Thanks to those still with me. Chapter 12.
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Two hours before David flatlined, she was in his room, hoping that he would come back to her, instructing the nurses to send all the flowers he'd received to other patients.
He couldn't have them in ICU and there were so many bouquets, beautiful bouquets that she knew would bring joy to someone else. So, she had them sent to the elderly patients. And now she sat holding his hand as she tried to will him to come back.
Rubbing her belly, she craned her neck to loosen it up, then looked at the clock on the wall before she did the same to the watch on her wrist.
7:37
She was so tired. She'd been on her swollen feet for- she didn't even know how long tonight, and saw no end in sight.
"David, please…" she whispered to him from where she sat at his bedside, holding his hand. "...I know you can hear me and I need you to come back…"
At the elevators, Nick was getting off, saying excuse me to a pregnant woman and he guessed her husband as he bypassed them to get out. He arrived at David's room just in time to see Olivia, trying to stand up straight while she held her giant belly from underneath. She turned her head, sensing that someone was there and saw him; thankful that he was there. She stretched her back before she walked into the hall. "You came?"
"Of course I came, how are you holding up?" He asked.
"I'm okay, I just-"
"You're sweating"
"Please. When am I not lately?" she said, trying to catch her breath. "I'm fine. It's just hot."
It wasn't. They kept the ICU much cooler than the rest of the hospital. Olivia was just going through end of pregnancy, and that included being hot most times.
"Okay, well, have you eaten?"
"You and Fin and food!"
"Me and Fin just want to make sure that you don't forget about this little one." He said as he gently caressed her belly. And for a brief moment, she looked down and wished as he did, just for a second that things could have all been different and that this was his baby as she caught his eye.
"I did...eat. I didn't have an appetite but…" she looked back at David before she turned back to Nick, her hands on her lower back. "Nick, I want you to know, I never blamed you. That outburst yesterday, it was just that- an outburst and I'm sorry if I…"
"Hey, it's okay!" He said as he gathered her in his strong arms. He wanted to say so much more, and they both knew it but now just wasn't the time. "How uh, how's David?" He asked, needing to change the subject but genuinely concerned. Still feeling bad for the way this all went down. But suddenly, her barriers broke and she began to break down sobbing into his arms. "Heyyyy. Liv it's okay, I'm here."
"He's so weak!" She cried with his arms around her.
Damnit! He thought as he held her, giving her as much comfort as he could at the moment. He felt her belly against his side as he smelled her hair. Felt the baby's kicks as he swathed her in his embrace. His heart broke for her.
"I never wanted any of this to happen."
"I know you didn't…"
"But he doesn't" she said as she pulled away from him and looked at David again, lying there so unresponsive. "I can't tell him how sorry I am, meanwhile the asshole who did this is fine! A broken arm and a slight concussion from his airbag but David's seriously hurt. He may die and my daughters are grieving and I can't tell them how all of this is my fault and I would give anything to undo it!"
"Liv-"
"You and I were making love, behind David's back and my babies needed me. Soph was sick in school, only for all three of them to end up in that accident but I was busy satisfying my own needs. They needed me and I wasn't there! What kind of a mother…"
"Listen to me, don't ever doubt what an incredible mom you are to Ari and Soph. Those girls are your life and everyone knows it. Liv, you got caught up, we both did…"
"...but we shouldn't have…"
"No, we shouldn't have…" she said quietly. It had been two weeks since David died and she was no closer to understanding it now than she had been then. How could it all change so quickly?
Two weeks ago, she was planning to leave him and sail off into the sunset with Nick, and now; well now she would give anything to have David back, not just for her, but for Aria and Sophia. They'd been an emotional wreck since this all happened, and have been pretty much inconsolable. Olivia's had to hold them every night until they fall asleep only to have them wake up almost hourly and in tears calling for their father. She was glad that tonight they'd managed to stay asleep for the last three hours, even if she herself couldn't find rest.
Two whole weeks and she hadn't cried until tonight. Not even at his funeral while she held her little girls' hands as they stood over his coffin saying their final goodbyes. She was just numb.
