A/N: I know that, in the grand scheme of things, this wasn't too long between updates...but I'm still sorry because I'm mean to myself lol. You guys have been so great, though! I hope you enjoy what ended up being 4,800 words of mostly-useless fluff filler with a lil angst for good measure.
They laze around on the couch for a while.
That seems to be what they spend most of their time together doing—holding each other and talking and kissing while they lie around—and honestly, Tohru doesn't mind it one bit. She's the kind of person who likes to feel productive, so most of her personal time is spent moving around in one way or another. But right now, strengthening her relationship with Kyo feels like the most productive thing she could be doing, so she embraces the stillness that comes with it.
Kyo still seems on-edge, but at least the tightness of his body is starting to unwind. He still holds onto her firmly, but it doesn't seem quite as urgent as it did before—when they'd first gotten home, it almost seemed like he thought she'd disappear if he were to let go.
They're both sitting up now, Kyo's back against the arm of the couch, with his long legs stretched out in front of them and Tohru between them. Her back rests against his chest. She feels herself getting sleepy (maybe they should stop sleeping on the couch, she thinks for a second), and she closes her eyes, but when Kyo shifts behind her, she quickly opens them again.
He moves his hands from where they'd been situated against her stomach up to her arms.
He runs his fingertips up and down softly, leaving behind trails of goosebumps. He turns his head to the side to press a kiss to her neck. She shivers against him and tilts her head, offering him more bare skin, but he doesn't take it like he normally would.
"I…" he says instead, but then falters. "I...need to tell you something."
She doesn't like that tone—skittish, conflicted, sad.
Tohru swivels around to look at him. "What is it?"
"Well, I saw Asahi. At the convenience store earlier."
Tohru wishes she could think of a good response to that, but her throat feels tight at the mention of Asahi's name. What she'd done with him was not her finest moment—she's still trying to stop dwelling on the fact that it not only went against her normal values, but it also led him on a bit. Being with Kyo takes her mind off of it in the best way, but sometimes, in her downtime she remembers and wonders if it made her a bad person. It stays in the back of her mind, an itch that she just can't reach to get it to go away.
"Oh."
"Yeah. I didn't know that's where Uo works."
"She doesn't. She works in an office. Maybe Asahi works there on the weekends or something."
"Mm."
"Is that why you've been upset?"
Kyo nods a little and slides his arms around her waist, then buries his face in the crook of her neck, like he's trying to avoid having to look her in the eye. She has no idea how simply seeing Asahi could have this much of an effect on him. "He was just being a dick," he elaborates.
"What happened?"
Kyo sighs. "I don't want to tell you," he admits after a second.
"Why not?"
"It'll upset you."
"Well now I really have to know." She's half teasing to try and lighten the mood a little, but she's honestly also very curious, no matter how much it might upset her.
He groans. "He...he brought up you guys having sex. And well, he was kinda, like, bitter about it."
Tohru takes a moment to process that before answering. "I shouldn't have led him on," she says finally, and it actually feels sort of good to say it, to give sound to the words that have been haunting her. And she also knows it's true, of course. She knows that had been a cowardly thing to do. Of course Asahi is bitter.
Kyo shakes his head, his bangs tickling her neck as he does so; it draws her attention, so she runs her fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him. And though he does hum in appreciation, his tone isn't relaxed when he speaks again. "You didn't. I think he knew what was happening. He went along with it to get laid, then he used it as an excuse to talk shit about you today."
"Huh?"
"Please don't make me say it," Kyo murmurs, tightening his grip on her.
"Oh. Oh."
Tohru Honda is not as naive as everyone assumes she is; she never has been. She's always kept her knowledge of the more complex parts of adult relationships to herself, because why talk about it at all? It wasn't like she had sex in high school, so it never exactly came in handy. Eventually she'd just started going along with the pure personality others bestowed upon her. It had been easier that way. But she knows things, lots of them. And in that moment, she knows exactly what Asahi said about her.
Yeah, that hurts. It takes a second for her mind to work through. She's thought this whole time that she had taken advantage of Asahi, but really he'd welcomed it and then lied about the depth of his feelings for her?
Then he threw it all back in her face today. No, not her face—in Kyo's. That's even worse.
"You don't deserve that. Not at all. No one does, but especially not you. I almost kicked the shit out of him."
She feels dampness against her shoulder and tilts her head, trying to get a good look at Kyo's face. It's completely hidden, so she can't see his expression, but she can tell by the way his breath is shaky that he's crying, or at least on the verge of it.
