Marisela.
Tears cascade down copper skin, catching in the crevice of scars, following the trail of healed skin that'd been torn in the past.
I take the time to really look at the deep mark that rips through the right side of her face, in the midst of Emily and I attempting a heart-to-heart despite the fact that neither of us has spoken a word to one another since being locked in the bathroom together.
"Mauled by a grizzly bear," is what Emily had told my mother.
A sniffle echos off the bathroom walls from where she's sitting on the side of the tub. I might as well be trying to burrow into the wall beside the door.
All she's been able to say to me in defense of Sam is, "It's a lot more complicated than him just leaving Leah for me," and, "It's just as as much my fault as it is his fault."
That's it, however.
We're getting nowhere, like I knew we would as soon as she met me at the bathroom door when I was done using it, and told me, "we need to talk."
"Nice talk." I state to her regarding the fact she wanted to speak to me but now she's saying nothing, so I turn to leave.
"You are a lot like her." She mumbles to me, my hand dropping from the door knob. "And that's not a bad thing." It's added as I turn to look at her. "She has a low tolerance for complicated situations, too. Just black and white. No room for any grey area."
"Because 'grey area' is a bullshit ideal people use to avoid consequences." I snap back to her.
"I have a cousin who hates me, Marisela, and I have to live with knowing I've hurt her. Sam has to live with it, too. We're not avoiding any consequences." She keeps her tone stern, but there's still a gentleness to it, reassuring me that just because we're disagreeing right now, doesn't mean we won't get past it. "I understand why you're angry. It looks awful from the outside, but you don't know the whole truth." She shakes her head.
"Then tell me the truth, Em. Sam left Leah for you. That's the truth, is it not?" I question her, furrowing my brows.
"It's a lot more complicated than that, and it isn't just his fault." She defends him. "And maybe one day you can know what happened. The whole truth of it. But for right now it's none of your business, and you don't need to try to punish him for it first thing in the morning."
The whole truth of it.
Her words repeat in my mind, breath pushing out of my lungs.
She's practically waving a white flag, not wanting anymore of a fight, so I don't give her one.
"If you want to go before Leah gets here you can. I'll be home tonight." I say quietly, and she nods, wiping her tears, sniffling a last time before I'm grasping at the door knob as if I'm suffocating in the small room, and free myself into the hallway.
Seth and Aunt Sue are exactly where we left them in the kitchen, talking amongst themselves with no interest in what Emily and I are dealing with.
It's refreshing to be a home where no one pries.
I finish my glass of lemonade as Emily steps back into the room, her once teary eyes now clear, her smile once again worn.
"I'm about to head back to the house. I've gotten some chores I've got to finish and I've got to make sure I have enough supplies to teach the class I have on Monday." She hugs Sue goodbye, taking Seth's hand and squeezing it as Sue hugs her back. "I'm watching you." Her words are pointed to Seth, a grin accompanying them and he chuckles.
"We love you, we'll see you later." Sue says to her as they pull from one another.
"See you later." Emily agrees, looking at me before she moves to the door. "See you tonight."
I just nod, a lump in my throat squeezing at my nerves, refusing to let me form any words.
XXX
Within the next hour I'm jumping up from the couch upon hearing gravel rumble under car tires, Aunt Sue looking towards the window as she continues to chop up vegetables.
I feel her eyes following me as I step to the door, opening it up, barely able to keep my feet from stepping on each other as I excitedly try to keep my joy contained.
It completely fails when my cousin and uncle get out of the truck, my bare feet hitting the wooden porch, ignoring the rough rocks when I get down the stairs.
Harry lets out a heavy "oof" when I collide into him, wrapping my arms around him tightly.
"Hey, Kid." He says to me, hugging me to him, rubbing his hand against my back lovingly before pulling away to grab my arms and look at how I've grown.
I remember the words he had spoken to me the last time we had seen each other in the midst of planning Stevie's funeral.
"You're not that scraggly little girl anymore which tells me I'm too damn old to be working, still."
It had made me smile, genuinely, for the first time in a while.
"I'm retired, now." He assures me this time, and I chuckle, my attention shifting to Leah who is still breathtakingly beautiful.
She gives me a smile and a warm, "I've missed you," as our arms wrap around one another while Sue reminds Harry to grab the groceries out of the truck.
I try to pour some extra care into our embrace given her recent heart break, whilst secretly being thankful that Emily left, after all.
Leah hasn't grown since I last saw her.
The same height, however particularly skinny. I just deduce that to the fact she's probably not in the best mindset at the moment, distress wearing down her appetite.
I don't mention it, knowing there's no need to. It's none of my business, anyway.
