Louise blinked at the box and the book. "What the…?"

Kirche casually wandered up to her. "Uh, Louise? That doesn't look like a familiar to me."

"Shut up." Louise examined the box first. It was strangely heavy. What could be inside? Before she could open it, though, her eyes found the title of the book. "The Care and Training of Your Pet Rock."

"What?" Kirche asked.

Louise's head slowly tilted. "I summoned… a rock?"

"You summoned a rock?" Kirche repeated, louder.

"She summoned a rock?" came the question, from someone in the audience. Whispers started.

"Does this make me… an earth mage?" Louise asked.

"How dare you besmirch the name of earth mages!"

Louise ignored Guiche's outburst and opened the book. "…Professor, it says I should leave it in its box for three days to get it accustomed to its surroundings. Can I finish the ritual later?"

Colbert sighed. Nothing could be normal for the academy's most infamous student, it seemed.


"A mere rock can't stand up to a real familiar, like my Flame."

"I'll have you know that pet rocks are descended from famous rocks, such as those used in the pyramids or the Great Wall of China!"

"Chy… na…? Now you're just making up words."

"How dare you mock its pedigree! Brutus! Attack!"

"Wait wha-"

Kirche was unconscious for many hours after Louise threw her familiar at her.


A/N: And so Louise conquered Halkegenia by throwing her rock at people.

Honestly, reading "The Care and Training of your Pet Rock" is a hilarious exercise, and I can imagine a Louise in denial taking what is essentially a joke book completely seriously.

Thanks for the reviews! You guys make me laugh.