"Miss Addie, what's love?"

"Wow, Jamie, right out of the gate with the hard-hitting questions before my evening coffee," Addison made a show of draining her cup buying herself some more time to think of an age-appropriate answer. Or one that didn't sound bitter because telling a six-year-old that love is an illusion sounded like something a divorced woman would say.

"I'm sorry," Kevin apologised. "I thought we talked about this buddy."

"No, it's fine. Let's see... love is what you and your dad have." She settled on saying instead of the cliche about love being patient and kind. "You know how sometimes your dad rushes across town just to come read you a bedtime story, that's love. And you love him too right"

"YES! I DO!"

"Inside voice buddy," Kevin prompted, like all kids Jamie sometimes forgot to regulate his voice especially when he was excited or having fun. This was good, it at least meant he had enough energy for tomorrow.

"So do you have any other questions for me?"

"Yes! Is it okay not to like someone?"

Addison shared a look with Kevin wondering how he wanted her to answer that question, Kevin simply shrugged he was quite happy with any answer Dr Shepherd wanted to give. In all honesty, if he won't have burdened her more than he already was Kevin would be asking for her input on how to deal with Annie but that might be crossing the line. Addison was there to operate on Jamie- hopefully for the very last time- not to get in the middle of a newly single dad's family drama.

"Yes Jamie, is perfectly okay not to like someone."

"Even if you love them?" Jamie whispered shattering Addison's heart and bringing tears to Kevin's even if he did blink it away quickly so his son didn't see it.

Now wasn't that the understatement of the year. "Yes, you can love someone and not like them very much. you can even hate them and love them at the same time." It looked like Jamie didn't believe her or maybe the concept of loving and hating someone in equal or different measures was too much for him to grasp. Or maybe he needed permission to be allowed to feel that way about his mother because that's who Jamie was talking about.

"You know how I'm married right?" Addison queried waiting for the enthusiastic nodding of the head, which she got less than a second later. "Well, I love my husband but I also hate him and I don't like him even a little bit."

"But how?" Jamie's confusion was more apparent and if it wasn't crossing the line or making her more attached than she already was Addison would have gathered him up and tucked him away in a safe place away from anyone that could hurt him.

Once again Addison shared a look with Kevin wondering if he wanted her to play this a certain way but the man just seemed happy to let Addison step in and help deal with his son's emotional trauma.

"Well, you know how you said Fiona pushed you off the swing the other month? I bet you didn't like her very much but you still loved your cousin right?"

Jamie shrugged mulishly, "I don't know." He'd gotten into more trouble for kicking Fi than she had for pushing him. "I don't know."

"I don't know what else to say, buddy, human emotions are more complicated than the body. You can feel whatever you want to feel, there isn't a right or wrong here."

Jamie got quiet for a minute deciding what to do with the new information, whatever conclusion he came to he decided not to share.

"Can you tuck me in, the nurses don't do it right." Jamie huffed pointing to his left leg that was indeed out of the covers.

To a six-year-old, not being tucked in properly did seem like the end of the world, so Addison took her job of intrusted bedsheet tucker just as equally as serious. Now once she and Kevin were out of the room nothing was preventing them from laughing themselves silly.

Kids were so resilient, able to just bounce back from anything at an astonishing rate.

"It feels good to laugh"

"It does" She agreed, wiping the tears away and walking Kevin to the lift. James had managed to sleep a bit earlier tonight so Kevin didn't need to rush for the bus just yet.

Tomorrow was the big day and no matter how it went for his son Kevin knew they couldn't have gotten this far without Dr Shepherd and her team.

"When I was a kid I thought my family leaving me at home alone was the worst thing to ever happen, but at least those were honest mistakes- even if it did happen three different times." Kevin had that far off look that Jamie had managed to copy from him, Addison was happy to wait in silence for the world's slowest lift to reach her floor and let Kevin gather his thoughts. "I just want you to know I appreciate everything you've done. You and your staff, ya know... "

Addison did know, or at least she could imagine how appreciative she'd be in Kevin's situation. Little Jamie's illness had led to the unfortunate breakdown of the McCallister's marriage when Annie had walked away rather than deal with another day in the hospital caring for a sick child.