The two of us help uncle Harry grab grocery bags, carrying them into the house with ease as Seth cuts up a carrot in his mother's brief absence.
"Were you able to get moved in safe and sound?" My uncle asks me as we get the groceries out of their thick paper bags, placing them on the table as Aunt Sue comes back inside and steps to the counter.
"For the most part." I say, motioning to my bruised sternum.
"The stairs?" He questions.
"Yep." I reply.
"Were you going up them or down?"
Seth stops cutting upon his father asking me this question, giving his dad a, "seriously?" look.
"Down." I answer, holding back a smile as Harry looks at Seth.
"It was just a question." He says to his son with a shrug.
"If your head wasn't so big you wouldn't have lost your balance and fallen face-first going up them." Leah pushes at the back of Seth's head.
"And that's why I'm spitting in your food." He mocks her voice, playfully.
"And that's why I'm spitting in your food." She mimics him right back. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Her voice travels up the hall as she walks to her room for a moment.
Aunt Sue looks at me, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner, shaking her head.
"I'm so glad I have children who love one another so much and are so kind to each other." She sarcastically pipes, continuing to chop up ingredients.
"They get it from you." Harry kisses her cheek, patting her back, before he heads for the den to sit in his recliner.
"Leah started it." Seth mumbles, looking at me. "Good luck this summer." He adds, referring to his sister's aggravating.
"No, I think if we need to wish her luck with anyone this summer it's going to be with Jared." Sue sighs out, looking at me.
"Ugh, he's insufferable." Leah agrees as she gets back into the kitchen.
"He's not that bad." I brush it off.
"He's not bad, it's just…" Leah trails off, struggling to find the words.
"…He's a teenage boy." Her mother finishes her sentence. "Who needs to be mocked about three times a day in order to humble him." She adds.
"Exactly." Leah agrees.
"And Paul." Sue continues. "He's worse than Jared sometimes, if the wind blows just right." A scoff pushes from her throat as she finishes up and washes her hands.
"He needs to be mocked, too?" I ask her, trying to take mental notes.
"No, no. That'll just make him mad." Sue shakes her head.
"Doesn't take much to do that, anyway." Leah says next, washing her hands as well to start helping her brother and mom.
It's odd hearing this now, given how quiet and neutral he was this morning.
"I met him this morning. He didn't seem like that." I start next.
"That's because you're new. Give it time for him to get used to you being around." Sue nudges me. "So, you've only met Jared and Paul?"
"Yes." I tell her as she pulls a pack of meat from the fridge that's been thawing up.
"Do you remember meeting Embry, or Quil, or Jacob, the last time you saw all of us?" She questions next, and I try to think back.
"I think I did." I nod. "If I saw them I'd be able to tell if I've met them before or not."
"Well, I was really thinking that this Saturday we would have a gathering to celebrate you coming back home." She shrugs, the idea both daunting yet intriguing. "If you would like to, that is. If you're not comfortable with it then we don't have to do it at all." It's a genuine offer, one that isn't laced with a hidden double-edged sword wrapped in it.
There's no guilt-trip in her words, nor expectation.
"I would really like that." I say to her, agreeing, and she gets a smile on her face that lights up her features.
"Okay, I will be making phone calls tomorrow to invite everyone." She nods, maintaining her sweet grin.
XXX
"Ow," I grimace, aunt Sue tugging another tangle from my hair as she smooths the long strands of my hair out as she braids it.
"Sorry." She mumbles, concentrating on her craft.
My stomach is full from vegetable and Venison stew, a pull to go to sleep has started in on me despite the fact I slept for nearly four hours between lunch and dinner.
Uncle Harry and Seth are focusing on a replay of a basketball game while Leah lays on the couch by her mother, drifting in and out of consciousness while I sit in a criss-cross position on the fluffy carpet of the den.
"Emily said to preferably have you back by ten tonight." Sue says to me softly as she continues braiding "I told her I'd keep you out for however long I wanted to and there's not a thing she can do about it." She adds, chuckling. "She told me that's fine and you can just be locked out of the house."
"We can break in." I suggest if worst comes to worst.
"I don't plan on having you here that late. You need to get home by at least eight-thirty. It's best to stay inside around here past nine o'clock." It's more of a warning than a tidbit of information.
My brows pull together as her fingers continue weaving in and out of my hair.
"Why?"
I feel the softest tense of her legs that are resting on either side of my arms.
"Bears." She says to me casually. "Mountain Lions, snakes, wolves…" Her list continues. "Possible psycho serial killers lurking around." She adds and I can't help but chuckle.
