When I finally emerge from my room, battered, broken, and full of Wicked Witch of the West hair, I wash my face and travel back outside. Another walk, but on my own this time. Evening shrouds over me, and the lights of a lingering Christmas season twinkle and smear in my vision. Christmas doesn't want to end, even though it already has. For whatever reason, I forgot about a few things here. Like the fact that Nathan, during this time in the show, was choosing whether or not to move onto his new post. The one he had been wanting for so long. Why didn't he say anything? I wonder if he still received the offer. There is a secret part of me, that wonders if I have changed a few things since coming here. Don't worry, Clara and Jesse still got engaged. But an example would be the Christmas Eve get-together. Elizabeth asked Nathan to dance instead. This was after the children's choir sang at the school. I asked Lucas to dance, but only after Elizabeth chose her partner. I have been pondering the little things more often since that meltdown in my room. Funny enough, Lucas seemed to enjoy dancing with me that night, but I still swooned at the first opportunity to spend time with Jude instead. Something must be the matter with me. He isn't like Lucas at all. He is secretive. Too secretive. Did he drug me into this?
I'm too busy mulling about possibilities in my head to notice Lucas himself gazing up at the sequin-studded sky. "Nyrah?" He is particularly handsome tonight. I don't know why. He just always is. "Nyrah, are you quite well?" No. I'm not. But he can't know that.
"Well enough." I keep walking.
"Nyrah, wait." I stop, disturbed that I am on the verge to break down crying again. My eyes are still puffy and sore. "Would you like something hot to drink? It's too cold to be outside. You don't even have a coat." I search his eyes. Everything is confusing. I love Lucas, but there is something growing between me and Nathan as well. Something has changed. I stand as a cold statue, at last, realizing the truth and gravity of the situation, every ounce of moonlight, tracing my skin. Tracing his.
"You're right," My throat cracks, dry and hoarse, "I should take better care of myself." Everything is numb. My mind. My bones. When Lucas ushers me into the saloon, I notice then that it is past closing time. The place is empty. I did not realize it was so late.
"Sit down. Do you want coffee or hot chocolate?"
"Um, hot chocolate is fine." It takes a mere fifteen minutes, before Lucas emerges from the back of the saloon, where the kitchen is. His mug of chocolate next to mine on the table.
"Do you want to share with me what is wrong?"He asks. He is asking me to talk about my feelings. This sensation drags out all the memory of therapy sessions in my world...or time. I've lost track as to which it is. I comply with his request, because it is Lucas.
"Not really, but I need to say it out loud to help me process things, I guess." I stare into space, before tipping my chin down.
His hand is on mine, "What is it?" I ignore the electricity buzzing up my spine, and take a sip of the frothy marshmellow pool he prepared for me.
I begin, "Have you ever had so much bad happen to you, so much crazy, that it takes the majority of your lifetime so far to process it?" I do not wait for him to answer, I continue, "Jeremiah...Glory. Peter and Lily...all dead because of me. I lived my childhood as an orphan, and only managed to find one friend to call my own, and then I get sent here. A place of hope.
"Ironic. A woman with little hope, in a town called Hope Valley. The wounds were healing, Lucas. At least, I thought they were. Perhaps I was just fooling myself." The man sits in silence, blinking, probably thinking about his next words. His hand moves, leaving mine to freeze, despite the warm liquid near it. Lucas must think I am an ungrateful, selfish woman.
"You want to know what I think?" He asks, as if reading my mind.
"What?"
"I believe you have grown more than you realize. I see a lady who has come into a period of discouragement. You are not alone, Nyrah." A tear rolls down my cheek. No one has ever seen me cry since the fire. Why did he have to be so wonderful? I am not certain my heart is able to stretch any farther into any more directions. I smile, but he doesn't smile in return.
"Thank you," I say, "I appreciate that."
"I think...I need to let you go." His statement is not what I expected. His voice was so low, I barely heard it.
"What did you say?"
"I should let you go. It is late, and you are past exhaustion. As we both agreed before, you need to take better care of yourself." That is not what I thought he meant by those words, and I blush from my foolishness of assumption. "I'll escort you home" He offers his jacket, and I accept it. It is rather chilly.
Spring blossoms three months later, and I have not been approached by Jude at all since our last walk, but he has left little handwritten notes on my doorstep. I have my own home now, and people in the community have been generous by offering to help furnish it. I am not good at decorating, which was Rosemary's first observation. The furniture just began to pile in, and Jesse and Clara even brought me some candles to use, which I needed. Next door to Elizabeth and the Coulters, I spend afternoons dusting and rearranging, and sometimes I keep little Jack during those times. In fact, Elizabeth will be picking him up in half-an-hour. Laura will be taking over while I work a shift at the Saloon.
Little Jack cracks down into a fit of laughter every time he knocks over the tower of blocks we built. He sits comfortably on my lap, and I cherish seeing Elizabeth in him.
"Now, little man, why on earth would do that? Look at this mess!" Jack cackles louder, "I do not believe this to be a laughing matter." My eyebrow wagles at the child's grin plumping his cheeks, a playful sigh escaping me. "I guess we can always rebuild." The bluest eyes gleam with joy up into mine, and I feel fulfilled somehow.
Seconds later, mama rushes through the door, aching to hold her son. "Hey," I distract the child from his fun to direct his gaze upward, "There is your mom."
