A/N: Hi. I kind of figure these are easier to take in smaller bits, so I've been making the chapters a bit shorter than normal...also, the next one will be long, and I don't want to, like, info-dump.
Also, I promise no major character death or anything else traumatic like that. I would have made sure to tag them.
Enjoy (?)
Reluctantly, Kyo drags himself up off the floor. It's clear by how the knocking hasn't ceased at all that whoever this is isn't going away. He scrubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms one more time, then opens the door. He comes face-to-face with an incredibly pissed-looking Rin and a very resigned-looking Haru. Rin is holding onto Haru by his shirt collar like he might take off running if given the chance, her knuckles white with the force she's using. Kyo blinks in confusion.
He clears his throat to hopefully create a normal-sounding voice instead of a raspy one. "Uh, hi."
"You're an idiot!" Rin screams, then shakes Haru. "You're both fucking idiots. Wanna explain why?"
"I think you'll do a way better job," Haru mumbles, and Kyo cringes a bit. Maybe he should offer Haru a place to stay tonight; Kyo has no idea what's going on, but there's no way this is going to end well for Haru. And, by the looks of it, it's not going to end well for himself either, really.
Rin rolls her eyes. "You," she hisses, pointing at Kyo with her free hand. "You need to call Tohru. Now."
Kyo's immediate instinct is to play dumb. "What? I haven't talked to Tohru in forever. I don't even have her num—"
"Oh please. You both really thought I didn't know? I know you've been seeing her since you two talked at Shigure's."
Kyo feels his shoulders tense. "Did Tohru tell you?" he asks quietly.
"Not explicitly at first, but I'm not as fucking stupid as you all apparently think I am!"
Kyo bites back a groan. "Will you at least come inside so my neighbors don't call the police or something?"
"Oh, I'd love to," she replies, voice dripping with sarcasm. Rin shoves past Kyo, Haru getting pulled along with her. Kyo closes the door behind them.
"What does that mean?" Kyo asks. "'At first'?"
Rin finally releases Haru, opting to cross her arms over her chest instead. "I just called her and she finally came clean."
A sense of relief washes over Kyo at those words: I just called her. It's odd that Tohru's not talking to Uotani, but at least she's answering her phone for someone.
"But you knew before?" he says slowly, just trying to get everything straight. His mind is foggy and heavy with grief, and honestly, processing this is a little difficult because of it.
"Of course I did!" Rin screams, voice going shrill. Kyo takes a step back instinctively. "And I know it was your doing." She points to Haru, then turns back to Kyo, adding, "And I know you broke her heart today!"
Kyo doesn't say anything, just looks at Rin for a minute. This is the most unhinged he's ever seen her. She actually looks like she might burst into tears at any moment.
"Is she okay?" Kyo asks, voice small.
"Of course not! She's a fucking mess, and it's all because of you and your stupid pride, again!"
It's the again that sets him off. "You think I don't know that it's my fault?!" he shouts back. "Of course it's my fucking fault. All of it! Her getting into those shitty relationships, the way she's feeling right now—it's all because of me, and I fucking know that! It's all because of that night! So you don't need to sit here and tell me, because I already know!"
Rin takes a deep breath. "You're mad?" she asks. "You?"
Kyo covers his eyes with a hand and tries to keep a sob from escaping his throat. "Of course," he chokes out softly. "I'm mad and I'm sad."
Suddenly, he feels Rin's hands on his chest, and then she's pushing him backwards. He stumbles, but catches himself, then moves his hand away from his face to look at her with wide eyes.
"Then fucking do something about it! Before something awful like that happens again and you don't get another chance to fix it!"
"Rin," Haru chastises quietly. She ignores him, but does compose herself a bit more before saying anything else. Apparently even she knows she might have gone a bit far with that.
"I'm on your side here," she tells Kyo. "I want her to be happy, and if you're what does it, then fine. Good. But I'm not going to stay on your side if you just keep breaking her heart whenever things get hard. Relationships are fucking hard. Grow the fuck up."
She turns on her heel and heads to his door. "I can't believe you guys thought you could keep this a secret from me for this long," she adds, voice breaking. "I could have…if I'd really known for sure…I could have supported her. Haru, don't even think about coming home tonight."
