The explosion cleared, and Louise was confronted by… a weird metal thing with eyeballs.
"It looks like you need a familiar," it said cheerfully. "Would you like help with that?"
Louise glanced back at her teacher hesitantly, then stepped towards it. "You can talk?"
It was suddenly in her face. "I am Clippy, your new assistant. How can I help you today?"
What an incredible familiar! Intelligent, loyal, and eager to help! Louise kissed it on the spot.
Louise entered the breakfast table the next day and slumped into her usual chair.
Kirche nudged her. "Are you okay, Valliere?"
"Not 'Zero?'" Louise asked.
"Your familiar may not be as beautiful as my Flame, but it's certainly a unique creature. We clearly can't call you 'Zero' anymore when you actually succeeded at casting a spell," Kirche replied.
Louise's face twisted horribly. "No no, I deserve it. Call me Zero."
"Eh?"
Louise ate her soup slowly. It was almost tempting to drown herself in it. "You'll see."
Her wand shook. Not with fear. Not with uncertainty. But with unbridled rage.
"It seems like you're trying to cast a basic earth transmutation spell. Would you like assistance, or would you prefer to stumble into failure on your own?"
"Shut up!"
"Perhaps you would like a demonstration of basic incantations?"
"Shut. Up!"
Her familiar touched her wand hand and put its face right up to hers. "Have you tried concentrating harder?"
With a yell of fury that not even Kirche had before witnessed, Louise turned her wand on her familiar and tried to make it disappear. "DIE!"
The wall with the door, the hallway, the wall beyond, and part of the following room all vanished instantly, without even a puff of smoke. One moment it was there, and the next? Gone.
"I'm afraid I do not understand. Perhaps you meant: Pie?" Clippy asked reasonably, untouched by her first non-exploding spell.
Henrietta watched excitedly as dear Louise took the stage. The metallic creature was not something she recognized, but she was prepared to cheer on her childhood friend. Maybe the judges wouldn't be impressed, but the princess would make sure that Louise knew that she was.
"Ladies and gentlemen. I present. My familiar. Clippy," Louise said in a dead, monotone voice.
"It appears you are attempting to amaze the audience. Do you need my help with that?"
"Yes, Clippy," Louise said in that same, dead voice. Henrietta started to feel… concerned.
The familiar, Clippy, looked at the audience. "Create an act by thinking up an act!"
Louise pulled out her wand. "Got it."
"You're doing great!"
"Sure I am." Louise pointed her wand at Clippy's feet, and the wood splintered and shot upwards, launching the familiar into the sky. Ten seconds later, Clippy landed, unharmed.
"It looks like you're trying to kill me! Would you rather: be unable to, like the failure you are, or: embrace the inevitable despair that comes with being an incompetent buffoon?"
Henrietta watched in horror as several other members of the nobility laughed at the familiar's insults. Louise wilted, then launched another spell, which somehow created blades of smoke that obliterated everything they touched… except Clippy.
"You seem like you need help with that. Allow me to suggest: Not failing."
Henrietta's concern grew tenfold as the audience laughed harder. Again and again, Louise would do something seemingly impressive, wrecking the environment around her in the process. However, nothing she did hurt the cruel creature, who threw out ever-more condescending and demeaning words.
Until finally, Louise ran off the stage crying, to thunderous applause from all those who watched her get torn to ribbons by the very creature who should have protected her.
A/N: Can you imagine a sentient Clippy and what that would do to someone who stayed in his presence for weeks on end?
As for the Void spells Louise invents here… Desperation is a huge motivator.
