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[UPBEAT DENIAL]

chapter four: picnic at yoyogi

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Sunlight is the worst greeting in the morning. I hate it. I hate it so much.

"Fuck off."

I grumble my complaints into my pillow, words muffled. I spread my legs out, taking the most space I can on the single bed, waiting for my feet to tangle off the edges.

Wait...

This isn't my bed. It's a queen size one. The mattress is softer, and slightly damp. Oh, and I'm not wearing pants or briefs…or anything.

My eyes snap open as I turn to my right side. Outside the window, there's an odd scenery of greenery. I'm familiar with seeing a concrete jungle, and not a park outside of my window. Now that I think about it, I'm not even certain that there is a park in my neighbourhood. We're still in Tokyo though. Tokyo Tower is peaking over a sea of skyscrapers, its height and redness distinct against the city's dull buildings. This narrows it down to Yoyogi or Shinjuku park.

Sitting up, I grimace and place a hand onto my pounding forehead. An unforgiving headache decides to greet me with an 'ohayou'. Yes, alcohol. Fuck you and 'Hisashiburi' to you too. The business hotel stinks of musk, stale tobacco and a faint trace of a sweet, flowery perfume. The linen is crumpled, most of it having fallen off onto the carpet. As I get up from the bed, I find a lone dangly earring, subtly protruding out from under the pillow besides me.

A distinct design - vibrant peacock feathers with rose-gold tassels. My editor colleague, Sakae, wore it yesterday morning. When she had walked into the office, I complimented her about them and she giggled back.

Fantastic! I groan to myself, recounting the night in my mind. Of course, you had to go fuck up again. Great job, Takeru. Couldn't you have picked somebody who wasn't a colleague?

The tacky disco ball reflects her soft complexion. Her earrings dangling low, contrasting against her smooth, bare neck with her hair half tied back. A similar fashion to how Brielle used to style her hair. Unlike Bri, Sakae's scent is floral. It's mixed with whiskey and beer. Her neck is exposed, easy to access. I breathe, inching closer as my lips drop down to touch her skin. Her cute voice singing into the microphone as our knees bump together inside the snug karaoke booth. Instead of going to the third bar with the Friday-after-work-drinks colleagues, Sakae and I ditched to go karaoke.

She was cute. We hooked up. It was that simple. Yeah, I'm an ass - but it wasn't like I forced her into it. Two to tango, ya know?

Last night I drank above the average capacity. It was my biggest alcohol binge since coming back to Tokyo. A bad habit that I should not be welcoming back when I had tried to stamp it out of my system. The hangover was not so good, but at least the sex was.

Hopefully Sakae won't be the type to spread rumours. She probably only slept with me because in her eyes, I'm a foreigner. Besides, I have seen her flirting with other colleagues before. Hopefully she doesn't expect anything from me, like commitment. Haha. She doesn't seem like the type to cling or gossip - but who knows?

You can never judge a book by its cover. The same rule applies to women.

The same also applies to Japanese culture. People have this impression that Japan is always to the books, innocent and polite. Not really. Cheating is common - it's like a trend. It's a thrill to some people here. Host clubs exist. Love hotels are there for reasons, and not primarily always used for just couples. If you go up to the higher levels of Akihabara stores, you'll find a saucy array of hentai, JAV porn - and other promiscuous and questionable things that are considered illegal in many countries.

What I'm trying to say is that not all Japanese people are as innocent and good-natured as they may seem. I could turn a blind eye and pretend Japan has a perfect culture, but then I'd be lying. That, and well, I stick out here like a sore thumb. I say what's on my mind, and I've been called to my mother's office a ton of times to 'tone it down'.

Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about how people see me - but I'd hate myself if my repercussions fucked up my mother's reputation. She slaved for her title, and I'd be the shittest son in the whole of existence if this one mistake-of-a-night ruined her career.

Snatching my phone from the bedside table, I skim through the missed calls and texts.

There are a handful from my mother and Kana. I love my family, but prior to Tokyo I hadn't lived with them for over six years. I haven't grown to them checking in on me since, especially when I'd go off and do stupid things. After a few weeks, I'm aiming to look around for a new place. I should have enough savings to stay elsewhere without my family harassing me with 'are you OKs'. I'm an adult, but Kana's treating me like I'm the younger sibling. How disrespectful!

