Gustav, the new chef, has finally arrrived, and some things here have already improved. While sweeping in the back room, sweat beads at my temples. A red surge floats through the curtain.
"Nate, what are you doing back here?" I shove the broom into the corner and wash my hands once again before taking a plate of steak, peas, and mashed potatoes out to an older gentleman. Nathan follows.
"On my way to drop by this afternoon, Jude stopped me and asked me to give you this." A slip of paper tied in red ribbon; a sprig of lilac sealed with it wafts its perfume into my nostrils. The petals are smooth and small.
"...You were going to drop by?" I pay no attention to the note, and stare him dead in the eyes. It probably tells me how beautiful I am anyway. Like they have been saying the past few months.
"Yes, Allie wanted me to ask if you'd like to go fishing tomorrow. I realize now is not the best time." My limbs melt. Not the reason I hoped for. Nathan is a good friend...guy...I'm not sure. That's all. The note is from Jude. Why did he use Nate to deliver it? "Does Mr. Wesley write you notes often?" He asks.
"I...that's none of your business. I rip the note away from his hand, but then my focus is distracted by Lucas and Elizabeth in the corner of the room. The piano music curdles at the sight of Elizabeth offering her book for Lucas to read. I haven't changed anything. Nathan makes note of where my attention was stolen. Nothing was ever going to happen between me and Lucas. The attention went to my head, and that lunch with Jude ruined everything.
"May I confide in you about something?" The words lasso my mind back on Nate. I plop the wash rag in my other hand, back into the bucket. "Of course. You can always confide in me." I put a soggy hand on his shoulder.
"I am conflicted. I think I am in love with someone, but I don't think she loves me in return." I twist my head back toward the future couple. Elizabeth. The mounty feels an obligation toward her and her son, but falls in love with her in the process. The memories come back to me. I take a deep breath, and I realize what I need to do. I need to get over Lucas, and because Elizabeth won't choose Nathan when it comes time, Nate will have to move on from her as well. Tears glimmer, about to fall; I don't look at him when I answer. "I guess, the best thing to do is to consider her happiness first above everything." When I finally raise my chin to meet his gaze, his blue eyes waver between Lucas and Elizabeth and me. "I guess you're right," he says.
Elizabeth is gone, and I stuff the note into my apron pocket. Giving Nate a sad smile, I continue working, and so does he. With both doors of romance crumbling down, all I wish to do, is to crumple onto the floor and block out the world.
"Nyrah?" Fiona touches my shoulder. Out of instinct, I fill up her tin with coffee. The pot in my left hand is lighter, and I decide I will refill it right away. "Nyrah?" I acknowledge her voice, my brows warping from the previous events in my mind. "Yes?"
Fiona chortles, "I didn't need coffee, but thank you."
"Oh, I am so sorry! I guess I need to get my brain back to functioning properly." She waves, dismissing the mistake. "Don't worry. I just wanted to check up on you. You and that mounty seemed to be having a very interesting conversation." I can picture his smirk while he is in a playful mood, or the fatherly tone he has when Allie begs for something.
"You could say that...wait, we're you listening in?" I question with saucer-eyes. She hooks her arm with mine, almost sloshing coffee onto my blouse.
"Nyrah, he wasn't talking about Elizabeth." The whisper takes an eon to register. Nate couldn't have been talking about me. Impossible. He hasn't done anything to prove that as a possibility, let alone a solid fact. I decide to feign ignorance. "Was it you he spoke of then?"
"Me? Are you crazy? We don't even hardly talk."
"Who then?" I just want someone to say it, so I'm not insane for mentioning it first.
"Nyrah, come on. For what reason do you believe he inquired as to whether or not Jude sends you notes often? He was talking about you." The black-haired woman beside me smirks when the realization shows in my expression.
"Fiona, I appreciate your observation, but it can't be true. He isn't supposed to fall in love with me." Lucas watches the two of us and the knot in my stomach tightens, and a blush bites at my skin. "I have to get back to work."
Fiona drinks her coffee. "Well, you're welcome to think what you want, but I feel like you shouldn't ignore this." I'm not sure what I am going to do about it to be honest...live in denial maybe, or rush right in recklessly and just kiss the man. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.
"Thank you, friend."
The next day, Rosemary and Lee's trip to Los Angeles gets canceled, and the next night, the whole town collects in the Saloon to watch a silent movie. Having seen the more high definition films of the future, I find it less riveting to squeal in fear when the lady is nearly run over by the train. The film is the first I have seen in a long while, and I can get behind this one film a month thing that Lucas offered. It is fun being with friends.
The only downside to this is that Jude is seated in a graveyard quiet next to me. After the movie is over, I link my knuckles together, nerves on fire. "Who are you?" The words exit my mouth at last, fainting to know. The business man flicks a feather of lint from his pant-knee, legs crossed.
