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Chapter Eighteen

Anna

Wednesday at school, I was expecting Felicity to act normal. We'd successfully moved on after our little heart to heart at game night, and I'd tried to make it clear that what I wanted more than anything was to stop making a big deal out of everything. But she was acting rather…shifty.

At lunch, I tried to smooth it over. "You know I'm not mad at you, right?"

Her eyes were surprised as they finally met mine—glancing up from her sandwich for the first time since we sat down. "Yes. We talked yesterday. Are you okay?"

The weight that had been bearing down on my chest all day shifted. Maybe I was reading her all wrong? "You seem off. I figured it was because…"

She shook her head as my words trailed off. "Oh! No. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to make you feel like you've done anything wrong. I just have a lot on my mind, and it's kind of a heavy situation, and I don't think I'm supposed to talk about it a whole lot yet, so my brain is kind of going in circles. But it is not your fault at all! It has nothing to do with you—well. I guess that's technically not true. But now I'm saying too much. I'm sorry."

I was getting used to Felicity's nervous ramblings, but this one was more confusing than most. "It's not about our misunderstanding?"

"No," she said firmly.

"But it has to do with me?"

She paused. Fidgeted a little. "Indirectly?"

My chest felt heavy again. How had I messed up this time? "Is Paul mad at me?"

Now Felicity blanched, rushing to reassure me, "Of course not! I don't think he even knows how to be angry with you."

My shoulders slumped. With every answer she gave, I only got more unsure. "Just tell me what the problem is, please." My voice was weak. "I don't think whatever it actually is could be as bad as I'm feeling like it is right now."

"Paul's supposed to tell you." She bit her lip. "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind me easing your worry…the pack had a meeting last night. There was some news about…something. And tentative plans about that something were made. Paul is going to explain everything to you when he gets the chance, so I'm supposed to keep mum since I'll likely botch it—which I clearly would if this conversation is any indication."

Her words slowly clicked into place in my brain. A pack meeting. Last night. News…probably about those Cullens they'd been going on about before. And there was a situation Paul needed to explain. I noticed that was very much like Paul—handling things so that I could get through them comfortably. It made sense he would try to soften whatever this blow was for me as well.

And so instead of pressing for more information, I simply nodded. "Are you okay, though? Like I said, you seem off. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

Felicity smiled. "I'll be alright. I just worry. This kind of stuff makes me nervous. I'm ready for this particular thing to be over."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I got the point. "Let me know if you need anything from me." I wanted to reciprocate the support she was giving me—I didn't want her to regret choosing me as a friend because she coddled me all the time while I paid no mind to her feelings.

Leaning over, Felicity gave me a light hug. "You're the best."

After that, our interactions for the rest of the day were more normal. Felicity clearly had something on her mind, but she wasn't so stuck in her head that I was worried for her.

And even later, when Alex and I waited in the apartment for our parents to get home for dinner, there was a knock on the door.

Since I'd been expecting some sort of contact from Paul today, I was not surprised when I opened the door to find him on the other side.

"Hey, Anna," he said with a smile. He was always smiling for me. I wondered if he ever got upset that I didn't wear as many easy smiles for him. I'd have to ask him sometime, when the idea of speaking the words aloud didn't make me want to vomit. "Can we talk?"

My brows rose. "That's a scary thing to ask."

His eyes ran over my expression to gauge how serious I was—only a little. "Nothing scary about me, Anna. Not to you. Not ever. Just gotta tell you about something. Ask your opinion. Not bad, just important."

Nodding, I stepped out into the hall, pausing for only a second to call to my brother that I'd be back. Then Paul led me down the hall to his and Felicity's apartment.

"Felicity is at work, so we have privacy." He gave me a look that was full of meaning, and if I hadn't already known this was going to be about whatever wolf thing Felicity was upset about at school earlier, I'd have pieced it together now.

A little more comfortable in this space after being there twice before, and with the knowledge Paul was the only one there, I plopped into what was becoming my favorite armchair in their living room. Glancing up at Paul expectantly, I saw he was watching me with an expression of wonder.

"Paul?"

He seemed to shake himself out of whatever trance he'd been in before taking his own seat on the edge of the couch closest to me. "Sorry," he said. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't…give me feelings…to see you so comfortable here."

