Chapter 44
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The pain woke him. It was sharp and spanned the width of his chest. It stole his breath, made his body feel like it was on fire. He remembered the pain. It was the first time he remembered. As he closed his eyes, he had visions of being in a small cave, Jack looking down on him. The pain flared, it brought him back to the present. He felt hot, his head hurting, hand shaking. He looked down to the left, seeing Walt asleep beside him. He couldn't wake him. He looked at the closed door, hearing voices. He heard Jack laugh. He sounded relaxed. Sawyer didn't want to ruin it. But the pain was almost unbearable.
"Doc..." his weak, thin voice surprised him. He tried to cough, but the pain intensified. He took in a deep breath, "Jack... Jack!" His voice travelled, he could barely breath. He was fading out of consciousness when the door burst open. Jack – with Mike and Rose behind him – came up to him.
"Sawyer? Crap, he should've had morphine half an hour ago. Sawyer..."
"Shhh, don't wake the kid," Jack looked at Sawyer's face, seeing him look down at Walt. "It's... ok."
"You can hardly breath. Where's the pain?"
"Chest... mostly..."
"Where else?"
"It doesn't matter. No, leave him. Let him sleep." Mike had leaned over to get Walt, but Sawyer slightly squeezed him closer to his body. Walt was still out.
"It does matter. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let this happen..."
"Don't... do that. It's ok." Sawyer watched Rose hand Jack a syringe. Jack grabbed his arm, finding a vein. He was muttering under his breath, Sawyer couldn't make the words out. "Hey, it's fine."
"That would be much more convincing if you weren't shaking with the pain."
He felt the morphine taking effect. His body starting to feel numb and his head feeling light. This felt different. He felt like he was losing control.
"Jack! That's too much..."
"It's ok, he needs..."
"No. No stop. You've never given him that much before! What are you doing?" She rushed around to check Sawyer's pulse. "It's really slow."
"He'll be ok. He's out of pain."
"He's out of it completely."
"Look, I'll just get Walt and leave."
"No. Mike, you leave now and Walt will just be more worried about him. Just stay. It'll be fine." Jack wasn't looking at anyone as he spoke. Instead, he stood and walked out the room.
"Is he ok...?" But Rose wasn't listening. She was sitting on the chair next to Sawyer. She had her hand on his face.
"He's completely out of it. His pulse is slow. What the hell was he thinking?"
"Is it dangerous?"
"Yes. I need to stay with him. Make sure he's ok."
"What happened?" John came in the door way, "Jack just stormed out."
"What? He's gone? Where?" But John just shrugged and turned away.
"Don't worry, I'll sit here with you... it's gonna be fine."
Mike had been sitting in silence with Rose for a while before she spoke. It startled him.
"What was it like?"
"What?"
"Being with The Others."
"It was... something I've never experienced before. They... were in control. Of everything. They kept Walt from us. The one time I tried to... the one time I acted against them... they almost killed Sawyer."
"How?"
"They beat him. By the time we got to him... I thought he was dead. They made Walt watch. Frank – the guy second in command – he said... he told Sawyer it would've been better if it was someone else, 'cause no one cares about him."
"He said that?" Hearing it made Rose feel guilty.
"Yeah. Sawyer... he begged him to leave Walt alone. 'Do what you want to me... leave him alone.' That's what he said. Told Walt to close his eyes while Frank hit and kicked him half to death. All he cared about was making sure Walt was ok..."
"That's... that sounds unbearable."
"It was brutal."
"Kate was sure he was in danger. But no one listened. I didn't listen. I told her... he had left... to forget about him. That day, when you were taken, what he said..."
"He didn't mean it like that..."
"I know... now. But I was angry, you know? I didn't look for him, because I was angry. Jack says it doesn't matter..."
"It doesn't."
"But I still think about it."
"He saved Walt's life. Protected him. He knew what that taser did, had felt it before, but he jumped in front of him anyway. Threw himself in its path, so it wouldn't hit Walt. Literally acted like a shield. He didn't want Walt to see... his heart stopped. He was dead. He had a seizure. And all he could worry about was if Walt had had to see it happen."
He just looked at Rose, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"He was in the jungle for a week like that. For Walt. The pain he went through. That we had to put him through. The infection... he was so weak, unable to recognise us at one point. I watched as he lay there, only pain would wake him up. Did you... did you see his back?" Now Mike looked at her, eye to eye.
"Yes. The scars..."
"Sayid, he thinks they are decades old. Probably caused by a belt..."
"Oh my God."
"We didn't ask."
