A time that Kayo remembered
There was a time that Kayo remembered, when the Tracys were vaguely recalled names that hovered on the periphery of her world, boring grown up stuff and nothing more, and it had been just her and her father.
They were going on a trip and she was ever so excited because it meant getting on a plane and leaving England behind to fly to the exotic country of her heritage- Malaysia. She'd slept most of the flight and for a good chunk of the drive into the countryside to the house they were going to stay in for a week, but she had been determined to be awake when they got there and she'd asked her father to make sure she was, so he woke her when they approached the impressive gate and the paved drive that led up to the mansion.
She'd all but leapt from her seat as soon as the car stopped, her favourite toy cat tucked under one arm and printed out copies of her report card and certificates clutched in her hands. She'd been so proud, top marks in her year! And she'd earned her orange belt already with a special award from sensei for her fighting spirit.
"Uncle!" She'd squealed when she saw the tall figure waiting for them at the door and ran towards him, pressing her papers into his hands. "Look! Look! See!"
"Oh I do see!" He'd carefully examined her certificates with gravity, reading every line and nodding, then smiled at her. "Well done Tanusha, very, very well done! I'm very proud of you!" He drew her close into a tight hug and she'd felt the warmth and love in his embrace. "I think this calls for a special treat, don't you?" He'd offered his hand to her and led her inside to the kitchen and the waiting container of mango sorbet that she just knew had been ordered especially for her.
Looking back on that time now… everything was tainted with the knowledge she now held. She felt so guilty for loving her uncle, for looking forward to time with him and the attention and presents he'd showered her with. He treated her like a princess, someone valued and important and special.
On the one hand she wanted to recognise it as manipulation and bribery, enticing her to his side and ensuring her affection so that as an adult she'd follow in his footsteps.
But on the other hand…he was her family, she didn't have very much of that left and she'd loved him with the innocent love of a child who has only ever seen the good in someone. In his way he'd loved her too, she'd seen that when he saved her life.
And despite everything that had happened- despite the lies, the pain, the hurt, the manipulation and murder, buried deeply in her heart, there was still the little girl who loved her uncle and couldn't understand how or why someone who was so kind to her could be so cruel and hateful to others.