Chapter 12

The blue car drove up to the abbey.

Sybil had known it was not going to take very long for her to start to feel frazzled due to work, but as she came home from her latest shift, she had to admit she had hoped she'd last a bit longer than she had. It felt to her as if they were shorter of staff by the day. And the mums who were coming in to their care had frayed nerves to say the least from the start of their hospital stay for obvious reasons, whereas normally they would be more relaxed – at least at the start. And there were even more of them in their care due to the fact home births had been cancelled for now. It did not sit easy with her, taking that choice from the mother – where and how they brought their baby into the world - but she did see why it had been done.

She turned the engine off and got out the car. As she did so, the door to the abbey opened. And her Tom stepped out with worry in his eyes. No wonder - she was home two hours late. She'd managed to grab a minute to let him know she wasn't going to be home as expected, but still – he worried.

"Love, are you ok?" he asked as he came towards her with his arms out. Her eyes blinded, it had been a long hard day and all she wanted to do was melt into his arms. To let him hold her and welcome her home as he would choose. But it was not an option yet.

"I am but I need to go and shower before we touch." That's was what they were being told at the hospital. And she didn't want to give him anything or bring anything into the house. That was the very last thing she wanted to do. If something happened to him…

So, any hugs would have to wait.

Tom nodded. He was not going to make any of this harder on her. And he was grateful for what they did have. They were not Isobel and Dickie and no matter what, he and Sybil could be together at the end of the day.

"You go and shower off then love," he said as they went into the abbey. "I'll go and heat your dinner up," god only knew she was going to need something hot inside her soon.

"Oh, I do love you," she said heading towards the stairs. The gratitude in her voice broke his heart.

Within twenty minutes, Tom had Sybil in his arms and after that she was sat at the table with a warming chilli in front of her as Tom asked her about her day.

You did not need to be a nurse right then to know how important it was to keep her talking right then – she was not going to clam up, not on his watch. She went to work to look after people – and when she came home, she was looked after. That was the deal.

X x x

Anna had been hoping in the end she was going to go into labour naturally.

And in the end, that wish looked set to be granted.

"Oh," moaned the blonde lowly as she woke up in bed. If she had had any hope she could get herself up with any great ease, she knew it was well and truly gone at that moment. Giving that the hormone pregnancy released into her body was called relaxin, she could not claim it lived up to its name.

Especially not in this late stage.

She could not remember how many nights of late she had been driven to sleep on the sofa in pursuit of some shut eye.

Also, just because she was tossing and turning, it did not mean John had to be. That said, there had been more than one night of late she had watched with a jealous look as he had slumbered on. By nature she was not a jealous person, but lack of sleep could awaken the green-eyed monster in the kindest of souls.

As for that night she had not yet had to move on to the sofa, though it occurred to her that might be where she was heading, until she felt the mattress below her. Thank god she had put the water proof sheets on.

They were soaking… which could only mean her waters had gone. Just in that moment, she felt elated.

Her belly tightened and she grimaced. She had hoped to have a few hours of pain at home before she had to go in. But here they were and she was overdue. She had better get ready… she guessed she should now just be glad she would not have to face the induction ward.

With her dreams of a few quiet hours with John running a bath for her at home gone, she sighed, accepted what she could not change and turned to look at him. Accepting what came – she had been doing a lot of that of late.

Looking at her sleeping husband, she could not help but reach out and tenderly touch his hair. Grey threads were beginning to show now, mixed in with his darker hairs. She had to admit to being glad he had not yet woken up. It gave her five minutes to gather herself and look at him. For all her green-eyed monster, she knew he had not been sleeping wonderfully either.

Especially the last couple of weeks.

It had felt to her as if they were both just on the edge – just waiting for the moment.

Now they were to fall.

As the pain eased, she took a moment for herself to get her through the rest of it.

The first thought that went through her mind was, as she looked at her husband, was how handsome he was and how much she loved him. The second thought was that this was most likely one of the last times they were going to be truly alone for a long time to come. And that was why she had wanted to savour him for a moment. She did not think she could wait to welcome her baby to the world but when she did – and this was no bad thing – they were going to be a family.

It was going to be the three of them forever and ever and ever.

Nom more the two of them. No more being a couple.

They'd be a family. Very soon.

She kissed his brow.

"John," she whispered and his eyes opened gently, unstartled. It was not uncommon for her to need help getting out of bed these days or to need something in the night.

"Yes, my love," he asked ass he shifted in bed.

"John it is time – my waters have gone."

If ever she needed to wake her husband up fast, they were clearly the words to use. She couldn't remember a time he came round from sleep so fast.

"Are you ok?" he asked with big shining eyes as he touched her bump.

She covered his hand with her own to keep it there for just a moment.

He could not recall a time he felt as proud as he did right then, as she gave a brave nod.

