Chapter 11

I sat outside the nursery, watching the kits playing something; I wasn't entirely sure what, but they seemed to be having fun. Boulderfang hadn't asked me any questions since we all had that conversation with Flurrytail the other night. That was definitely good. I was still terrified about him finding out though. I had bigger problems right now, however. My nights were becoming more and more miserable since I had fully become Lightstar's. Not to mention she wasn't pleased I missed a night, even if it was Grasstail's fault entirely. Things were getting rough. Rougher, anyway.

"Hey Shorty, how ya doing?" Tallblaze asked, walking up.

"You very well know how I'm doing," I responded.

"Is there anything I can do to help at the moment?" he asked. "You seemed a little lost in thought and that's typically not a good thing."

"When cats like Silentstorm are lost in thought, everyone assumes they're coming up with something smart, but when I do it, I'm automatically worrying about everything going wrong, insulting myself, or both," I muttered.

"Well, then what were you thinking about?" he asked.

"How everything is going wrong," I answered hesitantly.

"And just so you know, the lost in thought thing was my nice way of saying you looked very upset and I was coming over to annoy you until you cheer up," he told me.

"How kind," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"You're welcome," he responded.

"Don't you have better things to do than bother me as our Clan's esteemed sole medicine cat?" I asked.

"Everyone is healthy, herbs are sorted, and everything is prepared for emergencies," he informed me. "I truly have nothing else to do."

I was probably being a little rude. I had been recently. I can't deny everything going on was infecting my mood. I just wanted space from my friends trying to get me to deal with my feelings or talk about my problems or—StarClan forbid it—cope. I can handle myself.

"You wanna go see what the kits are doing?" Tallblaze asked.

So he wasn't going to convince me to talk about my feelings? Great! "Yeah, sure," I agreed.

The two of us walked towards where the kits were playing. My paw caught the ground and I tripped.

"Fox-dung!" I exclaimed, hitting the ground.

"Are you okay?" Tallblaze asked.

"Yeah, I just tripped. It's not like I have a long fall," I answered, standing back up.

"What does fox-dung mean?" Songkit asked. Oh no. Tallblaze and I looked at each other.

"It's a word you should never say, especially in front of your father," I answered.

Songkit donned a mischievous look. "Fox-dung!" she exclaimed.

"No!" I exclaimed.

"Fox-dung," she responded, looking me in the eye.

"No!" I repeated.

"Fox-dung!" Songkit exclaimed.

"Never tell a kit that they can't say something," Tallblaze told me while Songkit chanted the word fox-dung. "Then they'll do it. For certain."

"How was I supposed to know that?" I asked.

"Because you're still like that," Tallblaze answered.

"Well, I'm an adult who can make her own decisions," I responded.

"And these decisions are about to get you killed by my brother," he retorted.

"Maybe you shouldn't say that," Tigerkit suggested to Songkit. At least he listens. "After all, Deathfire knows what's best."

"I can do whatever the fox-dung I want!" Songkit told him before resuming her chanting of the word fox-dung.

"I'm absolutely done for," I sighed. "Too bad I can't take you down with me."

"You piece of fox-dung!" Tallblaze exclaimed.

"What did you just say?" Boulderfang asked, walking up.

"He said fox-dung!" Songkit informed him.

"That's what I thought," he responded. "Now please never say that word again." Songkit then decided to restart her chanting of fox-dung. Boulderfang turned to Tallblaze. "You're dead."

"What? I didn't even teach that to them!" Tallblaze argued. "It was Shorty!"

"Tallblaze, don't you dare try to blame Deathfire," Boulderfang told him. "How dare you say such a thing in front of my kits? I trusted you to not teach them bad habits!"

"But it was Shorty!" Tallblaze exclaimed. "Sure, I said it, but she taught it to them first!"

"I told you, don't you dare try to pin this on her," Boulderfang responded.

I held back laughter as he got onto Tallblaze about what is and isn't appropriate for him to be teaching kits. Timing worked out perfectly for me because I avoided an entire lecture. Tallblaze was glaring at me because he knew I was letting him take the fall for what I did. I thought I've already been over this, I'm not a good friend.

Once Boulderfang got through, Tigerkit approached him. "But Tallblaze actually didn't say it first," he stated. Oh no, the kit is too honest. "Deathfire actually did."