"I guess that makes sense." I mumble as the phone starts ringing abruptly from the kitchen.
"Hold this, please." She tells me, handing me a strand of hair that's half-way braided.
I take it between my fingers and hold it still as she gets up and follows the ring of the phone.
Uncle Harry mutes the TV as if trying the hear the conversation while Seth looks at his father and whispers, "Okay, now, mom's gonna get you for being nosy."
Harry waves his hand to shush his son, pulling a giggle from my throat as Seth and I look at one another while his mom keeps her voice low.
When it appears Harry won't have much luck, he turns the volume back on.
Another moment passes and Aunt Sue is stepping back into the den, sighing out.
"I've gotta finish this quickly and then we've got to go check up on Paul. His dad said he's been sick all day." She tells me, Uncle Harry looking at her.
"Sick?"
"Stomach bug, or something. He says he hasn't had much luck at all keeping any food down. I might take them some stew just in case, though." She answers him.
I can't see her expression, but he looks as if he's speaking through just his features.
"Oh," He finally voices, "Alright."
Again, Seth and I look at one another, not missing his parents' silent exchange.
He just shrugs a little bit and I do the same, deciding to let it go.
"Karma." Leah groggily says, and I can see her from the corner of my eye, stretching out, her foot nudging into the side of her mother's lap, making Sue lean slightly to the right before she swats at it, opting Leah to snatch it away and laugh.
"You have your dads feet." Sue comments, and Seth and I both erupt into a fit of laughter at the blunt tone of his mother's voice.
"She has the milkman's feet." Harry corrects, not taking his eyes off the TV.
"I do not!" Leah argues, examining her own foot while Sue grabs a throw pillow off the couch and throws it at her husband for his "milkman" comment, and he already sees it coming, flinching before it even hits him, trying to hold back his laughter.
"These smart-mouth kids that can barely take anything serious are clearly yours." Sue assures her husband.
"I can only trust what you tell me, Sue." He shrugs back, obviously still teasing her just in time for her to finish braiding my hair, securing it with an elastic band before hopping up and heading for his recliner.
He tries to scramble up in time but she gets to him before he can, the both of them laughing as she takes ahold of the pillow she threw at him, ready to hit him with it but he tries to hold her wrists but she wins, pulling away and hitting him with it and speaking one word with each hit, "We. Don't. Even. Have. A. Milk. Man."
He manages to get to from her and she steps back as he holds the pillow up in victory as if it's a championship belt won in a professional fight.
"It's show time, now." He warns her as he gets up.
"You gotta catch me first, Old Man." She says.
"You have to stop running at some point to get your shoes on, Old Woman." He smartly replies, waving the pillow around. "You know what, go ahead and check on Paul and we'll finish this when you get back. Fair and Square." He says to her. Except it might not be me, it might just be the milkman."
Seth, Leah, and myself look at each other with the same expression of wrinkled noses and twisted mouths, getting the euphemism.
It's furthered when Aunt Sue lets out a giggly, "oh, yeah?" before their lips briefly meet, and Seth bursts out a loud, "Ew!" while Leah says, "Please, don't."
"Hey, you kids should be glad you still have hot parents who love each other." Harry tells them as Sue chuckles, stepping to go get her shoes on.
When she turns her back Uncle Harry hits her butt with the pillow as he says, "Good game," to her.
I can't help but laugh yet again when Seth starts making dry heaving noises, and Leah covers her ears and closes her eyes, trying to shake the image out of her head.
Despite the fact that they're deliberately trying to gross us out with their affection because that's what a lot of parents do to their kids, it's refreshing how drastically different my uncle and my father's lives are.
Uncle Harry married someone who loved and adored him as much as he did her — possibly even more — and they share the evidence of that love and adoration in Leah and Seth, who are both equally as good as their parents.
My father married someone he worshipped who had no interest in him, it seems, now.
I begin to wonder exactly why my mother married him. I don't have any memories of her ever laughing with him, or playing, or even enjoying being in his presence.
Just him trying to make me and Stevie have the best he could give us in joy and love, while mom hung in the background, only coming to the forefront of parenthood to belittle my father in front of us, and eventually start doing it to my brother.
"You ready?" Aunt Sue pulls me from my thoughts, a bowl that's covered in tinfoil in her hands, her car keys looped around her fingers.
"Yes." I nod, standing up.
"Good night." Leah tells me, getting up from the couch to more than likely get ready for bed.
"Good night." I reply to her as Seth arises from his spot, heading toward the kitchen as he pats my head, letting out a, "see ya later."
"Later." I smile to him, Uncle Harry yawning as Aunt Sue and I head for the door.
