Chapter 17.

...

"I'll run these and get back to you tonight." The doctor said as he closed his bag.

"Don't keep me waiting, Alonzo." He said in a voice that let the doctor know that he meant it.

"As if I would. I'll call you in a few hours." He said and showed himself out.

The doctor had arrived quickly that day, within an hour of Damian hanging up. Amanda was pacing her room, her mind racing at what she already knew, even though as soon as she was done peeing on the test, Lucia, the maid, whisked it away before she could even lay eyes on it. But she already knew. She always knew.

When she was thirteen, she never told anybody, but her uncle Moody… anyway, that had gone on for three years, since she'd been ten. One morning, she woke up and just felt wrong. She never got nauseous, never threw up but there it was. She was woken up by a need to vomit at 5:27 in the morning. She'll never forget those numbers. Awoken from a deep sleep, she ran into the bathroom as fast as her legs could carry her and got in there with just enough time to drop to her knees and aim for the toilet.

She wasn't an idiot. She'd taken sex ed (though it was limited). She was pregnant. And it all made sense when she thought about it. Her period was 2 days late and it was never late. Then her breasts had been sore and she was so tired - of course, she was pregnant. She ended up telling her uncle and he didn't take it well.

"Is it mine?"

She rememberedwhen he asked her that. As if she had been a party girl at only thirteen.

Moody, fucking bastard, put on a whole show about how he could lose everything, how his wife, his kids, his business could all disappear. Amanda had been in tears by the time he was done bullying her into what he wanted - an abortion, but she felt that it was all her fault. Still, she went along with it because she loved him. She never told anyone and she went along with it. His molesting her continued for another six months after that. He'd lost interest after the whole baby thing; not to mention she was getting too old and he liked them young.

She was heartbroken after uncle Moody had let her go. Fourteen and used, she needed something to dull her pain, and she found it. Being newly in high school, she quickly became the aforementioned party girl. She began having very risky sexual relations and had caught gonorrhea over and over, up until she'd graduated high school.

She tried to go another route in college and she steered clear of sex for two years. Then at twenty in college, she fell in love with her professor, James Carterson. He was 52 and so handsome and refined and she thought she was in love. She'd do anything for James, and when she got pregnant the spring before the end of her junior year, she desperately wanted to keep it. She just knew that this time it was meant to be, that this child would help her put her life on the right track. But James had other plans. He convinced her that it would be for the best if they didn't

"...do this right now. Honey, the timing is all wrong...and I know you want this baby; so do I, more than anything. But the divorce isn't final… (yeah, he convinced her that he was leaving his wife for her.) and if she found out before, then it could ruin me, my reputation. My finances…"

Stupidly, she believed him, and for love, she'd had her second abortion. She cried all the way through it, after which the Professor dumped her when she discovered that the whole leaving his wife thing was a lie. After that, she swore to herself that it was over. She'd gone through two abortions in the last seven years. Teo abortions that she never wanted yet two abortions that she'd had nonetheless. She promised herself from that point that she would never again, and she'd done well on keeping that promise. She became religious about taking her birth control pills- 12 years to be exact and then that rat bastard, Thomas came into her life…

"And if I'm pregnant, I'll be having a child that I can't raise." She cried silently. "I can't touch it, or see it… I'm just expected to be an incubator before it's-"

I didn't get a chance to finish that sentence before Damian walked in, a huge, almost maniacal looking smile on his face. I wondered what had made him so happy, but at the same time, who knew? He could have been high again.

He didn't say anything as he came closer to me and put his hands on my shoulders from behind. It didn't take long for him to slide down the straps of my gown as he bit my neck before kissing it. I winced but didn't make a sound. Damian then took hold of my nipple rings and began pulling and twisting them. There went my body again, responding to his touch, my nipples although the piercings already kept them constantly in a state of arousal, getting rock hard and I was again reminded of how much I hated this life!

