Chapter 21: Mothers

Lea's Perspective:

When I opened my eyelids I zoned out, my eyes unmoving from the water in front of me. The air remained quiet, despite a few crickets chirping here and there. It was now that smoke was visible in the sky, moving away from the original source of the fire. The occasional gusts of wind would cause movement within the trees, though I heard shuffling that I knew belonged to what had to be a person. Grabbing my dagger from my belt, I sat up and turned swiftly in one movement, raising the blade to what happened to be Felix's throat.

"Shouldn't you know by now I hate surprises?" I muttered, slowly lowering my blade. With a smirk, Felix held his hands up in defense.

"I figured maybe you could use some company—"

"I'll pass," I cut him off immediately. I turned away from him and crossed my arms, looking back out at the lagoon.

"You can't keep living like this," he spoke. "You have to stop blaming yourself at some point—"

"Blaming myself for what?" I scathed. "For doing the right thing?" I ran my fingers through my dark hair. "He would've done the same had the roles been reversed." I paused for a moment as Felix took a few steps toward the lagoon. He now stood next to me, picking up a stone and skipping it across the water.

"I don't think he would have," he said. "He wasn't as strong as you. Not in that sense. He wouldn't have been strong enough to watch you die. He would have caved." I shook my head in denial.

"I wouldn't have let him," I claimed. "I would have told him 'no'—"

"And you think he would have listened?" Felix chuckled. "That boy would have thrown himself off the face of the Earth if it meant you living—"

"Am I really though?" I asked. Felix's expression became perplexed.

"Are you really what?" He questioned. I turned and met his eyes.

"Am I really even living?" I asked. "I mean, what's the point in being alive when the people closest to you are dead," I commented. "And everyone else either betrays or pities you. There's nothing left to feel alive about." I released a heavy sigh and shook my head. "It's just a vicious cycle. The longer I live, the longer he's gone—the longer I'm reminded that I should have been the one to die." There was a slight pause for a moment before Felix piped up.

"Perhaps the concept is more that you live for those that can't," he suggested. "Do the things he couldn't. Be the best version of yourself and live for him. There's no use in being a curmudgeon. Not at this point in life" Felix spoke.

"You didn't see it like I did, Felix…" I paused. "You didn't see the way he looked into my eyes when Hook ran him through…When the light faded from his eyes…"

"Is this what he would want, though? To see you like this?" Felix said.

"Like what?" I chuckled. "Realistic? Careful? Strategic—"

"Broken?" Felix cut me off. "Angry? Violent?" I glared at him before looking back to the lagoon.

"I do what I have to do to stay safe…" I said plainly. Felix sighed.

"One day you're gonna have to realize that you'll fall for someone new," Felix chuckled. I scoffed.

"I didn't fall for him." Kneeling down I picked up another stone and threw it into the lagoon. "I don't have the slightest bit of interest in thinking of someone in that way. I prefer—"

"Being alone. Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah." Felix raised a brow. He picked up a large rock and chucked it into the lagoon. It was then that I noticed his hand was covered in blood.

"Felix," I spoke alarmed. "You're bleeding." I turned toward him and grabbed his hand, examining the cuts of somewhat dried blood. He pulled away from me.

"It's okay," he said. "I cut myself trying to open the door to your hut earlier when you were trapped," he explained. "I'm fine."

"Just make sure it doesn't get infected," I nagged him. "Otherwise you won't be able to hold that club of yours for weeks," I smirked. Felix raised a brow.

"Look who cares," he mocked. I laughed.

"You wish." After a few moments, Felix took notice of the chain around my neck and reached towards it, pulling the vial out from underneath my shirt.

"You still have this?" Felix questioned, his eyes fixated upon it as he held it in his hand.

"Um, yeah. Peter never asked for it back after everything. I haven't used it since then…" I trailed off.

"You better be sure to keep it out of the hands of the pirates," he warned, his tone turning serious.

"Don't worry, it's safe with me," I assured him. I pulled the vial out of his hand and tucked it back into my shirt.

"I don't doubt it," he commented. "You heading back to camp?" He asked. I eyed him and snarled.

"The hell do you think?" I crossed my arms and raised a brow.

"Oh, right. Sorry…"

"I'll sleep in a tree tonight. Wouldn't be the first time by a long shot," I muttered.

"Well, just make sure you stay safe."