There was probably more to it than just that, but Addison didn't care while it might be hypocritical of her to judge a mother while she remained childless what Annie McCallister had done was part of the reason Addison had never wanted children.

Why did people bring children into the world when they weren't willing to be parents. That was the minimum requirement to being a parent, showing up, and staying, fighting when the going got tough. Never ever make your child think you regretted having them.

Addison didn't know if she had it in her to do all those things, to not damage a child and she wasn't willing to find out how bad of a mother she was just to have a child. She wasn't going to scare a child just to play at being a mother.

Waving off the genuine thanks and appreciation for something so simple as being nice to a child whose mum had abandoned him Addison promised to pass on the message. "And make sure to get some rest before tomorrow."

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you? You're the one with the big part to play tomorrow."

"Well, one of the perks of my job is that it trains you to be able to fall asleep almost anywhere." Addison bragged stepping into the lift, hitting the button for the ground floor and moving to the back of the lift.

"Oh really, one of the benefits of being a dad with two hyperactive kids is that they train me to be able to sleep at any time."

"Are you trying to brag? Because if you are I can outbrag you any day of the week."

"I once slept at work, At the meeting, I organised, in the middle of firing three people."

"Oh wow, straight out of the gate with an award-winning brag. Okay Mr McCalister, I once fell asleep standing outside in the middle of a rainstorm. I was eight at the time but it still counts."

Kevin only seem slightly impressed by that, "Good, but I still fired those three people after waking up."

"How about the time I-" The door opens on the next floor to reveal Richard in the most dishevelled state Addison had ever seen him in (at work). Richard's appearance was still tidier than eighty percent of the men working today but by his standards, he might as well have been on a farm shovelling hay. "Everything okay tonight Dr Webber?" Addison hesitated to ask, Richard was throwing off some major 'do not talk to me vibes' but she still wanted to check that he was fine.

Richard's mouth disappear leaving behind the thinnest straightest scowl he'd ever shown. "Everything is fine, Dr Shepherd. Have a good night!"

They both watched as Richard jammed the buttons until the lift reached the next floor where he promptly stormed back out of the elevator.

"Is he your husband?" The guy in question was a few decades older than what Kevin had pictured Dr Shepherd's husband to look like, but then again Kevin hadn't expected Dr Shepherd to look as hot as she was so who knew.

"No, he's a friend." Apologising for cutting their conversation short, Addison runs out of the elevator to chase Richard down. "Sorry- I'll see you tomorrow, I want to make sure he's okay."

x.x.x.x


If Mark was a better man he would have told Addison to take a step back and find out why she was so upset.

And if Addison was a better woman she won't have come to his hotel room to have sex with Mark in a pointless bid to numb the pain she was in.

But Mark wasn't a good man, he won't turn Addison away not when he'd been waiting for her to come back to him.

Mark had waited so long for this to happen that he was still surprised that it was about to happen. Leaning in slowly he gave Addison enough time to pull away or rebuff him but she didn't, and boy was he glad she didn't.

The kiss was everything. Hunger, passion, grief, hope.

Mark reassured himself that they would be okay. Derek had moved on with Grey, and this time around Addison had waited to get over her relationship before starting something with him.

Who cared what drove her into his arms this time? She hadn't been coerced and whatever the issue was Mark would help Addison deal with it- in the morning.

Derek won't find out, no one would and even if they did Mark and Addison didn't owe them an explanation.

The kiss was both too long and too short and Mark truly hated his lungs right now for demanding air because it meant that he had to pull back. On the bright side, they'd made their way to the couch. Addison was now above him, straddling him looking just as hungry and desperate as he felt. The spark of attraction was alive, roaring and demanding all their attention.