…

He was so happy when she told him that Sophia had finally spoken to her. Happy for both of them. He knew how hard it was for them, especially the twins when David died. God knows he hated the man, but those girls were his everything, and Nick respected that about him. He had Zara and he understood how deep a father's love for his daughter could go. He couldn't even begin to know what it feels like to have that love doubled, though he almost had that chance with Olivia…

God, even thinking about anything else besides her, was work in itself. He still loved her. So much that it was killing him. Why he thought he could just let her go and be okay with being just her friend; it was foolish of him. Noble, but foolish. He sat in her living room tonight, and looking at her, holding that baby...she stole his heart all over again.

"May I?" Nick asked, indicating that he'd like to hold the baby. Theo had stopped drinking, and Olivia had unlatched him and was now fixing her clothes.

"You want to?" She smiled as she put her tee-shirt back in place.

"Are you kidding? I love this little guy!" He asked as he took Theo, holding him ever-so-gently as he cradled him in the crook of his arm and rubbed his tummy. "God he's beautiful!" Nick said as he looked at the baby.

"I'd like to think so,"

Theo was starting directly at Nick, looking into his eyes and fixing his mouth as if he really wanted to say something but nothing but sweet little gurgles came out.

"Keep me company in the kitchen? I need to get dinner started," she said as she got up and Theo let out a monstrous burp as he snuggled in Nick's arms. Olivia immediately turned around, she and Nick in absolute awe that such a giant noise could come from such a tiny boy. Laughing and fawning over the baby, they looked up and into the other's eyes for just a moment. It was still there, the love they felt for one another and they continued to stare until they silently drew their heads closer, and with Theo between them, their lips touched, nervously at first. Lightly until Nick took hold of her head from the nape of her neck and it became deeper. They kissed like they had nothing to lose. Like all of those feelings that they denied for almost two months had burst to the surface and it consumed them. Their lips crashing eagerly over and over until Olivia suddenly broke the kiss. She quickly pulled back, wiping her mouth with them both breathing heavily.

"...I can't… I'm sorry." She said, picking up Theo from Nick's arms and resting her chin on his head as she cradled him close.

"Olivia…"

"Nick, please… I can't do this right now." And she walked off, her and baby Theo disappearing around a corner...

He wanted to stay but he knew the second she pulled apart from him that what they'd done was wrong. Olivia was grieving, he shouldn't have gone there with her but who was he kidding? David had barely been dead for two months and already Nick wanted to try again. He knew that they had been through so much in the past that kept them apart, but he really believed that this time they could get it right

...

That night, the children were finally down, all except Theo who was in Olivia's arms feeding while he lay on his boppy and she sat up in bed.

"...seeing us, seeing the road we're headed down, it scares me so much! My biggest fear in this world is losing you again; it would kill me. I don't want us to come to a point where all of this just builds up until you can't take the silence anymore and then one day you're gone! We've come through too much to find our way back to one another."

She was pained thinking about David's words to her and the guilt that she was feeling at this moment was palpable. She kissed Nick. God, what was she thinking? When she thought about David's death, the accident that almost killed her daughters when she and Nick were making love to one another…

When she kissed him tonight, she'd gotten a craving for it. She could feel him throughout her body and just that fast, her skin got those familiar goosebumps and it was wrong! She just had David's baby...David, who was no longer here, Hell, the baby was in Nick's arms and it was all just too much. Here she was, in the home that she shared with David, that their children shared with them, and all she wanted at that moment was to have Nick throw her down and fuck her until she couldn't walk. It's why she suddenly took her baby and said goodbye to Nick. She wouldn't think about him that way with David fresh in the grave. It wasn't fair to him.

She was interrupted by a light tapping at the door before it opened and Sophia appeared, standing in the doorway. And her mind saved from having to think about this right now.

"Soph...is everything okay?" Olivia said, worried. Sophia took a deep breath, willed herself to speak, but couldn't.

She tried to pay no attention to her baby brother nursing at their mother's breast. She wanted no part of the beautiful little boy with her father's name. She wasn't blaming him, she just wanted her father and found it simply too hard to even look at the baby. Suddenly, what she'd come to talk to her mother about, she lost her nerve and decided to go back to her room.

"Soph," Sophia was starting to turn around and go back to her room, her voice remaining sweet and reassuring. "Baby, come here."