"Don't I always?" I smart-mouthed him as the corner of my mouth pulled into a smirk. Rolling his eyes, Felix chuckled.

"Well, don't forget about training tomorrow. Wouldn't want us Lost Boys being hopeless now, would we?" He added. I shrugged my shoulders.

"We'll see…Take it easy. Stay away from any pirates," I snickered. Felix chuckled with a reply.

"Let's hope so…"

With that, Felix turned away and headed back into the forest toward camp, leaving me to the crickets near the lagoon. Sighing heavily, I realized I needed to turn in for the night. Picking up the cloak from the ground and sheathing my dagger, I turned away from the lagoon and headed west. I strolled quietly through the forest, making sure to not waste any time. The longer I traveled on foot, the more risks I was taking. After walking for fifteen minutes or so I stumbled upon the area I had sought after. A mere few feet away was an overhang that overlooked Neverland's waters. Looking to the nearby tree, I placed my feet in the notches and began climbing, practically hearing his voice with every step.

"If you think the view from there looks great, then check this out."

I shook my head as his voice kept echoing in my mind.

"Whenever I need to think, I go to the creek where it's quiet. But when I just need to forget, I come here..."

"It's alright. Like you said, everything happens for a reason, and we can't all live perfect lives."

My chest began to feel heavy as the voice continued.

"I'm sure just about anybody could've given you that locket."

His light laughter echoed in my head. Sweet, warm laughter. You could practically hear the smile he held upon his face just from the sound of his chuckling…

I had now reached the portion of the tree that was several feet off the ground. Pulling myself around the tree trunk, I sat on the thick branch, my legs dangling in the air. The spot I sat in had a perfect view of the moon shining above the Neverland sea. Chills ran up my spine as it sank in that I was sitting up here. The last time I sat up here was when Jake brought me all those years ago. It was his tree. It was the one place he could call his own.

"So that you have a little piece of me everywhere you go…"

"-As a part of my family, it's more important that I look out for you first…"

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I grit my teeth. I clenched the cloak in my hands.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered. Forcefully wiping the single tear off my face. I scooted my back against the trunk of the tree and shut my eyes, letting sleep overtake me. Through the entire night, all I could hear was his voice saying my name in an echo, calling for me.

Hannah's Perspective:

As I jogged back into the camp through the guarded entrance, I paused for a moment and rested my hands on my knees. Just about any rustling in the woods was enough to send me off the edge, especially since the whole encounter with Brett. I was still shaken up about that whole thing. The way his eyes looked so dead and lifeless. I mean, yeah, he was an asshole, but at least you could tell he had emotions. Now, he was just…

I straightened my back and looked into the camp where huge clouds of smoke sifted through the air. The fire was mostly out, a few crisping flames remaining at the base of the hut. Most boys had either gone off to bed or sat by the fire in silence, zoning out on the embers. As I passed through the camp, my eyes drifted along the huts when my eyes were drawn to one in particular. The door to Pan's hut was cracked open, allowing light to peer through the empty space. It was odd to see this since Pan's door is typically always shut. My curiosity had officially peaked as I approached the cracked door. When I quietly swung the door open my eyes found Pan sitting on his knees. He was fixated on shards of shattered glass that covered the floor. He didn't say anything regarding my entry. Not a snarky remark, an eye-roll, not even a groan. He just continued to stare at the floor. It was now that I grew concerned that something was seriously wrong.

"Pan? Are you okay?" I spoke quietly, carefully approaching him. My eyes examined the shattered glass once more, now noticing the wood floor soaked in liquid. Pan stayed silent until he caught me off guard.

"How do you stop feeling upset?" He questioned, not looking away from the floor. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"What?" I said meekly, not quite sure where this was going. His head turned in my direction where his deep, green eyes met mine. They were…different…from the last time I saw them. Less menacing…more…open…

"When you're sad…how do you stop it?" He said again. Blinking my eyes a few times, I glanced at the floor and thought. Looking back to him, his eyes were still looking directly at me.

"Well," I said, "usually you would think of happy things instead. You know, to counteract it—"

"What do you think about?" Pan interrupted. I shook my head and blinked.

"What?" I said meekly once again. Pan looked deeper into my eyes as he spoke once more.

"What do you think about?" There was a momentary pause as I tried to gather my words. I chuckled.