"Mommy, can we go home?" Aria asked in an almost pleading whisper as tears rolled down her face. "I don't want to be here anymore…"
None of them did. Not Aria or Sophia, who still didn't understand why their Daddy was gone. Not his mother and father who were just heartbroken that their only son had been murdered. And certainly not she. All of the people that were there, excluding his best friend since the third grade, Michael. And a few others who were actual friends, Olivia couldn't understand why so many people were there but a part of her knew. David was a respected man who did a lot of good for a lot of people and it wouldn't be right to let all those people not have a chance to say their goodbyes.
"We're so sorry…" So many people she'd heard that from in the past week, she thought that if she had to hear it one more time, she'd lose it! The fact was, sorry wouldn't bring David back. Nor would it stop the ache in her and her children's hearts.
"No tears, Olivia." She told herself. She had to be strong for her children, for this baby and she knew that once she started, it would eclipse everything and she'd never be able to put it back in the bottle! Truthfully, she wanted so much to call Nick, to have him to lean on, but where would she even begin?
Tonight, she sat in one of the two oversized leather chairs on the large terrace that surrounded two walls of her bedroom, a blanket thrown over her shoulders. The sky was so clear this early March night. The stars shone as Olivia sat, her hands around her belly, her eyes in tears.
"How am I supposed to do this?" She said to no one through her tears. She was so lost, and for many reasons. Lost because there was so much that she should have said and done. David didn't deserve this; he died protecting their children.
What if he hadn't swerved the car? Would she be mourning the loss of her children instead of their father? ...their father...the girls had never known a single day without him.
From the moment they were born, David was there. Even with the fact that Olivia hated him, he was always an incredible dad. They'd never needed to go to court; David always did his job as their father, putting nothing in front his girls.
"Do they need anything?" She remembered him asking as he came from laying them down in her room after rocking them to sleep in the chair by the living room window.
The twins weren't more than two months old and she had still been uncomfortable with the fact that he'd bought an apartment for her and them so that they could have the space they needed. In her mind, SHE was the one responsible for her babies. She still hadn't accepted the fact that David wasn't content with being a sometime dad and that got to her, because she was still so angry with him.
"They're fine" she said as she sat at the kitchen counter, a fruit salad in front of her, while she turned off the breast pump and began to disconnect the bottles that were now full. David meanwhile, took a piece of pineapple from her salad and popped it into his mouth. She looked up, steaming mad but she let it go, secretly happy that he still felt comfortable enough with her to share food.
"Before I forget," He reached into his pocket to retrieve a set of keys, and placed them on the counter. I thought maybe you'd want to go and take a look at it before you move in."
But she just shook her head as she buttoned her top and said with much attitude, though trying to sound calm.
"I'm sure it's perfect..."
David could feel the resentment behind her words. "Meaning?"
She gave him an incredulous look as she put the bottles in the fridge. "Why did you buy that apartment?"
"..."that" apartment? It's your apartment"
"You didn't bother to discuss it with me-"
"What? Queenie..."
"Olivia"
"O-livia...for that, I'm sorry. But I didn't discuss it with you because I knew that you'd find a way to say no, and I wanted a yes on this. And plus, the girls need the space, a lot more than you have in a one bedroom"
"They're barely two months old! And it's a huge apartment, David. Three bedrooms? It's too much!"
""So we're gonna pretend that you aren't completely crowded out here with all of their stuff and yours?"
"David, I can't afford this. You know I can't!" She said with tears quickly trickling down her face. They had a habit of escaping her eyes before she could do anything about them. They'd been a problem for practically the entire pregnancy and now was no better. But when David saw them, his heart broke, and boundaries be damned, he quickly took her in his arms to comfort her, and with the softest tone:
"But I can. Quee...Olivia." God he couldn't stand to see her cry. For a quick moment, she allowed him to hold her, but just as quickly, she broke from his embrace. And even though she tried to wipe away the tears, her hormones were still a bit out of sync and she only cried harder, driving him insane. "Liv, please don't cry."
"How am I not supposed to? You go, flashing your wealth-"
"When have you ever known me to do that?" He was hurt by her comment even though he knew she was saying it out of anger, but still, to have her say it…
"I didn't mean…" she quickly realized that he didn't deserve that.