Haru and Kyo exchange a glance.
"And you," she says, looking at Kyo one more time. "Call Tohru."
"Do you know where she is?" he asks.
"No clue. She wouldn't tell me. Maybe she'll tell you, if you haven't completely ruined things this time. I'll keep calling her, too." And then she's gone, slamming the door behind her.
Haru sighs. "Hurricane Rin has passed. So, I know this is awkward, but…can I stay here tonight?"
Kyo's only half-listening, the rest of him trying to fully comprehend what the fuck just happened. "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Haru kicks off his shoes and flops down onto Kyo's couch. "Sorry, man," he calls.
"Sorry?" Kyo asks, snapping out of his thoughts. "Why are you sorry? You're in this mess because of me. I should be the one apologizing."
"Well…" Haru shrugs. "As long as you find Tohru, this'll all get fixed."
"You're…surprisingly calm about the fact that you just got kicked out of your apartment."
"Like I said, if you find Tohru, it'll all be okay."
"Aren't—aren't you going to tell me how stupid I am?" Kyo blurts, then.
Haru shakes his head. "Nah. From that conversation you had with Rin, it sounds like you already know how much of a stupid asshole you are. You're also pretty good at repairing things after you've been a stupid asshole, though."
"You think I should call her, then?"
"Worth a shot, to see if she answers."
A thought hits Kyo, then. She refused to tell Rin where she was, meaning she doesn't want to be found. Why? A chill shoots down his spine.
"You don't—you think she's okay, right? Like, she's not going to…do anything?" Kyo says, mumbling.
Haru sighs again. "Honda's strong as hell, but…I don't know. You know her better than I do, man."
"My phone," Kyo says. "Toss me my phone."
"Eh?" Haru shifts on the couch, then pulls Kyo's phone out from between two cushions and chucks it to him.
"I'll be right back." Kyo steps out onto the front step, closing the door behind him. He directs the screen of his phone to Tohru's contact information, hits the call button, and holds it to his ear, waiting. Straight to voicemail. He tries again, getting the same result.
His next best bet is to call Uotani, he figures, even though he really doesn't want to. The thought of having to explain all this to her right now is honestly bone-chillingly terrifying. He'll have to figure out a way to get in and out as quickly as possible.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Uotani, have you heard from Tohru yet?"
"No, not yet. I figure she's asleep, if she doesn't feel well. Why? Aren't you with her?"
He swallows hard. "Just wondering. And no, I'm at my apartment. I gotta go, though." And with that, he hangs up before she can ask any more questions. He takes a deep breath. It takes a great deal of willpower to not smash his phone onto the concrete beneath his feet. Instead, he just sinks down, back pressed against his door and knees drawn up to his chest.
"Fuck," he mumbles, shaking his head.
He tries to settle himself down a bit, enough to think things through clearly.
Where would he go right now, if he were Tohru? He comes up with nothing. He changes his approach.
There have been times when he's gone out to find Tohru before. Where did he go? Where had she been?
Once, he'd found her crumpled onto the ground on the street in front of her grandfather's house. Several times, she hadn't gone any farther than Shigure's roof. The dojo to see Rin, occasionally, though she's definitely not there right now. Sometimes just out to the closest grocery store to shop for dinner and take her mind off of things. But would she still go to any of those places?
It can't hurt to go make a trip out to all those locations, calling her along the way in hopes she'll finally answer. He pulls himself up and goes back inside. He grabs a jacket and shoves his shoes on.
"Going out?" Haru asks, looking at Kyo over his shoulder. "Did she answer?"
"No, she didn't, but—but I can't let that stop me."
"That's the spirit." Kyo might be imagining it, but he thinks Haru's voice sounds slightly less monotone than usual. "Call me if you need help."
"Thanks," he says quickly, then darts out the door and down the stairs without looking back.
There's this bridge about halfway between Shigure's house and where Tohru used to work in high school. It's over the Sumida River. It has a street going across it, of course, but there's also a nice walking path off to the side. A thick, concrete ledge separates that walking path from the empty air below the bridge and the river farther down. Though the street can get pretty busy, it's still a peaceful place to walk and look at the river. When Yuki used to pick her up from work, they'd sometimes linger here a while, just talking or goofing off before having to go home. It's nostalgic.