Jack reunites with his mother with a slobbery kiss, and she chuckles in contentment. "I hope you don't mind that we came early." Jack sucks on his fingers as she balances him on her hip, and I shake head. "Not at all," I say. Laura stands mute by the door, and the three of them go on with their day.
Elizabeth and Laura visit Yost's General Store, and little Jack observes all the hustle of the scenery. Elizabeth notices Nathan by the produce stall, and she is struck by the desire to talk with him. "Oh, Laura, can you just for moment?" She holds out the little boy for the girl to take.
"Sure," She answers.
Elizabeth jogs over to the mounty, unsure how to start the conversation, and as he begins to walk away from the stall, she calls out to him. "Nathan!" His attention is caught, and is surprised. Elizabeth continues once she is in his vicinity, "Good morning."
"Good morning." He tilts his head to the side, curious as to what she would like to talk about.
"Allie is so excited about her book report about Queen Victoria." Elizabeth's lips quicken, unable to get the words out fast enough.
"That's... " Nathan seems unsure where this conversation is headed. "Great."
"Between her friends and the project, I have never seen her so engaged with school.
"That's good. I was...I was never like that." Nathan is about to say more, before a presence interrupts.
"Probably because you never had a teacher like Elizabeth," Lucas interjects. Elizabeth's smile brightenes, and Nathan's lips flatten in annoyance. First it was Nyrah, now the man has been attempting to woo Elizabeth. The school teacher's vision shifts between the two of them.
"That, that's true." What he said earlier seemed foolish now. Lucas takes over the conversation.
"I just received a new shipment of books for the library."
"More?" Her lips pucker in shock.
"Yes, and there are some real gems in this one." Nathan is bored of the conversation already, and wants to roll his eyes at their obsession for books.
"Well, that's great. I was just on my way there." Elizabeth glances between them once more, noticing the awkward dispointment in Nathan's face.
"Great."
"Great." She chuckles, and the mounty holds back the desire to become sick. "Great," he chimes in as well.
A few young boys dive past the group, shouting and bickering with one another about a kid's ball. "Give it back now!"
"No, it's mine!" Some tussle ensues, and Elizabeth grins awkwardly. "I should see if I can resolve that." The lurch in the school teachers stomach tells her that she is relieved to leave the tense air now behind her. "Boys! Are we behaving like little gentlemen?"
"No," they chorus in the most off key shame.
"I didn't think so." Nathan notices how good Elizabeth is with children, which promts a small grin of thoughtfulness to tease his mouth. "Now, please give him back his ball."
"Sorry, Mrs. Thornton."
On my way to the Queen Of Hearts, I bump into Allie and Opal. "Hey, girls!" Allie appears a bit overwhelmed. "Everything alright?" Opal walks in sync with her friend.
"Yeah, I just checked out this book about Queen Victoria, and it is really thick. I have to do a book report on it."
"I rember those days." I sigh, swooning at the recollection of graduation. "I was glad when I finished, but there is much of my education I am thankful for."
"Like what?" Allie asks.
"Book reports on Queen Victoria." I wink at Opal, who plays with her pigtails.
"Alright, I get it Miss Sutton, you mean I shouldn't complain about it right?" The taller girl motions to the book.
With a finger on my chin, I pretend to be thinking about what she said. "Not exactly. What I meant was that you should give the book a chance and remove your presuppositions, and you may be surprised to find that it might make Queen Victoria more interesting. I'll leave the decision to you though."
"What is a presupper...what was that word?" The younger girl's brows furrow in concentration.
"A presupposition...well, for example, when you see a really thick book about Queen Victoria that is required for a book report, you then assume that it is going to be so boring and take forever to read, before you have even read it. It creates a less fun experience, and far less meaningful."
"I learned a new word! I'm gonna tell Mrs. Thornton in school on Monday." Opal scrunches her nose with excitement, and my heart flutters. Allie snaps into a brighter mood, convinced of my argument.
"Thank you so much, Miss Sutton." The girls skip on ahead, and I approach the Queen Of Hearts. Lucas is not here, so I write in the log of my presence, and wash my hands in the kitchen after tying on my apron. The cook ignores me, and I ignore him. We have both agreed to leave each other alone, so there is a better chance of doing both our jobs well. Clara is not in today, and I am not certain how much longer she will work here since she is now engaged to Jesse.
I move from table to table, wiping their surfaces of oatmeal and chunks of ham, when a woman catches my eye. Her lavender clothing is professional, and I rember her as the woman who interviews Henry Gowen. I suppose I am to expect a questioning later.
It is wonderful to be back. I know it has been a while, but I fell into a writing slump, not really wanting to write anymore since I wrote so many chapters last time. This chapter was an interesting thing to write. It isn't my best, and isn't as interesting. It feels like a filler chapter of sorts. I don't know. let me know your thoughts about it in the comments. I hope all of you are doing well, and I want all of you to know that I appreciate my readers so much! I actually have two other books planned for this series, so we can explore different worlds. If you are not interested in the Arrow or Adventures of Merlin, that is totally fine, and I will be writing When Calls the Dream so it can be read as a standalone. Please, if you have any ideas of things you would love to see happen, please feel free to share them. If it fits with the plot, I will use it.