Once downing a bottle of water, I finally get up.

A chuckle arises from my chest as I fetch my shirt, pants and briefs that have been littered in different areas of the hotel room. I'm heading towards the bathroom, swiping through more notifications on my phone.

Mimi: Yoyogi Park 10:30am.

My eyes roam back to the window. The patches of green make sense now. I have a brunch with the bridal crew!

Good thinking, drunk self. While intoxicated I had, somehow, taken into account to book right next to the morning meet up. I don't have to stress about commuting to the park or sending an apology text for running late. I have enough phone battery life, thanks to a handy, portable charger that I own. Remind me to pat my drunk self on the back.

As I brush my teeth, my unoccupied hand scrolls through the other missed messages that aren't from mother or Kana.

Hope you're OK, cuz.

A text from my favourite cousin. I don't know why Catherine is texting me her concerns, until I realise that I sent her a blurry photo of three pints of beer from the izakaya last night.

This, I remember clearly.

The start of the Friday-after-work drinks. You know what? I partly blame my mother for this. She was the one who prompted me to go out with the workmates.'They're your age, Takeru. Why don't you make some friends? You can't be reading all night.' I mean, when your own mother finds you pitiful, you know you need to get your shit together.

Anyway, I had forgotten how crazy the Japanese work drinks culture was - not that I was ever involved in them…but I do remember how dad would get home almost every night. He'd be off his face, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, which was ironically one of the reasons that led to the divorce.

Because I hadn't replied to Cat's text, I notice that she's also sent an IG direct message.

'Don't drink too much.'

Cat had witnessed me drink my heart out and suffer the repercussions of befriending the toilet bowl one too many times. She was always there checking in on me. She had no choice but to because, as well as being my dear cousin, she had been my ex-roommate. She had witnessed me at my very worst.

I send her an "I'm good." She immediately likes it.

Yeah, she had been worried about me, time differences and all. I send her a heart. She replies with a middle finger emoji.

I laugh between the toothpaste froth.

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Mimi's pink, frilly parasol makes it easy to find them.

It's anchored down on a slant, shading a picnic blanket that contrasts finely against the patchy grass. A cheese platter, a bowl of expensive seasonal fruits, and a tray of freshly baked melon pan are presented on the blanket to absolute perfection.

Taichi is lying, stomach first on the ground with his legs kicking the air. Half his body is on the picnic blanket, the other is on the grass. He doesn't care about getting grass stains on him, because his main focus is the food. With a small knife, he pastes some brie onto a cracker, stuffing the full thing into his mouth in one go. His eyes are closed, munching happily and leisurely savouring the taste with a smile.

Next to him, Mimi is resting back on a foldable chair. She laughs, using her tiptoes to lightly kick him on the butt.

It's good to hear real laughter. The office life in Tokyo can be so darn stiff. One week of work has had me begging for human interaction. Sure, I interact with people at work - but it just feels forced. This is real and not staged. Even my drunken laughter with Sakae and my colleagues last night drained me.

The smell of the bread makes my amble turn into a light jog.

Mimi's bronze-tinted sunglasses slip down the bridge of her nose when she sees me from across the mini pond. She grins, waving me over.

When I delve to their radius, she abruptly gets up and gives me a hug.

Yups. This is why I like Mimi. Maybe because she also reminds me of Catherine a little bit. Asides from making Kana hug me (you're annoying, onii-san), and mother planting me a welcome/goodbye kiss on the cheek - there's not much affection I get here aside from family. Well, besides last night…but that doesn't count.

I'm accustomed to half-hugging my guy friends, kissing girls on the cheeks in greeting. Therefore, transiting from the skinship in Europe to no skinship in Japan is another thing to add to my 'this is not the social norm' adjusting fist. I even remember Yamato flinching when I gave him a hug at Narita Airport.

"Hi ikemen."

I laugh at Mimi's words. It's new Japanese slang that sounds funny to the ears, but it's a compliment regardless.

"G'morning guys. Thanks for organising."

Crossing my legs onto the blanket, I carefully place a stack of disposable cups, and the big bottles of water and green tea beside the food. The Family Mart goods looks kinda silly against the morning feast that Mimi has prepared.

Taichi finally opens his eyes. "Takeru?"

"Hey coach." I can't help but say when I observe his uniform.