Tohru pauses and looks at the bridge laid out before her. Her phone rings again, and she briefly considers how much she must be worrying people; so she forces herself to take it out of her back pocket and glance at the screen. Kyo. She hurriedly hits the power button twice, sending the call to voicemail.
No no no.
Seeing his name and phone number, along with the picture she'd set for his contact profile, is just salt in the wound. She'd calmed down a bit as she walked, propriety winning even then and causing her to not want to draw too much attention from passersby. But now she can't breathe again. She takes a few weak steps forward until she's actually on the bridge's walkway, then reaches her hand out to the side and leans against the concrete lip. She wonders if Isuzu talked to Kyo. That's the only reason he'd be calling after the events of this morning.
She said too much when Isuzu called. She shouldn't even have answered the phone, but desperation had taken over briefly. She'd even had to walk off the path and find a bench so she could break down on the phone without people looking at her before wiping her eyes and continuing on her way again.
And as Kyo calls again, now, that overwhelming emotion comes back, causing her to actually almost answer the phone—Kyo is always her safe place, no matter how much she's hurting. But right now, that hurt is because of him. So instead, she shuts the phone off completely and puts it back in her pocket.
Her knees feel shaky, so she sits on the ledge, facing the inside of the bridge. She lifts a hand and rubs at her still-damp eyes, then slowly, hesitantly lowers it to rest on her stomach. She can't feel or see anything yet, of course, but she's all too aware that there's something happening inside her. The second she'd seen the positive pregnancy test this morning, she'd felt an overpowering sense of connection to her baby. She's heard of that happening—of women immediately falling into the role of mother, long before their child truly arrives. Actually feeling it for herself was incredible.
Now, all she feels is scared.
She's so terrified, it's nearly paralyzing.
Tohru feels a fresh round of tears flood her eyes and spill down onto her cheeks, and she snaps her hand away from her stomach. Her normal coping mechanism of pretending nothing is happening isn't working, and she has no idea what else to do.
She doesn't want to do this alone.
She can't do this alone.
He was everything, and now he's gone.
Tohru sniffles and presses her palms harshly into her eyes, trying to pull herself together. When she pulls her hands back, a couple is stopped a few feet away from her, eyeing her. Their faces are full of pity, the passive kind which indicates that they feel bad, but won't actually do anything about it. She forces a half-smile at them and then ducks her head. She sees their feet pass her, hears them whispering to each other as they go. Not wanting anyone else to see her like this, she shifts herself until she's facing the river with her back to the walkway, her feet dangling off the ledge. The lip is wide enough that she's not concerned about falling. She leans forward a little, though, and eyes the river below her. Even though she's still sobbing lightly and her eyes are blurry with tears, something occurs to her:
That's a long fall.
An odd urge pushes to the front of her mind for just a moment before she pushes it away. She digs her nails into her palms, incredibly frustrated with herself.
Stupid.
Tohru's heard a term for this before: the call of the void. A fleeting, destructive thought pertaining to death.
What would happen if I jumped right now?
Kyo is at his wits' end.
He's gone just about everywhere he can think of.
He went to her grandpa's house and looked around the neighborhood. He went to the stores she used to frequent when she lived at Shigure's, which he knew were a long shot to begin with. The only other place he can think of is Shigure's house, up on the roof, which is even more of a long shot, he figures.
But he has to try.
He pushes the grocery store door open and exits the building, pulling his hood up over his head as he does. It's starting to rain, and his temples are throbbing a bit. For the first time in his life, he's able to truly ignore it.
He's already wasted a lot of time on trains today as he travels all over town, and with each passing second not knowing where Tohru is, Kyo gets more and more anxious. So, since it's not particularly far, he assumes the fastest way to Shigure's from here would be to walk. He picks his speed up to a light jog as the rain increases.
When he gets to the bridge over the Sumida River, something catches his eye off to the side. He pauses at the start of the bridge and narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what exactly is sitting on the concrete lip several meters away.
A girl. Petite, with long brown hair, and her legs dangling.
He can't stop the gasping noise he makes as everything starts to click in his mind.
What the hell is she doing?
Chapter title from "Goodnight Moon" by Go Radio