"Bye, Mari, see you when I see you." He gives the same goodbye he's always given in the past, accepting that my mother simply didn't want us around my father's family and leaving it at that.
But this time there's a light to it, a realization that I can now merely drive a few minutes and see him anytime I want, and he can see me anytime he wants.
"See you when I see you." I reply to him. "I love you."
"I love you." I hear him call as I get on the porch, and follow Sue to the truck.
XXX
My feet squish down in the mud out in front of the small, square house.
The front porch light shining over a porch that's in shambles, destroyed with what could only have been a car, or a wrecking ball, the wood completely splintered apart through and through, unusable for the time being.
"Come around the back," Sue nods her head, taking a longer look at the damage, shaking her head to herself as we step around the back of the house.
We don't get a chance to knock, the door opening, the welcoming smile of a middle-aged man with jet-black hair that nearly reaches his ears.
He's already in a t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms, holding a cup of coffee.
He greets Sue as if she's his Lord and savior in the moment, but his expression and demeanor breaks away to a callous upon meeting my eyes.
It only lasts for a few seconds before he's pulling his facade out, a smile coming back to his face as he's stepping aside to let me in, as well.
"I'm Nate Lahote." He introduces himself to me, not bothering to offer me his hand, more so avoiding touching me the same way Jared had when we first met.
I'm a complete leper to them.
Sue places the stew on the counter before sitting at the table as Nate joins us, offering a polite, "Coffee?" to us, motioning to the full pot.
The smell has saturated the walls, the soft sound of a window unit in the living room mixes with the comforting smell of the home and I have to dig my nails into my palms for a second to wake myself up a little more.
"No, thanks." Sue answers for the both of us and we sit down at the table, Nate sitting with us, across from Sue and in the chair closest to me. "Where's our baby boy?" She asks him, and he huffs out a breath.
"In bed. I told him I was calling you and he's pouting, I think. He doesn't like help." He informs her.
"He needs to get over that." She replies.
They begin speaking quietly about his son, about the weather, about Harry.
He doesn't give me as much as a glance, not even a side-eye.
I'm not here, though at this moment I don't mind that.
It isn't until we feel a thud rattle the floor that Sue looks to Nate and says, "What was that?" and I hope he finally looks at me to include me in on the explanation.
"He fell outta bed." His dad confirms it as if this has happened before.
"Sounds like he went straight through the floor." I try to ease the mood in an attempt to show this stranger that I'm not the devil's spawn as many believe me to be.
It doesn't work, he just keeps his eyes on my aunt, refusing to look at me even while I'm clearly in an easy-going mood.
The door down the hall opens, heavy steps shifting the wooden floor.
"Hey, you." Aunt Sue greets him first, her words bringing my eyes to look upon him.
I have to keep my mouth tightly shut to avoid my jaw on the floor as I see him moving fully out of the shadow of the hallway.
Sweat pants and no shirt, a light sheen of sweat on his body that looks as if it's been etched from marble to depict a god of some sort.
There's no shame in the way I let my eyes devour every inch of exposed skin in appreciation before our eyes meet.
"How're you feeling?" His father asks him, looking toward him.
"Better." Paul states with a nod, looking away from me to Nate.
"We brought you some stew…" Aunt Sue offers to him as he looks at me once again, examining me the way I'd examined him moments ago. "…You better be well by this Saturday. I want you and your father to come eat with everyone at our house for Mari's home-coming. Does that sound alright with you?"
A warm flush buzzes at my blood under his attention, yet I can't bring myself to look away from him, but I also can't bring myself to speak to him.
What he's thinking, it's quite obvious he didn't hear a word my aunt just spoke.
Dark brown eyes look up from my chest to meet my own eyes again before he looks to Sue as she says, "Paul," and snaps him out of it, his brows slightly raised. "Did you hear what I asked?"
No.
"I'm sorry. I zoned out." He confesses, aunt Sue giving him an unamused look, though a little smirk accompanies it.
"I invited you and your father to come to the house this Saturday to eat and celebrate Marisela's home-coming."
At the mention of my name he's once again looking at me, while I'm looking at the tribalesque tattoo on his right arm that's about the size of my fist.
It's the same tattoo I've noticed on Jared and Sam.
"Who all is coming?" He asks Sue.
"I haven't sat down and gone through everyone who said they're coming but when I do I will let you know. But regardless of who comes I would really like it for you to be there. And afterwards, if you're not busy, I was hoping you could take Mari down to the old house and show her around, maybe jog her memory a little bit." Her words cast confusion over my features as she looks at me. "The house you lived in before you moved." She adds.
I remember it, faintly, I just wasn't expecting it to still be here.
