So here is some major Hathaway/Belikov family time like promised!

Enjoy.

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY

The Park. I'll be honest with you; I kind of sort of hate them. Well the thought of them. A bunch of spoiled sweaty kids running around like maniacs, eating sand and beating up on each other. Yeah sounds like lots of fun. The times I went to the park as a kid usually resulted in fights. I was the first 5 year-old to ever get banned.

With that said it's pretty obvious I'm doing this for Lily.

Right now, I was about to enter my room so I could change and hopefully not be too late to the park.

I opened the door, and found myself looking straight at my mother. Jeez how did she do that?

My face flamed up as I thought about how she knew about what happened last night. It was stupid because it's not like I was a virgin coming home to tell my parents how last night I lost it. I mean she obviously knew I wasn't a virgin. Lily wasn't immaculately conceived. And I didn't spend my weekends playing chess with my friends in California. She knew all about my illicit extracurricular activities.

But still even after knowing all that I was embarrassed. I mean good god there was a big chance she heard me! I didn't want her to think badly of me, not more than she already did. I wanted her to be proud of me. Blame it on my mommy issues or whatever. But I couldn't shake the guilty feeling.

"Umm hi." I tried and failed miserably at being nonchalant. She looked at me with one eyebrow raised as if asking me if I was really going to pretend nothing happened.

"Rosemarie, you are a grown ass woman. If you want to spend the night with the father of your daughter, then who am I to judge." My Mom said eying me. I was completely and utterly shocked, I almost said so too but then she continued. "Anyways between you and me that boy needed a good fuck. His eunuch behavior is not healthy." She finished happily.

"Oh, my god Mom." I muttered, covering my face. Did my mother just make a sexual joke? About my sex life?

"What? I can't swear? Where do you think, you got her sailor mouth from?" She shrugged. "Beside that's not the point. The point is that you got drunk last night."

"Yeah, I know it was wrong. Trust me I was not intending on that." I rolled my eyes at my mother. I did not need to be lectured.

"Fine," She stood from my desk chair and whipped her hands on her pants.

"Really that's it?" I was kind of shocked I was expecting at least a little yelling.

"Yes, that is it Rosemarie. Honestly if I just found out what you did, I think I'd need a few bottles of vodka and a good fuck too."

Again, my jaw dropped, another sexual joke. What was the world coming to?

My Mom rolled her eyes at me, and pulled open my door, "grow up Rose," she told me before shutting the door behind herself.

Shaking her out of my thoughts I went to get dressed. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans along with a dark green Cardigan thrown over a black long sleeved shirt. I also put on some boots. I felt better being in my own clothes and moved to brush out the tangles I'm sure I had in my hair. I didn't bother with make-up because really what was the point? I was about to go play on a playground and it was dark outside.

Somewhat satisfied with my appearance I went downstairs and out of the building, making my way to the elementary campus where the park was.

Holy Shit.

I walked up a vast wooden structure with swings, slides, monkey bars, ropes climbing walls, and everything else munchkins could ever want to kill each other with. Ops I mean play with.

Honestly, they looked like they were killing each other, so really I don't blame myself for making that mistake. They were crawling on top of each other, pushing, hitting and yelling. I wanted nothing more than to run very fast and very far. Lily's name became a mantra that I had to chant continuously in my head as I walked up to the snake pit that was the playground.

"Hey." Dimitri said as I walked up to the playground

"Hey yourself."

"Roza!" Lily exclaimed running over to me.

"Hey, you ready to go play?" I asked.

"Yes!" She squealed. "Will you play with me?" Lily asked eagerly.

"Sure kid," I smiled.

"Daddy, you can play too?"

Dimitri groaned a little. I laughed. "Oh, come on Daddy, please?" I teased, clasping my hands together, tilting my head to the side, and sticking out my lower lip, copying Lily's cute little pout.

"Fine," he gave in with a slight smile.

Oh, that smile, the bane of my existence. The smile that made me weak in the knees. He had to know what that smile did to me, and every other girl who had ever either had the pleasure, or had been unfortunate enough to be on receiving end of it. Though that probably wasn't many, those smiles were rare and I was lucky enough to see one today. Though I don't know if it was because of Lily or me. I sighed and forced myself to ignore said smile.

Lily and Dimitri took off running in the opposite direction and I followed closely behind them. Lily was in seventh heaven, loving the fact that she had two people chasing her around. We cornered her and she screamed and giggled before dodging through my legs. I could have easily caught her, but instead I feigned frustration and disappointment and turned to chase her again. I didn't want to end our little game early. I had to admit I was having a lot of fun.

Eventually Lily begged me to push her on the swing and Dimitri gladly sat down on the park bench. He watched as I pushed Lily on the swing.

"Higher Roza! Higher!" My little girl was so brave. I pushed her a little higher and smiled at her tinkling laugh.

"Rose," Dimitri called out nervously. "Maybe you shouldn't push her so high."

"Why Not?" I called out. Lily was having so much fun. Yelling that she could almost touch the moon.

Everything happened in slow motion. On the backwards swing, at the highest point, Lily's grip slipped and she started falling. I've always thought that if something like that were to happen my training would snap me into motion and I would be ready to act. Instead, I stood there, unable to move my body frozen. I started out with a gasp, which was followed by a scream. I was sure she was going to hit the ground and break open her skull. But she didn't. Somehow my arms shot out, wrapped around Lily's small body and pulled her into my chest as we both crumbled to the ground.

