a/n: He is struggling more and more despite not showing as many symptoms as previous chapters. riparoni. i dont know how to say but im falling deeper into my restrictive part of my ED. : /.


The weeks seemed longer. I was overexercising some days to the point where I would fall from exhaustion at the end of the day onto my bed. I started eating less. I noticed that my binge urges became harder and harder to control. It sucked as well as being always cold, bundling up with two sweaters and it wasn't even fall yet. It was just the tail end of summer.

My weight was taking a nosedive despite the weekly binging.

The running was getting harder as racing season was approaching and soon upon us. I only finished the workouts by pure will. My coach and fiance decided that he was going to not compete this season, it was just me now. The first race was coming up and it was going to be hell, the workouts felt like races themselves. And I had to get a physical before I could compete.

The upcoming doctor's appointment made me want to crawl into a ball.

But I had been hiding the symptoms of my disordered eating better from Viktor though my thoughts only fixated on food.

It was hard but I was able to do it as I was going to do with the doctor's appointment.

"Ok I'm leaving!" I looked behind me and my eyes widened.

"Viktor..." He was dressed, I continued, "What?"

"I'm coming with you!"

"Ok."

There was dread deep down.

.

We walked to the appointment in town, a little over four miles. I left on purpose an hour and a half early so I could walk and not take a cab or a ride from a friend. Viktor neither commented nor questioned this but instead followed me to the office.

We went in the building.

After the receptionists desk, waiting room, then into the clinic room, checking, checking, checking. Blood pressure low, oxygen saturation, lower, bags under my eyes. I turned to the side and coughed, everything turned out fine but one thing. More checking. Questions. Questions. My weight was checked not once but twice, a nervous laughter from Viktor the first time then stunned silence from the doctor and all of us.

We walked out and Viktor only said one thing.

"You have been lying to me."

I looked away, there were tears in my eyes. I had been lying to him but it was only ten pounds. It wasn't bad and I didn't need help.

.

Later I was in my room full of books. It was not the bedroom of which Viktor and I shared but this room was equally as comforting to me.

A knock alerted me so I set down my book in my lap.

"Yuuri...?" Came an unsure tentative voice from the other side.

Viktor came in seemingly inch by inch, very slowly.

I sat up in the chair, shifting the blanket off my lap.

"Well..." he started " I called that doctor...who is a friend of mine some time ago. But I trusted you and after that doctor's appointment..."

I stopped breathing for a moment.

I cleared my throat, breath returning, "No. Uh. Maybe. What do you mean?"

"Well...that friend...doctor said that the reason your heart er- chest? Yeah. Well now I know after that appointment." he said bluntly.

"Well...I have been feeling more anxiety lately because I really want to do extra workouts but I have...been following it. I have also been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I am also a bit stressed to be honestly since you are still working yourself...uh...a lot. Though you dropped out its still a lot!"

This was all true but not all the reasons.

Keeping the truth hidden in a round about way was still lying.

But he dug deeper.

"Look at me." He held both my hands.

I looked at him.

"Tell me. Please. Tell me the truth darling.

I looked him straight in the eyes.

"I broke my streak a bit ago...it hasn't actually been three months." I bit my lip to keep it from quivering, "I have been better. And yeah...I lost a little. It wasn't intentional at first but then I just lost two pounds last month. I swear its really slow."

A lie twisted in.

"Is that all?" His breath hitched up a note, "...Are you sure?"

"Yes." I nodded.

Inside I was crumbling.

.