"...and that's not what this is about. You knew someday that this would be your life, now it's theirs. I've seen you worrying all though your pregnancy and even after they were born, how you were gonna do it. But you don't have to worry, I've got this!"
"At least let me pay you rent"
"No..." He said with a laugh. "Listen to me; those are my babies sleeping back there in your room. I'm their father. This apartment is what I'm giving them because it's what they need."
She knew he meant every word and that made her smile through her tears. "Superdad, huh?"
"Hey, I will lay the world at their feet if they want it; whatever I have, it's here for the three of you…"
She was able to take six months off for maternity leave because of his generosity. And now, all these years later, after they had finally made their way back to one another through so much, she had to destroy everything because she in her indecisiveness couldn't keep her feelings for Nick out of the picture. She had re-committed herself to David, took him back and accepted his marriage proposal that at the time, she thought was a long, long time coming.
It should have been seven years ago. Before the lies, and the split. David was always there in the back of her mind. Even through her relationship with Nick…
Nick. Even with all that was going on, she still couldn't get him out of her head, and, if she really was being honest with herself; her heart. And perhaps that was why she felt so incredibly guilty in all of this. The funeral was nine days ago and she still wondered how she'd be able to say goodbye to David when her heart was so heavy with how she'd betrayed him.
"I wanna be the last man you love..." he'd told her the night she accepted his proposal and they were making love beneath the stars.
Why couldn't that have been enough for her? She wondered this as she heard one of the twins crying for mommy as she woke. Sophia. She paused, dropping her head into her hands and exhaling; wiping her eyes before getting up from the chair and wobbling into the warmth of the bedroom.
"Soph baby…" she said as she made her way to the large king-size bed where Sophia sat up, her arms outstretched and weeping.
"I didn't see you and I thought…" as Olivia took her in her embrace and pressed her tight against her body.
"Shhhh" Olivia said as she held her. "I'm right here. You don't have to worry." She assured her with several kisses.
Tears falling from her eyes, Sophia buried her face against her mother's neck. "Mommy, I want daddy"
"I know you do my love. And I know that your daddy wishes that he could be here for you and Ari." She said as her eyes misted up again, tears falling as her daughter lay curled against her and she stroked the girls soft curls and kissed her. As much as she missed David, her heart ached at what her children were going through.
"...why don't you lie down next to your sister and I'll sing you to sleep." Olivia offered, so glad when Sophia climbed down off of her and started to get under the covers with a still sleeping Aria. Olivia's aching back thanked her.
"Mommy, do you still love daddy?" Sophia asked as she lay down against the pillows, her tears starting to lighten as Olivia felt hers coming.
"...love him, miss him. It's so hard living without him already, but then I see so much of him in Aria and you…"
"...and my brother, soon?"
"You're right" Olivia agreed as she caressed her large belly. "...and just knowing that there's a piece of him in all of you makes it a little easier." She smiled. "...you comfy?"
"Yes. Mommy?"
"Yeah sweetie?"
"I'm sorry I got sick in school that day."
"What do you mean?"
Sophia started to cry again as she looked up at Olivia "If daddy hadn't been taking me to the doctors, the man wouldn't have hit us and daddy would still be here."
Olivia was heartbroken at hearing her daughter confess the guilt she'd been holding in for two whole weeks. "Is that what you think?" She watched helplessly as the child nodded yes through her sobs and Olivia quickly scooped her into her arms. "...Sophia Elysse, baby this isn't-"
"But the man…" Sophia cried.
"I know.." she cooed as she tearily rubbed Sophia's back and rocked her. "...and I wish I knew why your daddy had to leave us, but this was not because of you; it wasn't your fault. Your daddy knows it and I need you to know it." She said in the night silence of the room where Sophia's weeping was the only sound. "it's okay to cry, baby. Let it out..."
…
"I'm so sorry to call on you this late Sergeant Amaro" Mr. Answari apologized as he walked into the beautifully decorated den and slid into the desk chair after pouring Nick and himself drinks.
