Shipping the Siblings
"… and then we can have the kids on the same day!" Sam let out an uncharacteristic squeal of delight as she reviewed the pinboard in her room. Said pinboard was stuffed full of various clipped pictures, scrawled notes and the odd poor drawing of a set of blue, purple and orange figures with some smaller ones held between them. "It's the perfect plan!"
Luna, sitting on Sam's bed, seemed a tad more sceptical of her girlfriend's scheme. Indeed; the 'Sam Plan' (as the biggest piece of paper tacked to the top of the board named it) seemed convoluted, unnecessarily complicated and downright nonsensical enough to qualify for one of her brother's 'Operations'.
It was also incestuous to Alabamian levels, given that it was a multi-year long scheme involving a polygamous relationship between herself, Sam and her brother meant to eventually transform into a full blown family unit complete with kids of both the normal and 'royal' variety. Not exactly a plus in Luna's book.
"I think you need to check your definition of 'perfect' luv." Luna put on an awkward smile, " 'cause no offense; but what crazy train are you on, thinkin' I'd be into this!?
Seriously, the little dude's my bruv- and he's twelve."
Sam's face dropped for a moment, then she smiled again. "Aw, no need to be shy!" She hopped up next to Luna on her bed and drew her in for a hug. "Everyone knows how close you are with your family, and I've seen how cute you are with your brother-"
"An' that's what's brought this on!?" Luna facepalmed. "Dude- you're nice to your brother, do you wanna do him?"
"No," Sam admitted. "But-"
"And I feel the same way!" Luna insisted. "Seriously- I like the little dude but he's my bro, seriously Sam; why'd you even think this could be a thing?"
"Well…" Sam shrugged. "I mean, you are nobility, right? Incest is kind of in the blood."
"Sam-"
"And what about your sisters!?" Sam jumped up as a dreadful thought occurred to her, "they're nobles too- we've gotta move fast or they'll go first and we'll wind up as the sidepieces!"
Lynn tapped her foot under the table as she zoned out, eyes on the ceiling and a bit of drool escaping her mouth while her mind escaped the boredom of her current situation. Normally this would've been in math class, because while the sporty sister was actually distressingly intelligent when she put her mind to it- said mind took no pleasure in more intellectual pursuits and instead favoured the elegant skill and strategic fortitude demonstrated in a good game of Sportsball.
Alas, even Calculus would've been a step up from where she was now; namely Gus' Games and Grub- after a good practice and having just finished up a good post-workout fuel-up in the form of some greasy fries and a proper dose of protein from her burger. Of course, none of those things were the problem.
Rather, it was the dewy-eyes, cringey squeals and obsession over boys (and the odd girl) that had consumed her fellow athletes in the past year or so. Sure, Lynn had come to terms with the fact that puberty meant that at least some of her crew would get interested in mushy stuff, but she didn't have to like it.
"… White or Brown?" Polly mused with a pencil in her hand.
"Probably somewhere in between, right girls?" Margo offered.
Especially when they went beyond mush to 'shipping'. Doubly when if was a specific kind of shipping;
Lynn's eyes titled down to confirm her dreadful suspicion, and sure enough the other girls were mostly ignoring their greasy delights in favour of a sketch that looked suspiciously like some combination between Lynn and her brother.
"Again guys!?" She facepalmed, and drew her clutching hands drown as if she was trying to drag the image from her eyes. "I already told you knock it off!
Me and my brother aren't into that kind of stuff!"
"But you're so close!" Polly insisted, "we all know how you look at each other."
"We live in the same house; it'd be weird if we didn't see each other." Lynn glared back. "Plus, Stincoln's usually up to something, so I get suspicious."
"And you're always 'wrestling' with each other-"
"I wrestle with my sisters too." Lynn folded her arms, "and I don't wanna doink them neither"
"And then there's how you share his bed sometimes-"
"It was just because Lucy was being a jerk!" Lynn slammed her hands onto the table, causing their food to rattle on their plates, causing the rest of her team to look at her with slight worry. "Look; Lincoln's room doesn't have anyone else in it, and he's a total pushover- so whenever somebody can't deal with their roommate they go to him because they won't have to convince two other people to let her in for the night!"
She took a breath, then added; "that and he doesn't do any really weird stuff in his sleep like Luan's sleep puns."
The other girls at the table remained silent, and Lynn allowed herself a moment of satisfaction.
Then Paula, eyes wide as saucers spoke up; "your sisters go in his bed too?"
"So, it's something they all do?" Polly's pencil snapped in her hand with her shock.
"That means-"
"They're all-"
Lynn looked between her incest obsessed friends, and slumped down in defeat as their reinvigorated debate continued.