Instantly, my cheeks were on fire. "Feelings, huh?"

His grin was mischievous. "So many feelings, Anna."

I couldn't help but ask, "What does it make you feel the most?"

He stayed smiling, but his answer was serious. "Like I want to keep you."

Okay, maybe entertaining this direction of conversation was biting off more than I could chew. That said… "I'd be lying if I said I didn't kind of like that."

"Good." He nodded. "Good, good." A slight pause, and I saw his shoulders rise with a deep breath. "But that's not why I brought you here. We'll table this conversation for later. You know, along with that conversation we were having at the bonfire about your anxiety."

My jaw dropped. "We talked about that!"

"You talked to Felicity about that. You can be even more open with me—I want to know everything. What things commonly trigger it? What have you found works best to soothe? How can I best help you when you're struggling and we've just got to get through it? There's still lots to discuss." Surely I wasn't hiding the near-horror on my face, because his tone softened as he added, "We don't need to do that today. Or even tomorrow. It'll be whenever you're ready. But I intend to be here for you as much as you'll have me, so I want to be knowledgeable and prepared for when the times come."

How? How did I end up here, with this beautiful boy? This beautiful boy who cared so, so, so very much for me? And wasn't afraid to show it? Who made it clear every single time we spoke? I was in utter awe. He was better than I deserved, that was for sure.

And now my eyes were getting embarrassingly teary.

"Hey." Paul's voice had somehow softened even more. Not sure how that was possible, but of course it somehow was—because for me, he would do anything. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"You're incredible." I could barely get the words out, my heart was so full. My chest so heavy with a feeling it was too soon to acknowledge.

"Anna—" he started.

But he didn't get to finish because a second later, I was in his lap and my lips were on his.

The kiss was fierce as I tried to pour all of my emotions into the connection. My hands were on his face, and I felt his fingers grasping at my hips. Then our mouths were open, and our tongues were entwined, and my hands were moving. To his hair, to his chest, inching under his shirt.

Paul released a groan, and it seemed to take everything in him to pull back the slightest bit. He was breathing heavily as he asked, "What are we doing?"

Pressing kisses to his cheeks and down his jaw, I answered, "Feeling good."

He returned to my mouth for a few more heartbeats before pulling away again. "I love this, Anna, I really f—freaking do," he didn't need to convince me—I could feel how much he was enjoying this beneath me, "but we should stop. I didn't bring you here for this."

Since he said he wanted to stop, I respected his words and leaned back from where I was nestled in his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. "You sure?"

He blinked at me. "Where did this confident side of Anna come from?"

A blush stained my cheeks. "You."

"Me?"

I nodded. "You make me feel confident."

He groaned again. "Anna, you're going to be the death of me."

Now I had to smile. "I don't think you mind." I did a small bounce in his lap to prove my point.

His eyes did a little roll, and his hands tightened from where they were still holding onto my hips. "Of course I don't. But we wanted to go slow, remember? We haven't even talked about this stuff yet. I don't know where your experience lies, if I need to be extra careful or if there's things you don't like. I want to take care of you all the time, Anna, including times like these."

My heart melted, but I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about past experiences."

Paul's entire body went so still it was like I was sitting on a statue. One that radiated warmth, but still. "Why not? Did someone hurt you?"

I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want him to jump to conclusions. "Not the way you're thinking."

His eyes burned with anger, and his hands shook the barest bit as they moved to cup my face. "If someone hurt you in any way—"

My fingers curled around his wrists. "Please. Can we not talk about this right now? I'm happier than I've ever been sitting here with you, and I don't want it ruined."

Paul looked almost sad at that, but he nodded. "Okay. We'll table it, along with the other stuff. But you agree that we should wait to continue? I don't want you to feel bad or like I'm rejecting you. I want you. But I also want to take care of you, and while you are super into this right now, it is very soon for us, and I don't want you to regret it later. We have all the time in the world."

I didn't like it, because Paul's kisses, his hands, this feeling in his lap…they were all sublime. But I did understand. And when I wasn't straddling him, I'd probably agree. So I reluctantly said, "Yes."

His hard solemn expression melted, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Good. Now, do you want to keep sitting here for this conversation?"

