A/N: Hi! Hope you enjoy.


There's not much for Tohru to do while she sits in the hospital waiting room, other than to think. So that's what she does. She thinks until she's literally given herself a headache and a churning stomach.

She thinks about how Kyo got hurt because of her. Again. That's not a new thing—she's always being a burden to him in one way or another.

And she thinks about Itsuki, and wonders if he's actually tried to change since she left him. Even if he has, she doesn't want anything to do with him. It took her a while to get to this point, but she's ready to move on and create a new life for herself now. She knows that with her whole being. But even so, there's something unsettling about not knowing if he was telling the truth. Tohru doesn't like not knowing things.

Mostly, she thinks about Kyo's mood today, and how it seems to be directly related to last night in a way she can't quite comprehend. All day, he's looked like he's on the verge of breaking. Like one more thing going wrong will just shatter him completely.

How does she fix it?

She's not sure.

And that realization terrifies her, sends a piercing chill through her body.

She closes her hands into fists around the bottom hem of her skirt, grinds her teeth.

"Hey."

She turns toward the sound, and at the sight of Kyo, she feels her entire body relax a bit. How does he always show up at just the right time? While she's busy accidentally tearing him apart in a million little ways, he's busy coming to her rescue nevertheless.

"All done," he says, holding up his wrapped hand.

"Broken?" she asks, standing.

He nods. "Yeah. Should be okay in four-to-six weeks."

She frowns a little at that. She'd assumed it would take a bit, but that long?

"Uh. What are you going to do about work until then?" She doesn't know if she should be asking that right now, or if she should just leave it alone. Despite the soft smile on his face, he's clearly a bit distraught. But she has a right to be curious, doesn't she?

Kyo sighs and shakes his head. "I dunno. I'm gonna have to talk to Master about that. I'll have to find ways to stay in shape, too. Lots of running, I guess? I don't know."

Tohru takes one step closer. He'd touched her before he went back to see the doctor, so it should be okay if she touches him…probably. She swallows down her anxiety, then reaches up and puts her hands on his cheeks. She gently tugs him down into a kiss. She can feel him smile against her lips a little bit before he actually kisses her back, and her nerves settle a bit.

"It'll be okay," she says softly.

He nods. "Let's call Kunimitsu and get the hell out of here. I've spent so much time here today, I don't ever wanna come to a hospital ever again."

Tohru laughs a bit, but it's hollow. She knows that feeling all too well. He seems to catch his mistake, because his eyes widen and he opens his mouth to talk, probably to try and fix it. Tohru just smiles and shakes her head. He sighs and kisses her forehead.

"Sorry," he whispers anyway. She shakes her head again.

Tohru calls Kunimitsu, and once they make it back to the dojo, Kyo, Master, and Kunimitsu try to make a plan for how Kyo will work for the next four-to-six weeks. After a lot of discussion (and a little bickering), they decide that Kunimitsu will take over Kyo's classes and Kyo will be the assistant teacher instead. Tohru's not quite sure what "assistant teacher" means, but from the look on Kyo's face when they leave the dojo to go back to her place, she can tell that it's not a good thing.

"Basically walking around and correcting the kids' form, and getting towels and water and stuff. Kunimitsu and I do it for each other when the other is the lead teacher, but to do it all the time is gonna be tedious. And it's gonna be a lot more work for Kunimitsu, leading twice as many classes," he says when she asks. He shrugs, an attempt at looking indifferent. But she sees through it down to his disappointment, and they both know it, she's sure.

Tohru takes a moment to think before answering, but all she can come up with in the end is, "Oh, I see." She tries to keep the dip out of her voice, but fails. He sees through her attempt, too, and squeezes her hand.

"It's alright. Like you said, it'll be okay. It's only for a few weeks. I'm lucky to have a job where everyone understands that shit happens."

Yeah, shit happens. Because of her.

She shakes her head in an attempt to clear it. Kyo watches, raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" he asks. Tohru doesn't answer right away, so he adds, "You know it's not your fault, right, Tohru?"

She sighs and stops walking. He falls to a halt next to her.

"Well…it sort of is, really," she says softly.

"It's not," he says back firmly.

She bites her lower lip, trying to keep her frustration and guilt down. How does he not see this like she does?—that he got hurt when he was distracted about how helpless she'd been the other night, and therefore it is absolutely her fault.

"You got distracted because of me," she shoots back. He raises an eyebrow at her tone. "Because of how stupid I am, and how pathetic. You got hurt because of me."

