The class was deadly silent. Usually it'd be filled with talking, laughter, and mockery focused on The Zero. But fortunately, or unfortunately, there was quite a large distraction in the room.

Kirche watched Louise's… familiar… stare off into the distance. He was seemingly obedient, almost to a fault. Tough, having taken an explosion to the face at one point. And as far as Kirche knew, he and Louise got along just fine.

But he was unnerving. Very, very unnerving. She felt a bead of sweat roll down her face. Her composure started to disappear, little by little.

The door opened. Miss Chartreuse walked in. "Good morning class. Today we will-" She stopped in her tracks as she took in Louise's familiar for the first time.

By all appearances, the familiar was a man, and if he was only that, perhaps there would be no issue. But no, the familiar wore a skin-tight suit that ended at his armpits and just above his thighs. Wrapped around his legs, arms, and waist were chains, buckles, and leather straps. On his feet were horrible-looking, barely-there shoes, and directly above his groin swung a single lock. What for? Kirche wasn't sure she wanted to know.

But perhaps the worst part was his face, covered in a black leather mask with steel nubs sticking out, that opened to expose his chin. And in his mouth, strapped to his face with a single line of black leather, was a hard, hollow, red ball. His large teeth quivered around it sickeningly.

Kirche once again looked the monstrosity up and down as a bit of drool fell out of his open mouth. She felt more than just discomfort. It bordered on fear. His very existence was just wrong on so many levels she couldn't even count them.

"Nope." Miss Chartreuse immediately turned around and left. There was a moment where everyone in the class hesitated, unsure of the situation, and then everyone's eyes returned to the creature standing utterly still near Louise's chair.

Louise, meanwhile, rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, fine. Spank, head back to my room."

The thing got up and lumbered over, and for just an instant, Kirche found herself making eye contact with him. He chuffed judgmentally. She gasped, suddenly willing to admit to anything to make him go away. She broke.

"I'M SORRY! I STOLE TABBY'S PANTIES! I WAS OUT AND DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE WASH," she screamed, ugly tears falling from her face as she collapsed to her knees.

Once more, there was a moment of hesitation as everyone processed her words. "Spank" didn't react, walking by without even noticing her.

As he left the room, Tabitha clubbed her in the head with her staff. "Idiot."


A/N: Maybe a bit of an obscure character. Spank from League of Super Redundant Heroes. The dishonor on the Valliere family will never go away after this.

I don't think I need to explain why this is a terrible fate, much less a terrible familiar.