It was all about to start.

All of it.

"I think we had better get ourselves up and dressed, Mr Bates. It is time for us to go and meet our baby."

Within fifteen minutes, they were out the house and in the car, hospital bags in the boot, containing among other things the outfit their baby would come home in.

The car ride to the hospital was calm compared to what you thought it might be.

Anna's contractions were slowly building but through breathing and keeping calm she felt quite relaxed. When you saw it on the TV you did not see men and women joking on the way to the hospital. But that was just what they did. And every chance he had he held her hand. His warm hand wrapped around her smaller one, with the promise of all that was to come to them…

John, of course, carried her bags up to the hospital ward by passing the outpatients departments where she had had her scans as they did so. Memories of the past six months raced through her head, especially the surprise of seeing how wriggly their little baby was even at the twelve-week scan. She'd made John stop on the way home so she could buy plums – her baby had been the same size as just one of them than. And suddenly they were there. In the ward, where they would meet their baby. Where Anna would give birth. She had dreamt of this long before she had ever met John.

Now they were here and she was so glad they were doing this together.

After going into the maternity ward, she was relieved that she was seen swiftly for she did not think her back could take a lot of standing just then.

There was no hanging around and they were soon in a delivery suite.

"Are you ok my darling?" John asked as he put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her neck.

"I am coping," Anna smiled as she stood and swayed.

In no time at all they baby would be here… that's what she kept telling herself… no time at all.

It was then there was a knock at the door and a midwife came in. She had been the one to welcome them in – a blonde called Paula, she seemed solid and dependable. Anna had confidence in her. And that was what mattered.

"Can I have a look at what's going on down there my lovely?" she said as she put gloves on.

Anna grimaced, accepted what was to come, nodded and John helped her on to the bed.

X X X

"Ok, Anna, this is coming along really well," said the midwife and she took off her plastic gloves after she had examined her. That was what they had wanted to hear.

John gave his wife an encouraging smile as he held her hand tight and kissed it.

Anna had to admit that things were not quite as she had thought they were going to be when she was given birth even down to the fact that when she being examined it was by a midwife in a face mask. It was not so much that she minded – it was just different to how she had planned it. She guessed she should just be glad that she and John had not been asked to wear one.

Birth she was beginning to learn was a very different thing in real life to how it was when she had seen it on the box.

The midwife made her notes and then turned to the couple. "You are however only eight centimetres along so dad we will call you when it is time for you to come in." She said lightly as if it was nothing at all but – but this was their first child.

Anna thought the way she had said it that was to try and keep the pressure off of the situation but both of them felt it like a ton of bricks. They'd known there was to be no second birthing partner, but…

She held his hand tighter and you could have heard a pin drop…

John felt as if he had been pushed down by a feather. The way she had said that was as if they had expected him to leave…

"Excuse me?" he asked her.

That was when the nurse gave way to the awful reality of the situation and her face fell.

"I hate to do this – I am not in the business of separating couples like this. It goes against – well, everything - but this comes from the trust. Because of the virus you are going to have to go home for a while, dad."

Both of the Bates had been aware that due to Covid the situation in the maternity unit had been changing swiftly – day by day in fact. But both of them had thought they were going to get in and out before this measure came in to their trust. They had kept a close eye on it for this was Anna's biggest fear. To be left alone.

"But I am already here," said John. If he had not been with Anna, not been sleeping in the bed as her, sharing the same space as her for weeks now than he would get the point in him going home but as it stood, he did not.

If he had anything then so did she. So, what good did it do to split it up?

"I know and I hate to do this to you – bit it is hospital policy now." The midwife repeated - it was not as if she could do anything different. She was a very little pin in a very big cog.

"Hospital policy?" he asked and he felt as if he could be sick. It could not be right that anyone could be so clinical about the birth of a child.

Anna could see he was going to have words – strong words which they might both regret. It crossed Anna's mind that when the time came, she wanted her husband to be allowed back into the hospital. But this was not Paula's fault – Anna knew the midwife was but doing her job.. Though she would do anything for this not to be happening.

She held her husband's hands tighter whilst she could.

They did not have time to argue or be obstructive.

"John is it not her fault, she is just doing her job," said Anna at last as she tried to keep her own cool. They could not get to upset about it or she was not going to be able to get her focus back – and if there was one thing, she needed to do it was focus. Especially if she had to do this on her own.

She was about to be someone's mum and so she couldn't fall apart. She had to be strong…

John looked at her and he bite his tongue. As far as he was concerned, it might bleed he bite it so hard to stop himself saying anything that went against the wishes of his wife. There was no way in any conscience he could argue with Anna right then. She was right – the midwife was just trying to do as she had been told but it didn't make it any easier. Still if Anna could be so beautifully brave then it was up to him to match that bravery.

