Thank you all for staying with me on this! This particular one-shot is still medical, but it will revolve more around mental health than anything. I am aware you all really want one set between 1x14 and 1x15, but I need to rewatch 1x13-1x15 to do that, and right now I'm not in the right headspace to handle watching something like that, so if you don't mind, I'd rather write this one for now :) I promise it is still coming, just not today ;)
ONE-SHOT #5: The Aftermath of Lincoln Campbell's Death
SUMMARY: After season 3 episode 22 and before the 6-month jump, as Daisy deals with Lincoln's death and her Hive withdrawal symptoms
Daisy couldn't see anything, couldn't think anything as she sobbed, curling up on the floor of the Zephyr. Nothing mattered anymore.
She's hurt Fitz. She'd hurt Mack. She'd betrayed her team.
And now Lincoln had died for her.
She hiccuped, sucking in shaky breaths as she tried to calm down.
But how could she calm down? Everything was over. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing meant anything. Everything was over.
Everything was over.
The tears and sobs just kept coming.
It could have been five minutes later, it could have been five hours, but when Daisy felt a soft hand on her back, she shrieked and moved away from the touch, wanting no human contact. Once she was sure the hand was gone, she balled herself up even smaller, hugging her knees as the tears continued to pour out of her screwed-shut eyes.
Everything was over.
"Daisy, breathe," someone said to her. She couldn't recognize the voice but all she knew was she didn't want anyone to talk to her.
Lincoln...oh, Lincoln, he'd died for her...
Another sob. Everything was over.
"Breathe," the same voice told her, more firm this time. The voice's owner had been the same one to try to touch Daisy, but the voice's owner knew better than to try that again.
Finally submitting, Daisy tried to take some air in through her nose, but only succeeded in letting out another sob.
"Come on, Daisy, breathe," the voice continued to insist.
Daisy opened her mouth and gasped upon remember her pain.
Lincoln was gone.
Finally, Daisy managed to take a shaky breath in. It felt good, but it didn't get rid of her pain.
Lincoln was gone.
The tears continued to come out even as Daisy opened her eyes in slits, blurry with water. May was crouched next to her, and a pair of legs stood next to May. Daisy's puffy eyes traveled up the legs to see Coulson standing over her, his face laced with concern much like May.
Daisy swallowed the humongous lump in her throat as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She slowly sat up, pressing her back against the wall of the plane. May gently took her own jacket sleeve and wiped Daisy's sodden cheek, watching her face carefully.
"I did this," Daisy whispered, barely audible to her surrogate parents who were watching her so carefully.
"What was that, Dais?" Phil asked Daisy as he and May met eyes for a moment.
Daisy closed her eyes, gasping as more tears escaped her eyes. "I did this," she said a little louder. "He died for me." Her hand trembled and shook violently as she tried to move a piece of hair out of her face. Noticing her struggle, May gently moved the hair out of her face for her.
"It was his choice," May told Daisy, rubbing her arm gently. Daisy pulled away from May, not wanting the contact.
Not deserving the affection.
"Don't you blame him for his own death," Daisy hissed, her eyes once again open in slits as she stared off into the distance. It was too painful to look at May and Coulson right now.
"Then don't blame yourself, Daisy," Coulson told her. It was like he was giving her an order.
Daisy shook her head in dismay, nuzzling her face in between her knees. "Please leave me alone," her muffled voice mumbled a moment later.
May and Coulson shared a concerned look, but May nodded at him as she stood up. She put a hand on his back and gently led him out of the control room.
Daisy laid there, trembling and shaking and sobbing for God knows how long. She knew she'd thrown up at some point, but she didn't even care how much of a mess she made. Lincoln was gone and everything was over.
She finally pulled her face out of her knees, taking a weak hand and grabbing the side of the Zephyr and standing up. But her legs felt like noodles. She couldn't possibly let go of the wall.
As if she knew, Simmons entered the room at that moment, a cup of soup and a water bottle in her hands. The surprised look on her face made Daisy want to vomit all over again.
"I brought you some food, Daisy," Jemma said quietly and gently. She started to walk toward Daisy but when she eyed the throw-up on the floor, she had a feeling Daisy didn't want to eat.
"Not hungry," Daisy mumbled as she tried to walk. She just needed to get away from Jemma.
Simmons sighed. "I'll let a janitor know about this." She set the soup and water on the railing as she took Daisy's arm, trying to hold her up.
"I'm fine, Jemma. I appreciate it, but I'm fine," Daisy insisted quietly, continuing to try to walk. She somehow mustered up the strength to keep going.
"At least take some water. You've lost a lot of blood recently, Daisy. You need nutrition if you want to keep from getting sick." She eyed the vomit. "Well, sicker."
Daisy rolled her eyes as she took in an exasperated breath.
Her eyes flashed back to the last time she saw Lincoln. A shudder went down her spine and her eyes widened as she pressed her back against the wall, sliding down and hugging her knees as her heart pounded, her eyes wide the whole time.
Lincoln was dead.
Lincoln was gone.