"It's fine, Mr. Answari" Nick had put his phone back inside his jacket after looking at the screen and swirling his drink over the ice cube in the glass. He had been summoned to this lavish townhouse and now, over tumblers of one hundred and fifty year old scotch, Nick couldn't wait to hear what Mr. Answari had to say. "This is a lovely home…"
"Thanks to my wife" He said as he sat at the desk opposite the chair where Nick sat.
"You're married?"
"I was. Long time ago." He said with a heavy heart for the death that happened nearly fifteen years ago and still pained him. Nick feeling the awkwardness of the silence in the moment...
"I have to admit, I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon…"
Mr. Answari quickly shook off his melancholy and rejoined Nick in the here and now.
"You gave me closure to Amira's murder and for that am forever in your debt. I thought you'd like to know sooner rather than…"
"You found something"
"I have." He sipped his scotch then slid the diary across the desk. Nick's eyes lit up with curiosity as he reached for it. "It belonged to that piece of filth" He said with venom in his voice while Nick began to thumb through the pages. Pages that were filled with what looked to Nick like…
"These are girls, with prices...huge prices!" Nick said, still looking through the book."
"It's a ledger. That sick fucker. Thomas, he sold women into slavery. He planned to sell my Mira but killing her appealed to him more." He took a long drink from his glass. "...anyway, everything in that book...Amanda was the last entry. Last summer, he gave her to a broker, but it doesn't say to whom, or where..."
"Wait…" Nick was shocked as he got up from the chair. If what Answari was saying was true, and Nick knew it was. It meant that Amanda was alive! He put his hand to his head and turned to face the man, but before he could speak…
"There's something else. I debated on if I would tell you this...to be honest, I'm still not sure."
"Tell me what?"
Mr. Answari paused, wondering if he in fact should tell Nick all that had been uncovered about Amanda.
"Sir, please. We need to know whatever it is that you know" Nick waited, bated breath while Mr. Answari thought about the situation.
What he'd uncovered about the young woman was painful, but… No. He couldn't keep this from the man who gave him his daughter's killer; he wouldn't. And with much trepidation, he got up and from behind a painting, he entered a code into a safe and pulled from it an envelope. He still had feelings of sorrow that this was going to upset Nick and anyone else that may have cared for Amanda, but he knew that he was doing the right thing as he silently turned and placed the envelope down on the desk.
Nick was curious, and when Mr. Answari said nothing, but looked at him…
"What's in it?"
Mr. Answari just looked at Nick before he told him: "I think maybe you should have that drink after all."
...
Amanda
"Please, let me expl-" But before she could finish, he backhanded her so hard across the face that her limp body literally flew across the room before crashing in a heap against the floor as eight of the security guards, including the one who'd raped her stood by, none of them bothering to lift even a finger in her assistance.
"You know what I hate?" He asked in a low, seething voice as he slowly walked over to her. "I hate, when something that should be mine wants to go communal," in a flash, he lifted her from the floor by her neck and pinned her against the wall. The blood that flowed from her mouth and nose was running down onto his hand and down onto the cuffs of his shirt but he didn't care, not when he was this livid.
"Damian…" she rasped as he choked her.
"Is that what you were doing Seraphine, going communal?" but of course she couldn't talk at this point as his hand was getting tighter around her neck and slowly crushing her windpipe.
She couldn't fight him. To what end? There was nowhere to run in this house. This room alone had eight guards standing around and even without them, Damian would kill her. All she knew was that she couldn't die here, not like this! Suddenly, a twisted smile played on Damian's face before he released her. Her body hitting the floor again in a thud as she struggled and gasped for air.
Damian quietly took a seat in the armchair by the fireplace, straightening his tie and spoke to his guards calmly.
"Make her communal while I watch. And then get her out of my sight!"
"Damian please!" She sobbed. "I'm sorry. It was all a misunderstanding, PLEASE!" She begged at his feet but he said nothing. He didn't even look at her as his security
began dragging her away to the bed. Only then did Damian speak.
"On the floor." He said to his men who changed their course of direction and they dropped her there on the floor, in front of Damian. He then turned to Amanda: "Don't worry, love, you'll enjoy it!"
