The Hobbit

Years had passed since Lynn Loud had left her childhood home, and despite the loss of that constant shared warmth life had largely been good for the young sports star. She had achieved her dreams, attending the Olympics no less than four times while competing in multiple different categories. She hadn't contented herself with that though, and had become the first woman to successfully complete in the men's football, baseball and- most famously- basketball.

Sure- it'd been hard as heck and she'd felt like quitting at least a few of them to focus on one, but Lynn Loud wasn't a quitter so she'd pushed on, pushed through and now she was the greatest Sports Star on the planet, and if Lisa hadn't invented that stupid 'Happy Birthday' juice she'd the be the most famous Loud Girl too!

Whatever- she could win a few more Olympics to get the number 1 girl spot back anyway ("That's not how that works-" Lori had incorrectly declared. "It is when I'm competing!" Lynn had kindly corrected.)

Her home life wasn't too shabby either; she'd kept up strong ties with her parents and her siblings- most of her closest friends from her schooldays too (since making close ties after you're famous is kind of hard, everyone either thinks you're an idol that you can't help but not live up to or they think you're a schmuck to be squeezed for details to sell to the paparazzi). She had a nice place in Royal Woods where she could usually pass as a normal person when she wasn't training, a sort-of boyfriend in her old flame Francisco- and she got plenty of time with her nieces and odd nephews when she got a few days to go around her old stomping grounds.

Speaking of the next generation, she had an adorable little tween daughter who doubled as her best cheerleader called Lacy. She was the single brightest little ball of sunshine that ever walked the earth, loved other people, got okay grades (thank you Lisa's tutoring!) and happened to sort-of kind-of her be her brother's kid too.

Hey, she liked her eggnog and you did stupid shit when you were drunk.

Like your Brother for example.

But it turned out Lincoln was adopted so it was totally okay. At least once the therapy was over anyway, and Lacy got on great with Ronnie's kids so who was complaining?

But apart from that little splotch on her personal record ("Going full Alabama on Lincoln's is a bit more than a 'splotch' Lynn," Lori facepalmed. "We're not blood related so it's completely fine!" Lynn countered.) her life was basically perfect. And now, in her late-twenties and only going from strength to strength, Lynn Loud could say with one exception; she was winning at the game of life.

"Hey- you look kind of familiar," a middle aged man crouched to look under her cap. "Are you…"

It was a big exception though.

"Yeah, yeah you are!" The man snapped his fingers as he confirmed her identity with some glee.

It was ironic. Because that exception was all about something small.

"You're The Hobbit!" The man grinned. "Oh, my daughter loves you!"

Specifically her.

For while nature had blessed Lynn Loud with incredible talent, strength, speed and agility- it had apparently seen fit to 'balance' her gifts by granting her with a status scientifically known as;

Being a shortarse. For her full adult height was a compact five feet and change that her own daughter's speedy growth rapidly threatened to overtake.

Lynn fought to stop a grimace from crossing her face, she was trying to watch Lacey play at the park after all and she didn't want to cause a scene. Usually she could get away with people assuming that she was a teen watching over her kid sister, but today was going to be one of those days.

"Hey Honey!" The excited man called to his own daughter, a cute little redhaired girl who perked up at her father's voice. "Look who it is!"

It took only a moment for the girl's confused eyes to suddenly brighten, and her mouth opened to squeal in joy; "ohmygosh! IT'S THE HOBBIT!"

In an instant the playground quietened down, like a the calm before the storm.

Then as one, the crowd surged to gather around her in babbling enthusiasm at the celebrity of the worlds greatest sportswoman. Lynn resisted the urge to pull down her hat as more eyes were drawn to her, and simply wished that Luan could have kept for buck toothed mouth shut for once in her life.


The nickname had been something that the silly sister had come up with after one of her high school games. The then sixteen year old had not yet grown into her 'full' height, still somehow remaining as petite as she had been at thirteen (much to her displeasure), and it was already becoming clear that with even Lily now shooting up faster than she ever had at that age, that she would be certain to grow up to be the shortest of the adult siblings. But through sheer skill, training, determination and all the good luck her lucky socks still had after Mom finally forced her to wash them she was still best the player on both the boys and girls basketball teams.

Because Lynn Loud was a winner, and winners never quit!

And she always did her special rituals. Just ask Lincoln was bad luck could do!

But as the sprightly Loud Girl dribbled and darted with a bewildering speed her larger opponents could only blink at, Luan's ever present smile had twitched as she watched from the stands. The pint-sized powerhouse was comical in her antics, bouncing and nipping between her opponents legs- leaving them to fumble around themselves like some stage show slapstick while she raced down the field and somehow leapt past the defending players to launch another slam dunk. Her little, well-muscled legs launching her undersized body upwards with downright unfair velocity like she'd had Lisa install springs in them ("I did no such thing!" Lisa always denied, "such obvious cheating would be detected instantly!").

It was all very impressive, as were most of Lynn's games since the smaller than average girl somehow always managed to dominate despite all logic to the contrary. But as the sports star soared over her opponents (most of whom were easily twice her size) Luan couldn't help but let out a snort alongside her usual cheers.

