LAT Alternate ending:

"I can't believe this!" Lincoln gasped with a reddening face. "You were all just trying to catch me doing that- so Mom and Dad would punish me!?"

"Dude; you're literally breaking the rules." Luna folded her arms. "You gotta see why-"

"Oh come on Luna, you're sticking to the rules?" Lincoln rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm stickin' to fair and square!" Luna growled. "Non'a us get ta go at it, so neither do you!"

"Luna's got it right," Lynn nodded. "You have no idea what it's like for us in this house Lincoln, how thin these walls are- it's impossible to get going without getting caught!"

"And when they do catch you," Lori shuddered. "It's literally the worst thing imaginable!"

"Then why try and do it to me?" Lincoln snapped. "It's not going to help you so-"

"Because we don't wanna have to think about you jerkin' it in the same house as us!" Lynn gagged. "Urrlg- it's nasty just thinking about it!"

"But you don't throw each other under the bus do you!?" The boy protested, pointing a finger at Lori. "I remember you in Vanzilla-"

"We don't talk about that."

"And I've heard enough through the walls to know you're all still trying to do nasty stuff anyway," he spread his arms wide to indicate every one of the girls in Lori's room. "How come you're fine with each other doing that, but if you think I'm doing it then-"

"Okay firstly: we know you're doing it." Lori folded her arms. "You literally got Dad to cover for you-"

"BUT-"

"And secondly," Lori glared down. "You're probably perving on our friends whenever they come over-"

"Eww," Lynn shuddered at the thought of Lincoln feverishly slapping it to Polly or Margo. "Lori stop!"

"And THIRDLY!" Lori raised a finger, "boys are perverts. Trust me; we girls notice all those gross looks you give us; If we let you 'get going' we're probably never going to see you outside that room again. Which you've proven all this week by the way- so don't even try to deny it!"

"But I-" Lincoln breathed through his nose and collected himself. "A: I'm not, B: your friends-"

Luna snorted "ya already admitted to Lynn-"

"THAT THEY'RE PRETTY!" He snapped. "Not that O- you know what, whatever. It doesn't matter; none of you get to complain about me being a pervert after what you did to Hugh."

The room fell silent for moment.

The girl remembered the dreamy Brit, and how some of them had envisioned a future with him. Why; some of them had even professed their girlish desires…

"Oh come on Lincoln," Lori dismissed. "You can't compare our love with what you're doing."

The rest of the girls sighed in reminisce, Hugh sweaters still stored in their closets. Lincoln gave them a flat stare. "You literally scared him out of the house; out of town even! Riding a bike backwards, the worst I did was get... 'weird' around Ms DiMartino and have to hide in a locker!

You even had Bobby already, so you were kind of cheating on him even!" He pointed an accusing finger at Lori. "I could be doing that all day long and still not be as bad as any of you!"

"We're girls," Lori groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose as she explained the obvious. "We're obviously not going to hurt anyone!"

"Yeah dude," Luna nodded. "Girls don't go around rapin' people now do we?"

"I dunno if you've noticed, but it's not girls spyin' on us in the locker room," Lynn shuddered. "I had to re-arrange Jim Tacker's face last week!"

"Sex is special for girls Lincoln," Luan sighed. "We don't really exploit people for it like you guys do!"

Lincoln's took his sisters in, in all their assured hypocrisy. "… Just to make sure I understand; you're all angry at me because you think I'm doing the thing you would do in my room-"

"While perving on our friends!" Lori interjected.

"-And you're trying to tattle on me because you think all boys are perverts, even though you drove a man out of this town with your crazy thirst!" Lincoln glared at them. "Did I get that right?"

"Well you're framing it like we're the bad guys here but-"

Lincoln held up a hand to silence her. "No. No I'm not framing anything. But just out of curiosity, did any of you actually ever get to kiss Hugh?

Besides Luna of course!"

"Hunh?" Luna looked around as the other girls snapped their gazes to her. "What'ya talkin' about I never- wait where'd 'e go?"

Lori's eyes followed Luna's to where Lincoln had been a moment ago. "… Dang it."

"I'M AFTER HIM!" Lynn declared, and promptly sprinted after the nerdy brother.

Lincoln had had a head start, and within seconds had his hands on the door- reading to close it.

But Lynn Loud was the family sports star, and well capable of outsprinting Lincoln Loud any day, hour or minute, even while constipated!

