It was the second day of Derek's three days off and, the couple were finally having their date night before heading back home, "So how was work?" Derek quizzed, taking a sip of water.

Addison had chosen the restaurant so their date night would double as her treating Derek for earning more than him."Good, Preston agreed to let me scrub in on another surgery next week."

"I've meant to talk to you about that, you've got to admit it weird."

"Don't see why it would be, the interns get to scrub in on different surgeries all the time get to change things up. I wanted to do the same thing."

"So it's about the intern" Derek pointed out, but he obviously meant 'so it's about Meredith'.

Addison couldn't help but roll her eyes at the statement, "Not everything I do is about the interns Derek. In an emergency, I would like to be more useful than telling a woman when to push."

"You do more than that." Derek corrected, luckily it didn't come out as patronising.

"I know I do Derek." Addison huffed, "There was a bomb in the hospital. A bomb and all I could do was… I am so glad I could be there for Bailey and her baby, but I never want to be in a situation where I am only good at one thing. Where I can only do one thing," Addison confessed, "I just… I want to be better, not because of the interns but for me. I want to be better, so the next time our hospital is under attack, I could do more."

"Addison." Derek frowned, his face filled with concern before clearing up, "Do you know how amazing you are? Being a surgeon and OBGYN is just a skill you have an amazing skill but- I fell in love with you the day you took Amy to get her ears pierced." Derek said, randomly changed the subject, "You are amazing and beautiful and funny and maybe the best person I have ever go through a bomb exploding, and you decide to learn heart surgery in case a patient needs you the next time, and you learn general surgery. My point is you don't need to be better; I'm actually going to hate you if you become any better." Derek joked, he actually loved how capable and confident Addison was at life.

"You kinda already hate me." Addison pointed out.

"I don't hate you. I hate what you did." Derek clarified his hand unconsciously reaching for hers and linking them together, "but I love-"

"Tuna tartare for the lady and tomato soup for the gentleman." The waiter interrupted setting down their starters, "I will be back shortly with the wine pairing for the main meal."

Derek cleared his throat before pulling his hands back and grabbing the spoon while Addison sat the silently begging him to finish that sentence to say he loved her, that he still loved her.

The aborted confession somehow hurt more than his admission of being in love with Grey.

Derek had no issue in revealing that he loved another woman, but when it came to Addison when it came to telling his own wife that he loved her Derek used any excuse not to say the words.

This was the closest he came in all these months to willingly saying it, and now he was eating soup.

Him saying I love you because of her rules didn't count.

"I told you saying you love me will get you to remember" Addison smirked swallowing down any residue pain she felt after all this was progress. Addison will take a half aborted attempt of I love you over any full confession of loving Meredith Grey any day of the week.

"Want to try some, it's good." Derek offered his soup bowl over.

Addison looked down at the soup bowl then back up to Derek before shaking her head, "No thanks, I'm good" Addison answered before grabbing her fork.

"I've been thinking now that we both live here maybe we should look into selling the brownstone."

"I, oh.." Addison blinked utterly thrown off, she hadn't realised that Derek was interested in selling, "Maybe, can we talk about it after dinner?" Addison asked swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Of course, we can look into realtors when we get home." Derek prepositioned, focusing intently on the diminishing bowl of soup in front of him.

"I thought we would keep it, if we ever went back we would have our own place."

"Why is just sitting there empty, we should sell it."

"What if we go back for Easter, I know how much you hate living in a hotel."

"If we ever go back we can always stay with one of the girls." Derek replied tersely, it was his doing, but they had wandered into dangerous territory talking about Boston, "but that shouldn't be a problem because I'm never going back."

"Not a problem. Nance, Liz and Kat all have children we can't just crash at their place for God knows how long." Addison began tearing apart his argument before her mind caught up to the latter half of his statement. "What do you mean, not going back." Addison frowned, dropping her fork.

"I mean I am never stepping foot in that house and I have no plans of even visiting New York or Boston ever again."

"You can't be serious."

"I am absolutely serious," Addison probably looked unattractive with her mouth gaping open as it was, but she was truly surprised by what Derek was saying.

"Why would I want to ever want to go back to the place you screwed Mark. That was our old life this is our new one."

"Our life is there. Yes, I agreed to move here to make a new start, but that didn't mean that I planned on never going back-"

"You can do whatever you like. I won't be going back with you." Derek responded back snidely finishing his bowl of tomato soup.

