orange Chicken… Can I come in?"

"Anyone who comes bearing gifts of food is a friend in my book. Can I get y'all somethin' to drink? Beer, soda, coffee, water? Cookies, pizza?" Ainsley gestured to the everything pizza and plate of cookies on the counter. "Fried chicken?"

"Uh no thanks, I'm-" Josh stammered.

"There's no use fighting it." Bruce said. "Let 'er get you something before she starts making you fried chicken."

"I'll take a Coke." Josh said.

*PAA-haaaaa.* Ainsley opened the fridge and handed Josh a glass bottle of Coca-Cola.

"Thanks."

Ainsley closed the fridge. "Your welcome." She replied before they joined Sam, Toby, Bruce, C.J., and Harriet in the living room.

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