Mark only had two seconds to enjoy the view before Addison initiated the next kiss. It was slower and softer than the first one but her hands had travelled under his shirt feeling his skin and she was slowly grinding against him. Between the gentleness, the touches and the soft moans Mark was on the verge of coming right then and there on the couch.

It felt like he was the one who had gone weeks without sex with the way he was feeling.

Was there anything hotter than Addison taking charge?

He had an Addison Montgomery kink.

Mark was willing to take whatever she would give him and be happy about it.

Love, passion, lust whatever she wanted he would do it.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

The sound of his alarm abruptly cut through his mind ending the dream but not the side effect. Groaning and turning to the side to shut the alarm off another hand beat him to it by a millisecond.

"That's the second time this week. Grow a pair and tell Montgomery you want her."

Jessica's scowling face was the opposite image of Addison's near orgasm face.

"It's just a wet dream." he denied, the single raise of her eyebrow let him know she wasn't buying it. "What do you want me to say? She isn't interested, she's still hanged up on Derek and going through a divorce, she doesn't need me 'complicating' her life. Telling her that-"

"That you love her." Jessica finished, "Have you ever thought that she can't take you seriously because you keep doing this." She asked waving her hand between them and around the hotel room.

Jessica was aware that she wasn't the only one Mark was sleeping with, just his most frequent bed partner as of late. "Sleeping around doesn't scream I love you, Addison. Show her you are serious, stop sleeping around and for God's sake just tell her how you feel."

"Are we okay?"

Jessica scoffed at the stupid question, "I'm the one telling you to go for it with little Ms Red-head Smoke show. But if you ever want to make it up to me introduce me to that cute nurse with an open relationship. I want to take her and her wife out for a spin. Your dick's good but girl on girl on girl action is where I want to be this weekend."

X.x.x.x


Bizzy Forbes usually enjoyed the brunches she hosted for the country club ladies, but lately, the entire thing seemed more trouble than it was worth. She spent all her social capital on defending Addison and preventing others from hearing any negative critique.

"Have I told you just how proud I am of you lately?" Susan posed not looking up from the planner on her lap.

"Because I got through lunch without threatening anyone?" It was hard work but Bizzy had just planned on humiliating the ladies at the next gala with the mayor.

"Because you haven't abandoned Addison."

Bizzy couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling of guilt that twisted in her gut at the place her lover was heaping on her. Truth be told, Bizzy had thought about abandoning Addison to the mess she created with her affair, pregnancy, abortion... just the... everything.

It was truthfully the Captain who had pointed out Bizzy's hypocrisy; unlike her, Addison had the fortitude and spirit not to have kids because she didn't want them. Her daughter wasn't one to let society or an overbearing husband, or lover in Sloan's case, force her into bearing and rearing a child she never wanted. Addison had gone out there and done everything Bizzy wish she could have done with her life, she was independent, self-assured, caring, had her own goals and dreams, and above all, Addison dared to walk away from her marriage uncaring what anyone thought.

The least Bizzy could do, as The Captain pointed out was make sure the road their daughter was on wasn't lined with pedestrians hurling rocks at her. For once, Bizzy had to step up and be a mother, a protector if only because someone was finally doing what Bizzy had never dared to do herself.

"Archer said she's looking for a house," she said, changing the topic. "I don't know why she's still in that state, with that man."

"Sloan or Shepherd?" Susan had lost count of the number of times her lover had referred to both men as 'that man', although it usually meant Derek, but at times Bizzy was referring to Mark.

"Shepherd," Bizzy answered, peaking over to take a closer look at the rest of the day's schedule. They should be done by four which left plenty of time to invite Susan back home for some dinner. "Do you know he's gone back to sleeping with that intern of his? What is she thinking still working there?"

Susan made a non-comital sound wanting to leave it at that before an unwanted thought popped into her head. "If you are so worried about her, why don't you give Addison the money to buy herself out of her contract?"

"She's looking at four million dollar houses, and she hasn't even touched her trust fund. She could do so much better, be much happier. There are hospitals in Europe wanting her for her expertise, and she's looking at houses. If she wanted out of Seattle, she would do something about it."

