Lisa Ex Machina: Just Some Extra Money Edition Round 3!

Lincoln groggily stared up into the ceiling as he awoke from a rapidly fading dream of his sisters with bodybuilder figures and long floppy dicks for some reason (if that wasn't a sign that mind was starting to fracture he didn't know what was). It was well past… the thing and when it would have ended but as per usual he'd passed out after the first dozen clients.

Lori had been 'kind' enough to provide numbing cream- but that only went so far and he was pretty sure that if this went on he'd need a colostomy bag before long.

Probably sooner rather than later, he bitterly realised as he brought himself to a sitting position- causing the stupid wig Lori made him wear to fall off. And it was there and then as he looked around the disgusting hotel room Lori had booked- surrounded by stains and smelling of shame that Lincoln finally came to a conclusion;

He'd tried his best, with recording evidence and attempting to outsmart his oldest sister's own failsafes but….

His best just wasn't good enough.

Between Lori's apparent ability to recruit and incriminate even Clyde and a few other people he used to trust and her simple but effective threat of incriminating their parents and destroying the family there really wasn't anything he could do. Sure, Lori might have been bluffing and if the police got involved maybe they could hack the computer to find evidence that put Mom and Dad in the clear- but if he got it wrong everyone he still loved would be destroyed!

He couldn't even go to anyone else- what would they do? Mom and Dad would be as trapped as he was, Leni probably wouldn't even be able to understand it, Luna and Luan could probably understand but be in the same position as he was- and Lynn might go berserk and outright kill Lori before they had a chance to try and take out the failsafes.

No one younger than him could be involved, not only could their younger minds probably handle it worse than his had but… he shuddered at the idea but Lori might be able to find a buyer for them.

No, Lincoln just had to keep trying.

"Dang it…" he gasped through his raw (for reasons he refused to think about) throat. "If only there was some of win button I could press, or a magic wand that just fixed stuff-"

He blinked as the obvious suddenly occurred to him with memories of cryogenic chambers, freshly spawn eldritch abominations and description of time and interdimensional travel coming to him in a flash.

"Oh right."


"You're paying me spy on our elder sister?" Lisa arched her eyebrow as she stared at the payment he'd handed her. "I have no objections given the payment, but it would help if you would let me know what exactly you expect me to look for-"

" Just go look at Lori's phone at these times!" Lincoln insisted, butthole thoroughly aching after last night's activities "I'll give you more of this totally clean money I definitely didn't cry into if you tell me what you find!"

It was a simple plan to get Lisa on board; show her undeniable proof of what was going on. The idea that Lori had suddenly turned completely psycho and pimping one of them out would sure be a hard sell to him if it hadn't outright happened to him and Lisa would demand a lot of proof for the story. But something she discovered herself would be a better explanation than anything he could do anyway.

Lisa raised her other eyebrow and pointedly put the slightly damp money onto her desk. "I was going to ask why the currency was semi-saturated with lachrymal secretions but-"

Lincoln's phone buzzed and a single glance revealed it was Lori- his stomach dropped as he realised his time was short.

"Just do it okay!" Lincoln insisted. "Remember; get into her phone and the laptop to see exactly what she's doing!"

The genius regarded him with suspicion, "very well but-"

Lincoln's phone buzzed again and the boy darted away before Lori came to get him.

"Thanks Leese!"


Lisa Loud had witnessed many things in her years as a scientist (which of course, was all of them).

She had broken the dimensional barrier multiple times, and witnessed the unending majesty the multiverse offered.

She had successfully (within a certain perimeters of course) frozen a living being and revived said being in a reasonably intact state through her innovative Cryogenic techniques- a modern Lazarus if you will.

Even time had bent to her superior intellect- albeit in a limited state given that she had needed to merge with her past self's mind rather than simply using an external device to physically transport matter as in one of Lincoln's sci-fi stories.

This however, this… banal horror was something else.

Intellectually it was a simple thing: her eldest sister had declined to true degeneracy upon realising that her desire for 'the good life' could be more easily achieved through exploitation of a sibling. Indeed, the present circumstances could be clearly seen as obvious in hindsight; Lori Loud had presented a domineering and selfish attitude since before Lisa's birth. An attitude that combined with her authority as the eldest to result in a reign whose abuses alternated between petty extortion on a good day and absolutist dictates on a bad one.

But still; Lisa had never expected that Lori would sink to such depths. For all the time she had known her, Lisa had perceived Lori as having standards, of some common humanity and care behind her insipid drives and desires.

But as she observed her sole brother's dull eyes as he prepared for yet another client she came to the bitter conclusion that she had indulged the all too common fallacy of wishful thinking. The evidence from the livestream was clear- as were the others from Lori's 'secret' account and the supposedly hidden paper trail Carlotta's 'business' had left.

Their security of course was nothing against the wunderkind who broke fate's wheel.

Lori's so called 'insurance' against their parents fared little better.

But as Lisa readied herself to conclude her final move- to send the incriminating evidence to the highest prosecuting authority she had connections with and end the monster that had been family she paused. Her finger however over the final key, and something in her demanded she stop.

"Why?" She asked herself, staring at Lincoln's empty face as he lolled in and out of consciousness- the last client having departed half an hour ago. "Am I that sentimental?"

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Something here didn't fit. Lori had spent years as a relatively normal human being before this 'incident' revealed the true depths of her immorality, though the driving test with Leni certainly gave credence to the idea that she was a true deviant of some kind the pieces here didn't fit. It was possible that Lori had simply found an opportunity that she hadn't before and had no qualms taking it, but up until now her behaviour simply wasn't consistent with this madness.