I sighed. "I'll probably focus better if I go back to my armchair."

He smiled. "Same. Back to your armchair you go." He gripped me underneath my legs and in some act of defying gravity, stood up to take the half a step to set me down carefully in the chair. Dropping a peck on my hair, he settled himself back in his seat.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay," I agreed.

"Now, for what I actually brought you here for. Heads up: it's nowhere as fun as what we just did."

"Never mind then, I want to go home," I joked.

He laughed. "Too late." Then his expression turned serious. "It's pack business." Paul took a moment to continue, as if expecting me to interject again. When I didn't, he said with a short chuckle, "There's been a lot, actually. I'm not even sure where to start."

Biting my lip, I said, "Maybe I can help? Felicity said there was a pack meeting last night and there was some news. She didn't tell me what it was or anything—she left that for you. So maybe start with whatever the news was?"

His jaw tightened as he stared at me, and I hoped he wasn't getting too upset with Felicity for telling me that tiny piece of info. But then he nodded. "Okay. Last night the Cullens called us to our meeting spot. They said they had crucial info to share about another vamp we've both got on our shit lists—" he broke off. "Damn. Sorry. Ugh. Sorry. I mean…another vamp we're both…not in good graces with…"

Rolling my eyes, I urged, "Get back to the point. Please. I'm not going to self-destruct because you said shit and damn."

Paul's eyes twinkled. "Maybe you should say words like that more. I liked it."

I pursed my lips to hold back a smile. "The point?"

"Is that you're cute." He grinned for a moment before going serious again. "We've been working with the Forks bloodsuckers to prepare against this other vamp who's apparently getting ready for some big fight against us. The Cullens killed her mate, and we took down her friend I guess, so she has it out for the both of us. She tried originally by manipulating some of the Cullens into hurting Felicity—I'm not sure if now is the time for that story…it was traumatic for her, so she may want to tell it. But it was bad, Anna." He let that sink in. I hated the thought of anyone hurting Felicity—she was so kind and bubbly—but I especially hated the idea of her getting hurt because someone used her as a pawn in some supernatural feud. I'd have to find a time to ask her about it.

"One of the Cullens can see the future," he said, pulling my attention back to what he was trying to explain. "She said it looked like the fight we've been waiting for was going to happen as soon as this weekend. That's what the meeting was for—the pack was deciding who was going to fight, who was going to stay back to make sure La Push remained safe, and who was going to keep an eye on you and Felicity here in Forks."

"Um," I mumbled, hesitant to break into what he was trying to share, but wanting to get this in nonetheless. "Don't waste someone to stay here and watch over me. I can go spend some time at La Push or something if it'll make you feel better, but you shouldn't worry about me."

And his grin was back, wide and sparkling. "That's actually what we discussed. I was going to ask if you're okay spending that time at Sam and Emily's place with the other imprints?"

He wasn't even done asking the question before I was nodding. "Of course."

Raising his hands in the air, he tilted his head back and praised the ceiling. "I am ever thankful for getting the best imprint."

Butterflies swirled in my stomach. "Stop."

"Just telling the truth, baby." He paused. "Did you hate that? Should I pick a different endearment?"

I blinked as the butterflies went on a full-out sprint. "I don't think I hated it."

"Hmmm, you don't sound too sure. I'll explore more. But anyway, you and the imprints will be at Sam and Emily's house—likely along with Bella Swan if the Cullens agree. They originally wanted to stash her away somewhere in the mountains with one of us to babysit her, but obviously we're not wasting a person on that. She can be kept safe with our imprints or she can figure something else out."

I frowned. "Yeah, I don't like that idea either. Is it going to be super dangerous for you guys?" All of my confidence felt like it was leaking out as worry started to take over. What would I do if Paul got hurt? Or worse? How upset would Paul and his friends be if they lost one of their pack?

"Don't you start to worry your pretty head," Paul warned. "We were literally born for situations like this. Plus, one of the Cullens has fought in vampire wars and has been training us in technique. We are ready, and we will all come out of it safe. Trust me."