"Daisy," Jemma said for the fifth time, her hands strongly squeezing her friend's shoulders as she stared into her blank eyes.
Daisy turned to Jemma, swallowing the air. Her eyes darted around the room as her heart continued to race. "Is it true?" she asked her friend.
"Is what true, Daisy?"
Daisy looked at Jemma. "Is he really dead?"
Simmons opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it. She sighed. She couldn't imagine herself losing Fitz. "He is."
Daisy swallowed and nodded. Her heart was beginning to slow.
Noticing that Daisy was calming down, Simmons wrapped her arm around her friend and helped her to her feet. "Come on. Let's get you out of this plane."
Daisy felt incredibly numb as Jemma walked her out of the plane and into the base. She didn't notice the concerned looks of the other agents nor Jemma swatting them away. She didn't notice that at some point, she was in her bunk and on her bed.
Simmons seemed to be fluttering around her room, grabbing this thing and that and setting them on her bed. Daisy stared at the pile of clothes as she felt Jemma place something on her lap. She looked at the something and noticed it was a clean towel.
"You should take a hot shower, Daisy. It'll help the nausea."
"'M not nauseous," Daisy told her friend, not very convincingly.
Simmons put her hands on her hips. "Daisy, it'll make you feel better."
Daisy shook her head as she pushed the towel off her lap and to the floor, once again curling into a ball, this time on her bed.
Simmons sighed. She was getting frustrated. She knew that May would be the best at comforting Daisy right now, but May was busy figuring out legal things with Coulson. Fitz wouldn't be much help to Daisy, and she knew Mack and Daisy's relationship was still iffy.
"Daisy, I need you to listen to me," Jemma said sternly.
Daisy wiggled her foot to signal she was listening.
Jemma let out a deep sigh as she gently ran her hand across Daisy's back. "None of this was your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself. Please let us in; we're here to help."
"Okay," Daisy said weakly.
Jemma sighed again. "Is there anything I can get for you?" she asked a moment later.
Daisy shook her head.
"For nausea? Pain? You need some food, Daisy. You're so pale- "
"SHUT UP!" Daisy screamed, screwing her eyes shut. She was getting frustrated with Jemma's mothering. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Simmons knew Daisy wasn't in the right headspace and that she shouldn't be offended, but she couldn't deny she was. She was hurt by that. She shook her head, standing from the bed and taking one last look at Daisy before leaving her alone in her bunk.
"Are you available?" Jemma asked May when she knocked on the doorframe to the Director's office. She and Coulson were looking through papers.
May looked up from the desk. "What is it, Simmons?"
Jemma sighed. "Daisy's not doing so well."
"It's only been a day, Simmons. Give her some time," Coulson said.
"Yes, sir, a day with no food or water. She screamed at me when I tried to convince her to eat something."
May let out a big sigh, leaning back in the chair and staring at the ceiling, her hands folded over her stomach. "She's been through a lot and she blames herself for it. She needs alone time."
"No, May, you need alone time when you're grieving. Daisy does better around people, and you know that. She needs you, May, she needs..."
"She needs what, Simmons?" May snapped. She was easily irritable these days, as was most of the team.
"She needs her mother figure, May, darn it!" Simmons blurted out, clenching her fists. She sighed when she saw May's shocked expression. "There, I said it," she said quietly. "She needs you."
May closed her eyes and sighed. She shook her head in dismay and righted herself in the chair, taking a pen and clicking it on. She signed something on one of the papers. "I'll be there tomorrow morning."
Jemma pressed her lips together, satisfied, and nodded at Coulson before she left.
This is my fault, Daisy thought to herself. I'm a threat to everyone around me.
Daisy's stomach grumbling was the first thing to interrupt her dark thoughts. She groaned, hungry, and rolled onto her back, practically ripping off her jacket as she sat up, rubbing her puffy eyes. Everything in her body was either weak or it ached. She didn't even want to stand up, so what was she doing?
Daisy looked over herself for the first time since...
Since...
Since then.
She knew she needed a shower but she just didn't want to get up. What did it matter anymore?
Everything was over.
A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts yet again. She decided not to answer it.
"Daisy? It's time to get up. Mack made breakfast," May said from the other side.
Had it been a night already? Gosh, Daisy was losing track of time.
And Mack...How could she eat something Mack made for her?! How could he make something for her?
"No, thanks," Daisy said, probably too quiet for May to hear, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.
Nothing.
"Daisy, come on, now."
"I'm good," Daisy mumbled, curling into her bedsheets and pulling them over her head, not wanting to see anyone.
May sighed, tapping her fingers against the doorframe. "You know, you have to eat at some point, Daisy."
Daisy didn't respond. She was relieved when she heard May leave, her footsteps getting quieter and quieter as she got farther away.
"How is she?" Simmons asked May when the senior agent entered the common room.
May bit her lip as she grabbed a plate. "She wouldn't let me in."
Simmons narrowed her eyes. "May. You have to try harder than that! She needs your help!"
