Lucas looked back down at the laptop to scroll down and get a little more of an idea of what Riley was talking about. He didn't have a lot of information on the topic - he would definitely look it up more later - but from what he could very basically understand, a cochlear implant was a type of hearing aid that had a part that went inside the head, and a part that went on the outside, and working together, they allowed a Deaf person to hear, in a sense. It was clear to him this wasn't some kind of cure and it wouldn't let her hear just like him and speak like him, but it was an interesting thought.

He mimicked the sign back to Riley, 'Cochlear implant?'

Riley nodded, fidgeting again. 'My mom offered for me to get one. It's super expensive and it's a long and complicated process so it's a big deal for my family.'

'I just want to be sure,' Lucas signed uncomfortably, 'you're not doing this for me, right?'

Riley shook her head. 'My mom offered this around the beginning of the school year, before I even really knew you.'

Lucas hesitated, thinking about the idea and unsure what to sign. Finally, he decided on, 'How do you feel about it?'

Riley pursed her lips. 'I thought a lot about it for a few months. It's a lot of information with signs I don't know if you'll understand, so I wrote it down for you.' She took the laptop back and switched tabs, handing it back to Lucas so he could read the google doc.

Words jumped out at Lucas, but he focused and noted in his mind the main points.

1. It was an invasive brain surgery and there would be risks and a lot of recovery time.

2. It would require therapy and treatments to adjust her brain to understand sounds.

3. It would be disorienting to her.

4. It wouldn't be a cure to her Deafness.

(4a. She didn't want to cure her Deafness.)

5. She felt that being Deaf was part of her personality, and she wasn't sure how the cochlear implant would affect her feelings about herself.

6. It would be safer for her to get more ambient noise.

7. It would make it easier to communicate with Lucas and his family.

As he finished reading, his immediate response was, 'You don't need a surgery to communicate with me. I'm getting better at signing every day and one day I want to be as good as Maya.'

'That's a big goal,' Riley signed. 'Not to say that you couldn't do it, but Maya grew up signing. It's part of her brain when it was growing.'

'I'll work twice as hard,' Lucas argued.

Riley smiled a little. 'And I know you will, and I love that you have done so much to communicate with me. But it isn't about that. You're just one reason on the end of a long list of things to think about with this procedure.'

'I know,' Lucas replied.

'But I wanted to talk to you about it,' Riley admitted. 'I wanted to know what you thought.'

'Don't make a decision based on my thoughts,' Lucas preambled.

'I don't intend to. But you're a big part of my life and… and I care what you think.'

Lucas smiled. 'First, I met you when you were Deaf. That's the first thing I learned about you, remember?'

Riley nodded.

'So, just like you, I do see it as part of your personality. But, I don't think that having a cochlear implant will erase that part of your identity. You're Deaf, and being Deaf isn't just about you not being able to hear. Some machine in your head won't change who you are as a person, it will just add a new part of your life.'

Riley nodded again. 'I didn't think about it like that, really.'

Lucas smiled. 'I know this would be a huge life change, and I'd support you with it in any way I could. If you're asking my opinion, I have to admit I'd love it if you could hear more - not just for me. For everything in your life that requires hearing. You're really independent and I love that about you, but the reality is that there are instances in life where being able to hear would reduce danger. So, yes, I'm for this surgery. But,' he met eyes with her so she could see he was being sincere, 'I also want you to know that whether or not you go through this has no effect on my feelings for you. I've only known you for a couple of months, but they've been the best couple of months in my life, and I don't intend to stop, no matter what happens in our lives. Whatever your choice is, I support you. If you don't want to go through it, I am absolutely fine with it. I met you when you couldn't hear, and I fell in love with you when you couldn't hear, and I will continue to love you just as I have if you choose to not do it. If you do choose to do it, I'll be whatever support you want me to be.'

Lucas's long speech took a lot of time to sign, with breaks and fingerspelling signs he didn't know. But he got the point across to Riley, and that was what mattered.

'Thank you,' she signed, unable to fully communicate the relief and love she felt for him in this moment. Knowing that he would support her and love her no matter what she did was the best response she could hope for.

Lucas smiled, pulling her in for a hug. When they broke apart, he noticed her collarbone, and the Christmas present he had given her hanging around her neck.

'I love you,' he imitated the one hand sign the necklace held, and her face broke out into a wide smile, brightening a place in his chest that she always seemed to touch whenever she was happy.

'I love you too, Lucas.'

'Wait,' Lucas signed, his eyebrows creasing. 'What was that last sign?'

Riley repeated the sign, using an 'L' handshape next to her forehead, she touched her thumb to her temple and flicked her wrist a little so that her forefinger went down and back up - like the 'L' was tipping a hat.

'It's your name sign,' she explained, a little timidly, and Lucas's eyes widened.

'My name sign?' He mimicked the sign back to her, trying it out for size, almost giddy like a child in his excitement. He knew that a name sign was an important and major thing for a hearing person to receive, and the fact that she had given him one meant that he was a major part of Riley's life.

'Do you like it?' Riley asked nervously, and Lucas widened his eyes again.

'Like it? Are you joking?'

She shook her head.

'Riley,' Lucas signed her own name sign, 'I love it and I love you. I know how important it is, and you must have thought a lot about it. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your life.'

Riley blushed, looking down, but Lucas lifted her face back up to him with a forefinger under her chin, and when their eyes met, he realized how close their faces were.

Two inches apart, Lucas's and Riley's eyes searched the others, seeing everything they wanted to say but didn't need to. When Riley flicked her eyes lower, Lucas knew exactly what he was supposed to do next. What she was expecting him to do, next.

But he had a plan for that, and it wasn't now.

Moving forward a little more, he rested his forehead against Riley's, closing his eyes a little as he took her head and felt her heart beat in her wrist.

And he had never felt closer to another person in his life.

A/N: I like how this chapter turned out, but I wrote it at 12am so it might not be as good as I think it is.

It's a little longer than the previous few chapters, but I had a lot to say in this conversation. I really wanted to convey that Lucas would love her no matter what she chose to do, but in the process I think I made it seem like he could sign a lot better than he actually should be able to with less than 6 months of practice lol.

Sorry for the ending. I think some of you know where I'm going with Rucas's first kiss ;)

Also, regarding the name sign: only Deaf people can give a person a name sign, and even though Riley's not really immersed in the Deaf community, she knows that from her interpreter and she knows how important it is to give a person a name sign (her interpreter gave her her name sign as more of an interim because she wasn't part of the Deaf community at age 5, but she liked it and just stuck with it). She's only given 3 people name signs in her life, and the first two she gave when she was just a kid - she was 5 when she gave Auggie a name sign and 7 when she gave one to Maya, so this was huge for her :)

I'm gonna try to check back in on Joshaya in the next chapter. It's been a few days and Josh should be back from Philly soon. Of course, I have no idea how I will write that or when it will be posted, sooooo... sorry to my Joshaya fans :(

I lost someone else in my family today, which is kind of why I'm up so late on a school night - I was talking to my sister about her. I have to take some time to process that, but sometimes writing can help when I'm emotional.

Of course, I'd love any feedback you are willing to provide :)

Kisses,

C