Chapter 7

I was laying in Tallblaze's den, still feeling no better, still unable to get the images from the prior night out of my head. I noticed his occasional glances over at me, making sure I was doing alright I guess since that was his job. I hadn't really said anything since Silkshade left despite his occasional attempts at conversation, probably distraction attempts. Things weren't okay right now and we both knew it. I suspected it was only going to get worse from here. I knew I had to be right when Wingstar walked into the den. I tensed.

"Hey there, Wingstar!" Tallblaze said in a forced cheerful tone. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to find out what happened last night," she answered.

"Okay, I can answer that," he responded.

"Actually, I want Deathfire to tell me," Wingstar told him. "Since she was the one there."

"She's not in a good mental state right now, don't push her to do something she's not ready to do," Tallblaze responded. "It took a lot of effort for her to explain it once, it would be better to not press her to tell the story again. She's obviously traumatized."

"I'm the leader and I want her to tell me," Wingstar told him. "That is final."

"This is my den and she is my patient! Her health, physically, mentally, and emotionally, is my responsibility and I will do whatever to help her feel better in all ways!" Tallblaze shouted. "You will not prevent me from doing my job!"

I looked down. Everything's wrong and it's all my fault.

"Look, there's things that don't add up about this murder," Wingstar growled. "I know she's the one who caused it. I'm just looking for the evidence to prove it. You may be fooled by this act, but I'm no mouse-brain. I want her to tell me. A confession from her own mouth." She turned toward me. "You will not get away with your crimes. I will prove your guilt. Tread carefully, fox-heart, because your days getting away with things are almost over. I pray StarClan brings you nothing but pain until the day you join the Dark Forest."

I felt myself trembling. I deserve all the pain StarClan can bring me. This is my fault, she's right about that. I'm not the heartless murderer she thinks I am yet I still played a part in all the deaths she blamed me for. Maybe she was right to think of me this way. Maybe I was bad.

"Get out," Tallblaze growled.

"How about I stay?" Wingstar responded.

"Get out!" Tallblaze yowled.

"Someday you'll realize how blind you were and I'll be waiting for an apology when that day comes," Wingstar told him before walking out.

"She wants me to suffer," I murmured. "Like I'm not already."

Tallblaze took a deep breath and exhaled. "She is a terrible cat," he stated.

"We can agree there," I said.

"She'll be waiting for that apology until the day she dies because I have nothing to apologize for," he told me. "She's the one that's blind."

"No, I'm pretty sure that's Silkshade," I joked.

He laughed. "You're right," he agreed. "So how are you doing overall? If you feel up to answering."

"I guess fine. My back definitely hurts, worse than last time I think," I answered. "Other than that, physically I'm perfectly fine."

"What about mentally and emotionally?" he asked.

I paused before answering. "Not well. I think I'm getting over the initial shock," I replied. "I'm starting to get kinda scared for tonight. I know I have to go back or Lightstar won't be happy, but she has full control over me. I'm not sure how bad that's gonna get."

"I wish I could help you, I really do, but I can't do anything about that," Tallblaze said, then sighing. "I guess this is just when we have to leave you to it and trust that you're strong enough."

"But that's the thing, I'm not strong enough," I told him. "She's strong and has whatever abilities Dark Forest cats have. I'm afraid this'll be more than I can take." I thought back to last night. "Actually, I think it already is."

He sighed, his gaze dropping to the ground. He didn't respond, the den feeling deathly quiet. He seemed so stressed and worried; I felt bad for involving him in this. He didn't need all this weighing on him.

"Shorty, can you promise me something?" he asked. I nodded. "Promise me you won't give up, okay? Promise me you'll keep trying."

I hesitated for a moment. It would be so easy to just die, all of this over, no longer dealing with this all. I wouldn't burden anyone anymore. Except, there was no guarantee it would be better. I could go to the Dark Forest and be stuck with Lightstar until I faded from existence. Here I knew I had my friends, even if that was all.

I met his gaze. "I promise," I told him.

"Hey Deathfire," Boulderfang greeted.

"Hey," I responded. I really did not want to talk to him right now. "Who's watching the kits?"

"Tallblaze is playing with them right now. We both know if anyone knows how to distract cats, it's him," he answered.

"Yeah," I agreed. We sat in silence for a moment.

"They asked about Songheart," he told me.

"Did you tell them?" I asked.

He sighed. "I couldn't outright lie to them. I was explaining what happened to Puddlekit and they ended up asking if their mom was dead too," he explained. "I guess it's kind of my fault for putting it off. You have told me I should tell them before they find out in a bad way."

"That doesn't change the fact that was probably the last thing you wanted to think about right then," I stated.

"Yeah," he agreed. "By the way, what happened?" The dreaded question. I didn't really have a good answer and I certainly couldn't tell the truth. "It's okay if you'd rather not talk about it, I'd understand."

"Yeah, I'd rather not think about what happened," I said. That much was true. "So how are the other kits responding?"

"They all definitely seem less rowdy overall," he answered. "I didn't explain what actually happened, just that Puddlekit died. I don't want to scare them."

I nodded. "They definitely don't need to know that yet," I responded. "Also would you rather me not take care of your kits? After all, I let one die."

"Deathfire, given your injury I very highly doubt you just let Puddlekit die. You obviously fought your best to protect her and that's all I could've asked for," he told me. If only he knew. "And the kits seem to think very highly of you as well. I have no problem with it. You're a great queen."

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure," I said, happy that I'd be able to continue raising the kits. They were good cats and I enjoyed spending time with them.

"Well, I just wanted to say hi. I better get back to the kits and make sure Tallblaze isn't teaching them anything he shouldn't," Boulderfang told me. "I'll see you around."

"Bye!" I exclaimed as he left the den, leaving me alone once more.

He didn't blame me and still felt comfortable leaving me around his kits. If only he knew why Puddlekit was dead. If only he knew it was actually all my fault. Secrets never last forever. Some day he's going to find out and someday he's going to hate me. However, he could never hate me more than I hate myself.

Author's Note: Internet was dead yesterday so I couldn't get the chapter out so it's a day late, but better late than never I suppose. Anyway, I absolutely hate Wingstar. I need to start a Wingstar Hate Club. WingstaristheworstClan has a nice ring to it. Hmm… Leave a review if you'd like! I'll see you next week, hopefully on time!

-Rowan W.