"Dang it."
"Leni is clearly the best," Rusty declared with all the confidence of a boy who knew just enough to be truly cringeworthy. "She's sweet, a good cook, and she's easily manipulated, all the things that make for a great wife!"
"Your Dad told you that didn't he?" Stella rolled her eyes. "Why do you keep taking advice from him when he hasn't had a steady girlfriend since your Mom?"
"The key word there is steady Stella," Rusty smirked. "My old man's a free spirit, coasting from port to port while never laying anchor…"
Stella stare at him.
"The ports are women." Rusty explained.
"Yeah," Stella's eyebrows knit. "I got that."
The two were situated at the school cafeteria, once again in fierce debate with the rest of their friends about a certain topic that had permeated throughout Royal Woods.
Namely likelihood of 'Close Relations' between the Louds, and if so; who was doing who. Of course, with their group happening to include the sole male Loud, they tended to focus on the theoretical pairings involving him and in turn which female Loud they'd prefer to partner him with.
What a debate it was; each of the group had their own ideal female whom at least one the variety of Loud sisters could at least partially embody, and with that Loud Girl now framed as the 'best sister' each group member found themselves compelled to prove their choice superior lest their taste be determined to be garbage and forever mocked thereas.
Like Rusty and his focus on 'feminine women';
"She's the perfect homemaker!" The Redhead insisted; "you could go to work every day and come home to a home cooked meal and a comfy bed every day- she can even do woodwork like a pro, so all the manly maintenance chores are covered too!"
Stella's eye twitched in the face of petty sexism, but she was distracted by an interruption;
"I don't know about that there partner," Liam spoke up. "I think there Lana's got a better hand for the technicals than ol' Leni."
"And she and Lincoln play together all the time," Stella offered to the group. "He and Leni don't hang out nearly as often!"
"They play once in a while, so what?" Rusty rolled his eyes. "She's a kid, Lincoln's never going to go for her- now if it were an older sister you might have a point-"
"The age gap between her and Leni is literally the same!" Stella slammed her hands onto the table, causing their food to rattle; "you just don't like little sisters!"
"Well duh," Rusty shrugged. "She's seven, who'd be into that? Grown women are where it's at!"
"I'm not talking about now!" Stella insisted with a glare, "what about when they're older, and uncertain because of the feelings they're getting? Maybe they'll look up to their big brother for help like they always do and things will just…" she sighed, "progress from there?"
"What's progressing from where?"
The group collectively jumped as Lincoln put his tray of food down.
"Oh, h-hi Lincoln!" Stella stuttered. "We were just, umm… talking about the new talent show next week!"
"Yeah, it's gonna be a blast!" Rusty sweated, and his eyes darted around before settling on Liam. "Liam's gonna bring a talking pig!"
"I'm what now!?" Liam spat out his juice in shock but Rusty's pleading eyes demanded aid. "Ah… I mean I am! Ah- one of our best hogs just started askin' about… the meaning of life!
When…" Liam sweated as his imagination run dry.
"They needed more bacon!" Rusty hastily offered. "Ah… it was pretty awkward, right Liam?"
"Yyeah you can say that again!" Liam laughed as naturally as he could manage.
Which is to say; not very natural at all.
"Really?" Lincoln's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You know, that sounds like a pretty good news story, maybe we should go check it out for the paper?"
"Uh- it turns out Sapient Pigs don't like captivity!" Stella blurted. "He broke out l-last night and eloped with a lady pig!"
"Yeah, n-o chance of getting 'im back now!" Liam quickly backed her up.
"Hunh…" Lincoln looked over them sceptically, "so you guys weren't all being creepy over me and my sisters again?"
"Nope."
"Nada!"
"Of course not Lincoln," Clyde assured him with a smile. "That would be completely inappropriate."
Clyde had long since recused himself from the Great Debate under the basis that only true choice was Lori, and still having some affection from the 'Perfect Woman' himself there was no way he could bear to advocate for another suitor, no matter how deserving. He would still listen and in and cover for everyone else though, Loud gossip was fun after all.
"Okay then," Lincoln accepted his old friend's word at face value and he settled in. "I guess I'm going to need to let Mom and Dad know Lisa's been experimenting on animals outside the house again…"
The rest of the table inhabitants breathed a sigh of relief as Lincoln picked through his food and moved onto other topics; thankful yet again that his outlandish life had inured him to such absurd concepts as talking pigs as being out of the norm. It would be a shame if they had to put up with Lincoln giving them another lecture about 'normal love between siblings' and how it totally wasn't ship-bait for them to argue over.
A/N:
Thanks to Nuuo for Beta-reading