The thing about it, she did enjoy it. I thought as I lay quietly the dark basement.
Twelve days. I'd been down here for twelve days. When Damian said he wanted me out of his sight, he meant it and I'd been banished to this cell. No shower. No clothes. Just a mattress in the corner of the tiny room with an overhead light, a toilet, and a sink. Not even food except the loaf of bread they threw in with me and I finished the last slice yesterday. Not that I could eat today. Practically all day I'd been sidelined by the absolute worst pains, again in my abdomen, and again they made me feel like I was being suffocated! I couldn't breathe because it was so bad, even worse than it had been two weeks ago.
Damian, pleeaase! I begged over and over for some release from this hell. I wondered if anyone heard me. And if they did, did they even care? I felt nauseous; hell, I still do and I vomited from the intensity of the cramps, slowly crawling my way to the toilet to throw up even though I had nothing in my belly to give. And now, hours after the pain first hit and still suffering through it, I gripped the mattress as the worst one yet came and forced myself to catch my breath that was holding itself in as I curled up in a fetal position and felt something leaking out of me!
Weakly, I reached down between my legs and was shocked at what I saw on my fingers. So shocked that I could do nothing but stare as my hand shook in front of my face.
"I must be hallucinating! There's no way!" Was what went through my head as the heavy show of blood ran down my wrist as it stained the mattress I was lying on. So completely freaked out, my mind gone crazy at this point, I simply began screaming!
...
Watching her babies sleep, she as gently as she could, got up from the bed and balanced herself before going to the bathroom for a shower, immediately programming the body massage option as she stepped into the water.
She'd been so uncomfortable these last two weeks; wondering how she could possibly still be pregnant. With all of the stress she'd been put through, she thought for sure that she would have welcomed this baby but she guessed it had other plans. Still, the discomfort, hell, pain was at an all time high and she had another three weeks before her actual due date. As if she knew now what she'd do when he actually got here. She was simply lost these days.
Elliot came. For two whole days he was here. She still doesn't know how he managed it, but he was here for her; offering his hand for her to hold through it all, and boy did she need it at the funeral.
Sure, she had Fin and Casey and Alex had come and she loved them immeasurably, but having Elliot, she doesn't think she would have made it through the funeral without him.
She wished he were here now, but she understood that he had work to do. And so, with through tears, she and the girls said goodbye. She'd have to call him she thought as she let the water rain down over her head. The baby kicking as the jets simultaneously splashed at her sides and back.
She had just enough time to get out of the shower and dry her hair before her phone rang.
"Yes? ...no it's okay James, you can let him up." She said to the concierge before again looking in on her girls before she eased the door closed behind her and slowly made her way downstairs where someone was already knocking on the door.
"Nick…"
God, standing there in her long silken gown with her hair in its it's natural waves. She looked beautiful, in spite of her grief.
"I'm sorry if this is a bad time, I just didn't…"
"No, it's… she started in a quiet tone, suddenly missing him so much. She hadn't realized until this very minute but the sound of his voice, it was so comforting.
"How are you all; I mean I know that you've "
"Fine, but not fine. You know?"
He'd give anything not to know, but unfortunately he did. He knew because he felt every bit of it coming through her eyes. She never wanted this; hell, he didn't want this. David dying, his beautiful little girls having their hearts broken, Olivia having her heart broken and both of them being put through the worst guilt anyone could ever imagine.
"You look like you've been through hell" He said sympathetically as they walked through the foyer to get to the living room.
"I feel like I have, two mourning seven year olds and your own heart in pain..."
"I didn't mean…"
"It's alright...Why did you…?"
"I um…" he started as he looked at her and decided that maybe he'd made a mistake in coming here to bring this to her. "You know what? It can wait. You don't nee-"
"Nick; please. I've been cooped up here with nothing but sadness and thoughts of David overshadowing everything. I could use a change of pace.'
"Olivia, I don't-"
"Please, let me be the judge of what I can handle!"
And one look at her told him she was right.
"You remember last year, the Answari girl? Her father and I have developed sort of a relationship...maybe you should sit down for this."
That's it for now.