Her foot kicked the door open mere fractions of a second before the portal was sealed, sending Lincoln flying back, and into darkness as he slammed the back of his head into the floor.

When he awoke, he was on his bed. The four girls staring down at him with satisfaction.

"… What?" He asked with a headache. "Did you get the drawer open?"

"Nah," Lynn shrugged. "That thing is locked up tight!"

"… Are you going to try and blackmail me then?" He looked around for his most precious possessions- and sure enough his precious Bun-Bun was missing.

"No Lincoln, we're not going to force you into anything" Lori purred in that particular way. The purr all the younger siblings feared because it meant she'd found a way to wreck them completely, and Lincoln appropriately blanched. "We just talked a bit while you were sleeping. About some of the things you said"

"Yeah Bruv," Luna grinned, but it was the grin with devious eyes she did when she was about to win something. "We did a lotta thinkin' and you know, we've come to a compromise."

"Yeah Lincoln, compromise," Luna smiled. "The kind of thing where both sides get something they want."

Lincoln looked between the four and felt his stomach drop. "… Do I have a choice?"


No.

Of course he didn't.

If he'd had a choice then there was no way he would have ever agreed to letting his sisters use his room like this. But Bun-Bun was on the line, and so he reluctantly acquiesced.

First was Lori, invoking her elder sister privilege.

She seemed to do it normally, only bringing in her phone and something hidden in her hand.

Second was Luna, who brought her girlfriend along.

Sam at least looked a bit guilty.

Third was Luan, and Lincoln didn't dare look at her entering his room for fear of understanding what brought the silly sister to her special place.

Finally Lynn charged in once Luan was done, and Lincoln knew it would soon be over.

Lincoln of course remained downstairs, silently making himself a nice snack to comfort himself before he went to sleep on the couch.

That room would not be slept in that night.

He woke up the next morning and made some breakfast, and Leni was taking care of the younger girls. Silently he walked up to the older kids at their table and sat down, glaring at each of them in turn.

"So…" Lori sighed, content as the rest of them. "I think we can all agree that last night was fantastic."

"No obejctions here," Luan nodded. "It was the real CLIMAX of my week!"

"No chance of interruptions and no one to listen in on us?" Luna nodded, "it was even better than at Sam's!"

"I just went at it so I'm good." Lynn stuffed herself with a pancake.

"I'm happy for you." Lincoln bluntly lied. "Are you giving me back Bun-Bun?"

"Sure," Lori purred again. "… Right after we make a schedule for your room."

"Schedule?" Lincoln's mind froze. "Why would we need a schedule for my- no."

Lori nodded, "yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Please no."

"Still yes," Lori slid a paper over to him, the various girls' faces on different days. "This is what we have in mind…"

Lincoln would learn that day just how miserable planning could be. But while the girls had won for now, they weren't the only ones who could play dirty...


Do you think that Adopted!Lincoln would have his status used against him in the sibling's conflicts?

Well obviously.

Adopted Lincoln has it rough:

"I'm Mom's favourite!" Declared Lola

"No I'm Mom's favourite!" Established Lana

"Shut it twerps!" Snapped Lori. "No one is the favourite."

"Actually scientifically speaking each parent is likely to have a preferred child by simple personality compatibility, street name: common interests," Lisa adjusts her glasses. "But clearly the only child to bring in an income into the household rather than being a net expense would be actually valued above all others."

"You- I HAVE A JOB!" Lori snarled.

"You are a burger fool who spends more in an hour texting Bobby than you make in a day."

"Guys I don't think this is helping anyone," Lincoln of course recognised a SFP incident in the making. "Maybe they just love everyone the same?"

"Shut it 'chosen one'!" Lori glared down at him.

"Yeah! Stay out of this!"

"You're not even in the running for this contest!"

"I must concur; outsiders should not get involved in family matters. Especially after their last attempt at 'helping' ended escalating the fight protocol."

Lincoln gaped, then sniffled a bit before turning to just leave; only to bump into a slightly red Rita Loud. The girls froze and Rita's disapproving visage informed them of a grounding. But she briefly brightened and leaned down to Lincoln to help him on his feet.

"Why don't you go upstairs for a bit sweetie?"

He nodded, and was caught for just a moment as she whispered into his ear:

"You're the favourite because I didn't have to go through hours of labour for you; okay?"

And with that the boy felt a bit better, and the girls withered under their mothers gaze.

A/N: Sorry about the short chapter, content was stretched thin after LLFM content was seperated into it's own story. The rest of the chapters should be far longer.