As much as she hates how her voice raises in volume, and gets more shrill, too, it also feels sort of good to say this. To let it all out. She learned a long time ago that talking to Kyo usually feels good, but sometimes she needs to be reminded of that. Kyo reaches out to her, grabbing her shoulders. He flinches as his bad hand touches her, but doesn't let it stop him; he leans in and kisses her, slow and deep and sweet, and she feels all the tension leave her body. How effortlessly he can do that—calm her down when she's on the edge of hysteria, just with a kiss.

When he pulls back, he says, "I just worry about you because I love you. It just comes with the territory, so I know you worry about me, too. I got hurt because I wasn't paying attention, and that's on me. I shouldn't practice when I'm distracted, and I know that. It's not your fault."

She just looks at him for a moment, pondering him. He's a mystery, one she doesn't think she'll ever fully understand; his selflessness, his love for her…it's almost baffling, at times.

He squeezes her shoulders a bit. "Got it?" he asks. She nods. "Good."

They start walking again, fingers interlocked. "Kyo-kun?" she asks.

"Mm?"

"Do you, uh…would you like to come stay with me for a while? So I can help you while your hand is healing?"

"I mean…" He trails off, sighs.

Tohru doesn't quite understand why this is such a big deal. They practically live together already, anyway. Asking is pretty much just a formality. "You don't want to?"

"That's not it. It's just…well you deserve a break. A lot's been going on for you lately. I don't wanna make everything harder. It's just a broken hand. I can handle it."

She smiles a little, but it still feels a bit hollow. "I wouldn't have asked if I minded, Kyo-kun."

He smiles back, his less strained now than before. "Okay. Then yeah. I'd love to come stay with you."

Her smile widens, feels a little less fake. "Good."


It's kind of amazing, really, how quickly they fall into the routine of actually, fully living together. It feels so natural; and although they've spent the night before, of course, this is oddly intimate in a whole new way. Sleeping next to each other, changing in the same room, brushing their teeth side by side, eating breakfast together and leaving for work at the same time, creating a routine of cuddling on the couch after dinner…it's so purely blissful that Kyo's almost able to forget everything that's been going on. He doesn't really remember that his hand is broken until he tries to do something strenuous and Tohru scolds him. Tohru forces herself to go into work, determined to finish it out, and he walks her home every night with Itsuki the farthest thing from his mind because he never shows up again.

But…Kyo can't touch her face.

He knows it's stupid, but any time he reaches out to cup her cheeks in his hands, he sees Itsuki holding her face in their office, her hands on his arms. It makes him a little sick in a way he can't explain, and he always has to pull back and find another way to touch her instead. If she's noticed, she hasn't said anything. But he knows how much she likes him touching her face when they kiss, so he's sure she's figured it out, even if she doesn't know the reason behind it.

He knows he should tell her. But he can't, just can't, so he does his best to ignore it and hold her close in other, less painful ways.

Work is frustrating, but Master and Kunimitsu make it as easy on him as possible. They don't act like anything's different, just focus on making things business-as-usual. Kyo appreciates that. Although a few of his students have asked why he's not teaching, and then made comments on his wrapped hand when they noticed it. That's probably the worst part of it all—having to explain to little kids that he messed up throwing a punch when he's supposed to be their skilled sensei is just plain disheartening; he doesn't even believe the "everyone makes mistakes" talk he's been dishing out to them. Kyo knows he really isn't supposed to be doing this, but he throws kicks and punches (with his good hand) into the punching bag between classes to get his frustration out.

The metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel, when it comes to work, is that an event Kyo has been helping plan since the beginning of the year is coming up. A couple classes of elementary schoolers are going to spend the night at the dojo like a big sleepover, practicing together and playing games to bond; even though students compete alone in competitions, team bonding is still important, and Kyo's noticed that comradery has been lacking lately. The kids are excited, and so is the dojo staff.

Kyo wouldn't spend a night away from Tohru, knowing there will be minimal contact with her, if things weren't almost completely back to normal, though. She's his priority, no matter how draining work has been lately. She's his priority, no matter what. So he makes sure to check in with her throughout the week— "Are you still okay with me going?" "It's no big deal if I miss it."—to make sure they're on the same page about things. To which he always gets a, "Yes, Kyo-kun. I can spend one night alone. Go have fun."

Kyo knows he can read Tohru incredibly well, even when she doesn't talk, and he's sure he'd be able to tell if she wasn't telling the truth. She seems like she's being genuine. So, that next Friday after a quick dinner, he kisses her goodbye and heads back to work.


Tohru takes the night alone as an opportunity to curl up in bed with a bottle of wine next to her and a Netflix show on her phone in her lap. She doesn't like being alone, not usually, but she's glad that Kyo is out having fun—he's been so down about work lately—so she's determined to have a good time to show him he doesn't need to worry about her. He needs to be able to go do things on his own without fretting that she'll break down. She queues up the next episode of the show she's been watching, some weird anime that Uo-chan suggested, then hesitates before actually pressing play.