He's geared up from early morning training. The reason why we had picked this time to hang out was because it's his intermission time. Morning training, then he would have to go back to coach his team before the national soccer match this afternoon. If Taichi hadn't sustained a severe ACL injury, he would have been on the field instead. During my last years studying in Japan, he was already getting offers at school matches. He managed to do a couple of years professionally before getting injured.

When he thought his soccer career was over, he was then scouted to become a coach. He had gotten lucky - but it wasn't just luck. Taichi had worked hard, had talent and had earned respect in the soccer community. Although I'm more of a basketball fan, I had taken tabs on Taichi's rise to success. Dude is truly inspirational, even if he is currently demolishing the cheese platter like no tomorrow.

Mimi swats her husband's hand from reaching for the cheese knife. "Quickly. Dig in before he eats it all, Takeru."

She doesn't need to tell me again as I snatch up a melon pan. My teeth sink into the fluffy bread. It's still warm. The sugary carbs make every cell in my body tingle erratically. It's heavenly. I compliment this to Mimi and she giggles at me.

"As much as I take pride in my own baking, the melon pan is all Hikari's work."

"Nice," I say. "Where is she anyway?"

She's the fourth person that's meant to be here. Mimi had intentionally excluded my brother and Sora and had made us promise not to say anything about this gathering to them. Obviously wedding related. If the members in the Line chat group are only herself, Taichi, Hikari and myself…it didn't take a genius to piece it all together.

"Baby was restless so she took him for a stroll. They'll be back soon," Taichi replies. "Why do you think we're relaxed? If only she could babysit our brat every day then I'd get a decent amount of sleep and-"

"Taichi, she already has kids every day. And please don't call Yuta-kun a brat. He might think it's his real name."

"He is though." Taichi murmurs, "Our son is a menace."

"Just wait until he hits toddler age," I grin. "My sister was a little devil. She still is occasionally, actually."

"No need to advise me. I know what it's like. Hikari is Satan-"

"Taichi! Shut up!" Hikari groans from a distance.

"Her ears are so sharp, I tell you." Taichi lets out a low whistle. He raises his voice, "I'm only telling Takeru about how you're the best babysitter ever."

"No, I am not babysitting tomorrow," Hikari replies. Her eyes are narrowed, glaring at her brother as she pushes the stroller over the grass.

Her voice may be stern, but her appearance is softer today. She's not wearing her teaching outfit, pulling off a cream, sunflower dress. Her chestnut hair is tied on the side. Lighter colours always suited her more.

"Hi Takeru."

"Yo." I point at the melon pan. "They taste good."

"Thanks."

At least she's acknowledging me. The bridal party dinner still left an impression on me. Hikari hadn't wanted anything to do with me. But she knows she can't avoid me forever because we're partners for the wedding.

And, against all odds, she ended up being my sister's teacher.

The last time we had spoken was when Kana had gotten away with punching her bully (admirer) in the face. Hikari had gone into full lecture mode about how lucky they were that the kid had convinced his mother to lay off the punishment. It was surely something, I gotta tell you that. Hikari scolding Kana (and also myself for laughing) was both funny and scary at the same time.

Hikari finds space in the blanket across from me and helps herself to a plate of fruit. I pass her a cup of tea, then to Mimi and Taichi. Mimi sets her tea down, bending over the stroller to pick up the Yuta.

The baby is about six months old. He's at the 'carriable' age. I get scared of carrying newborns. It took me weeks to even carry Kana-chan. They're just too tiny. Yuta lets out gumless cackles, eyes bright. He's already handsome. You know how some babies take a while to grow into their skin? Not for Yuta-kun though. He's got a defined nose, thick hair and a dimply, adorable smile.

It makes my chest ache a bit.

"You want to carry him?" Taichi asks. He's watching me curiously.

I shake my head. "It's fine."

I'm fine…

I rip my eyes away from the baby and mother, picking up some almonds from the cheese tray. My teeth sink into the nut, but the chewing doesn't wake me up. It's flavourless in my mouth, and everything seems to feel numb all of a sudden. Why should I carry him? I don't deserve him. I'll taint him.

She slams her fists into my chest. Her shrieking echoes in the bathroom. I hold her close, but she shakes herself away from me. Her green eyes are filled with tears, face flushed, cheeks sunken and lips heavily frowning. 'How can you be so selfish, Takeru?!'

