"Baby, come to me
Let me put my arms around you
This was meant to be
And I'm, oh so glad, I found you
Need you ev'ry day
Gotta have your love around me
Baby, always stay
'Cause I can't go back to livin' without you…"
James Ingram and Patti Austin – "Baby Come To Me"
Dear Disa,
Baby, I miss you so much. This officer's training ain't it. I know I called it boot camp, but Officer Training and Development is a lot to take in. Six weeks Disa. Six weeks without you by my side. I miss your cooking. I miss hearing your voice. I miss sleeping with you and waking up with your heart beating against my chest. I haven't been homesick like this since I was fourteen, when I moved to D.C. with Uncle Bakari. It sucks that they have cut down on our use of cell phones here. The military is on high alert with these Atlanteans fucking up military installations in Bahrain and Cyprus. You'd think these niggas would bother shit in the ocean like oil tankers.
Some good news, I'll be able to get some leave in time for carnival in Sao Paulo. We can see Marisol dance as drum queen again in person. I can't wait to take you to meet that side of my family in their hometown. I'll go for my cord and you can see me show out!
Baby, please don't send me any more naked pictures through the mail. You be having me locked up in the head jerking off too much. That last photo with your pussy all open made me nut in my pants. My dick was so hard. Just send nice cute pictures of you at the house. A nigga is tryna survive out here in Rhode Island. This military indoctrination course I'm taking is really messing with my head. These motherfuckers really try to justify their bullshit. I really have to sit on my hands and not go off in class. Naval Warfare is my favorite class. I will spend my last two weeks focusing on leadership training. Special Forces is within my grasp, but I'm keeping my options open. When this gig is up, hopefully, I'll get one of the SEAL Officer candidate slots. Only about 1 in 8 get accepted to train. I expect to get picked or I'm raising hell around here with these lames.
I have to pass a physical assessment test next week. We work on conditioning a lot around here, and they make us run four days a week on top of our normal physical training. Training here is grueling physically and mentally. Some dude was already cut because he can't hack it. They don't fuck around when it comes to choosing the best, which is your man right here! I'll have to do a mini-Bud stint after we get back from Brazil, and if I'm in, I'll go right to SEAL training.
I gotta get ready for chow time. Wanted to sneak a quick letter to you.
Love you always,
Erik
###
My Dearest Erik,
Honey, you look so young with all your hair shaved off! I can't get used to you without your gold slugs, or your braids, and that almost beard (I'm just teasing baby!). I miss you so much too! I'm trying to stay busy.
Still no word from M.I.T. about next term (fuckers). I admit that I am enjoying my free time. I have read all the things and have binged so many TV shows. I'm writing and exercising more to keep my mind occupied. I've always worked or been in school, so it's weird for me to have all this free time for myself. I still do the radio show, but it's on Saturdays now and not Friday. They've started a new format there. I get three hours of spin time instead of two, so that's a plus.
I was part of a Black Futurist panel discussion in Philly last weekend. It was taped and should be available online soon. I know they limit a lot of electronics there, but if you get a chance to get online, check me out. Moor Mother was there doing spoken word with her band, so we got to hang out with them. I took Yamilet and Tatum to see Sun Ra's Arkestra concert at Carnegie Hall the other day. We had a blast. Half the audience was full of old Black men with berets and that old Black Power energy. So cute.
I applied for an artist-in-residence opportunity in Amsterdam. It doesn't take place until next year for six weeks, so we'll see how I do. They are looking for Pee-oh-sees to create housing models and teach a few public lectures. The money is amazing, but I know a ton of people are going to bumrush for it. I sent them my New Orleans wetlands housing project. Crossing my fingers.
God, I miss you, Erik. This separation is harder than I thought it was going to be. I'm excited to see you at your graduation, and I am dancing on the moon to see Marisol and her parents. I love you and pray for you to excel. Enclosed you will find some tasteful pictures of me in our kitchen. With my titties out. Sorry not sorry!
Love you much!
Your Disa, forever.
###
Dear Disa,
Fuck M.I.T.
I know you were the best candidate. But Yay! Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture! An exhibition of your work is just what you need. And it will show M.I.T. what they passed on. Can't wait to see what you put together. It'll give you a chance to show off your artwork too and not just your models. The best part is that it's a one-woman show. Just you and your creative genius.
Baby.
NO MORE PICTURES.
For real. Ya killing me. Wait until I see you in person, Ma. I'm tapping that juicy bubble hard as fuck. One of my roommates saw your titties and I know that mofo is spanking his meat when I'm not in the room sleeping. He saw the pictures by accident. I had just opened up your letter and the pictures fell on the floor. Just fat titties and big nipples everywhere. When you come to see me graduate, I'm keeping that nigga away from you. (He's a white boy, but still). I don't think that boy has ever seen perfection like that in his life. He's gonna want a Black woman now after that eye full. That's all your fault. I'ma spank that ass when I see you, D. I was embarrassed and proud. Ole boy been gossiping about you to these other dudes. Shit, them pictures had my mouth watering. No more. You got it? Please. My nuts can't take it anymore. Balls all shriveled up and dried out from overuse. Enclosed with this letter, you will find a drawing of my dick. Old school dick pic! This is what you have reduced me to. My hand itches to spank your cheeks.
Love you,
Erik
###
Dear Erik,
I turned in my proposal to Schomburg. I'm so excited about everything. I'm also glad that I have plenty of time to put it together. That's only because of you taking care of me back here. You're a great man for this. Truly. I'm actually happy that M.I.T. didn't offer me the job. I don't think I would've been ready, to be honest. This time I have to read, reflect, and indulge in my interests without pressure has been a godsend. Allah may not give you what you want, but he sends you what you need. Inshallah.
