Slurp, slurp, schloop, shlerp.

What in all the hells was her familiar?

She watched it wander her room, rubbing its… trunk all over everything. Wherever it went, dust vanished. Dirt was absorbed. Spills were cleaned.

At least it was useful? Louise paused as it managed to open a dresser drawer. "What…?" Her socks started to get sucked up. "Hey! NO! PUT THAT BACK THIS INSTANT!"


"Zero? Are you… okay? Zero?"

Louise didn't so much as twitch. "Go away, Zerbst."

"Zero, you're lying in front of Tabitha's door."

"Is that where I am? Huh."

"Why are you lying in front of Tabitha's door?"

Louise opened her eyes. "I gave up."

Kirche's hands clenched, and she slowly counted to five. "What does that mean?"

The door opened, and the Zero's familiar exited, its cylindrical body nudging Louise aside as it slurped down the corridor. Kirche took the moment to look inside. "Tabitha? Wha… Why are you lying on the floor?"

"Gave up."

"What in Halkegenia does that even mean?!"

"It ate everything," Tabitha muttered into the floor.

Kirche held her tongue just long enough to see that indeed, Tabitha's room was even more bare than usual. "Zero's familiar ate all your stuff?" Then she shrieked as Louise grabbed her ankle.

"It can't be stopped," Louise moaned as Kirche tried in vain to shake her off. "It just goes around and eats everything."

"Uh-huh." Kirche watched as the waist-high, blue creature started coming back. "So it lacks respect for its betters? Just like its master. Hey, familiar!"

It stopped. Its trunk reached up, and gestured towards itself.

"Yeah, you! Return everything you've taken this instant!"

Its eyestalk(?) tilted questioningly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Spit it up! Now!"

Kirche would soon come to regret that command. For the time being, she was forced to dodge as dozens of cabinets, several beds, and more socks than any person could possibly need came flying out of the familiar's nozzle.


"I am here to accomplish three things," Wardes said, holding his weapon menacingly over the Prince of Albion. "To marry you, to take the letter, and to kill-"

SLURP.

Wardes stared at his hand, then down at the blue, toy-like creature that just ate his sword-wand.

Noo-noo stared back reproachfully.

Louise took the opportunity to kick her ex-fiancee in the balls.


A/N: Noo-noo from Teletubbies. I half-remembered him from my childhood, then was like what could he do again? Apparently, snort anything of any size up his nose and sneeze it back out in seconds, with seemingly no storage limits. Which now that I think of it is hilarious (LOUISE, PREPARE FOR SNORTING), but also a very powerful ability.

Despite that, he is frequently a nuisance who basically eats all of his owners' stuff because he thinks it's funny. I have to wonder if my enjoyment of messing with people came from watching him in my formative years.