Though his words sounded comforting, my frown deepened. "I do trust you. But you can't always predict negative outcomes. There's so much room for error…"

He shook his head, leaning forward to take my hands. "I promise you, Anna, everything will be alright. Me and Jared and Sam have a strategy meeting with the warlord vamp later tonight to make sure we're all on the same page. We have everything in order. All we have to do is wait for the time to come. Honestly, there's so many of us we might get a little bored."

Now he was just exaggerating to make me feel better. "I doubt that, Paul."

He lifted my hands to his lips. "You're going to learn to believe in me, Anna. We'll get there."

"I do! Don't think I don't." My heart was beating fast, and I could not let him misinterpret this so badly. "I'm just worried. It's scary."

"I'll keep you safe," he tried to soothe.

"I'm not scared for me," I practically whined. Mortification began to run through my veins. I couldn't leave it there, though, so I continued in what was hopefully a calmer tone, "I don't want anything to happen to you. Or Jacob. Or Sam. Or anyone."

"I know," he said softly. "But this is our duty. We were born to protect the tribe from Cold Ones. That's out of our hands. So we're doing everything we can to be responsible—we've been training. We're joining forces with the Cullens even though we hate them. We're ready."

He watched me, concern heavy in his gaze. I understood what he was saying. It just didn't make me less worried. Paul could sit here and say all the right things in the world, but there would always be the possibility of some unknown factor ruining all their well-laid plans. My world felt off-kilter at the idea of Paul ever being gone.

But then something in my brain clicked. I would carry my worry until this thing was over, but that didn't need to be Paul's problem. Paul needed to focus on doing his duty and staying safe. He couldn't be facing those vampires with half his mind on how I was coping back on the reservation.

So I blew out a long, deep breath, steadying myself as much as my shaking body would allow. And I forced a smile. "Okay. I understand. And I'll trust you. But I'm holding you to that promise—you are going to come back in one piece, safe and sound. Everything will be fine."

He wasted no time agreeing. "Of course. I would never make a promise to you if I didn't mean it. I am that certain about this."

"Good," I said as firmly as I could. Which wasn't very because my body was still riding the anxiety wave and apparently hadn't gotten the memo that we were going the fake it till you make it approach. "Now, I have lots of questions. If you don't mind me asking?"

He pressed another kiss to my fingers before letting them go and sitting back in his seat. "Of course I don't mind. But one more piece of news first: two more boys from La Push shifted last night. I probably won't be around much the next couple of days as we try to get them acquainted with the pack and ready to help with patrols over the weekend, but I'll text or call or whatever I can in the meantime."

"Okay," I said. I was grateful he gave me any of his time at all—certainly I wouldn't demand more of it now, when they were preparing for something important in just a few short days.

He smiled. "You're lying so hard right now, but it only makes me l—like you more. We were spot on when we decided we were perfect, Anna."

I squinted, playing along with his attempt to distract me. "Did we decide that? I thought it was a you thing?"

"We are a unit. That means we decided. Doesn't matter if the words may or may not have come out of my mouth. I was speaking for the both of us."

"So I can speak for the both of us when I say you are ridiculous."

"Ouch," he laid a hand over his heart. "I can't handle your judgment, Anna. It hurts."

I rolled my eyes. "You poor thing. So I guess you're not fit to answer my million questions, then?"

His hand fell to his side as he gave me his full attention. "I'm never not fit to help you out, Anna." He paused and gave an overly lascivious wink. "Ask away."

Taking him at his word, I spent what had to have been at least the next hour asking various questions about everything—and by the time he walked me back down to the hall, I wasn't feeling less worried, but I was feeling ready. Paul and the pack prepared themselves to fight, but I prepared myself to support. It felt weak in comparison to what the wolves did, however I got the feeling this was the role I was meant to fall into.

Paul, as a wolf, had a duty to protect.

I, an his imprint, had a duty to bolster. To be a comfort not only to him, but to whomever else needed it within the pack. I had a ways to go before I felt comfortable enough to extend that to the entire rest of the pack, but making an effort to understand everything was a good start.

I could only hope that when they needed me most, I wouldn't let them down.

Pretty please leave a review! It makes me so happy to read y'all's thoughts on the chapters. Plus, it's such a great writing motivator. That said, the next chapter IS written so I should post another update next week! Until then, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good week :)