Sophia stood there in the doorway for a moment.

"It's okay, sweet girl."

Sophia let go of the doorknob and slowly made her way over to Olivia who turned the covers back with her free hand and patted the spot beside her. Sophie got to the bed and climbed in, staring at the baby as he fed.

Olivia smiled as she took her eyes from Sophia and looked down at Theo. "You've never really met your brother, have you?" She said as she then looked back at Sophia who shook her head no while still peering at him. She looked at his little foot in the sleeper which he had kicked out from under his covering and she stared blankly at it.

"He's almost done here, would you like to hold him?"

Sophia quickly answered no as she shook her head, but she continued to look at Theo. Olivia was so comforted that Sophia was at least becoming acquainted with him. Granted, she wasn't talking to him, but this was the longest that Sophia has even looked at the baby since he'd come home over a month ago. Theo, not one to let anything disturb his meal, kept drinking, as Sophia continued to stare at him.

"What do you think?" Olivia asked.

Almost in a whisper, Sophia uttered: "Daddy was so excited that he was coming," she and Olivia automatically got tears in their eyes. Sophia allowed hers to drop, but then quickly did a swat of her hand and wiped them away. Olivia could barely stand to look at her daughter. Her heart was breaking right along with Sophia's but Olivia was feeling a pain that only a mother could feel at seeing their child hurting and not being able to fix it.

Sophia looked at her brother for another moment before deciding she couldn't handle all the feelings that were suddenly coming at her, and she turned to lie down.

"Sophia, baby please look at me…" she was relieved when Sophia slowly sat back up and turned to face her mother with tears running down her face. Olivia's heart broke. "Baby, I know it feels like the whole world is over-"

"...because it is, mommy. I don't have my dad anymore."

"Oh Sophia," Olivia sympathized as she put her arms around her daughter. Sophia cried there against her mom. "Honey this is hard for us all; for Ari and me; for grandma and grandpa, but we can't stop living. Your daddy wouldn't have wanted that."

Part of Sophia knew that Olivia was right; her dad wouldn't want her or any of them to stop living. Suddenly, she decided that now was the perfect time to ask her mom what she'd come for, to begin with.

"Can we go see the man?"

Was she talking about that piece of filth that was sitting in Rikers awaiting trial? David's father promised her that he would do all he could to see to it that when the time came, that man got the maximum sentence allowed, and promised that he would do every bit of it. She loved how he talked as if she wouldn't use every connection she'd made in her years with the NYPD to see exactly the same thing. But Sophia didn't know this; neither she nor Aria did. They made sure to keep the details of this case away from them. They didn't need this to worry about.

"What man, sweetie?" Olivia feigned.

"The man who killed Daddy. I want to see him."

"Soph…"

"Please mommy,"

…

"Please…" Realizing, even through this intense fucking that I was receiving that I'd said too much; I shut my mouth just as soon as the words began to flow but it was already too late.

Just that fast, he roughly pulled out and dropped my legs onto the floor. I lay there on my stomach, legs off the bed, and not even daring to breathe. I was scared beyond anything! But before my next thought could register, he'd literally snatched me up by my hair, turned me around, and back slapped me hard. His large hand came across my face and sent my head and body flying down onto the floor where I quickly tasted my blood in my mouth. Then before I even had a chance to soothe it, he was on me, holding my arms above my head and looking me in my eyes he forced himself inside me and started to move roughly.

"Do you like it now?" He said with punishing thrusts as he held me by the neck.

There was something about his eyes that… "UNHHHHH!" Holy God, I'm gonna cum! Not that I wanted to. He was pummeling me so hard with his full weight on top of me, and his hand was squeezing the sides of my neck so hard I couldn't breathe but god help me, I was cumming!

"DO. YOU. LIKE IT?!" He said in a louder, angrier tone.

"Yes."

"Say it again!"

"YES!"