"Kyo-kun…"
"But I knew you wouldn't want me to do that. So I didn't. I just didn't want you to have to go in there and see him after that. I don't want him anywhere near you, ever again."
"It's okay," she says softly. She brings one hand to the back of his head, and the other to his cheek. "I love you. And thank you."
"For what?" he asks, picking his head up. His eyes are watery, just as she'd expected, and he also looks completely surprised by her response.
"For loving me, and for wanting to stick up for me. But I'm glad you didn't hit him. I don't want you to have to do that for me. Just being with me is plenty."
He nods a little. She's not sure he really accepts it, but she doesn't push more right now.
"Okay," he whispers. "I love you too."
Then he sniffles and shakes his head, forcing a smile when he looks back at her. "Okay, enough crying, right?"
Tohru laughs and nods. "Right. Let's just be happy."
"You make me happy."
Kyo has complimented Tohru before, of course. Declarations of her beauty, of his love for her, of how kind he thinks she is are not rare between them now. But somehow, she thinks that's the highest honor she could ever receive. It's a little overwhelming. She takes his face in her hands and kisses him, hoping he won't notice that she's tearing up, herself, now.
When they part, Kyo leans his forehead against hers. "Hey...I want you to know something."
"Mm?" she hums. "What's that?" Now that she knows Kyo will be alright, that vague sense of exhaustion is starting to settle back over her. But she doesn't want to go to sleep if he has more to say. She'd stay awake for the rest of her life, just to listen to him talk.
"I don't want you to feel pressured to, you know, have sex with me or anything."
"I don't," she says immediately, because it's absolutely, 100% true. She doesn't feel any kind of pressure.
He continues on as if he simply didn't hear her, his own words becoming quicker out of apparent nervousness. "Because I love you so much, and I don't care when we have sex. O-or, even if we do. Because, I mean, if you don't ever want to, that's fine too. I'd be fine with that, I swear."
She giggles and leans a little closer, nudging her nose with his—that seems to be turning into a quiet gesture of affection between them, much like Kyo's head-bonks had once been. It settles him down, and he just looks at her, waiting for her to say something.
"Kyo-kun...I don't feel pressured. And I do want to, but not until we're both ready. I don't think we have to put it onto a timeline or anything—when it happens, it'll just happen naturally. Is that how you feel, too?"
His cheeks are red, and he seems stunned into silence in that shy way of his, so he just nods a little. She kisses the tip of his nose. "Okay then."
There's a comfortable silence for a minute, but Tohru thinks of something she has to say, and she reluctantly pops the bubble surrounding them. "I don't really want to go back to this topic, but...I think I should tell Uo-chan about what Asahi said to you."
"Eh? Why?"
"She puts him up on this pedestal for some reason, and she was a little disappointed today when I said I wasn't going to see him anymore. So that might help her get over that."
"She's just gonna want to kick his ass, too," Kyo points out.
"She only ever sees him at work, though, so she won't be able to."
Kyo chuckles. "Well since you clearly thought this all out...I can't stop you. I don't really like it, but I get why you want to. But anyway...Uo was disappointed about me coming back into your life?"
There's an underlying tone to his voice that she can't place. It doesn't sound sad, necessarily, but more...resigned? Like he already knew this would happen? Whatever it may be, she knows she wants to reassure him.
"She was just a little frustrated and confused at first, that's all."
"Yeah. That's fair."
Yes—resigned. He thinks that everyone in Tohru's life must be disappointed in him because of what happened, and he's accepted that. Tohru knows that much of the Sohma family completely shunned him for a while afterwards, and that couldn't have helped. Yuki has since told her that he doesn't want anything to do with Kyo ever again. Rin seems indifferent, as she usually pretends to be, though she leans toward Yuki's stance on the matter. Other than Kagura, who never really cared about Tohru in the first place, Haru is really the only one who has been able to completely look past everything. And she knows for a fact that Uo-chan and Hana-chan never made efforts to contact him, so why wouldn't he think it's the same for them?
"She came around, though. And besides, I don't care what she thinks."
He squeezes her hips. "Don't say that," he whispers.
"What?"
"She's your best friend. She's been here for you. The whole time I was gone, she was here for you. Of course you care what she thinks."
For the umpteenth time during this short conversation, Tohru is again unsure of how to respond.
Of course she cares about what Uo thinks, to a degree. But also, years and years ago, she'd determined that Kyo is the most important person in the world to her. So of course she'd defend him over Uo if necessary, even though it would pain her to potentially lose her best friend.
Before she can think of an answer, he continues. "I owe her a lot. She made sure you were okay...kept you safe, when I couldn't. No...when I didn't. When I was busy running away, she stayed."
Tohru's so confused. Just moments ago, they'd moved on to smiling and kissing again, gone back to enjoying each other's company and forgetting about all the other stuff. Sure, he had been feeling gloomy, and with good reason, but she'd seen it start to fade. Or so she thought.
"Her opinion is worth a lot. If she doesn't like me, if she doesn't think I'm good enough…"
The way Kyo's looking at her now is killing her. His eyes are full of shame and a sense of worthlessness, with a little pity for Tohru thrown in. It's a look she's all too familiar with. She can almost hear the words that accompanied it back then:
I'm disappointed in you.
"Stop," she whispers. "Please, just...just stop." And so she kisses him, hard, because that's the only way she can think of to get him out of his head right now. She knows they should really talk it through, but she also knows that he's going to slip into a dark place if she doesn't end the conversation for the time being. They can't use physicality to hide from serious conversations—she knows that. But maybe he's not ready to talk about it in a constructive way. And, well...maybe she's not ready either.
That has to be okay for now.
So she just kisses him and runs her hands down to his chest to cling to his t-shirt, and moves closer until they're nearly moulded together. He kisses her back, and she lets him take the lead, and he draws circles against her thigh with his thumb, and she thinks she might completely come undone. There's always been physical attraction between them, long before they started doing things like this. She's always known it, though she didn't know what to name the feeling for the longest time. Now that she gets to feel it, actually feel his hands on her, it's nearly intoxicating.
It makes her forget for a minute.
Then, it's Kyo's turn to yank them out of the moment.
"We should stop," he whispers.
"Huh?" she pants.
"I was just talking about how we don't have to have sex right away, and if we keep doing this, I don't know how easy it's gonna be for me to keep my word about that."
She doesn't necessarily need him to keep his word about that, but she nods and lets go of his shirt anyway. He clears his throat awkwardly as he straightens it, then he leans back against the arm of the couch again, tugging her down with him. She lets herself fall against his chest. He presses a kiss to the top of her head, then moves down to nuzzle against her shoulder again, and she snuggles in closer in response.
"Hey...what are we now?" he asks, voice somehow even more timid than it had been that night, when he'd asked that for the first time.
Now, she answers with conviction. "You're my boyfriend."
He nods. "That means you've gotta be my girlfriend, then."
She giggles. "Of course, you dork."
"Hey, that's my line."
"Don't we share everything now that you're my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend?"
"I think that's marriage."
"Same difference."
He snorts out a laugh. "Oh, yeah? Then what's the point in getting married at all?"
"I get your last name."
She picks her head up to look at him, because she's just sure that made him blush—and she's right, and it's adorable. He tries to cover his red cheeks, but she just laughs and pries his hands away from his face.
"Someday," he says.
"Someday," she confirms.
Tohru ends up falling asleep shortly after that, still curled up against his chest. He's content to just hold her—he'd do it nonstop for the rest of his life, if that were possible. But he also has a sense of unease about him right now.
He glances over to Tohru's phone on the coffee table. He could reach it from here easily, and more than likely not wake up Tohru, who definitely would have won the yearbook award for "most likely to sleep through an earthquake" if it had been a thing. It feels wrong, even just thinking about doing this. It's a complete invasion of privacy. If he woke her up right now and just asked her, he knows she'd give him the information he needs without hesitation. But he doesn't want her to know what he's about to do quite yet, and that makes him feel even more shitty about it than he already had just a minute ago.
Kyo steels his nerves and reaches out to grab the phone. Once he's secured Uotani's contact info, he carefully places the phone back on the table, then texts her off of his own phone. Just minutes later, he has the address of Uo's favorite bar, and he's lying Tohru down on the couch and kissing her forehead before heading out the door. In case she wakes up to him being gone, as he heads down the stairs he texts her to let her know he's just running an errand and will be back. The first half of that is a lie. He's shit.
Kyo gets to the bar before Uo does, and feels completely out of his element because of it. The only time he's ever gone to a bar was for Kagura's birthday earlier this year, when he'd gotten dragged along to her party. He hadn't felt the need to drink then—Kagura and her annoying friends had probably drank enough to keep the bar in business for another year, just on their own. But now, he feels itchy just sitting there, so he orders a whiskey and coke he figures he can nurse for a while.
It doesn't taste good, exactly, but it's also not awful. And his nerves are elevated to an unhealthy height from the situation he's about to put himself in, so honestly he's enjoying the very slight light-headedness the drink starts to give him the longer he sips at it. It's not possible to be drunk yet, right? He's definitely getting tipsy, though. Is he a lightweight? He shakes his head to clear those useless thoughts. Suddenly, a blonde woman pops up next to him.
"Didn't know you drink," she says, pulling a stool out and plopping down onto it. He looks at her out of the corner of his eye. "You don't seem like the type."
"Well, you invited me to a bar," he points out. If he were some sophisticated adult, maybe he'd say that it's been the kind of day that warrants a couple of drinks, but he's not, so he ends it there.
"Fair." She calls the bartender (who, to Kyo's confusion, also refills his drink without asking) and orders, then a heavy silence settles between them. Kyo figures it's best to cut straight to the chase.
"What can I do to get you to approve of me?"
"Huh?" she asks, shooting him a look that suggests he's finally completely lost it.
"I love Tohru, and she loves you. So that means that you have to approve of me being with her. So tell me what I need to do." He turns to face her, and the look on her face startles him a little—she's completely shocked. He's never seen Uotani look like that. She regains her composure so quickly, though, that it makes him doubt he actually saw it at all.
"Well, have you changed?"
He wants to say yes, of course he has, but it's not really such a simple question. Is it true—has he changed? Tohru would say it is, he knows that much. But she seems so completely smitten with him—a thought that would make him giddy in any other situation, but that just seems to complicate things a little right now. Could her opinion on this topic be trusted? Or was it clouded by the rose-colored glasses she still seems to look through all too often?
Besides, Tohru isn't here right now. He needs to plead his case on his own. It's important that he's able to do that—fight for what he wants, fight for her.
He smiles wryly and goes the honest route. "I'm trying really fucking hard."
"Still a coward, huh?"
His hand tightens around his glass. He hates that she said that. He knows he's a coward, knows that he always has been. Knows that he probably always will be, in some regards. Hearing Uotani point it out only makes it sting more. He downs the entire drink, coughing a little at the sting of the whiskey afterwards.
"Yeah, probably. But I haven't been running. So I figure that's something at least."
"Yeah, I guess it is. Since that was what ruined everything in the first place, really."
The bartender again brings him a new drink without asking, and this time, Kyo honestly doesn't mind. It's called "liquid courage" for a reason, he's discovering—it's getting easier and easier to talk. "I've always been a runner, for as long as I can remember. But I'm working on it. She deserves better, so I have to, right?"
"She really does. You can see why I feel the way I do, yeah?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Because after you ran off, we—the Prince, Hanajima, and I, I mean—were left to help her glue her heart back together. And I'll always do that, no questions asked, because that's my job as her best friend. But I don't want to have to, ya know? She deserves to be happy."
"You're right. She does. More than anyone in the world."
Uo pauses, and her face hardens. It's an expression that makes him nervous, so down goes the new drink. "So you're gonna do that, then? Make her happy? Because if you're not, you should walk away right now, before she gets even more invested than she already is."
"I'm gonna make her happy," he says immediately. "I'm not gonna hurt her again. Not ever. I swear."
"Then that's all I can ask for, right? Just don't be an idiot and fuck it up again."
"Okay."
"I'm gonna need to hear better than that."
"I'm not going to fuck it up," he says firmly.
"Good." She finishes her drink, then tosses a few bills down onto the bar. "I gotta go."
"Eh, already?"
"I think we talked about everything we needed to. You gonna be okay getting on the train alone?"
"Huh? 'Course I am."
"Really? 'Cause you seem a little drunk."
Kyo pauses and runs a check on his body. Arms tingly, face hot, head a little dizzy. He's never actually been drunk, but from what he's heard from other people, this is it, or at least the start of it. "Oh," he says awkwardly.
Uo snorts out a short laugh. "I'll call Tohru."
"No, wait. I don't want her to know I saw you. Not yet."
"Then call her yourself. I'd feel bad if you ended up dying on the way home from meeting me."
She lifts her hand into a wave and heads to the door, leaving him alone to figure out what exactly he's doing. He doesn't want to bug Tohru, especially not after he left a text saying he was just "running an errand." Plus he's a grown-ass man, which means he should theoretically be able to have three drinks and then catch a train home. Or...to Tohru's place because he thinks he left his house key there, and he likes being there much better, anyway.
In the end, he makes it, though the stairs up to her apartment are a bigger challenge than they should be. He briefly considers just trying the knob, but he's aware enough to realize that that would just be weird—no matter how much time he spends here, it's not his place, so he has no right to come in unannounced. He knocks on the door instead.
Tohru opens the door a crack, then smiles widely when she sees him; you'd think she hadn't seen him just two hours ago. He feels himself grinning back.
She just looks at him quietly for a second, then giggles and opens the door the rest of the way. She reaches up and touches his cheek. Her fingers are always freezing, he's discovered. He spends a great deal of time when they're cuddling trying to warm them up, because it makes him irrationally anxious. But they feel so good on his hot face right now that he just leans into her touch.
"You're drunk," she says, still laughing.
"H-how'd you know?"
"I'm not stupid, Kyo-kun." Her tone is mischievous, but he doesn't quite pick up on it in the way he normally would.
"Of course you're not, just...god, I'm sorry," he mumbles.
She raises an eyebrow and rubs her thumbs against his jaw. "What? You don't have to be sorry."
"But I came back drunk after leaving with no notice. Must be annoying. I don't want you to feel like you gotta take care of me, or anything."
She shakes her head. "Don't you get it by now, Kyo-kun? I'll do anything you need. I'll take care of you anytime because I want to."
He hesitates, trying to think up a good response to that—a good response to the endless love and affection that she gives him. That's what she deserves, words that let her know she's appreciated. But he's not even good with words when sober, and alcohol apparently makes it worse, because what comes out is, "I love you so fucking much."
She laughs and stands up on her tiptoes in order to reach his lips. When she breaks the kiss she'd tugged him into, she says, "I love you, too. I am curious about what kind of 'errand' involves getting drunk, though."
"Mm…" he hums to buy himself a little time to think. He's going to tell her, just...not right now. It's not like he did anything too horrible by talking to Uo, he's sure, but it is still kind of a big deal. "Can I tell you in the morning?"
Tohru laughs again. "Of course, weirdo. Do you wanna come back in?"
Kyo nods and lets her drag him in by the hand. They stand quietly for a second, then a sudden, random urge overcomes him and he blurts, "Hey, Tohru? Can we cuddle?"
She squeezes his hand, an answer in itself. "Come lie in bed with me."
In perfect unison, they freeze, eyes widening as they stare at each other. Bed? She means just to cuddle, and he knows that, and that's exactly what he wants. But her bed. It's the first time she's offered that. Hazily, he wonders what exactly it means.
She clearly takes his silence the wrong way, because she goes into panicked-Tohru-mode. "I-I, I mean, only if you want to, and like you said, we don't have to do anything, we can just cuddle and…"
His fuzzy brain somehow manages to immediately realize that he needs to say something to calm her down. "I do want to. And we can do whatever you want."
She bites her lip. "Well I'm not having sex with you for the first time while you're drunk."
Now it's his turn to panic. "God, sorry, that's not what I meant…"
She chuckles, like she's done seemingly a million times since he got back, though it sounds a little nervous this time. "We're acting like stupid kids. Just...come on." She pulls at his hand again, and he follows her just like he always does.
As they lie down on top of the covers, Kyo looks around the room. "It's nice in here," he says. It's very Tohru—clean and well-designed.
"Oh, um, thank you. I guess you haven't been in here until now, actually, huh?"
He shakes his head and pulls her closer. She nuzzles her face into his shoulder once they're situated. "I was waiting for you to ask," he admits.
"O-oh...you didn't need to do that…"
"I didn't want to make you feel weird." He doesn't know why he's telling her this right now, or at all, really, and he's about to try and backtrack when she kisses his shoulder. The touch is like magic—both his body and mind relax immediately, all because of just one little peck. He becomes more aware of how they're lying—legs tangled, chests pressed together, her lips resting at the spot between his shoulder and neck. She's soft and she's warm and she's his home.
She's pure magic, all of her.
"Have you been doing that this whole time?" she asks softly. "Being cautious about everything you do, so you wouldn't make me feel weird?"
"No, 'course not. Just in that way."
She makes a noise that he can't read, but thinks sounds a little incredulous. "Well, I appreciate it, but you don't need to. I'm not going to get scared away. You won't…"
He hears it:
You won't disappoint me.
He wraps his arms around her tighter. He's sure he's squishing her a little, but she doesn't say anything—she just slides an arm around his middle in return, and clutches tightly to the back of his shirt with that hand.
"I promise," she adds.
"Okay," he whispers back.
She kisses his shoulder again in response, and it's more than enough.
A/N: Chapter title from "Hold Me While You Wait" by Lewis Capaldi