Their eyes met. Then he nodded, took a deep breath and turned.

"As soon as I can come and be with her, you ring me. Not even a second after." said John, passionately to the midwife. He was not going to let Anna labour alone for a minute more than she had to. She was his to love and cherish and he could not do that if the two of them were apart.

For better, for worse…

"I love you," Anna said as she found her courage, a task so monumental she had done it several times in that minute. God, she loved him and she wanted to be as brave as she could. For all of them, she thought as she stroked her stomach.

He cupped her face for a moment and there was a silence in the room. Both of their eyes were red, emotion and exhaustion already not far away

"I love you and if you need me back all you have to do is ring me and I - I am going to be right back."

"You go home and sleep." She said as she kissed him. "I am going to need you, John Bates." When he got back, they were going to be in the thick of it. There was going to be no sleep and no rest for him then.

He would go home he thought but he could not sleep. There was no way he was going to get any true rest when she was here without him. He would turn the television on and then he would pace and wait and he was suddenly so glad that they lived nearby.

"Love you."

"Love you too," she had only just told him that but it was a sentiment she found at that moment that was worth repeating.

He went to pick his coat up and leave the room.

"John I –" Anna begun and then she stopped. If she went on, then she was going to beg him to stay. Up until now she had told herself to be brave but it – it was harder when it came to watching walk out of the door. To see him leave the room now against his will was a special kind of torture.

She could not put into words how much she needed him to be there and to keep her safe. Such a thought would never normally be in her head but it was no word of a lie to say she had never ever felt so vulnerable and where she was feeling that vulnerable, she needed the man she loved over all others. He was where she was safe.

But the baby was going to feel the same about her. So, she breathed deep, looked at her husband and smiled.

"See you soon."

John nodded his goodbye, left the hospital, and went to their car where he fell thoroughly to pieces whilst he still could.

X x x

Anna paced. Then she sat down, lay down and then got up to pace again.

If she had not been in much pain when she had woken up, she had to say that was not the case as the day went on. Night had come – darkness had fallen and her courage was failing. Since she had got to hospital, every one she had met had been lovely and it was clear that they wanted to look after her. She was never going to criticize what they were trying to do, for she knew they wanted what was best, not only for her but for her baby as well. But what she wanted above all others was John. Funny, just a month ago she could never have foretold that she'd have to do this on her own.

It did not seem real.

Until she was a bit further along John could not be these for her. For her or the baby.

So she tried to do the hardest thing she ever had and discount him from her mind.

She just wanted a friendly face – some or any kind of familiarity she could muster. A voice she knew…

She grabbed her phone from where it sat on the table.

She had an idea. She could not have John but there might be some one she could have.

X x x

Mary was not sure why she had got in to bed yet. Yes. it was late in the day but it was clear she was not going to be going to sleep any time soon. All she had done since coming up was toss, turn and huff, flipping the pillow to get to the cool side of it when the one she was on wasn't all that hot. She was almost to get up and let Matthew at least sleep when her phone screen lit up the room.

"Anna, how are you?" she had text her earlier to say she was in labour. No wonder she couldn't sleep.

Anna smiled at just the sound of Mary's voice. It caused tears to spring to her eyes. She had not known how scared she was until she received comfort.

"Bearing up," Anna replied as Mary sat up and put her light on; behind her she knew Matthew had sat up for he was as eager for news as she was.

"But – but Mary they have sent John home." It was no surprised if her voice and heart broke.

The joy that Mary had felt for her friend did not die in that moment but the fear she felt for Anna doubled. And then she felt a hot scoring anger. Anna would not have consented to that. They had no right…

"What – why on earth should they do that?"

"They have said because of covid."

Mary felt as if she wanted to scream for her – was there nothing that this damn virus was going to leave as sacred?

"Oh, Anna I am so sorry –" she said to her as she wished she could hold her. "Can I do anything?"

She hoped there was something – anything that she was going to be able to do to make this easier on the best friend she had ever had. She wanted to go to her, she wanted to help her – do something.

"I've no right to ask this – but… but Mary, can you see if Sybil can come in?"

Typically, the youngest Crawley sister wasn't on shift that day – but Anna had thought it through and if there was one person, she knew who she could have with her right then, then it was Sybil. Maybe Anna thought she should not ask but if she was willing to come and be with her then it would mean everything.

A friendly face, a hand to hold, a familiar voice. Everything she wanted, or close enough. Right then, all and any of those things would be priceless. Second best of course, to everything about her husband – but priceless.

She had known Sybil a long time…

Mary nodded.

She knew her sister had such a kind heart that she was going to want to go and be with her old great friend but on the odd chance that she said no, then Mary knew this would be one of those very rare times that she would be willing to get down and beg.

"I will go and get her up and send her in. Hold tight Anna."

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