"I used to always love it when it snowed back home," I shrugged my shoulders. "Always reminded me of Christmas," I laughed, tugging the corner of my mouth into a grin. My eyes fell toward the floor. "You see, my mother would always…" I trailed off when I realized I had mentioned my mother out loud. I always avoided talking about her, pretending she wasn't gone. I tried brushing it off, but Pan noticed.

"Your mother…is she—"

"Dead?" I asked. "Very. But hey, that's just the way life is…" I muttered under my breath.

"I didn't know that," Pan replied genuinely. Looking up from the floor, I eyed him curiously.

"Didn't think you'd care enough to know," I said plainly. "Besides, you wanted me dead anyway, so why would you care?" Pan furrowed his brows.

"I didn't want you dead," he muttered, looking back to the floor. "And I would take that day back if I could…" I furrowed my brows and watched as Pan looked at me.

"Are you being serious?" I questioned hesitantly. All he did was nod. After a moment I shook my head. "Are you sick or something? Do you have a fever?" I interrogated him, putting the backside of my hand against his forehead. As he pulled away he chuckled.

"No, just haven't taken my medicine. That's all…" I eyed him curiously and smirked.

"You don't need it. Seems like you're better off without it" I shrugged. Pan raised a brow.

"I have a hard time believing that," he said. After a momentary pause, Pan began again. "Would you really have gone this whole time without talking about your mother?" He questioned. It was at this point where I was starting to question if this was the real Pan or some kind of a trick. I didn't respond to his question. I still didn't feel like I could open up yet, especially not to him. Getting off his knees, Pan sat on the floor with his legs against his chest, his arms wrapped around them. "You know," he said, "I used to have a mother." He looked to me with an ever so slight smile.

"We all did," was all I said. He chuckled.

"I used to have a rule here in Neverland—"

"Gee that's a first," I groaned.

"Shut up," he pointed at me, a smirk threatening to tug at his upper lip. "Anyway," he continued, "I used to have a rule that the Lost Boys couldn't talk about mothers. I wanted them to forget all about them. Sure, that worked on the little ones for a while, but the older boys never forgot quite as easily. It wasn't until I had accepted that my mother died so that I could live that I began to understand how important they are," he explained. "Our mothers…they shape us into who we are. My mother…gave her life so that I could live…forever…here in Neverland. All of this…is because of her. If we forget our mothers, then we—"

"Then we forget ourselves," I said. At that moment, I watched a thought flicker in Pan's eyes. It was a quick thought that led to some sort of realization within him. It was fascinating to witness that moment of realization in his eyes. Dare I say it when his eyes aren't dark and full of hatred, they're actually one of the most marvelous things I've ever seen.

"Precisely," he replied. I smiled and groaned.

"Perhaps maybe you're right for once" I claimed. Pan chuckled. "What do you miss the most about her?" I asked, unsure if he would reply. To my surprise, Pan smiled to himself and looked down at the floor.

"My mother used to sing—" he started, "she used to sing this song that could lull you to sleep even during the loudest of storms…and her song would transport us here; to Neverland." What Pan described was incredibly intriguing to me.

"Do you remember how it goes?" I asked. Pan laughed.

"I'm not much of a singer, but I do remember the words…" I raised a brow and smiled. Pan chuckled. "It went a little something like this…"

Peter's Perspective:

The thunderstorm practically shook the hut as my mother snuggled me close in my bed. Droplets of rain and hailed smacked against the roof in patterns and rhythms. The end of winter and the beginning of spring neared. All that was left for Mother Nature was to thaw the remaining patches of snow and ice. The only light source in the hut was the fire struggling to burn a few logs in the fireplace, a pot of boiling water hanging above it.

"Oh, Peter, it's only a little rain. It will be over soon…"

"Easy for you to say," I said as I hid under my blankets. "You just go to Neverland once I'm asleep and have an adventure without me." My mother gasped.

"I would never, Peter."

"Would too," I argued. She scoffed.

"You eight-year-olds are stubborn, you know that?" She laughed. "Come on, it's time for bed—"

"Mother, please!" I begged, bringing my head above the covers. "Oh, pretty please can we go mother? I promise to be a good boy..."

"Oh, I don't know…" my mother spoke with laughter in her voice. A crack of thunder rolled throughout the land, echoing for miles. My head dipped below the covers once more.