"-right, Takeru?"

"Takeru?"

"Oh." I clear my throat as everything focuses again. "Sorry. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Taichi smirks. "I can tell." Mimi sighs, but I don't question what Taichi's finding funny.

I don't have the energy to. Everything feels stale. The sun feels cold, and it makes me shiver. The wind feels angry. The food doesn't even taste good anymore. If anything, I want to vomit. It's the alcohol. Yes, that's it. I haven't fully recovered from last night - that's why it isn't sitting well in my stomach. That's why. This has to be why.

Hikari picks up the conversation. "Mimi just asked if you think it's a good idea that we pull off a surprise performance on the night."

"What kind of performance?" I raise an eyebrow.

"A band one."

"Yamato's Knife of Day members?"

"No. They're playing the whole night. When they eat dinner, we'll make our own band sing a song or two."

"Our band?" I repeat, not liking the sound of it already. "Please clarify what you mean."

"I'll be in charge of the vocals. Hikari will play the keyboard. Sora's father will drum, your father will play guitar and Kana will play the violin. And you will play the-"

"What?!" I reply. "I think you may have gotten the wrong brother. I'm not musically inclined. I get my musical talent from my mother - which means nothing considering she can't hold a note to save her life."

"I heard," Mimi nods like this isn't new information to her. "Yamato told me."

"And you still want me to partake in unleashing earthquakes? My musical ability is equivalent to a natural disaster."

Hikari asks, "You can't screw up if we assign you with the triangle, right…?"

I let out a sigh of relief. Now this is what I'm talking about. This is something I can do, even though it is quite insulting considering they are kinda hinting that I'm hopeless. It is a brilliant idea, and I know Yamato would appreciate it. He gets sentimental over things like this - especially if it's dad, Kana and myself performing for him.

"I still insist that I need to practice for it."

"Perfect!" Mimi exclaims. "If you can ask your dad and Kana, that will be great. Let's aim every weekend for practice sessions."

"What about my mother?" Although my mother lacks in the music department, it doesn't seem fair that she isn't included. Then again, it would probably be awkward for both my parents to be in the same room.

"Covered," Taichi grins. "I'm hosting the wedding with Sora's mother and your mother."

"Wow. Good luck."

Somehow I feel like I'm in a better spot than Taichi now. He's lucky he is going to miss out on weekend practice, but he also doesn't know how much of a control-freak my mother can get. Good luck to him. I really mean it.

Thirty minutes pass. We discuss more about the logistics of everything. Throughout the morning slash meeting, Hikari has been jotting notes down like the teacher she is. Mimi's ideas are boundless. There's a reason why she works in the Events management industry.

The baby begins to cry, and everybody takes it as a cue to leave. I help them load Mimi's boot. It's the most I can do since they've given me a delicious breakfast. Mimi's going to drop Taichi at the stadium. They try to convince me to hitch a ride with them, but I decline their offer because I live in the opposite direction.

As I head for the closest train station, I realise that Hikari's fallen in step next to me.

"Taking the train too?"

"Yeah. Just one stop," she says. "Meeting up with my boyfriend in two hours, so I thought I'd do some shopping in Shibuya while I'm here."

"Fair enough," I comment. Nothing to argue there. Shopping is painful on a weekend. However, it will save her the commute from going back and forth into the city.

We pass a Starbucks. I freeze. Caffeine is something I could do with right now. The roasted coffee beans are calling out to me. Not getting much sleep, nursing a hangover and not having my morning intake of coffee. That's got to be it. The green tea did nothing for me and I realise this is why I feel off my game.

There shouldn't be a problem to stop here and get Hikari to go on without me. After all, she will be taking a train the opposite direction and…

"God, I could do with a coffee right now too." She walks towards the entrance, tilting her head towards me. "You coming?"

I don't expect this sudden friendliness from her, but I accept it. It's not like I have anything else planned today. It's not like I'm using her as a distraction to get my thoughts back intact and to stay in chronological order.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Yagami sensei?"

"I swear, TK…"

Hikari scrunches her nose when she realises her slip up. It makes me smile wider.

Her reverting to my old nickname is all sorts of wholesome.

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(a/n) chp turned out to be longer than i thought. this is super delayed. hope you enjoyed another layer of takeru. there is still so, so, so much more story to tell. haha. thank you for reading. :)