"Shit!" I hear Dimitri shout as he bolted towards us. Lily was wailing. We sat on the ground, my arms still tightly around the little girl. I knew I was pale, shock and fear clearly registered on my face.

Dimitri fell to his knees in front of me and tried to pull Lily from my arms, but my grip was too tight. There was no way I was letting her go. So, he had to settle for wrapping his arms around us both.

"Oh Lily, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I chanted.

Dimitri didn't speak. He just rested his cheek against Lily's head and waited for her cries to taper off, leaving only the occasional hiccup and sniffle.

Dimitri also didn't yell at me. He really didn't need to. I was devastated that I had allowed Lily to get hurt on my first day spending time with her. He must of saw my face and deduced that I was suffering enough.

"It's probably time for us to go," He finally whispered. We had been there for two hours, and Lily's eyes were heavy as she rested against my shoulder and I was pretty sure that she had had enough for the day.

I followed Dimitri to their apartment, carrying Lily, still not wanting to let her go. When we got to the apartment I followed Dimitri to Lily's room and gently put her down in her bed. I looked to Dimitri to make sure this was okay and he nodded whispering that it was her nap time anyway.

"Just get it out Dimitri. I know you want to," I grumbled once we reached the living room.

He silently slipped his hand into mine. I jumped and my eyes flew open, zeroing in on where I was now touching him. He squeezed.

"When Lily first turned two, Christian and Lissa took her down to the pond. They let her play on the rocks and she fell off and broke her arm."

I tore my eyes from our joined hands and looked up at him.

"Last year, your mother was babysitting. When she wasn't paying attention, Lily climbed up on the countertop to get something and ended up falling and hitting her head on the floor. She ended up with a concussion."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because we all make mistakes, Rose. Even I've been guilty of it. When Lily was three months old, I left her on the changing table for just a split second to turn around and grab a onsie out of the drawer. In that split second, she rolled herself over, for the first time, and fell straight off the table. It's a learning experience. She was scared, yes, but she'll get over it. I guarantee that next time we come to the park, she'll be begging you to push her that high again."

"Oh no, not going to happen," I snorted; I never wanted to see her hurt again.

He smiled at me. "See, learning experience. It's not your fault. It was just an accident. Lily will be fine." Dimitri said.

"I hope so." Dimitri didn't say anything then. And the awkward silence grew.

"You can't tell her." He blurted out. He must have seen my questioning look because then he said, "You can't tell her you're her mom. At least not yet."

"Oh. Of course, I wasn't going to say something until you wanted me too."

"You can't hurt her. Not like you hurt me." Dimitri said softly. I saw the pain in his eyes for a split second before he covered it up. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I-I never meant to hurt you Dimitri." I choked out,

"But you did. And you can't do that to Lily. She's just a kid, she shouldn't have to deal with that type of rejection."

"I wouldn't do that to her." I insisted.

"No? Because I think you already have once."

"No. I-I won't make the same mistake again. I swear. I should have never left her in the first place. You have no idea how much I regret leaving her." I stuttered, my words caught in my throat.

"But not me, right?" He spat.

I blinked and shook my head, "No-I never wanted- I didn't," I rambled unable to form a complete sentence.

"Just stop. I don't want to hear your excuses." Dimitri said. He was fuming now. And as much I wanted to argue, to defend myself. There was nothing I could say because he was right.

"You're right." I breathed. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix the last four years of our lives." Dimitri growled at me.

"I know, but I'm trying now. I want to be a part of her life. I want to be there for her." I looked right into Dimitri's eyes. "I need her."

"Well it doesn't matter what you need. It matters what Lily needs." He looked away from me and muttered, "We don't always get what we need."

"Why? Why are you saying that? Why can't we have what we need?" I questioned.

"Because." What was he five?

"Because why?" I put my hands on my hips angrily.

"Because I needed you, and you weren't there for me. I had to raise our daughter alone for four years, after losing you. It was like losing half of myself. I was so broken Rose." I couldn't look into his eyes anymore.

"Dimitri." I breathed. I didn't know what to say. No one should have to feel what he was feeling but what can I do about it?

"Did you ever really love me?" He asked blankly staring out the window.

"Yes." And I still do.

"But not anymore." It wasn't a question it was a statement. An incorrect statement.

"I-" An incorrect statement that I didn't dare to correct, I couldn't even speak.

"So, us?" he asked.

"Not now. Right now, there's only you and I and Lily. Last night was a mistake. So I'm sorry if I led you to believe differently. I have to focus on Lily right now. The first four years of her life I have ignored her and only focused on myself. I owe it to her to give her my full attention." I said hastily shooting him down while crushing my own heart.

Dimitri just nodded a hard mask obscuring any emotion that he felt.

"I think it's time you leave." He said softly.

"That's probably for the best." I replied. Then I walked out of the apartment and didn't look back. That was it Dimitri and I were officially over. I really did it this time. I would be lucky if he ever talked to me again. There was no going back after this. My heart died at the realization.

Don't hit me. I know Rose is terrible. But what's a good story without angst?

If you read it, review it!