"Oh, alright," she gave in. I brought my head out from the covers and snuggled close to her, still shaking from fear of the lightning. My head rested on my mother's chest as she brushed a few stray hairs out of my eyes.

"Shhh…" she hushed as I whimpered softly. "Shhh…" My breathing was fast and short, unable to keep steady. "Shhh…"

"Sleep my child and let the world…"

"Fall swiftly to your dreams…"

"Where all is said to be…"

"A never-ending sea…"

Slowly, and then all at once, my eyelids began to close…

"Come and fly away with me…"

"A land we've yet to see…"

"When the world gets dark…"

At that moment, the sound of the rain began to fade, and the echoing of birds within the trees filled my ears. The relaxing panpipe could be heard in the distance and the smell of cedar and pine was present in my senses. My body could sense where we were, as we laid against a tree of greenery. As I opened my eyes, I felt instant relief in my heart. I was home.

Neverland…

Hannah's Perspective:

"Wow…" I smiled. For a moment, Pan nodded his head and grinned. "Peter Pan is afraid of storms?" I mocked. Pan shook his head frantically.

"I was eight!" He exclaimed. We both broke out into laughter when a rolling thunder filled the air. Pan jolted instantly and I rested my hand on his shoulder. I raised a brow.

"Haven't grown out of it, huh?" I smirked. Pan shook his head and stood up.

"You better get to your bed before you get drenched in the rain. I have a mess to clean up," he groaned. "Are you okay with staying in Sam's hut for now?" Pan asked. I nodded in reply. Standing up whilst minding the glass, I looked to Pan who had started sweeping up the glass in the palms of his hands.

"You know," I said. Pan looked to me. "Sometimes, you're only halfway intolerable," I commented. Pan smirked and shook his head.

"Gee, I'll keep that one close to my heart," he spoke sarcastically.

"Didn't realize you had one," I fired back. He laughed.

"Oh, ho, ho, good one," he rolled his eyes. As I walked out the door, I turned and spoke one last comment.

"G'night mate," I smirked. Pan stopped what he was doing and looked up at me, locking eyes. On this rare occasion, he smiled. A legitimate smile. Shaking his head before going back to sweeping, he replied.

"Good night…"

I turned and headed out the door as rain began to pour down on the camp. Heading to Sam's hut, I took a moment and looked over at a few boys by the fire pit who were tossing and wrestling in the mud. There was something to be said for either the innocence or the complete immaturity of these boys. On the one hand, immature boys aren't uncommon. On the other hand, innocent boys…well…that's pretty rare these days. Innocence is quite special in children. I guess that's one thing I can appreciate about Neverland. The rain began to pour harder as I opened the door to Sam's hut. Stepping inside, Sam greeted me.

"My God, you look like a wet dog," he said.

"Gee, thanks," I replied as I shook my hair.

"You can have the bed," Sam offered. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"Are you su—"

"Yes, Hannah. It's alright," he chuckled. "You've had a big day and could use the rest," he insisted. I walked over to his bed and sat on the freshly laid covers.

"Do you ever wonder if maybe people aren't always as they seem? Like they only show you the side they want you to see?" I spoke aloud. As Sam situated himself on the floor, he shook his head.

"All the time," he replied. I furrowed my brows and grumbled to myself.

"Hmm…" Pulling the curtain to the side, I peeked out of Sam's window and glanced at Pan's hut whose light just dimmed. Shutting the curtain slowly I paused and thought for a moment. What had happened to make him open up to me like that? All of the shattered glass on the floor…what was that all about? It had gotten so late that my brain couldn't handle all of these thoughts anymore. I crawled under the covers and spoke. "Goodnight, Sam." Blowing out the candle on the bedside table an echo replied from the floor.

"Goodnight, Hannah." And with that, I drifted off to sleep, hearing the lyrics of Pan's lullaby echoing in my head while I slept.