It was after we were finished and I was lying in bed, completely worn out, and he had gotten up and put on his robe to leave. I had lain there wondering if I was pregnant. Damian had been silent since the doctor left and I didn't know if maybe he was doing this to fuck with my mind or if he just didn't know. But all I kept thinking about was if I was, what I would have to do as I got up to take a long, hot shower.

I got into the bathroom, and the first thing I did was slam hard, stomach first into the edge of the counter. I winced as I bent over, crying silently from the pain until it passed and I was able to stand up again and I got into a very hot shower. Did I have proof that there was anything in there? No. But hey, nothing wrong with taking precautions.

It must have been an hour later that I finally pulled myself from the shower after scrubbing every inch of myself. I hadn't stopped thinking about the inevitable, and as I sat down at the large vanity applying lotion to my body, I absently touched my hands to my belly where I now sported a very large bruise to one side. No sign of pregnancy but I knew, and out loud, I apologized to the life that may be within me for what I was doing.

I stood up and shimmied into a sheer nightgown before tiredly getting into bed. I'd planned on trying to get some sleep before tomorrow came and Damian inflicted whatever perversions he could drum up in his head when once again, the door opened and one of the maids came in carrying a tea service. I sat up in bed as I pulled the covers up around myself. I wish these people here understood what privacy meant. For nine months now I had been barged in on without warning or care.

The maid set the tray down and went to pour a cup of the steaming hot liquid for Amanda.

"Mister Damian said I should bring you some tea."

Knowing better than to tell her that I wasn't thirsty, which I wasn't, I pasted my best imitation of a smile on my face and thanked her. I accepted the cup and saucer, bringing the tea to my lips, and took a big sip.

"Mmm, peppermint," I noted. The maid just stood there watching me as I drank. I took a few more sips so she wouldn't have anything to complain to Damian about and when there was barely half left, I handed her the cup and saucer which she took with a smile.

"Tell Damian thank you," I said as I settled in beneath the covers. I was so tired that I just wanted to get to sleep, as I could already feel my eyes getting heavy. It had been a long day. One where my mind and body were exhausted and I wanted it over. Even though it would only mean starting a fresh hell tomorrow.

As the maid left the room with the tea service, I turned out my bedside lamp and lay down. Hopefully, I'll wake up to a miscarriage. I thought as I fell into a deep sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I should have been more suspicious of the tea.

…

It was morning when I woke up in a different bed than the one I had fallen asleep in. And it wasn't Damian's, so where the hell was I? The answer came as I slowly sat up, oddly thirsty, and before my eyes could focus...

"Good morning," Damian's voice came from across the room.

What the hell was going on?

"You're in your new bedroom." He said as he made his way over to me. I didn't understand as he poured me a glass of water. "Here, you must be thirsty."

I didn't ask how he knew and instead took the glass, turning it up to drench my remarkably dry throat and as I did, Damian sat down on the bed.

"It seems that I've done it again!" He said with a smile on his face.

"Done…"

"Baby," he said, putting my hair behind my ear, "It's very early but you're pregnant." And he kissed the top of my head.

I knew it. Still, I was taken aback by hearing it out loud. "I'm pregnant?" I said it as more of a confirmation to myself than a question to Damian, but it didn't stop him

"You are. And you're gonna live here with the other girls until it's born,"

"Other girls?"

"What?" He laughed "did you think that you were the only one?" He continued as I sat there reeling. "No, my darling. There are six other girls here, at various stages of pregnancy and you are the newest member. Congratulations."

Congratulations? Was he kidding me?

"I'm going to go. But take some time, have some breakfast, get acquainted with your roommates." He said and got up. "...and so you know Amanda, I saw the bruise…"

I wanted to play dumb, act as if I didn't know what he was talking about but I didn't want to make him angrier than he already looked so I said the only thing that I could think of, "...it was an accident, I fell in the-"

"I don't care what happened or what you did, but just know that if you do anything to jeopardize this pregnancy, not only will I beat you until you are literally pleading for mercy, but afterward I'll fuck another into you. Not only that, but I will chain you to the bed for the duration of that pregnancy. So throw out any ideas you have of causing another "accident"." Then he tilted my chin and planted a lingering kiss on my lips before he was gone.

...

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