Two weeks baby, and you graduate! Congratulations on getting the SEAL training slot. Six months in San Diego!
How does it feel?
I know you have done a lot of reflection, and I know you worry about us and the time that we are apart now, and also the time we will be separated in the future. I'm here for the long haul, Erik. As long as we choose each other, we can survive anything. I've already found a small studio apartment in Point Loma that is furnished. I can move there after we get back from Brazil. I've found renters for the house who are waiting for dorm housing at M.I.T. to open. That'll be a few thousand dollars for the time I'm in San Diego. We can spend weekends together when you have time off during the first phase, then I'll head up to L.A. and stay with my Mom when you go for training in San Clemente. I know you worry that it's a lot of back and forth, but it's worth it to me. Once you become a full-time SEAL, it'll be difficult for us to see one another. Every second of every minute means the world to me, Erik.
Love you, baby. Look at you out here doing the damn thing!
Hugs, kisses, and all my love,
Disa
###
Dear Disa,
Did you get our tickets upgraded? I know you worry about money, but we deserve business class flying to Sao Paulo. We are fucking on that plane and I need legroom, Ma!
Uncle Bakari and Aunt Shavonne will meet you in front of the graduation entrance and you all can walk in together. There's a dinner afterward. I've paid for all of you already, so don't worry about having money.
Marisol will pick us up at the airport when we arrive in Brazil.
I have to warn you, Disa. Sao Paulo is a rough place right now in the favelas. We can't take a cab through there because they barricade the streets to keep outsiders out. There have been many police raids and gang activity. Everyone there is on high alert and strangers are suspect. If we showed up in a cab, we'd probably be shot at before they realized it was me.
My family is highly respected, but there are still some young bucks out there who don't respect the code of the streets. I'm telling you all this because I don't want you to be afraid. I apologize for sounding pissed in my last letter when you told me Marisol was taking us there directly. I had no idea that she had moved back there permanently. I knew she went there occasionally for the samba school practices and everything else for carnival. Living there again, though? Nah. After my mother's death, my godparents and cousins moved out to the middle of the city. It's ironic to think they were safer among the enemy than around their own people. But the cops there are itching to make life miserable for anyone associated with the Sao Paulo 4. That means me and Marisol especially. She knows better than to tempt fate with cops. I planned on taking you for a quick peek, but not the entire time there. She's hardheaded and mouthy. Runs in the family. We have friends there who will look out for her. Marisol can handle herself, but the streets are hot right now. We may have to crash with Soliel and Aunjanue.
I listened to your radio show last night. Your words and music have always helped me put my life into perspective. Before I knew you personally, I would replay your shows and ponder the cosmos. And jerk off! Lol!
Your voice still moves me, Disa. I'm glad they archived your shit because I have worn out the episode where you do the "Commitment" poem. The words, your cadence, the way you breathe life into the meaning is like the North Star. It guides me. Where would I be without you in my life? Would I be this strong? Confident? At peace? If you had chosen Paul over me, I would've died. I swear. Sometimes, I get scared. I get worried that you will leave me if this Navy SEAL life gets hard for you. Don't leave me ever, Disa. I would be so lost without you.
See you soon.
Love, as always,
Erik
###
Dear Erik,
I will treasure these letters when I am an old woman. I'll show our grandchildren how much we were crazy about each other. I think we've written more letters than any humans possible on earth in six weeks.
In a couple of days, I'll watch you in your crisp uniform looking so gorgeous!
I'm not afraid of being in the favelas with you. I know life is rough everywhere for poor Black people, and you've told me enough times about what it's like. If you feel comfortable going there once we arrive, then we'll do it. If you feel it's unsafe, we don't have to be there. As you said, it's the cops that kick up the dirt with raids.
Will we have time to visit your family's terreiro?
Marisol told me she is an initiate, and that you were one too at one time. Is that true? Why did you stop? If it's too personal to talk about, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm curious and wonder about your own spiritual practices. You have been accepting of Islam with my family and I'd like to know about Hoodoo and Candomblé. The fact that you grew up with both is fascinating. Only tell me what you wish to share, baby. I'm here for it all.
I'm counting down the days and hours until I see you. When I hold you in my arms again, then I'll really know you're mine once more. Until then, I will dream about you. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and feel your presence near me. The scent of your cologne. The smell of your skin when you first step out of the shower. I once woke up feeling like you were making love to me here in our bed. My legs were open and everything. I could feel you inside of me, Erik. Crazy, right?
We survived six weeks. Hallelujah!
Packing my bags in the morning. I know it's days in advance, but I'm so ready.
Love and kisses.
See ya soon!
Disa
###
Dear Disa,
We can visit the terreiro if I can get permission. Typically, non-initiates are not allowed inside to witness anything except for on special occasions.
I don't have a problem talking about Hoodoo and Candomble. My great-grandmother is the only one who kept up that part of the family line, but since she's been gone, I haven't kept up with it much except for using Florida water and doing what my Grandpop says. After my parents died, Soliel and my godparents guided me toward Candomblé. I became an initiate when I was thirteen, but I haven't been intentional with it as I probably should've been. Marisol is more hardcore than me. She'll probably become an ialorixás (priestess) one day, but she enjoys running the streets too much. She dropped out of college and the Fam ain't too happy about it. Been running after some gangster down there, so everyone would love for her to go back to the source and leave bum niggas alone. I plan on straightening her out when I get there.
Counting down the time, Disa.
Love you,
Erik