Peter's Perspective:

As Hannah closed the door behind her, my eyes fell to the shattered glass on the floor. Who knew of all things for Hannah and me to connect with, it was mothers. That seemed so abstract to me. I never thought of Hannah as being a sentimental person either. My thoughts were interrupted as another crack of thunder echoed throughout Neverland. As the rain beat against the roof of my hut, a thought ran across my mind. Getting up from the floor, I approached my medicine cabinet and opened the doors, looking inside the empty cabinet. After checking the cupboards, I looked below in the small drawers to find that there were two vials that were still intact. One was a simple spell. The second, however, was a vial of medicine. It was the only one left. Glancing at the shattered glass on the floor, I turned back toward the cabinet and uncapped the blue elixir, bringing the vial to my lips. But once the glass brushed against my lips, I stopped. Exhaling a heavy breath, I pulled the vial away from my mouth and observed its contents. What was stopping me right now? I could end my pain…Oh, come on Peter, drink it! But every time I tried to bring my hand to my mouth, I just couldn't. Capping the vial, I set it back in the drawer, shaking my head. What is going on with me? Glancing back at the drawer, I picked up the remaining vial and examined it's green, shimmering contents. Looking over at the door, a small smile crept upon my face.

Hannah's Perspective:

Laughter and shouts echoed in my head as I struggled to open my eyes.

"Woohoo!"

"This is the best!"

"Where did it come from?!"

I groaned as I turned over on my side. Just barely opening my eyes, I noticed that Sam was no longer asleep on the floor, his blanket rolled in a ball. Opening my eyes and rubbing them with closed fists, I swung my feet out from under the covers onto the cold wood floor. This time, the floor was even colder than usual.

"Get back here!"

"Ah haha!"

What the hell is going on?

Putting on my sneakers, I hobbled out of bed towards the door. When I grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open I was instantly blinded by bright white everywhere.

What the hell is—

My eyes adjusted as I took a step outside of the hut, my foot sinking into several inches of snow.

"Catch me if you can!" a Lost Boy called out.

Looking around me, I was surrounded by snowflakes whirling and glistening through the air. I was in absolute awe and amazement. I spotted Sam walking with icicles in his mouths, mimicking the roar of a walrus. Sticking my hand out in front of me I watched as a single snowflake melted in my hand, thousands of crystals separating into beads of water. Laughing, I stepped completely outside the hut. I grabbed handfuls of snow and threw it in the air, spinning around in circles. I was surrounded by the Lost Boys' laughter and screams of joy and glee. How his this even possible? Neverland is a tropical island that barely dips below fifty degrees Fahrenheit at night. How could this…

I turned and looked in the distance toward a group of trees where Pan leaned against a pine tree. Meeting his eyes, he grinned before his gaze fell to the ground. Did he do this…for me? As I walked closer to Pan I saw Lea standing against a tree, observing everyone from a distance with her arms folded under her cloak. Crouching down into the snow, I picked up clumps of snow and packed it together in my hands.

"Hey, Peter!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as I chucked a snowball at him, hitting him square in the face.

"Snowball fight!" Lost Boys shouted. Immediately, an intense snowball fight broke out, starting with Pan chucking a snowball back at me. Snowballs were flown all across the camp at one another, laughter echoing all throughout Neverland. Both Sam and Julian chucked snowballs at Lea, who was reluctant to join in on the fun at first. She held a stern expression until all of the Lost Boys began to target her.

"Get Lea! Get Lea!" The Lost Boys shouted. Only then did her stern expression finally give out. She crouched and gathered snow in her hands, chucking it at helpless Lost Boys who dared try to ambush her. It was as though for just these few moments we were able to forget about everything that had happened these last twenty-four hours. For once, we were kids…acting like kids…Not kids acting like adults trying to survive in a dangerous world. We were joyful again. It was in these moments that each and everyone one of us knew…

We never wanted to grow up…

It was these moments that made me realize…

I never want to grow up…

For the first time ever, I felt as though I belonged. If you had asked me when I first got here if there was any chance in hell that I would want to stay here, I would have said no.

If you asked me now?

Perhaps I may have changed my mind…

—

Hey guys! I'll try to make this short and sweet because I have an 8am clause and I'm currently trying to write this at 3:30am. Sorry, it took me a while to write this chapter. Life has been absolutely crazy. But I would like to ket you guys know that I am currently working out the details with music that is being written for this book! It's all very exciting and I'll be sure to keep you guys in the loop with everything that is going on. But for now, if you would like to hear the official recording of Pan's Lullaby send me a direct message and I will email it to you! Trust me, you don't want to miss it! Anyway, what do you guys think of the chapter? Do you think Lea has the right to feel the way she does? Are we seeing bits of Pan that we're not used to? Let me know your thoughts and predictions in the comments! As always, see you in the next update!