"And Daisy wasn't the only one who lost someone recently, Simmons!" May shouted, louder than the usually-stoic woman intended.
Jemma was a bit taken aback. She looked down at the table. "I know, May, I'm sorry." She knew how much Andrew meant to the woman, even if he had changed permanently.
"I just don't think either of us are ready to see each other yet," May said quietly as she seated herself across from Jemma.
Jemma nodded. "I can respect that."
"I'll ask Phil to bring her something later," May told the younger woman.
Daisy wasn't awake the next time someone came knocking at her door. She was in a deep, nightmarish sleep where all she saw was Lincoln and Hive and her pummeling Mack and choking Fitz and damaging the base and Coulson's leg and...
The sleeping girl tossed and turned, her entire body - including her face - submerged under the covers. She was sweating from the bad dreams and her heart was pounding too fast for someone who was supposed to be sleeping.
Worried when she didn't answer, Coulson took his emergency keycard out and opened the door, setting the lunch plate on her dresser before walking over to the lump on the bed. He didn't want to invade her privacy but he also wanted her to be okay. He pressed the pager to silently contact Simmons.
"Dais," he said to the lump, sitting on the edge of her bed and patting her feet from under the covers. He noticed that she was tossing and turning under the bedsheets, and he could've sworn she was crying, too. Concerned, he stood, taking the top of the blanket and slowly and gently pulling it off of her face. Her face was scared and restless, her eyes screwed shut in fear.
Afraid for her, Coulson cupped his hand over her cheek, stroking her temple with his thumb. "Daisy, kiddo, you're alright."
Daisy's hands desperately grabbed for whoever was touching her face. She finally found the arm, and she grabbed it like it was the edge of a cliff she was falling off, the only thing keeping her from her imminent death.
"Daisy, Daisy, shh," Phil soothed as he heard her whimper, the small tears escaping her eyes. He took his other hand and placed it on hers, patting it and gently coaxing it off of his arm. He held her hand, gently squeezing it to reassure her. "You're okay, shhh."
Daisy didn't awake, but she calmed down. Her eyelids softened and her grip on Coulson's arm and hand loosened. He gently placed her hands by her sides, pulling the covers up to her neck and tucking her in.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her as he stroked her head. He never wanted to leave her. She meant so much to him and she needed him.
"Is she alright?" came Simmons's voice from the doorway. Coulson had forgotten he'd paged her.
He turned around to see her in the doorway, a small medkit in her hand. "I think so. She might've been having a nightmare."
"I'll check her over," Jemma told him quietly, not wanting to wake her friend.
She approached the bed, sitting on the other side of Daisy and pulling the sheets down slowly. She took out her stethoscope and pressed it against Daisy's chest, listening to her heart rate and breathing. Satisfied, she took out a thermometer and pressed it behind Daisy's ear.
She furrowed her brow. "It's 100, a little high," she told Coulson. She raised her eyebrows as she fumbled through her kit. "Though, it could just be from the bad dream. I noticed she's been sweating in her sleep." She took out a small needle and a blood sugar tester, gently injecting the needle into her finger to draw blood. She put the small droplet onto the tester and waited a few minutes for the results.
"What's that for?" Coulson whispered, trying not to wake Daisy up.
"She hasn't been eating," Simmons said as she checked the results. "Gosh, her blood sugar is only 55. She really needs some nutrition. After losing all that blood and now not eating, this can't be good..."
Simmons took out an IV starter, rolling up Daisy's sleeve and jabbing it into her inner elbow. Daisy winced. "If you aren't going to listen to my advice, this is what you get," Jemma said to her as she attached the IV to a glucose treatment bag. "This should help bring it up," she said to Coulson as she cleaned up the trash. "But she still needs to eat when she wakes up. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually passed out earlier."
Phil shook his head in disbelief, caressing Daisy's arm and studying her troubled face. "I'm so sorry, Daisy. I'm so sorry."
I'm a danger to everyone, Daisy thought to herself that dreaded night she left the base. She needed to get out of there before she hurt everyone else. She didn't care how weak she felt as she ripped out her IV and stood up, walking into her bathroom and taking a quick shower before throwing on some combat-ready clothes. She grabbed a duffle bag and threw in her tactical suit, her boots, gauntlets, some food, water, extra clothes, money, and her phone. She tossed the pack over her shoulder and opened the door to her bunk, rushing as fast as she could out of the hallway. She kept reassuring herself that if someone tried to stop her, she could always quake them. She knew no one would let her leave SHIELD willingly, not in her current state.
See? This is why I'm dangerous to everyone. I'm willing to hurt them just for my own agenda, she thought.
It was time she left. She was dangerous and she knew she couldn't be around SHIELD anymore. It was time to move on, time to leave.
Daisy managed to steal a car and turned it on, leaving the garage.
"STOP!" a junior agent barked at her as she floored the gas. But it was too late. Daisy was gone.
That's it for now! Gosh, I just couldn't stop writing this chapter! Let me know if you want another part to this, but I feel it ties into You Can't Hide It Forever really well :)