She's not sure what makes her mind wander in such a direction, but she's suddenly thinking about last week. About Itsuki.

She's almost certain that everything is back to normal with Kyo, though she wasn't too sure of what was bothering him in the first place. It seemed to go beyond just worrying about her, but he never opened up about it, and she didn't want to pressure him…

Thinking about what happened with Itsuki when everything seems normal again makes her feel guilty. So she sits there, phone on the bed in front of her, glass at her lips, stuck in a cycle of guilt and curiosity.

She grabs her phone and opens Instagram, still caught in the middle of those two emotions, when Uo-chan's words from right after her breakup come to mind: "Never look at an ex's social media. It'll only hurt you."

Could one look really be that bad? Just to see if he was telling the truth?

Her thumb hangs uncertainly over the search bar. There's really no reason to be doing this. She shouldn't care; no, doesn't care. She lets her phone drop onto the mattress, then sips at her wine nervously instead. She tries to figure out what the hell she's doing. Kyo's gone for just one night, and she starts to self-sabotage? How pathetic. At least she can recognize it now, she supposes. That shows a bit of growth, no matter how small.

But after the glass is gone, her nerves still haven't settled, and her curiosity gets the best of her. She takes the bottle from her nightstand, refills her glass and picks up her phone again. She feels completely numb as her thumbs tap out a username she wishes she could forget but just can't. Itsuki's page comes up, and she taps onto it. She never blocked him on Facebook or Instagram, just unfriended him, which in hindsight was stupid, but is also sort of convenient at the moment.

She scrolls through the pictures, skipping anything that has just him in it, keeping her eye out for the woman he'd cheated on her with. She wouldn't be surprised if that woman stuck with him, with how desperate for his affection she'd seemed, but she also really hopes that's not the case. And it doesn't appear to be. No pictures of her anywhere. Tohru sighs.

Maybe he has been trying to change, trying to devote himself to being a person who deserves Tohru (whatever that means, exactly). It doesn't change anything about how she feels, other than just giving her a little peace.

She's about to close the app when another thought occurs to her.

What if there's someone else?

She scrolls back up to the top of his profile and goes down from there. A few images in, there is a picture of him with his arm draped across a woman's shoulders, his lips pressed to hers. The date on the picture—a week ago exactly. The same day he'd told Tohru he wanted her back.

She feels sick to her stomach.

So, naturally, she digs deeper. Maybe the picture isn't what it looks like.

There's nothing about this woman in the bio section of his page, so maybe Facebook? That's her next task.

In a relationship.

In the overwhelming anger she feels, Tohru wants to throw her phone across the room and wash it crash against the wall, but luckily still has her wits about her enough to see that that won't do any good. She sets it down with shaking fingers, clenches her hands into fists instead.

Then, she laughs.

It's not a joyful sound, but bitter and dry.

People have always told her she's dumb and naive. She's always laughed it off, then secretly tried to deny it to herself when alone. But she must really be, to have gotten herself into such a mess in the first place. And not only that, but to keep bringing it back around over and over again. She has everything, everything she's ever wanted and needed, and she still can't quite figure out how to completely let go of the past.

So stupid. And selfish.

She feels like she should cry, but no tears come right away. What would crying solve, anyway? She did this to herself. It's her fault. All her fault. She loves Kyo, wants to be with him, but she also doesn't know how to move forward with the mess in her heart; she'd hoped that working at the dojo, around Kyo all the time, would make it better. Now she sees that's just dumb, a bandaid across a stab wound.

She finishes her second serving of wine, sets the glass aside, and holds her head in her hands. Finally, she lets out a sob.

She's supposed to be smarter now—a wise adult who learns from her past experiences. Yet, here she is, knowing that part of her still wanted to believe what Itsuki said to her even though it wasn't logical. She hates that part of her.

She hates herself.


Tohru drinks more, and cries herself to sleep, but wakes up around 4:30 with a lurching feeling in her stomach. She rushes to the bathroom to throw up.

It's odd. She never gets sick after drinking, even though she's pretty tiny. Granted she did finish off an entire bottle of wine alone in one sitting last night…

Even after vomiting, the vague feeling of nausea doesn't leave her. She sits on the tile floor in the bathroom with a finger pressed to her temple and her eyes closed. The past few days, she's felt a little odd. Tired and achy, not quite as hungry as she usually is. A thought occurs to her, and she chases it, though she's sure it's completely ridiculous.

How long has it been…?

Her eyes fly open wide.

She needs to go to the store.


Chapter title from "Nothing New" by Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers