a/n: ok so this isn't an official "chapter" but more of lost scenes of this story-scape. I just have a lot of extra content and no new story plotline to insert into. This chapter has emotions and is v sappy.

enjoy the ed content.

TW: eating disorder, dissociation.


The euphoria from another binge was over and now...it was all sadness. And tiredness.

I lay on the floor.

Did I want to vomit? Yes. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Unless my body was willing. I was drained.

How did I end up like this?

I have stopped running, stopped caring about my health. The only sanity I partook in was keeping my weight at the same or lower. If it ever went up I panicked and restricted until I felt woozy. If it went down, I worried, but continued.

I was ok.

It was ok.

It made moments like these despise having binge eating disorder. Ever since the diagnosis...it all made sense.

The doctor, clinical, cream-white lab coat.

Assessing.

I knew what I had, and he explained it anyway.

Viktor was shocked.

We walked out, to the car, then home, silent.

The nervous eating at events and even drinking liters of water, it matched.

He knew the truth now.

I was melting into the floor, lights flickering overhead, my limbs heavy. I couldn't open my eyes. My stomach hurt, hurt, hurt, the unbearable fatigue, the pain in my gut melting me further. I just wanted the sweet release of all the damn food.

I could fall asleep, lost.

Lost in myself and lost in this moment, lying on a bathroom floor.

This is who I was now.

At that moment there was a polite two-sounded knock, I barely heard it.

A faraway voice, "Hon, are you in there…?"

There was a long pause, only the light buzzing above me, softly calling.

Another pause.

Pause.

"...I woke up and you weren't there."

Pause.

I let myself fade away, the knock frantic, further.

"Hey, don't be like that. I just want to talk. The light is on." Another knock.

A worried tone now, more words. Words on top of words. More melting. Minutes pass.

Then loudly: "Are you okay?"

Fragments now, "Please."

"Y- -en't answ-ing-"

I didn't answer, I was just slipping, sliding, melting further into myself.

More knocks, doorknob rattling.

Yelling.

There was a hoarse breath drawn in.

Loud cracking noises.

A creak of the door and the fresh air coming into the room. He was by my side, hands on my shoulders. I opened my eyes, they felt heavy. My cheeks felt flushed, and I could finally feel the true feeling of my body, being pulled back heavily into reality. My stomach hurt; my head hurt.

It hurt to be in reality.

Ah...the extreme symptoms of binge eating.

"Holy F- Ah. Oh my god. Are you okay? Did you pass out? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am? Are you sick….?"

I just stayed silent, pulling myself out of the melting, "Sorry."

He looked at me, chest heaving.

"Ah...uh. Are you okay to stand…?"

Viktor tried to help me up.

I shook my head. I felt full and tired.

"Okay." He moved me to an upright position against the wall, "tell me what to do to help you. Please."

He gave me breathing room and I sat, the fatigue shifting to a lull. I took a breath, tried to do everything to keep my head up. It was the electrolytes. I probably messed them up big time. I probably shot my blood sugar through the roof.

I messed up. I fucked up.

He set a hand on my knee, "Yuri... Please."

He was pleading, close to tears.

Damn. My own selfish desires. I really wanted to spill, the vomit and all the words to explain what I have been dealing with.

"I'm just." I rubbed my eyes wearily, "The doctor. My diagnosis. It's getting worse."

Viktor tilted his head to the side, then nodded.

He said gently, "Do you want to go to bed?"

I nodded, my lip quivering a little bit, my eyes were tearing up.

Viktor nodded, his hands reaching out for mine.

He leaned forward, our foreheads touching. We both closed our eyes; I traced my hand on the back of his neck in circles. I rested my head on his shoulder. He sighed. Viktor helped me up and we both walked to the bedroom. The walk was short. It only took a few seconds for us to settle into bed.

He was behind me.

"Are you okay?"

I mumbled, "I'm fine. I'll tell you tomorrow."

"Just sleep then." He said.

Viktor slung an arm around my shoulder; I snuggled closer. His chest to my back. His hand lazily trailed from my shoulder to my ear, he stroked my hair back from my face. I adjusted myself and closed my eyes. Eventually, I fell asleep. I don't remember Viktor moving after I closed my eyes. I only remember the stillness, the whir of cars going by, and our steady breathing.

Nothing happened, just stillness.

I felt bad, but Viktor was accepting me as I was.

That was more than enough for me, and I loved him more for that.