"Interesting," Susan responded testily, stiffing up. "Then by that logic, if you really wanted out of your marriage with the Captain, you would have done something about it."

With that parting comment, Susan slipped out of the car and proceeded into the restaurant, ignoring Bizzy's subtle attempt at apologising for the rest of the day.

x.x.x.x


Derek and Meredith stood in the middle of the walkway keeping a respectable friendly distance between them as they talked.

"So I'm thinking about taking Doc to the vet and as the one who knew him first maybe you want to tag along."

"Sure. I could bring his paperwork from the-"

"You might want to stay away from Addison for the next couple of hours."

Derek had a bird's eye view of Addison fast-paced walk across the atrium and the only time he knew she moved like that was when she was having a bad day. Derek threw out a hasty goodbye over his shoulder and left Meredith where she was.

Derek tried the usual place he thought Addison might be; coffee stands (all of them, her office, Burke's, Richard's he even bit the bullet and walked past Mark's in case she was there. In the end, Derek found her standing by the nurse's station looking at the surgery board, a glance showed that Addison would be performing only one surgery that day.

"Seems like an easy afternoon for you" With a scoff and a dirty look thrown his way for good measure the nurse at the station walked away. He honestly heard how that sounded but that wasn't what he meant, "No, I just mean… Addison?" Except she wasn't listening, Addison was in a thousand-yard stare against the whiteboard not even paying attention to anything around her.

Gently grabbing her elbow he used it to guide her away from the board and into the nearest empty room."Are you okay?"

"I- yeah. I'm fine." The smile she gave him wasn't convincing in the slightest. "So I'm guessing Weiss called you too."

"Is Sav okay?" Derek didn't mean to intentionally ignore Weiss's call for so long but he didn't need someone to play devil's advocate when it came to the whole Addison and the end of marriage thing.

He wasn't ready to hear the unbiased words of his friend or be pulled up on his behaviour just yet so he'd stopped calling Weiss and checking up on Savvy.

"She's fine," Addison sighed. "I need the keys to the brownstone, someone broke in. We have to get in touch with the insurance company and do a police report, plus who knows what else."

Addison opened her mouth to continue and honest to God she didn't know what she was about to say, then she remembered Derek's suggestion of civility between them.

Right now all Addison wanted to do was invent a time machine and slam Derek's mouth shut before he ever mentioned the words affair and abortion. Or she'd use it to go back thirteen hours to when she'd just stood there like an idiot and let Richard berate her life choices.

"What's wrong?"

"I- you don't get to ask me that Dr Shepherd," Addison said pulling herself together and swiping away whatever tears had appeared in that nanosecond of weakness. "I'd also need the keys for the Hampton. I might as well close that place down too and put everything in storage."

"I can help," Derek offered, there was this niggling feeling that something else was going on. "You don't have to do everything by yourself."

"It's fine, just get me the keys and I'll sort everything out."

"I said I'd help and-"

"Why are you being so stubborn, how exactly do you plan on helping when according to you, you don't plan on stepping foot in the State let alone our house."

In a move that parallels a toddler doing something because an adult said they couldn't Derek boldly and proudly declared that he was going with Addison no matter what.

"Ok then Derek, you do that," Addison chuckled. She won't even mention the position he'd put himself in right now with his girlfriend.

Derek had a feeling that he may have inadvertently stepped on a landmine or set off a bomb but he must have been on the right track cause that gut feeling was somehow quietening down.


Author's note/thought:

Don't ask me Why Derek is being so stubborn, even I don't know what's going on with the guy but I feel like laughing along with Addison.

Also Mark... aaaawww? Maybe? Yes, No? Seems like he has feelings for Addie and she/me was in the dark to it.

Now what did Richard say to Addison?

They are going back, to New York?

All comments, suggestions and reviews are loved.

p.s: Yes Kevin McCallister is a Home Alone reference, I thought of the name Kevin and couldn't think of ANY OTHER surname apart from McCallister so I kept it