"What's funny Luan?" Lynn Sr noticed his daughter's giggle.

"Ha…" Luan laughed, "nothing, it's just kind of funny watching Lynn you know."

"Ahh," Lynn Sr nodded sagely. "I know exactly what you mean- don't tell her I said this; but it's like she's downed a hundred cups of coffee every time she plays with all that bouncing and zipping around she does. It's like she's a little jumping bean, especially in basketball!"

"Yeah!" Luan agreed, then smile as a her little sister's agile form flipped darted around a taller (so all of them) opponents' ankles. "She's like one of those little guys who run around stabbing the bad guys ankles in Lincoln's movies- you know, the ones with the magic ring!"

"Dwarves?"

Luan considered this a for a moment- and if she had agreed then Lynn would have had little issue with a nickname likening her the badass (if short) warriors of Lincoln's fantasy movies/books.

That did not happen.

Instead something else occurred to the silly sister as she watched Lynn agile movements, not always forceful but instead focusing on weaving and speeding between her opponents- outright sliding under their legs even when she could. No, Lynn was far from the boisterous tank-like men depicted in those films. She was like something else, the quick and clever little fellows who hid and tricked, but could still fight foes many times their size when they needed to

Or least, that is what she would say her reasoning was when later confronted by a less-than-pleased Lynn. It certainly wasn't because Lynn was a shortstock with stick-like limbs despite her lean muscle and a seemingly disproportionate head that made her look absolutely childish to the point where Francsico may or may not have rejected her advances for fear of looking like a pedophile if they dated.

No, that absolutely wasn't her true reasoning.

But whatever the case, Luan let out another giggle, and corrected her father with glee. "No, I think she's more like a hobbit!"

By fate's baleful whim, it was at that moment when Lynn threw herself a full metre upwards into the air and punted the basketball into a breathtakingly high arc over her opponent's heads. Accordingly the ever present shouts of the crowd dipped down, and the words of Luan (who had been pracgtically shouting to be heard over the crowd) echoed through the stands.

Lynn caught a whisper of them as she landed, and spared only an annoyed glance at the Jokester as she busy. But as her shot came down with countless hours of practice leaning how to arc from afar coming to fruition, it landed perfectly through the hoop and the supporting crowd roared in joy as the winning point went to their team.

It was a nice distraction, but while Lynn had long basked in her many (mostly self given) titles- it was not 'Lunatic Lynn;', 'Lynnsanity' or even just good old 'Lynner' that was shouted from the stands. Instead, there was a generic shout of joy and then some well meaning fool who had overheard Luan's statement and sssumed it was endearing stood up and cheered;

"HOBB-IT!" The wide boy grinned. "HOBB-IT!"

Lynn's victory grin shrunk a bit.

"HOBB-IT!" Someone else echoed.

More shrinkage.

"HOBB-IT!" Another person picked up.

Her smile disappeared entirely and even as her team rushed over pulled her up in victorious joy, Lynn glared daggers at Luan.

And then another crowd member joined in with the chant anyway. And another. Soon the entire crowd was chanting.

"HOBBIT! HOBBIT! HOBBIT!"


It didn't end there.

Of course it didn't. Lynn's most distinctive feature (apart from winning, as she liked to point out) was that she was a womanlet. So of course that was the nickname that stuck out to people.

From then on, no amount of effort would dislodge the name. It didn't matter when she went to away games, she was 'The Hobbit'. When she played a different sport, the opposing team would note that Royal Woods was fielding an elementary schooler- only to realise who it was and whisper 'Hobbit' with dread.

When she graduated and managed to get into a good college on a scholarship, the name followed her. When she played a different sport for fun, her teammates called her it precisely once- but the opposing side sure loved to utter it in the hopes she would do something get herself taken off the field.

When she went into her many professional sports, and proved just how awesome she really was- it wasn't 'Lynn Loud' that the media credited for their headlines.

No it was;

"The Hobbit scores again!"

"The Hobbit undermines the opposition!"

"Hobbit hops her way home!"

People barely even knew her real name when she brought it up.

To be fair, at this point she had enough medals that she could probably retire just on the bullion worth- and could take out her frustrations on her rivals. Heck, she was pretty sure the sheer bile from hearing the name had propelled her to greater heights than she could have ever achieved otherwise.

But that didn't mean she didn't Fucking Hate That Name.

As the entire family could attest. No one in the house dared to utter it, for the last time a drunk Lori brought it up she was turned into something like a very complicated pretzel at Lynn's livid hands.

But she couldn't do that to 'regular' people. Her manager made that clear after The Thing in Singapore.

So when she was recognised on the street, she just had to sit there and take it.

Like now for example, with her being surrounded by enthusiastic fans helpfully obscuring the one person she actually wanted to see on the playground behind them.

"Hey Miss Hobbit!"

"Hey Hobbit!"

"You were amazing in that game Hobbit!"

"My daughter looks up to- well actually she's taller now- but she still loves watching you Ms The Hobbit!"

She'd made it. Her medals, her kid, her records and her life in general was pure success in her book.

But that price of that success?

Being an eternal meme.