Before Addison could counter a respond their waiter came back with the wine Addison had chosen earlier, it went well with both their main course, "Sorry about the wait the sommelier had to go digging this out of the cupboard so to speak. He really happy someone has good taste in wine he-"

"Thank you. We'll just wait for our first course now." Addison grinned effectively and polity dismissing the girl.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry" the girl blushed, leaving the wine behind before running off.

"You can't seriously expect me to never go back." Addison continued without missing a beat.

"I don't like I said you can do whatever you want, but I'm not going back there."

"So what you are never going to see Nance, Savvy, the kids, your mum ever again because you have bad memories.

"I walked in on you having sex with Mark in our bed." Derek hissed across the table, "I'll say that's more than just a bad memory. If the girls want to see us, they can just buy a plane ticket and come here."

"Fine. I wouldn't argue with you any more." Addison conceded giving up, "You don't ever want to come to Boston or New York you don't have to. I'll go for the Christmases and birthday and all the other Shepherd clan celebrations by myself, it's not like it would be much of a difference in the status quo."

Addison wanted to point out just how childish Derek was right now, he was going to avoid everyone they knew, everything from their past because of one bad experience.

It was either a testament to how stubborn Derek was or just how badly she'd hurt him, and Addison couldn't decide which it was.

A significant part of Addison wanted to point out the fact that she herself had her own share of bad memories, everyone did, but that didn't stop her from getting on with life.

Addison didn't avoid the woods around the trailer just because she saw Derek and Meredith kissing against a tree.

She didn't even avoid the trailer where no doubt her husband had slept with Meredith Grey (on numerous occasion).

As a matter of fact, Addison had put on her big girl panties and had taken Doc on a walk the very next day, she had moved into the trailer knowing what had most likely occurred on the linens she slept on.

Derek wanted to say a lot of things about how he was tired of fighting with Addison or how not going to Boston or New York was a valiant attempt to put everything behind him.

He wanted to tell her how he didn't even mean half the things he was saying.

He wanted to change the subject and talk about how beautiful she looked tonight or maybe actually tell her a part of him didn't think he could ever move forward if he went back there.

Derek considered the Eastern coast of the US to be a nuclear wasteland where nothing good existed.

It was fair to say that the dinner ended in disaster.

x.x.x.x


"You could have just said it, said you love me" Addison spoke into the early hours of the morning, Derek was still lost in slumber.

A many number of things irritated her about their failed date night Derek refusal to ever go back was near the top of the list but right at the top was the fact that he hadn't said he loved her.

That little thought roamed around her brain until it pushed everything else aside and became the only thought in her head. Derek's inability to say he loved her without being forced to because of her rule was a problem, a major problem.

Addison considered waking Derek up and unburdening herself before quickly dismissing the idea; if she did that, he would only accuse her of being passive-aggressive in her method.

It didn't escape her notice that by not talking, she was breaking the 'no keeping things bottled up rule' and the being emotionally open to your spouse rule.

Addison wasn't going to win either way so she might as well save herself an argument.

Addison couldn't stay in bed any longer so decided to get an early start into work, she quickly scribbled a note on a post-it and stuck it onto the fridge for Derek to see once he woke up.

"Bye Doc, go keep daddy company," Addison instructed scratching behind the dog's ears before letting him into the trailer on her way out.

x.x.x.x


Derek had laid there listening to Addison moving around and getting ready for work, she had mastered getting ready in the dark inside a 'sardine can' a few weeks ago.

Once Derek was unable to hear the sound of the car, he rolled over and grabbed his phone placing a call to one of the few people who may understand what he was going through, "Weiss." Derek sighed into the phone as soon as the man picked up.

"What's up?" Weiss asked, after years of friendship, he knew Derek's voice and what each tone meant. "What did you do?"

"I really fucked up."

"Derek!"

"I didn't mean to, she was just so down on herself, and I couldn't help-"

"So you slept with Grey? What the fuck is wrong with you" Weiss asked disgusted getting the completely wrong end of the stick, "You know what don't call me again. I am tired of hearing about Grey or any of your bull shit, you knew the chick for two months-"

"I didn't SLEEP WITH MEREDITH!" Derek screamed down the line cutting off Weiss's tirade, "I didn't. I still love her, but I'm not going to do that to Addison." Derek confessed glossing over how tempted he was to kiss Meredith just two days ago.