"I'm the one who sent you here."
"You...what?" People buzz by, trailing out of the Saloon, and I study Jude. I mean, I really study him. That is why he is familiar. The mystery, and how I was drawn to him. It adds up now. He is the guy at the bridal shower I bumped into. "A very loaded answer...I wasn't expecting any results from my question."
"I see no purpose in hiding the truth from you any longer." Jude walks away, and when the stun of my body twitches, I race after him. He cannot make a revelation like that and just walk away! Lucas, Nathan, and Elizabeth are all talking to one another, and without paying attention, I crash into their circle. There are too many tall people, and I don't see him.
"Where is he?" I ask Lucas.
"Who?" Elizabeth inquires.
"Jude!" Their shocked faces leaves me flustered. "I'm sorry, but it is very important. I never meant to interrupt the three of you; I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"We haven't seen him." Nathan gifts me the information I seek, and I rush out of the building without a second thought, and I can hear quickened footsteps clicking behind me. Dozens of people and families, and not a single one of them resembles Jude. The scoff in my lungs sounds before I can stop it. This is not fair. I have endured an entire year of emotional turmoil, only to have him tell I have him to blame, and then he vanishes. Palms over my ears, my chest constricts as the start of a panic attack. Not now. Not now! Static crawls up my nose, into the forehead, and down my throat. Oxygen. Need. Oxygen.
I curl downward to the dust road, no longer aware of the swimming colors, as my lids become heavy and clamp shut. A shuddering sob quakes within me. I hear his voice, and feel his warmth beside me.
"Take a deep and slow breath, Nyrah." A few minutes pass, and I manage to steady my breathing, the heart in my chest levels into a solid thrum, and I am calm enough to stand. He helps me up, offering a hanky to wipe away the tears. His face comes into focus, and blue eyes comfort the chills coursing through my bones.
"Dr. Carson, I'm fine now. Thank you." Nate is by the door, along with many witnesses of that embarrassing display. The mounty has a worried look, more than the rest of them. Jude Wesley is the reason I ever met Nathan and Lucas. I'm living a life I never should have had.
"Let me take you to the infirmary."
"No," I insist, " I promise I'm alright."
"Is this the first time-" I interrupt the doctor, anger for Jude in my tone, "No, it is not the first time. I'm fine!" Carson deflates, and I stomp out into the night.
The moon is full. Trees loom and shadows spy on every movement. Someone is following me, but I need to be alone. When I reach a fat oak, it is then he calls out my name. Nate is frantic in attempt to keep up with me on foot. I have drifted far from town without realizing. "Nyrah, wait!"
Nathan catches his breath, and I curl up next to the oak, shoving away sharp twigs. "Why did you follow me?"
"It's not safe out here for you to be alone."
"Well, that's exactly what I want to be, so you've waisted your time." I want to cry again. I've been crying a lot lately. I used to never cry at all.
"What happened with Wesley?" Nathan sits beside me.
"It is not something I can talk about." I snap the twig I was fiddling with.
The man stares into the sky. "Typical," he says. I glare at him, ready to defend my actions, but I stop, admitting to myself that he is not wrong. "It was a panic attack." I shift in the grass to face him better. "I only get them when I am overwhelmed. Some people get them for no reason at all, but mine have triggers. Jude...told me something. It was unexpected and difficult to hear." I toss away the stick and yank on grass instead. Nathan nods, then does that head-tilt thing I adore.
"Can you share with me what it was?" His care is sincere, and it almost stops my heart. "Maybe one day," I respond. Nate covers my showers with his jacket, and he collects wood for a fire. He remains awake until I fall asleep, and I exhale in peace. I am safe when he is close to me.
We both set out to return home at dawn.
I cannot walk two steps into town before I hear whispers about me. I apologize to Carson, and he understands. He even gave me some natural remedies that can aid with stress and anxiety.
When I crawl into work, Lucas meets me at the door. "Lucas, I'm so sorry about last night. I ruined everyone's evening! Please, forgive me. My behavior was unacceptable." Befor he can even respond, I add more, "I can stay late tonight, maybe even take over for Gustav for a couple hours. I could deep clean the storage room or-"
"Nyrah, there is no need for that." He chuckles at my rambling session, "We all have bad days. I won't punish you for being human." A release of weight lifts from my shoulders. Lucas has always been more than understanding. I wish he just loved me like he loves Elizabeth, but what Fiona said about Nathan flurries around in my thoughts as well. Does he really care for me as she suggests?
"Take the day off. I think you need it. I'll have enough help today." I bow my head in acceptance, ready to clean out all the leaves and petals from my hair.
Here is another chapter!! Hope you like it. I wasn't expecting for it to turn out like this, so it made this fun for me. I will be sure to add more Nathan and Allie scenes in later. ;)