"It's still here?" I ask her.
"We lived there for a couple years when we moved back here. It's still in pretty good shape." Paul answers before Sue can, the mere fact he's speaking to me is a step forward given he didn't say a word to me this morning.
"Would that be okay?" Sue asks the both of us, next.
I don't answer until he does, his shoulders moving up and falling again as he replies, "I don't see why not," and I follow it up with, "yeah, that would be nice."
His father now stands from his seat, looking at my aunt, clearing his throat.
"Sue, I need you to come out here and take a look at this porch, I might need some help from Harry to rebuild it the next couple weeks." He informs her.
"Oh, I saw it before we came in." She tells him.
"Well, I need you to see it again."
It's more than likely an excuse to get my aunt alone and talk to her about me being here, but I pretend I'm oblivious to his feelings about me, and sit tight while aunt Sue gets up from the table and follows him to the back door.
"Be back in a second." She assures me before glancing at Paul, on his dads heels, heading out the door.
The wood of the table caresses my elbow when I rest my hand against my neck, sleepy.
"I'm Paul, by the way." He finally introduces himself before he grasps at a glass from the cupboard and fills it to the rim with water.
"It's nice to meet you, Paul." I say back to him, my eyes catching on the smooth skin of his back as he starts chugging his drink. "I'm sorry about this morning, by the way. I wish that you and Jared didn't have to see me like that." It comes out as genuinely as it can.
I flinch at the abrupt sound of his glass smacking against the wooden counter as he puts it down, shaking his head.
"You were pissed off." He states. "It happens."
"I wish you could explain that to Emily." I scoff, tracing the uneven surface of the table with my finger nail. "I'm probably gonna get home to all my shit packed right back up." I can practically envision Sam and Emily working together to pack all my things up, putting them nice and neatly in my bags, because even though they're mad at me they can't bring themselves to sloppily throw my belongings around.
"It wasn't that bad. She and Sam have gotten into it worse than what you and him did, so..." This revelation takes a moment to sink in, but once it does I'm looking at him, skeptical.
I can't imagine Sam and Emily arguing.
"They got into it over Leah when Sam told Emily how he felt about her. It wasn't quite to the extreme of getting in each other's faces and cursing each other out," He begins explaining, walking to the table towards me before settling into the chair his dad once sat in. I can feel the body heat radiating off of him from here. "But it was on the same level. It was pretty bad."
"Do they fight often?"
I'm not nosy or prying, simply curious, perhaps more concerned than curious.
"No." He reassures my worry. "No, they get along pretty good." This was the response I had expected from the beginning.
I figured there was no room for any arguing between them.
It's as if Emily could tell Sam to jump and he'd ask, "how high?" before she could finish the order.
"Mmm. Clearly." I say under my breath, but he can hear it. A beat passes before I bring myself to say aloud, "that's so fucked up."
I don't have explain what I mean, he already knows, saying, "It is."
Finally, someone else acknowledges that it's a screwed situation instead of brushing it off and pretending it isn't happening.
"But we can't change it. Leah can't change it. Sam can't change it...you don't have to like it or understand it. You just have to not bite his head off about it every time you see him. Because I assure you, Leah usually does enough of that for everyone that isn't fan of the situation."
His last sent I've relieves me in a sick way, as if I'm secure in the fact that Leah makes Sam suffer a bit for his actions.
"Yeah, I guess." Is all I can say to that as his father steps back inside.
"It's getting pretty late, Mari, Emily's gonna be calling and fussing at me for keeping you out." Aunt Sue tells me with a tired exhale before her attention falls on Paul. "You look much better already." She points out as her hand taps his shoulder.
I haven't noticed much of a change in his face that had once looked exhausted, perhaps I was too caught up in staring elsewhere of him.
"Must be your presence." He sarcastically smiles at her, and she lets out a chuckle.
"Have a good night." I hear her say as I take a look at his father is staring at me neutrally.
This is enough to make me want to hide in a hole, picking myself up to my feet, getting cooler from the loss of close proximity to Paul.
I make my way to the door, not bothering to bid his father goodbye because I know he more than likely won't return it. I wait for Aunt Sue to say her goodbyes, catching Paul looking at me once again.
A smile pulls at my lips, a little wave given to him, and he actually returns it, smile and all — a complete 180 from where we began this morning.
Once we get back to the front yard, climbing into the truck, I take in a breath and look at Aunt Sue before bluntly saying, "I don't think Paul's dad likes me."
She just looks at me with a teasing grin before she replies, "He's not the one who matters, dear."
Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed/favorited/followed, I really appreciate you taking the time to read the story!