"I don't-"

"I nearly told Addison that I loved her." Derek scrubbed his face with one hand and walking outside to smell the fresh morning air. "I was telling her, and the waiter came and I just- I keep fucking it up with her. I didn't even realise I was still in love with her until she started talking about how useless she was, and all I could think about was how amazing she was. You know she started volunteering right" Derek continued getting out of bed, "She's doing this women's shelter thing and I just-"

"What is your point?" Weiss asked, walking towards his car if he left now he could make it in time for Savvy's consult with the plastic surgeon.

"I don't know. I just know I keep hurting Addie and Meredith and I love them both. I know you don't want to hear it" Derek continued ignoring Weiss's very loud prominent scoff at his admissions loving Meredith, "but I love Meredith, and up until last I didn't even realise that I loved Addie as well."

"Derek."

"Fine." Derek sighed finally ready, to tell the truth, "Remember how the therapist said me and Addie do stupid things to ruin the relationship, well I did that. Last night, after I nearly told Addie that I loved her, I basically told her that I was never stepping foot out of Seattle just to start a fight and now I don't know what to do."

"Then listen to me. Forget Meredith Grey ever existed and forgive Addie for cheating. Forgive her for breaking your heart and move on and if you can't… if you can't, you need to let Addison go." Weiss advised, he felt like he was betraying Addison, but in all honesty, this was probably the best advice Weiss could give Derek.

He and Sav had had many a conversation about what was going on with their best friends.

Over the months Weiss could hear how Addison lost a piece of herself the longer Derek strung her along. "If you can't forgive her, let her go," Weiss repeated.

"It's that simple?"

"Yeah, it really is. Truly forgiving Addie will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I think she's worth it and you probably do too, or else you won't be up at five in the morning talking my ear off about your wife." Weiss continued pulling out of parking garage into downtown traffic, he still had to go across town, but he would make it in time. "If you are not ready to forgive her at least stop picking fights just because you are getting along, it's the equivalent of pulling a girls ponytail, and that's just stupid. You are an adult, she's an adult and the things you are doing hurt more than a bruised scalp so get your act together. Tell Addison what you did last night, ask for forgiveness and tell her that you love her."

x.x.x.x


"Hey" Addison greeted after a short rap on Derek's door to announce her presence.

"Addie, is everything okay?" Derek questioned going from frustrated surgeon to concerned husband in a blink of the eye.

"Yeah heard through the grape vines that you came in so wanted to come say hi," Addison begun then realising that she might be lying, "I -erm-"

"Dr Shepherd about my mum's trail I- oh sorry" Meredith blushed, she obviously walked into the middle of something.

Addison impassive face studied Meredith for a few seconds before offering the girl a saccharine smile, "This you apologise for. Wow, you interns really do have your priority all messed up."

"Addison!" Derek chastised, it was quite hypocritical of Addison to expect an apology for a kiss after she had a full blown affair with Mark.

"Don't worry, I'm already leaving. Have fun talking about Alzheimer's trail, guess I know what was so important that you gave up your day off." Addison sniped before walking out.

"Hey, Hey" Derek called out chasing Addison out of his office, for a woman in heels she was able to outrun everyone else. "Addison nothing is going on between Meredith and me."

"Great. Thanks for letting me know" Addison replied back stiffly, getting into the elevator before aggressively pressing the button for the doors to shut.

Derek step forward getting in the way of the door actually closing, "Wait."

"Church and State." Addison replied back, tartly, "We can talk inside the sardine can.

"I don't understand why you are so pissed off" Derek stated, walking in and letting the lift close behind him.

"I can tell you, don't." Addison sighed, "Derek, I have patients to see, and you have a medical trail to talk about, so please let's talk about this later."

"Look about last night I should have-"

"I think I should move out" Addison blurted out, surprising herself and Derek, "I erm… It might be better for us if I move out, give you your own space to sort everything out."

"Addie-"

"I get off work early tonight." Addison informed reaching over and pressing the button for the very next floor a wave of nausea suddenly overcame her that it was taking everything in her not to throw up right now.

"What do you mean you want to move out?" Derek quizzed as the door opened as the door opened and Addison rushed out wanting to find the nearest bathroom.


Writer's Musing:

Derek's finally got some advice but it seems like too little too late as Addison is ready to call it quits or at least move out.