More investigation was needed, if only to confirm Lisa's assessment.

Lincoln was already done for the night. A wait until morning for Lori's (possible) arrest wouldn't cause too much harm.

Lori on the other hand would be suffering quite a bit- if only for a moment.


"Urghhh," Lori moaned as she awoke. "What happened, I literally feel like Lynn kicked me in the…. Ghhh."

"My apologies elder sister unit," Lisa's voice split Lori's head. "I would suggest remaining still for now. You have been through quite the ordeal."

Lori felt around- she felt heavy and her tongue was thick. Her eyes finally focused and she realised she was in Lisa's lab, and from the feel of things she was in one of Lisa's surgical beds-

"Lisa!" Lori groaned. "I thought… I thought I told you not to do stuff to me again!"

The eldest sister groggily forced herself up, and took in her surroundings. She didn't seem to have any drips in her arm and apart from her drowsiness there was nothing containing her to the room. Lisa instead was quickly shuffling away instruments.

"What did you do this time your little monster- I, uulp!" Lori felt stomach rise, and spied the usual post-operative bucket, which she filled up as per tradition.

"I would heavily advise not moving elder sister." Lisa gently reprimanded, looking back at Lori from one of her computers. "The anaesthesia has yet to fully-"

"Why am I here Leese?" Lori snapped, ignoring her nausea. "I was… coming in at night and then I- fell? No." Her eyes widened. "You tased me again!"

"A necessary evil," Lisa nodded, and then fished out some new instrument- some kind of gun with a glass bulb at the end from what Lori could see. "How much do you remember?"

"Don't just- urghh," Lori slumped back upon the table as her wooziness caught up with her.

"I will be able to resolve your symptoms more effectively with your co-operation."

"… Fine." Lori shut her eyes against the glare of the surgical lights. "I was coming home from… something."

"Something?":

"Something… in the city I think?' Lori's head swam.

"Was anyone else with you?" Lisa's little legs carried her over to Lori's side.

"I don't-" Lori blinked as some memory came up- one of white hair. "I think Lincoln maybe- it's all so fuzzy."

"Anything else?" Lori could hear some kind of whirring.

"Uhhm," the white hair flashed again, but something was… "was Lincoln wearing a dress?"

"… Please continue."

Something deep inside told her to stop poking around and let the past lie- but like a broken dam the memories started flashing by, her eyes widening as they did. "He was i-in a room and- there were people- men and woman a-and-"

Lori suddenly bolted up. "Oh God Oh God Oh God!" She heaved again, and Lisa stepped back as some of the bile missed the bucket.

"I don't think you need to continue-"

"T-they made lines and-" Lori's eyes budged as more memories broke through. "They pushed him down and t-they raped him! Again and again and…. I was there? Why was I-"

Lisa sighed and pointed the 'gun' towards her elder sister. "I'm sorry Lori."

Lori didn't look at her, as a dawning horror twisted her features and the truth arose again inside of her. Her hands, twisted into her hair drew down and her nais started dragging into the skin of her scalp as a inhuman wail emitted from her worn lips.

The blast from the 'gun' struck her before the nails cut into her eyes- but not before they drew bloody lines into her own face. The teenager was flung back onto the surgical table, blissfully unaware once more.

Lisa sighed- taking into account the injuries and noting that at least she would only need the dermal regenerator this time.


"How is it looking sweetheart?" Rita Loud gently asked her daughter as she stepped out of the bunker.

"The memories are still very much intact," Lisa admitted. "Given the extent of their presence- I believe that therapy would be preferable compared to attempting a deeper removal."

"I don't know,' Lynn Sr shook his head. "From what you told me I don't think she'll get past this-"

"A full amnestic incursion would leave her with permanent side effects," Lisa sharply replied. "Replacing the mutated Cingulate Cortex was the simple part, but her deeper psyche has resisted each of the surface level Brain Blasts to the point that I would not expect even a complete reset would be fully effective."

"But Lincoln's fine now!" Rita desperately indicated to the unlit window where their only son slept in blissful ignorance of his past trauma.

"Lincoln's mind may have been more receptive to the incursion for a variety of reasons," not the least of which was a lack of a conscience refusing to forget. "You cannot expect the same result from two subjects-"

"Please Lisa, just try again- she's suffering!" Lynn put his hand on her shoulders and pleaded. "She tried to-"

"I was there parental unit, you need not remind me," Lisa pointedly pushed away his hands. "I shall attempt the surface level again- and after that some basic hypnotic suggestions to alleviate some of her response- but I suspect that nothing but a great deal of time and effort will allow Lori Loud's mind to heal."

Rita opened her mouth in opposition- but stopped as she realised her daughter's hands were shaking. She calmed herself then stepped down and drew the little genius into a hug. "We're sorry. We know you're doing everything you can."

Lisa resisted for a moment, then let herself be drawn in properly. "I understand this is a difficult time for all involved. I will endeavour to- "

"It's okay Little Genius," her father's hand gently rested on her back. "I'm sorry for pushing you, maybe you can keep Lori under for a bit and take a break?"

The scientist stayed the hug for a moment, but drew back with a stern expression. "No- I still have work to do."

"We-"

"I will report on my results in the morning- please return then." And with that she turned and jumped down her bunker- the door sealing itself closed within a second.

The parents could only look on forlornly, not knowing if they would see both daughters rise whole again. Deep within the bunker Lisa continued her work, half buried in piles of materials and equipment as she sought a new way to heal her sister.


A/N:

I was going for another funny alternate ending to JSEM. This is what came out.

I think I'll go back to Burger Hero for a bit instead, those antics are a bit more lighthearted.