"Eric Forman's first suspension," Hyde said in a boastful voice. "I'm so proud."
Hyde, Kelso, Donna, and a pitiful-looking Eric sat around a table at The Hub, a diner that catered to teenagers.
"No way. Back up. Why'd he get suspended?" Kelso asked Hyde.
Donna answered instead. "Because he's stupid."
"They can do that?" Kelso asked nervously.
Donna rolled her eyes and said, "He told Vice Principal Cole that my cigarette was his, and that was stupid."
"Please, Donna, stop," Eric said sarcastically. "Don't fall all over yourself thanking me."
"I didn't need your help," she replied testily.
"I think Donna wants to get in trouble," Hyde teased. "It's her cry for help." In an absurdly high-pitched voice, he chirped, "Help me! Help me!"
Donna rolled her eyes again and rose to leave.
"Get bent," she declared. "You guys are jerks!"
As she walked to the door, Hyde called out after her, "We hear you, Donna, and we love you." She made an obscene hand gesture, and the boy laughed.
Eric turned to his friends. "This is great. Why'd I even take the fall? I mean, Donna doesn't care. And, you know, …Red's gonna kill me."
"Relax, Forman," Hyde said. "He's not gonna…. Oh, wait. ...Did you say 'kill you'?" The teen chuckled ominously, "Yeah, you're right."
"Hyde, this isn't funny. On Red's list of screw-ups, getting suspended from school is right up there with backing over my mom."
"Yeah, well, you better get home, Opie. Daddy's not gonna be happy with you being suspended and late."
"Man, you are a jerk!" Eric shouted as he stomped out of The Hub.
After Eric entered the kitchen through the sliding glass door, he heard his sister Laurie say, "Welcome home, smoker."
He turned to face her, groaning. "Oh, no."
"The school just called," Laurie said, smiling deviously. "You're lucky I answered the phone and not Dad."
"You didn't tell?"
"Eric, of course I didn't tell."
The kitchen door opened and Red walked in.
"Well," he snapped. "If it isn't Mr. Smoker."
Eric turned accusingly back to his sister. Laurie didn't even look up from her magazine; however, she smiled and said scathingly, "Oh, wait. Yes, I did."
"Well, congratulations, Eric," his father said sarcastically. "You got suspended. Are you getting dumber?"
"Gee, I don't think so," the boy said seriously.
"Son," Red snapped furiously. "Go out to the garage. I'll be there soon enough."
"Yes, sir." The teenager turned and trudged out the door.
Eric sat on a stool and waited. After fifteen minutes, he nervously began pacing.
Hyde poked his head through the open door. "Hey, man, I could see you through the windows." This time the boy did not sound amused. "Sorry about teasing you before."
"Don't worry about it. Look, man, you better get out of here. If you're not careful, Red'll find a reason for you to be in here too."
"Alright. Good luck," Hyde said as he walked back to the house.
Before he reached the door, Red walked out.
"Steven. Have you done your homework?"
"Yes, sir."
"How are your grades?" the man asked gruffly.
"B's and C's mostly."
"Hmmm. Do you smoke cigarettes?"
"No, sir. I do not smoke cigarettes. …No cigarettes for me." Hyde suddenly feared that he had said too much. Red looked at him for a long moment.
"...Ok. Go wash up for dinner. And then go help Kitty in the kitchen."
"Yes, sir," Hyde said, breathing a sigh of relief.
Eric could hear his father interrogating Hyde and was glad when his friend was sent away. He did not want any witnesses to his punishment.
His father walked into the garage. "Getting suspended is not an option for you. This is the first and last time this happens. Understood?"
"Yes, sir. It won't happen again. I promise."
"Good. Now drop your pants. Boxers too."
Eric jerked around to face his father. "Dad, no, please. Anything but that."
"This is not a negotiation, son. Do it."
The boy fought his urge to throw up. He couldn't believe he was about to have his naked ass blistered by his dad. Hyde and Kelso would laugh about this until the end of time.
Eric knew better than argue further. He unsnapped and unzipped his jeans and stuck his thumbs through his pants and underwear. He pushed them halfway down his thighs and bent over.
Fear and rage caused tears to tumble down his cheeks. His father swung the belt across his bare bottom. Eric hissed as a sudden burning sting erupted. The second blow felt searing. The third smack caused him to stifle a cry. He wanted to reach back and protect his behind, but he didn't dare. The belt landed and the boy cried, "Dad! Please!" His answer was a fifth wallop, then a sixth. As the strikes landed more quickly, Eric felt frenzied. "Please… please… please," he moaned. The seventh and eighth whacks hit the tops of Eric's thighs and he groaned loudly.
"Two more," his father said quietly. The boy nodded and braced himself.
Nine, thwack. Ten, slap.
"Done," said Red. He waited for his son to pull up his boxers and carefully ease his pants back into place. When the boy turned toward him, face a dark pink and tears running freely down his cheeks, Red felt for his son. He reached out and pulled him into a half hug.
In a gravelly voice, the father said, "You know, normally, I am real proud of you."
Eric looked up, shocked.
"I know I probably don't say it enough. But I am. So…," a sharpness returned to Red's voice. "Don't get suspended again, or I'll enlist you in the army. Got it?"
"Yes, sir. I won't. I promise," Eric smiled, weakly.