I shrank back as Boulderfang turned towards me. I realized how much worse I made it by letting him lecture Tallblaze for it. I had been lectured enough times as his apprentice, however, and knew how to tune him out to a point.

"So you were just planning not to own up to it?" he asked.

"Timing was just too convenient to," I responded. "And I didn't mean to, I tripped."

"You think that is an excuse? You're old enough to know how to control what you say!" he told me.

"We both know that's not exactly true. I've never had any self-control. Go ahead on with the lecture, you're not mad, just disappointed. I'll tune you out anyway, we both know it," I stated. "Besides, you should've expected this from me. So in a way, it's your fault."

"Deathfire, talking isn't helping your case," he told me.

"It never does," I responded.

Tallblaze couldn't help but snicker. I glared at him. "Hey, you were gonna let me take the fall for your actions," he stated. "I have no sympathy, you fox-heart."

"Dark Forest, you're annoying," I told him.

"It's complete mouse-dung I'd ever teach these kits anything they shouldn't know and you know it," Tallblaze responded.

"Oh my StarClan, shut your muzzle!" I exclaimed.

"Flea-brain!"

"Mange-pelt!"

"Both of you! Stop it!" Boulderfang shouted.

We both turned toward him, who was now pretty mad if I do say so myself, and then back towards each other. We both had a skill for irritating, annoying, and even angering from time to time.

"We're dead, aren't we?" Tallblaze asked.

"Yeah, we are," I agreed. He pushed me down and ran. "You stupid furball!"

I looked back towards Boulderfang. "Yeah, you better run too," he said.

"I mean, worst thing you're gonna do is lecture me so I don't think I'd really care," I told him, laughing. "I mean, you can't be as bad as Lightstar." I froze, realizing what I just said.

"Well, I mean, odd comparison, but I guess so," he responded, kind of confused. His demeanor quickly changed to concern. "Hey, are you okay? You look a little frightened all of a sudden."

He's going to figure it out. He's going to figure it out! He's going to find out that I've been secretly meeting with Lightstar by night and then is going to learn that I wanted his mate dead and that it's my fault Puddlekit died and he'll hate me and it might get out and I get exiled or executed and I don't think I want that to happen and I can't believe he's going to find out.

"Deathfire! Are you okay?" Boulderfang asked.

I couldn't breathe. I was breathing, but I couldn't breathe. He was going to find out. He was going to hate me. I spilled my secret. Everyone was going to find out! This can't be happening. Breathe!

Other cats had come over by now. "What's going on?" Silkshade asked.

"Is Deathfire okay?" Tigerkit asked.

"Give her some space," Tallblaze ordered, taking control. "Shorty, I'm going to need you to sit down and focus on breathing, okay?" I nodded. "Okay. Everything's fine, I promise."

I sat down. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Everything is fine. I couldn't ignore the remaining feeling something was going to go wrong, but I could breathe and that's what matters in the moment.

"Come on, let's go," Tallblaze said, leading towards the medicine den.

I nodded and got up to follow. I was surprised by how tired I suddenly felt. I followed him and was kind of relieved to be away from everyone.

"What happened back there?" he asked. "You seemed fine and then you just started panicking."

"I mentioned Lightstar and thought I might of accidentally exposed myself. I thought he'd figure it out and he'd hate me and the whole Clan would know and also hate me," I explained. "It sounds stupid now. I really overreacted."

"It's not stupid, it's okay," he reassured me. "Fear and worry do things that seem ridiculous when they take over. Just calm down and get some rest. I'll leave you alone, I promise. I need to tell everyone everything is okay anyway." He then left.

I laid down, hoping not to fall asleep. Worry, however, was enough to make sure I didn't.

Author's Note: Sorry I didn't post last week y'all, I was sick and ended up forgetting. I'm feeling somewhat better, don't worry. Anyway, Deathfire proves yet again to be the most relatable character here. I mean, I accidentally cussed the other day in the loving room because Minecraft. And I too panic over the stupidest things. We're not going into details there. I'm going to be honest, Deathfire is everything I am and Tallblaze is everything I want to be. This is off topic. Anyway, leave a review if you'd like and have a great week. Farewell, until we meet again!

-Rowan W.